parenting

Teen Must Learn to Strive for Achievement, Not Perfection

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | July 20th, 2015

Q: My daughter Mikayla, a high school freshman, recently moved in with my new wife and me. She's such a perfectionist! Her room looks like Martha Stewart cleaned it. She's a competitive athlete and an A student, but stresses over things that don't go according to her plan. We're happy we don't have to nag her about school, but worry she's too obsessed with grades and getting into a top college. Should we be?

A: Since she's just settling in with you, it's unfair to Mikayla to assume she has a problem with perfectionism, says Dr. Jane Bluestein, educator and author of "The Perfection Deception" (Health Communications Inc., 2015).

"Welcome her with open arms," she says. "There's much to praise in a high-achieving teen who keeps her room tidy, aces her courses and has her eye on college. Take time to know her better. Support her efforts to excel."

That said, today's teens are subject to many parental, peer, academic and media pressures that can lead them to think that they must be perfect, notes Bluestein.

"To help her focus on the satisfactions of accomplishment, rather than the impossibility of perfection, help her learn four fundamental lessons," she advises.

One, the goal of effort should not be achieving perfection, but doing our best, says Bluestein.

"There's a big difference," she explains. "Perfectionism -- the belief that we can make all things perfect if we put in the right amount of effort -- has high costs: stress, loneliness, fear of failure, perceived loss of control, negative self-worth should the littlest thing go wrong. These can lead to a mental health crisis if they add up."

Two, it's OK to take risks and fail.

"Recognize her achievements, precision, care, attention to detail," says Bluestein, "but also make her aware that highly successful people succeed because they aren't afraid to fail. In Silicon Valley, it's viewed as a strength to have failed in a few start-ups, because it means you've gained experience that will be valuable when you tackle your next venture."

Encourage her to join a group such as a robotics or STEM (science, technology, engineering and math) club, where trial-and-error projects are valued.

Three, accept and use constructive criticism, says Bluestein.

"The ability to view feedback as a positive, not a negative, helps high achievers benefit from the wisdom of others and develop resilience," she says. "It defines them as learners who can work collaboratively as part of a team."

Four, help her develop a strong social and emotional core that will serve her when she's challenged by her goals. One way is to reflect on her achievements.

"Contrary to conventional wisdom, successful high achievers know how to take time out for themselves. They don't multitask 24-7. They nourish their souls, and can step back to gain perspective," says Bluestein. "They can calm their minds and look within so that they can continue to be creative. Perfectionists are so good at being busy that taking time to reflect feels like cheating."

As she embarks on her high school career, encourage Mikayla to be guided by Winston Churchill: "Success is not final. Failure is not fatal. It is the courage to continue that counts."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

parenting

Utilize These Strategies to Improve Son's Reading Skills

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | July 13th, 2015

Q: Our son Liam's teacher suggested we work on reading comprehension skills this summer. He starts third grade this fall. We're reading daily. Is that enough?

A: As you read together, you can do simple things to boost Liam's ability to understand ever-more complex texts.

Comprehension skills are "the essential tools that children need to actively engage with content, construct meaning and grow their understanding of big ideas in the world," says reading expert Debbie Miller, author of "Reading With Meaning" (Stenhouse, 2012).

Until recently, reading was taught as a progression of five skills: phonemic awareness, phonics, fluency, vocabulary and comprehension. Today, comprehension is front and center, especially within the Common Core State Standards (CCSS).

"CCSS emphasizes higher-level comprehension work, even for our youngest readers," says Miller.

Kids with strong comprehension skills connect new information to what they already know. They determine and remember key points in a passage. They use text clues to guess new words. They synthesize information to gain new knowledge. They also distinguish fiction from nonfiction.

The academic nonprofit Urban Education Exchange lists 21 strategies in its Concepts of Comprehension framework. By reading with Liam, you have a perfect opportunity to teach some of these before school starts:

-- Find explicit information. After reading, ask Liam questions about information in the text. Have him show you where it's located.

-- Be able to tell fiction from nonfiction. Reading and discussing paired books on a common theme can help Liam learn the difference. For example, if you've read a "Star Wars" book, follow it up with Brian Floca's gripping true story of "Moonshot: The Flight of Apollo 11" (Atheneum, 2009). You can find paired books that match up Liam's interests at your library or online.

