DEAR MISS MANNERS: My new ophthalmologist is a 35-year-old man whom I have known since he was 8 years old and I coached him in youth football. He was in my son's class, and I had frequent contact with him through his school years until he left for college.

So I saw him in the office and I said, "Dr. Smith, how good to see you." He insisted, "Just call me Tommy."

Inside his office, I feel uncomfortable addressing him as anything other than "Dr. Smith," so now I avoid calling him by any name. I feel awkward, but I understand his job requires the honorific.

Manners are supposed to help people feel comfortable, and in this case, the opposite is occurring.

GENTLE READER: Making people feel comfortable is not always the goal, but we can start there.

Dr. Smith may have graduated first in his class, but the use of the honorific by someone who once exercised authority over him could be making him uncomfortable. So whose comfort should we consider?

However, there is a much better reason than comfort to be using his title. Someday he may have to discuss a serious medical condition with you. If that day comes, you do not want to waste time wondering if the little boy who got confused during the final game and scored a touchdown on his own team was also looking in the wrong direction on the day they were teaching glaucoma.

Of course, you cannot say that. So Miss Manners' suggestion is to ask Dr. Tommy if you could use the title in the office -- citing as an excuse both that you are old-fashioned enough to do that with all your doctors, and that you are so proud of him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Tensions were riding high on the eve of my brother's wedding, when I made the faux pax of mentioning his baldness at the dinner table. I mentioned that I, too, have male-pattern baldness (I am female).

He has been bald, mind you, for 15 years. Had he said, "I am sensitive to my lack of hair, and I'd appreciate it if you would not mention it ever again," I would have obliged. I also would have apologized for having touched upon his sensitivity, which I knew nothing about.

Instead, he explained to me how I had been out of line, that one does not mention these things, and on and on, ending with the honor he had bestowed on me by asking me to be his witness at his civil ceremony. By the time he was finished, I felt shamed and unwelcome. Was my indiscretion in such poor taste that I deserved a public rebuke?

GENTLE READER: The night before a wedding, the table in question is often at the rehearsal dinner. Miss Manners is dearly hoping that you did not think that his baldness was an amusing topic for a toast.

If so, it would not excuse your brother from delivering a public rebuke, but neither should it be thought to exonerate yourself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend I've known for over 30 years. We're both retired. I'm married, she isn't. I keep very busy with a big house, rescued animals and projects I like to work on.

I'm not much for talking long on the phone, but I don't mind texting, because I can reply when I have time.

The last couple of years, this friend has become increasingly annoying with her phone calls. If I reply to texts in rapid succession, it's like an open invitation to call me. She'll talk for hours about the quilts or the loaves of bread she's made.

She posts things on social media that should be kept private. It's so embarrassing, some of the things she's posted. I've noticed she's not getting too many "likes" or comments, so I hope she's taking the hint.

I've learned to not answer her texts right away. I'll wait hours sometimes. I'll say something about being busy or tired and going to bed soon, and next thing I know, she's calling.

I tell her that my phone isn't working right, or that it was on the charger and I wasn't nearby, but I can only do that so many times. I couldn't sleep the other night, so I got online and I happened to post something I thought was funny. I'll be doggone, she saw it and texted me! I have everything set to "private" but she could see I was awake. I ignored her.

The last straw was when she threw her two cats outside. One ended up dead in the neighbors' yard, and who knows what happened to the other one. I think the first one was poisoned, from what she was telling me. She didn't seem to care. I love animals and feel she was wrong to do what she did.

I feel like a snob, but I don't have time for her mundane conversations just because she's bored and I'm not. I can go back and forth texting other people all day, and we enjoy it without bothering each other with phone calls. I think I'm just looking for validation that it's OK not to respond to her each time.

GENTLE READER: And you are maintaining this friendship because ...?

Those 30 years, of course. Indeed, it is kind to tolerate longtime friends who have become lonely and boring.

Miss Manners is not one to attribute all poor behavior to medical problems and to excuse it on those grounds, as many free-range diagnosticians do. So let us first address the common problem of setting limits on friends who intrude on one's time.

The simplest solution to those telephone calls is to explain your and your other friends' habit of conversing only by text, and to say that such has become your policy. It is, in fact, an increasingly popular way of curbing the immediate demands of the telephone.

Then never pick up. And certainly never tell this person anything that you don't want to be made public.

But the cat incident is alarming, and not only because of its cruelty. It does seem time to express concern about your friend to those more closely responsible for her welfare.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister likes to throw dinner parties. She goes all out with her best dishes and crystal, along with the menu. Often people will call and ask what to bring, but my sister always tells them she only wants the pleasure of their company.

Some guests will still bring a dish. My sister always acts like the dish is a hostess gift. She thanks the guests and tells them how much her family will enjoy it.

On one occasion, a first-time guest brought a dish. She told my sister she had not brought the dish for my sister's family, but to be served to the other guests. My sister told her that the menu was set, and that she would put the dish in the kitchen until the guest was ready to leave so they could take it home.

During the meal, when another guest was complimenting my sister on the food, this guest announced to everybody that she had brought a dish that my sister was not going to serve. My sister ignored her comment and answered another guest's question.

Since the dinner, this woman has been telling people how rude my sister was not to serve the food she brought. Her comments have upset our mother. She wants my sister to apologize to this woman.

My sister sees no reason to apologize. To make my mother happy, I said we should ask you. Was my sister rude?

GENTLE READER: Well, there are traditional dinner parties, where the host supplies the meal and the guests may or may not bring little presents -- sometimes food treats -- to be used at the discretion of the host. And then there are cooperative dinners, where each person brings part of the meal.

This sounds more like a food fight. Rather than trying to please the host, the guest planned a hostile takeover. And afterward, when she should have been expressing her thanks, she chose to spread insults.

No, your sister was not rude. She did her best to handle it politely. But there are circumstances under which an apology is due, even from an innocent person.

So Miss Manners believes that your sister should apologize -- not to her rude guest, but to the other guests, for having been subjected to such an unpleasant scene.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it permissible to combine the thank-you notes for wedding gifts with the thank-you note for attending the ceremony itself?

Additionally, is it OK to delay the thank-you notes until we return from our short honeymoon? We are leaving the day after the celebration.

GENTLE READER: You will be relieved to hear that it is not obligatory for hosts to write thanks to their guests for their attendance. But Miss Manners imagines you will be less pleased to hear that you should have written thanks for those presents as each one arrived.

She does not accept the excuse about the delay because of the honeymoon. Nor would she accept the excuses that would follow -- about arranging the household, getting back to work and so on. Just please sit down and write -- now. Your generous friends want to know if their presents arrived and if they pleased you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)