DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation for a work-sponsored event. The invitation states: “To help us minimize our environmental footprint and make cleanup easier, we kindly ask that you bring your own silverware, plate and beverage container.”

So, when I arrive, I will be toting a plate, some silverware (not sure if I will need a knife or a spoon) and a cup or water bottle. Then when I leave, I will be taking home these same items, now dirty. This feels quite awkward to me -- and messy!

My daughter also received an invitation to an event that asked that she bring her own beverage container. Is this a new trend? What do you think of these requests?

GENTLE READER: Your workplace is playing fast and loose with the words “sponsored” and “event.” If the guests are providing basic supplies, it is neither.

Besides the obvious rudeness and inconvenience, Miss Manners does not even understand how it helps the environment. Does it not take the exact same amount of dirty dishes and cleanup effort -- just distributed amongst the invited guests instead of the hired cleanup crew (who surely must be present for food service anyway)?

It is enough to make one never want to leave the house. In fact, you may want to bolt down the furniture. Requests for supplying your own table and chair might be next.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the "last hostess standing" in my family and an associated circle of older friends. Everyone else has a reason why folks cannot gather at their house.

I welcome their offers to “bring something” because I cannot manage holiday meals and birthday celebrations without help. I’ve gotten quite good at suggesting what to bring.

I have one relative who insists on doing preparation in my kitchen immediately before the meal instead of bringing a completed dish. I swear, if I asked her to bring salt, she would need 3 feet of counter space and 30 minutes to assemble an heirloom salt grinder first. She'd also need two people to assist, and she’d complain I don’t have salt spoons.

Is it OK to ask her to do the dishes instead?

GENTLE READER: Not really. But how about drinks? Preferably ones in closed containers that do not require mixing, shaking or decanting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every time I go out to eat with a particular friend, and there’s another friend with us, she does the rudest thing. When we are finished eating and are just sitting around the table talking, she will suddenly jump up without warning and say she has to go. It’s always so sudden and so jarring.

She never does it when it’s just the two of us, and I’d gently let her know of my displeasure if she did.

Any suggestions on how I might deal with this discourteous behavior? Or is this just something I must silently and sullenly abide?

GENTLE READER: Jump up just as suddenly and say, “Wait, what?! You’re going?! Is everything OK? Do you need a ride somewhere? HOW CAN WE HELP?”

That oughta put an end to Particular Friend’s sudden departures. Or at least, Miss Manners would think, slow her down.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at the head of a line to vote; the precinct wasn’t crowded, and no one’s wait was long. The precinct volunteer encountered a problem that prompted her to seek help, and I spent my wait looking at the floor rather than staring in her direction, not wanting her to misinterpret my gaze as annoyance (the wait was no big deal).

After about 30 seconds, the person behind me jabbed my left shoulder five times, HARD, to alert me to the volunteer’s availability.

Miss Manners, I am ill, weak, meek and small (5 feet tall, 90 pounds); the stranger behind me was at least 6 inches taller, at least 20 years younger and clearly much stronger/sturdier. I turned to her and mumbled “sorry.”

I wish I’d had the presence of mind to utter a loud, reproachful “Ouch!,” which Miss Manners has suggested a few times over the years in comparable situations. Barring that, would it have been acceptable for me to say, “Please don’t jab strangers; if you had simply tugged lightly on my coat sleeve, you would have gotten my attention”?

GENTLE READER: When we are not happy with how we acted when mistreated in the past, it may be natural to rehash those events -- including pondering better ways to handle it in future.

But new proposed solutions should be superior if they are to be adopted. Lecturing the perpetrator in a room full of strangers sounds to Miss Manners too much like correcting another person’s manners (rude) -- not to mention challenging to execute for someone who describes herself as meek.

Unlike Miss Manners’ preferred solution, which you mention, your proposed response also forfeits the sympathy of everyone in the room, which she would have thought would be much more satisfying -- not just in the moment, but when you are replaying it in your mind later.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have taken our grown children, their children and friends on several nice vacations. We planned another trip to surprise them at Christmas.

Now we have learned from our daughter that her husband does not want to go. He didn’t offer an explanation, and now our daughter isn’t going.

We are out big bucks for nonrefundable tickets, and they haven’t offered to reimburse us. Why would someone refuse a free vacation?

GENTLE READER: Even if Miss Manners’ clairvoyance were functioning, it is her experience that the answers to such questions are seldom welcome. Nor, generally, are surprises that commandeer adults’ schedules.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am sometimes treated to acquaintances railing that they will leave the state/country if one candidate or another wins. “I’ll help you pack” is an inappropriate response, but is there anything I can say over an otherwise friendly meal that is neither agreement nor provocation?

GENTLE READER: “Does that mean those peas are up for grabs?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As part of my job as a news reporter, I spend a great deal of time on the telephone. The conversations I have require a lot of concentration. Often, I have been waiting all day to hear from someone and am up against a strict deadline when he or she finally calls. I must answer when the phone rings.

Many times, other members of the staff tend to congregate in my office and chat -- sometimes including me in the conversation, and other times just gathering and talking near the fax machine, which happens to be in my office. When the phone rings and I begin talking, my co-workers do not decrease the volume of their own conversations (which are not professional in nature) and do not leave the room. I am left stuttering on the phone and unable to focus on what I am hearing.

How should I handle this situation? Most of the time it is impossible to ask the person to hold on while I request that my co-workers keep it down. And unfortunately, my piercing glare hasn’t been very successful in stopping the problem.

GENTLE READER: Make three signs that you can hold up when getting on the phone. The first reads, “Quiet, Please. Important Source.” The second says, “Quiet, Please. Less Important Source, But Still Need to Hear.” The last reads, “Quiet, Please. None of Your Business.”

In addition to this -- but equally important -- Miss Manners recommends recruiting a fellow reporter or two who are willing to help shoo people out when the sign goes up.

These signs should be used in order -- and you can improvise after you’ve gone through the first three. But don’t make too many. The idea is to amuse people enough to engage their sympathy as fellow reporters -- but not so much that they make a special trip to see what you’ll think of next.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I like to entertain using vintage crystal glassware. But if the glasses are clinked together when doing a toast, they can easily break.

So how do I stop the table or crowd from doing what seems like such a natural, warm gesture?

I often find myself holding my breath and joining in, as I hate to kill joy at my own party, even at the expense of expensive crystal! Luckily, almost any piece can be replaced these days, but couldn’t you find a way for me to save these gorgeous glasses and horrified guests?

GENTLE READER: If we use the crystal and, Miss Manners agrees, we cannot stop the toasting, the solution is to separate the two.

The key to doing this is multiple wines served at different stages of the meal that will, of necessity, require a switch of glassware. At whatever time toasts are likely to be made -- presumably towards the end of the meal -- put out the glassware you can sacrifice without tears. A hasty guest who tries to toast too early can be asked with a smile if they would not mind waiting. (Miss Manners realizes this solution presumes you are hosting a formal dinner party, but this seemed like a safe assumption.)

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)