DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband claims that he supports my career as a lawyer in big law; however, he gets irritated when I work late. He says he feels like I don’t have time for him and that I always put my job first over everything. I work extremely long hours, sometimes staying at the office past 9 or 10 p.m., and occasionally I even have to log back on once I get home. While I understand that my schedule isn’t ideal, it's still early in my career, and I feel a lot of pressure to prove myself and build a strong reputation at my firm.

Lately, his comments have started to feel less like concern and more like resentment. If I tell him I have to stay late, he’ll sigh, make passive-aggressive remarks, or become distant for the rest of the evening. On weekends, when I occasionally need to catch up on work, he seems annoyed before I even open my laptop. It makes me feel guilty for pursuing something I worked so hard to achieve. I love my husband and don’t want him to feel neglected, but I also don’t want to dim my ambitions or jeopardize my career trajectory. How do I balance my marriage and career? -- Off Balance

DEAR OFF BALANCE: Have a heart-to-heart talk with your husband. Be transparent about what it will continue to take for you to grow in this career. Tell him that you want it but that you don’t want him to resent you along the way. Come up with ideas on how you can carve out time for each other. Point out that you will sometimes have to work on weekends and will continue to have to work late a lot, but you can still steal away for dates or plan date nights at home. Do your best to keep any time commitments with him and be fully present when you are together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: For my recent 40th birthday, my mom gave me a gold ring that was my grandmother’s. My mom had worn it for the past 20 years, and I’d often told her that one day I would love for it to be mine. Unfortunately, I lost it within a week of wearing it. I needed to get it resized but hadn’t made the appointment yet. I have turned my house upside down looking for it. I’ve checked every sink drain, coat pocket, purse, even my car seats. I retraced my steps from the day I last remember wearing it. I called the few places I visited, and I even asked friends if they happened to see it fall off. I feel absolutely sick over this. The ring meant so much to my mom, and now I’m terrified to tell her it’s gone.

Part of me keeps hoping it will magically turn up somewhere, but another part knows I may have to accept that it’s really lost. I don’t know how to begin that conversation with her. I feel irresponsible and embarrassed, especially since she trusted me with something so sentimental. Should I tell her right away or wait a little longer in case it turns up? If it’s truly gone, how do I even begin to make this right? -- Devastating

DEAR DEVASTATING: Take a deep breath and tell your mother now. It will be hard. She will be hurt, but holding on to this information will not make it better. Tell her and deal with it together.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are going on our eighth year of marriage. Last year, we experienced indiscretion for the first time -- to my knowledge, anyway. And as you can imagine, it was hard on us. My husband cheated on me with a co-worker. Apparently, it was a sort of work crush that spiraled. When I caught on, he claimed that they only fully crossed the line once. He also quit his job and got a new one.

After a couple of months apart, I chose to take him back, but if I’m being honest, I’ve been uneasy this past year. I’m always worried about what he’s doing when we’re not together, if he’s truly going where he says he’s going and whether it was just a one-time thing. I can’t tell if it’s my insecurities guiding me or my intuition. How do I know if he’s really changed or if he just got better at hiding his infidelity? How do I decide what to do with my marriage? -- Feeling Conflicted

DEAR FEELING CONFLICTED: Overcoming infidelity is not easy, but it sounds like your husband already made significant strides to prove that he chooses you over whatever happened with his coworker. Next, it would be great for you two to go to therapy together. Talk out what’s going on in your relationship with the support of a professional. Get to the bottom of the situation. Why did it happen? How can infidelity be avoided in the future?

Talk about your feelings, objectives and boundaries and how they were violated. Ask your husband to be willing to unmask his feelings with you so that you two can heal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son lives with bipolar disorder. All his life, his behavior has been a huge challenge -- for me as his parent and for his younger sister, who looked to him for guidance. Both my children are adults now, and while my daughter still lives with me, my son no longer does. Sometimes he will come by to visit, and as long as he maintains his medical regimen, things are good. When he is not medicated, though, he can be violent and extremely disruptive to our lives.

I know loneliness is a painful thing, so I want to continue to be here for him and make space for him in my life, but in the past six months alone, he has come by on at least three occasions in a manic state. When he’s like this, he is verbally abusive and can be quite menacing. Things have been this way for years. How do I continue to protect myself and my daughter while still embracing my son? Is there a way that my peace of mind and my son’s disorder can coexist? -- State of Mind

DEAR STATE OF MIND: The research I have read suggests that you have to demonstrate tremendous empathy and patience for people with bipolar disorder while also maintaining personal boundaries. You can require that your son take his meds in order to be allowed in your home. Contact local mental health services and form a plan of action for when he shows up manic. Over time, he will see that you are unwilling to take him in when he is potentially dangerous or violent.

Also make sure he knows you love him and want to be there for him. He just has to do his part. For more, visit ghs-hdf.org/parenting-an-adult-child-with-bipolar-disorder/.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever I share a conflict, dilemma or even something I’m skilled at with a particular friend of mine, I’ve noticed that she responds by overexplaining it back to me -- often as if I don’t fully understand my own situation or abilities. For example, if I talk through a personal issue, she’ll reframe it in basic terms, offer unsolicited lessons or explain my own feelings and motivations to me as though she’s just discovered them. If I mention a professional experience, she’ll break it down or correct me in ways that feel unnecessary and dismissive. What bothers me most is that this is someone who considers me a peer and a friend.

I don’t think she intends to be unkind -- I’ve noticed she does this to most people -- but the pattern makes me feel talked down to and oddly invisible in my own life. I’ve started holding back from sharing, which doesn’t feel healthy either. How can I tell whether this is something that can change or is a sign that our dynamic may no longer be respectful? -- Don’t Patronize Me

DEAR DON’T PATRONIZE ME: I’m going to guess that your friend believes that speaking her understanding of your situation back to you shows you that she practices active listening. Though it isn’t working in your case, that’s what her behavior indicates to me. She is listening carefully and making a real effort to add something meaningful to what you are saying by providing commentary.

Gently tell her that it bothers you deeply when she does this. Describe how her responses sound to you. Add that while you can tell she is clearly paying close attention, what you want more than anything is for her to listen without re-explaining -- just to hear you, not to try to solve anything. Tell her plainly how her way of interacting makes you feel.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started a new job, and I feel as if my leaders don’t care about my development. I ask my manager in our one-on-one meetings if there are specific things that I can work on to become more proficient at the job. She always says that I am doing well and that there’s nothing in particular that I need to work on. On the surface, that sounds reassuring, but I have a feeling that it’s not the full truth. There are moments when I sense hesitation in her tone or notice small corrections in my work that she never brings up in our formal conversations. It leaves me confused about where I stand at the company.

I don’t want to come across as insecure, but I want constructive feedback so I can grow and add more value to the team. As someone who is ambitious and wants to succeed, I worry that I might plateau if I don’t get honest guidance. How can I encourage more transparent feedback without seeming pushy toward my manager? How do I know whether my instincts are right, or if I’m just overthinking the situation? -- Unstable Footing

DEAR UNSTABLE FOOTING: Look around at your company or in your industry. You need a mentor, someone in whom you can confide about what’s happening and gain insight into a strategy for moving forward. Continue to check in with your boss regularly, asking for tips on improving your skills or handling particular tasks, but trust your gut and seek out additional support.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)