-- Make predictions. Discuss a story's title and ask Liam to guess what it might be about and to explain his reasons. Stop occasionally to ask him to predict what will happen next and why.

-- Describe the setting. In other words, have Liam tell you where and when the story takes place.

-- Determine the main idea. The "big idea" can be in a title, the opening passages or even the last sentence. Have Liam make note of words that are repeated. At the end of the story, have him summarize the main idea.

-- Determine the story's sequence. Most books for young readers have a clear beginning, middle and end. As you read, discuss its sequence. Use a graphic organizer if you find it helpful.

-- Find clues to new words. Help Liam look for context clues. For example, words such as is, are, was, were, like, including, known as, meaning, or called provide clues.

For example, in this sentence, "Several African nations, including Gabon, Uganda and Kenya, are on the Equator," the word "including" gives readers clues as to what are the three nations.

-- Learn how to read the different parts of text features. Especially important in nonfiction reading are headlines, graphic devices and pictures that help organize information. Find articles in magazines, newspapers or online news sites. Point out headlines, sidebars, photographs, captions, graphs and other features that would help a reader understand the story.

-- Finally, make it fun! Weave these strategies into your reading time in a conversational manner so that it never seems like a drill. Keeping Liam interested, curious and eager to read should be your main goals this summer.

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

parenting

Helping Kids Learn How to Use an Atlas on Family Vacation

A+ Advice for Parents by by Leanna Landsmann
by Leanna Landsmann
A+ Advice for Parents | July 6th, 2015

Q: I purchased a road atlas for a trip, but my boys asked why we don't just use GPS. They have zero map skills, so I was hoping some atlas activities would teach them and keep them busy on a long trip. Do you have any suggestions?

A: Despite the wide availability of mapping services and apps, many long-distance travelers don't leave home without a road atlas. "An atlas helps you see the big picture, not just the next turn," says Bennett Moe, the director of innovation at maps.com.

Take that atlas along with you and put the boys in charge of it, says Moe.

"GPS devices are great for navigating from point to point, but an atlas gives you context to the areas you are traveling," he says. "It helps you eyeball distances. It alerts you to elevations, rivers and other topological features. Atlases often add cool information about states -- their mottos, state flowers and so on. Make that atlas your stealth teaching tool this summer."

Before you head out, cover map basics: Teach the boys how to read map symbols indicating various types of roads and highways. Show them how to read a compass rose to determine north, east, south and west, as well as intermediate points. Explain to your kids how to estimate distances. Learn how lakes, streams and rivers are denoted and how to read contour lines to determine elevation. Discover what symbols designate local, state and national parks. (For more information, National Geographic has engaging online map skills activities at education.nationalgeographic.com/education/map-skills-elementary-students.)

Next, create fun activities to align with your trip, suggests Moe.

"For example, if you plan to drive from Nashville, Tennessee, to La Crosse, Wisconsin, have the boys use the atlas to plan the shortest route," he says. "Then have them check their route using a digital mapping application. How close were their estimates in miles and hours? Have them determine the most scenic route, even though it may not be the fastest. Ask how many states the route will take them through, and so on."

Using sticky notes, have the boys mark points of interest they want to visit along the way. The more they familiarize themselves with the route prior to leaving, the more they'll anticipate segments of the trip.

"One great atlas activity is a variation of the license plate game," says Moe. "In addition to counting and graphing the state plates that you see, use the atlas to answer questions about each one. 'Where is that state in relation to where we live? Is that state larger or smaller than yours? What is the capital? How far do you think those in the car traveled to get here?'"

Use your atlas to plot geocaching, a treasure hunt GPS activity, suggests Moe.

"Geocaching combines lessons in navigation, longitude and latitude, geography, mapping, measurement, distance, satellites, strategy, teamwork and problem solving -- kids love it because it's high-tech," he explains. (Go to geocaching.com for more.)

A well-thumbed, annotated atlas is a great trip souvenir, says Moe.

"Map skills are important in many professions, from policing, meteorology, environmental engineering, to farming, city planning and marine biology," he says. "Your boys need this hands-on experience to develop strong geospatial skills they'll use throughout their lives."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

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