Q: Our school sends mixed messages about digital media. They warn about online safety and too much time on screens, but then send home an iPad with my third-grader to play "homework" games. I'm confused about my role as a parent in all this.

A: With today's 8- to 18-year-olds spending up to 4,000 hours a year on technology, parents have one more tough task -- rearing smart and responsible digital citizens.

"Families use technology in every aspect of life, and it's opened up a world of educational opportunities that didn't exist a decade ago," says Bill Laraway, a fifth-grade teacher at Silver Oak Elementary in San Jose, California -- in the heart of Silicon Valley. "Technology has risks and benefits, and a parent's job is to intentionally and thoughtfully teach kids the difference."

Laraway encourages parents to work with kids in four areas: focus, safety, responsibility and oversight.

"First is focus. These tools offer wonderful ways to deepen learning and expand our creative potential," says Laraway, "but they can also be distracting to students. Kids say they are 'multitasking,' but it's a myth.

"Researcher Daniel Goleman calls multitasking 'continuous partial attention,' with the brain switching quickly between tasks. It's no way for developing brains to study. Parents have to help students learn to filter out distractions, technological or otherwise, or they will have a hard time in almost every subject."

Laraway recommends Goleman's book "Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence" to parents who aren't convinced.

The second is safety. Have a family policy about what to post, how passwords are stored, parental controls and so on.

"Don't scare kids, but do alert them to dangers and reinforce behaviors you want kids to adopt," says Laraway. (There are great resources at commonsensemedia.org and connectsafely.org.)

Three is responsibility. "Don't preach; lead by example," Laraway urges. "Don't be a goof online. Don't post things that will come back to haunt the family. Be kind and selective with your social media presence. Follow the Golden Rule."

Last, don't be afraid to monitor and enforce your family's policies. San Francisco parent Sean Ryan, an executive at Facebook, says, "I own every game device and tablet ever created, so we don't live in a cave, but we're pretty strict about our boys' usage and we enforce it, even if I have to look at the wireless router to confirm it.

"We limit screen time -- exempting old-school Kindles. We have borrowed more than 300 books from the library using the Kindle OverDrive system. It's just awesome."

The Ryans insist that the boys use their PCs in common areas of the home, not their rooms. "We prefer that they do homework on our desktop, since it's in the open," he says.

Their 15-year-old has what Ryan calls an "ancient" iPhone and the two younger boys' phones are used just for calling.

"We love the advantages of tech," says Ryan, "but we see how it can be abused. We're in no hurry to give them unlimited access to all forms of it -- that's why they call it 'parenting' and not 'friending.'"

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: My daughter got into a fight with some girls at school. We thought she'd be suspended, but the principal asked the girls involved to "make things right with those wronged." I wanted to ground her, but the principal advised against it, saying discussing it with her was better. Why?

A: The current "zero tolerance" discipline policies aren't working, so many schools instead use discipline techniques called "restorative practices." The theory is that students learn little from consequences, but should be required to think about their actions, consider how to be held accountable, and decide what they can do to repair and create healthier relationships.

In January, the U.S. Department of Education issued guidelines encouraging schools try restorative practices because districts using them have seen positive results.

The technique uses three questions to get kids thinking about the causes and effects of their behavior.

"When parents ask these questions, the trick is to keep emotions in check," says Marissa Gehley, a California student safety specialist and founder of Kids Need Our Wisdom (KNOW) Consulting. "Stay calm. Get the facts. Don't ask, 'Why?' which triggers emotions."

The first question is: What happened?

Perhaps your daughter says, "It was Reba's fault. She took my notebook, showed it to Melinda, so I shoved her to grab it back."

Remind her that you're talking about what she did, not her friends, says Gehley. Ask what she did before Reba took her notebook. Suppose your daughter tells you they were going to study hall.

At this point, you should clarify: "So you were headed to study hall. Reba took your notebook and passed it to Melinda. You shoved her and took it back."

Then, the next question is: Who else was affected?

Most kids say, "Nobody!" so ask your daughter to see the fight from another perspective. How many saw it? Who broke it up? Did anyone get hurt?

