DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are going on our eighth year of marriage. Last year, we experienced indiscretion for the first time -- to my knowledge, anyway. And as you can imagine, it was hard on us. My husband cheated on me with a co-worker. Apparently, it was a sort of work crush that spiraled. When I caught on, he claimed that they only fully crossed the line once. He also quit his job and got a new one.

After a couple of months apart, I chose to take him back, but if I’m being honest, I’ve been uneasy this past year. I’m always worried about what he’s doing when we’re not together, if he’s truly going where he says he’s going and whether it was just a one-time thing. I can’t tell if it’s my insecurities guiding me or my intuition. How do I know if he’s really changed or if he just got better at hiding his infidelity? How do I decide what to do with my marriage? -- Feeling Conflicted

DEAR FEELING CONFLICTED: Overcoming infidelity is not easy, but it sounds like your husband already made significant strides to prove that he chooses you over whatever happened with his coworker. Next, it would be great for you two to go to therapy together. Talk out what’s going on in your relationship with the support of a professional. Get to the bottom of the situation. Why did it happen? How can infidelity be avoided in the future?

Talk about your feelings, objectives and boundaries and how they were violated. Ask your husband to be willing to unmask his feelings with you so that you two can heal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son lives with bipolar disorder. All his life, his behavior has been a huge challenge -- for me as his parent and for his younger sister, who looked to him for guidance. Both my children are adults now, and while my daughter still lives with me, my son no longer does. Sometimes he will come by to visit, and as long as he maintains his medical regimen, things are good. When he is not medicated, though, he can be violent and extremely disruptive to our lives.

I know loneliness is a painful thing, so I want to continue to be here for him and make space for him in my life, but in the past six months alone, he has come by on at least three occasions in a manic state. When he’s like this, he is verbally abusive and can be quite menacing. Things have been this way for years. How do I continue to protect myself and my daughter while still embracing my son? Is there a way that my peace of mind and my son’s disorder can coexist? -- State of Mind

DEAR STATE OF MIND: The research I have read suggests that you have to demonstrate tremendous empathy and patience for people with bipolar disorder while also maintaining personal boundaries. You can require that your son take his meds in order to be allowed in your home. Contact local mental health services and form a plan of action for when he shows up manic. Over time, he will see that you are unwilling to take him in when he is potentially dangerous or violent.

Also make sure he knows you love him and want to be there for him. He just has to do his part. For more, visit ghs-hdf.org/parenting-an-adult-child-with-bipolar-disorder/.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: Whenever I share a conflict, dilemma or even something I’m skilled at with a particular friend of mine, I’ve noticed that she responds by overexplaining it back to me -- often as if I don’t fully understand my own situation or abilities. For example, if I talk through a personal issue, she’ll reframe it in basic terms, offer unsolicited lessons or explain my own feelings and motivations to me as though she’s just discovered them. If I mention a professional experience, she’ll break it down or correct me in ways that feel unnecessary and dismissive. What bothers me most is that this is someone who considers me a peer and a friend.

I don’t think she intends to be unkind -- I’ve noticed she does this to most people -- but the pattern makes me feel talked down to and oddly invisible in my own life. I’ve started holding back from sharing, which doesn’t feel healthy either. How can I tell whether this is something that can change or is a sign that our dynamic may no longer be respectful? -- Don’t Patronize Me

DEAR DON’T PATRONIZE ME: I’m going to guess that your friend believes that speaking her understanding of your situation back to you shows you that she practices active listening. Though it isn’t working in your case, that’s what her behavior indicates to me. She is listening carefully and making a real effort to add something meaningful to what you are saying by providing commentary.

Gently tell her that it bothers you deeply when she does this. Describe how her responses sound to you. Add that while you can tell she is clearly paying close attention, what you want more than anything is for her to listen without re-explaining -- just to hear you, not to try to solve anything. Tell her plainly how her way of interacting makes you feel.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently started a new job, and I feel as if my leaders don’t care about my development. I ask my manager in our one-on-one meetings if there are specific things that I can work on to become more proficient at the job. She always says that I am doing well and that there’s nothing in particular that I need to work on. On the surface, that sounds reassuring, but I have a feeling that it’s not the full truth. There are moments when I sense hesitation in her tone or notice small corrections in my work that she never brings up in our formal conversations. It leaves me confused about where I stand at the company.

I don’t want to come across as insecure, but I want constructive feedback so I can grow and add more value to the team. As someone who is ambitious and wants to succeed, I worry that I might plateau if I don’t get honest guidance. How can I encourage more transparent feedback without seeming pushy toward my manager? How do I know whether my instincts are right, or if I’m just overthinking the situation? -- Unstable Footing

DEAR UNSTABLE FOOTING: Look around at your company or in your industry. You need a mentor, someone in whom you can confide about what’s happening and gain insight into a strategy for moving forward. Continue to check in with your boss regularly, asking for tips on improving your skills or handling particular tasks, but trust your gut and seek out additional support.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and I have been talking for a month now about booking a summer vacation together to Greece. I recently brought it up again, and she said that she can’t go anymore because she booked a different vacation with a different friend. She didn’t mention it beforehand or talk to me about possibly changing plans. She just said it was cheaper and easier to coordinate.

I was caught off guard. Technically we hadn’t booked anything yet, but we had been talking about this for weeks, and it felt like an unspoken commitment. What hurt most was feeling like I was easily replaced. Now I’m questioning whether she ever even wanted to go on a vacation with me at all or if she was just lying to me this whole time.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if my feelings are valid. Should I tell her that this hurt me or just let it go since nothing was officially booked? How do I move forward without feeling like I’m always the backup plan friend? -- Dumped

DEAR DUMPED: You have every right to feel upset about this. Your friend has the right to change her mind as well, but she should have been upfront with you. It does seem like your friend thought of you as the backup plan and treated you as disposable when something better came along. Either way, that is not the sign of a friend who prioritizes you or has your back.

At this point, you can tell her that you do not appreciate being discarded like that without even the respect to tell you she was considering other options. You should also keep this incident in mind the next time she starts making big plans of any kind.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I were on a road trip, pit-stopping in a couple of cities. One of my girlfriends asked if we could meet her for lunch, and we obliged. When the bill came, my husband paid for himself and me and left the remainder of the tab for my girlfriend to pay. She seemed surprised. We had never said out loud how we’d handle the bill, but frankly I was a bit surprised, too. The place wasn’t overly expensive, so I thought my husband would just pay for everything.

Later, when I called my girlfriend to let her know we had arrived at our next city, we got into an argument because she thought it was common courtesy that my husband should have paid the entire bill. While I share that line of thought, I do not think it is her place to have opinions about what my husband should or should not do. That feels like entitlement. Now, I’m not clear on how to properly address this with my friend or my husband. Any advice? -- Split the Bill

DEAR SPLIT THE BILL: You say your friend asked you to meet her for lunch. If that's the case, she should not expect you to pay her bill. The old-fashioned thinking is that the man should pay for an unaccompanied woman joining a couple for a meal, but this is 2026. She doesn’t have the right to be angry. Tell her you are sorry her feelings were hurt, but there should not have been an automatic assumption that you would foot the bill when she invited you to lunch. In fact, modern etiquette dictates that the one who invites is the one who should pay.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)