DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went to stay with a dear friend of many years who had moved several states away. Never having stayed at her house before, I was dismayed to find that the television in the main living area was on ALL the time.

The political views expressed were very extreme. It was also very loud, because her husband is hard of hearing. I knew they supported a different political party, but we never actually talked politics in the past, and it is only recently that politics have become so divisive.

The same thing happened to another friend who went away to stay with relatives. How can this situation be dealt with tactfully with the hosts -- if at all? I shall not visit that couple again.

GENTLE READER: Which solves your immediate problem. But even though fewer people are watching television these days, you are describing two of the major social problems of our time: avoiding interacting with others and flaunting one’s political views.

Why would your dear old friend and hostess preclude having conversation with you? Miss Manners would have hoped that the closeness of the relationship would allow you to talk over your different political views in a civilized fashion. But if not, you should not have been subjected to listening to theirs -- and secondhand, at that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Years ago, my fiance and I were planning our wedding when one of our parents passed away. We put the entire thing on hold, and then occasionally talked of getting married -- for the next 25 years.

We finally decided to have a small ceremony, with a guest limitation set by the venue. It was delightful, and just what we wanted.

After the ceremony, we sent announcements out to our friends and family who had not been invited. This is not a gift grab or anything; we just wanted to let them know, and hoped they would be happy for us. In addition to the pictures, we included a short note letting them know of the guest list restrictions.

My, oh, my. I have yet to hear from anyone in my family with a “Congratulations!” I hear instead, “Well, I thought we were closer,” “You should have told us ahead of time” and “I guess you don’t need anything from us.”

I know it is too late, but should we have told people ahead of time? I was hoping for a genuine surprise, and happiness that we had finally made it official -- not a guilt trip.

GENTLE READER: Sadly, people have come to equate weddings with commercial entertainment. If there is an event they want to attend, they understand that they must buy into it by sending a present or, more likely, a donation to whatever fund the couple -- who might share that commercial attitude -- have set up.

So if there is no event they may attend, there is no reaction. It does not seem to occur to them to express good wishes simply because people they know have married.

Miss Manners can only tell you that she is as appalled at this as you are.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my high-rise condominium building, I must leave my flat and travel (generally via carpeted hallways and elevators) to various common areas in the building to deposit trash and collect mail. The whole building, including all common areas, has a single, guarded entrance, through which only residents and guests may pass.

What must I wear in these common areas? May I dash down in stocking (or bare) feet to mail a letter or empty my garbage? (Most people are shod in the hallways.) Must I (a male) wear a shirt and/or proper shorts? Not all residents do this, as we have a pool, too.

Does it matter if the area is carpeted? Closed to the public? Is there a general rule? Is the rule different in a hotel or apartment building?

I am aware of Miss Manners’ rule regarding collection of one’s morning newspaper from one’s driveway -- to wit, neighbors doing so are considered invisible. But I do not see how to apply it in this context.

GENTLE READER: We’ll make it apply. It’s just been sitting around idly, anyhow.

It was based on the polite fiction that the porch appearance is not public, but only a momentary detour from bed to breakfast, where robes and slippers are permissible.

In your case, the available fiction is that of using the swimming pool. Or gym, if the building has one. You know that the related outfits are customarily tolerated in your building, whereas you would not know what might offend guests in a hotel.

But Miss Manners cautions you not to test your neighbors’ limits. Being even rudimentarily dressed requires sparing them your bare chest and feet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For several years, it has been my pleasure to host three longtime friends -- a married couple and her brother, a particular friend of mine -- to a collective birthday dinner at our favorite restaurant. We do this in lieu of separate birthday lunches at a lesser establishment. The restaurant we go to is considered upscale for our rural area, which I mention only to show that this is a special occasion.

It has always been most enjoyable, until this past year. All was fine until the wife struck up a political conversation with a man at a nearby table. The two conversed for a considerable time.

I felt sure this man's companion must have been irritated. I certainly was, but I didn’t know how to politely redirect the wife's attention to our table. Nor did her husband or brother say anything. My feelings were hurt to be treated so.

Fortunately, the couple soon finished their meal and left the restaurant. I still wonder what I might have said.

GENTLE READER: “Sophie! Shall we ask to have your dinner reheated?” “Sophie, we’re ready to order dessert now.” Or the most enticing, although it requires a prepared follow-up: “Sophie! We need your opinion on something!”

Miss Manners suggests this only to repair the immediate situation, for yourself and your other guests. Let’s not talk about the content of the overheard talk.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our dear friends Hank and Bridget have been married for more than 35 years. Each had been married previously and had one child each, and they have a child together. That child is now a married adult.

Here is the rub. Since her two half-siblings are each more than 10-15 years older, she has been treated like an only child and given every opportunity not afforded to the others. This has caused some consternation between her and her siblings, which has spilled over to any friends her parents associate with on a regular basis.

Case in point: For the last 20 years, we have celebrated a holiday with Hank and Bridget and their friends at their vacation house with a barbecue and drinks. Their vacation home is about two hours away, so we always rent a hotel for the night rather than drive home in holiday traffic.

As per usual, we received the annual party invitation, and my wife called Bridget to discuss what potluck items to bring. At that point, Bridget informed her that there was a change of plans and there would not be a potluck meal, just dessert. She said her daughter felt that since she had given birth about two months ago (her third child), she (the daughter) and her husband would feel too overwhelmed with everyone at the parents’ house to enjoy a party.

My wife and I are dumbfounded! Wouldn’t the daughter and her husband be just as overwhelmed with several people attending for dessert as they would be for a dinner party? We don’t get what the difference would be!

We have discussed this situation, and have come to the agreement that driving two hours and paying for a hotel are too much for just having dessert. How should we proceed?

GENTLE READER: By not going. But please do not explain why.

Telling your dear friends that they have spoiled and indulged their only mutual child into being a dictator who eschews the culinary needs of their guests for her own temperamental whims will not be the antidote to their problem that you think it will.

Miss Manners will also counter by asking what the real difference to you is between driving two hours for dinner or for dessert -- the point is to see your friends, is it not? (You could pack a picnic or get drive-thru on the way.)

But finding a solution is not really the point here. This is about control. And you have just as much ability to exercise yours as your friends’ child does. As long as you do so politely.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just found out that the mother of my high school best friend has passed away. I live halfway across the country and would incur $1,500 in expenses to go to the funeral.

Is it OK not to go since I live so far away? Or does it look bad?

GENTLE READER: As long as you write a thoughtful condolence letter to your friend, you do not need to attend.

But please, Miss Manners implores you, omit the real reason: that it is expensive and inconvenient. That is the part that looks bad.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)