Ask her to imagine how other students felt. Assume a teacher broke it up. Ask how the actions might have affected the teacher.

"Students start to see their actions from others' perspectives," says Gehley.

The last restorative question is: How can you make this right?

"This often comes as a surprise, so listen carefully," advises Gehley. Your daughter may say she is embarrassed; she is sorry to disappoint you; she regrets hitting her friend; or she wishes it never happened.

Ask her what two or three things would help correct the situation. She might apologize to the teacher, reach out to her friends, or say that she should have simply asked Reba to return the notebook rather than react with force.

Don't be discouraged if the three questions don't go according to script with every situation, advises Gehley. The more you practice dispassionate questioning, the more effective it is.

"We can't 'suspend' our way to safer classrooms," says Gehley. "We need to teach kids relationship-building skills to build a more respectful culture in schools and at home. When they begin to use their brains rather than their brawn to solve problems, life gets better for everybody."

(To learn more about restorative practices, go to safersanerschools.org.)

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)

Q: One thing I don't like about the Common Core is that it removed fiction from the curriculum. I'm a liberal arts graduate who loves reading fiction books each night to my children. What's wrong with that?

A: There's nothing wrong with that -- keep it up. But one evening after the kids are in bed, read up on the Common Core State Standards (CCSS) at corestandards.org. You'll learn that you're wrong. The Common Core provides for plenty of fiction reading. But it also encourages a shift in emphasis to nonfiction -- educators like to refer to it as "informational texts" -- especially in the higher grades.

"There is extensive research establishing the need for students to leave high school with much more proficiency in reading complex informational text -- nonfiction -- about real people, places and events," says educator Matt Gross, co-founder of Newsela, a daily news website for kids that offers high-interest nonfiction articles at five levels of complexity.

"One CCSS goal is to get students ready for college and careers," Gross explains. "Unless you're a literature major, a high percentage of college reading is nonfiction in every subject area. And as adults, most of what we read in our careers requires being able to comprehend informational text.

"Being a strong nonfiction reader requires different comprehension skills than fiction. Nonfiction texts such as autobiographies, biographies, essays, almanacs, research papers, maps, graphs and charts require readers to think critically, analyze, interpret and evaluate data and opinions."

Many elementary teachers pair fiction and nonfiction to teach content and concepts. This is especially true in elementary life sciences, where "hands-on" lessons aren't always feasible, safe or effective, says Melissa Stewart, co-author with Nancy Chesley of "Perfect Pairs: Using Fiction and Nonfiction Picture Books to Teach Life Science, K-2" (Stenhouse Publishers, 2014).

In a first-grade lesson on how animals protect themselves, they pair Leo Lionni's book "Swimmy" (Dragonfly Books, 1973), a fictional tale about a small fish who hatches a plan to stay safe in the ocean, with "What Do You Do When Something Wants to Eat You?" (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Books, 2001), a captivating explanation of how animals protect themselves by noted science author and illustrator Steve Jenkins.

Teachers love it when parents add nonfiction into their reading choices at home. Choose books by authors with a true passion for their subjects, who can write authoritatively and imaginatively.

For example, award-winning science writer Sandra Markle, author of more than 200 children's books, went to the ends of the Earth -- Antarctica -- to research her book on penguins! Michael Patrick O'Neill travels the planet to take his eye-popping deep-sea photography. His goal? To get kids to read, write and discuss ocean science and conservation.

As students move up the grades, they'll find more nonfiction in all subjects. Passages in the 2009 fourth-grade National Assessment of Educational Progress test were split evenly between fiction and nonfiction. The eighth-grade test contained 45 percent fiction and 55 percent nonfiction; by 12th grade, the ratio was 30/70.

The Common Core doesn't sell fiction short, says Newsela's Gross. "Instead, it expands students' abilities to read nonfiction genres that are so important to succeed in life."

(Do you have a question about your child's education? Email it to Leanna@aplusadvice.com. Leanna Landsmann is an education writer who began her career as a classroom teacher. She has served on education commissions, visited classrooms in 49 states to observe best practices, and founded Principal for a Day in New York City.)