DEAR MISS MANNERS: As part of my job as a news reporter, I spend a great deal of time on the telephone. The conversations I have require a lot of concentration. Often, I have been waiting all day to hear from someone and am up against a strict deadline when he or she finally calls. I must answer when the phone rings.

Many times, other members of the staff tend to congregate in my office and chat -- sometimes including me in the conversation, and other times just gathering and talking near the fax machine, which happens to be in my office. When the phone rings and I begin talking, my co-workers do not decrease the volume of their own conversations (which are not professional in nature) and do not leave the room. I am left stuttering on the phone and unable to focus on what I am hearing.

How should I handle this situation? Most of the time it is impossible to ask the person to hold on while I request that my co-workers keep it down. And unfortunately, my piercing glare hasn’t been very successful in stopping the problem.

GENTLE READER: Make three signs that you can hold up when getting on the phone. The first reads, “Quiet, Please. Important Source.” The second says, “Quiet, Please. Less Important Source, But Still Need to Hear.” The last reads, “Quiet, Please. None of Your Business.”

In addition to this -- but equally important -- Miss Manners recommends recruiting a fellow reporter or two who are willing to help shoo people out when the sign goes up.

These signs should be used in order -- and you can improvise after you’ve gone through the first three. But don’t make too many. The idea is to amuse people enough to engage their sympathy as fellow reporters -- but not so much that they make a special trip to see what you’ll think of next.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I like to entertain using vintage crystal glassware. But if the glasses are clinked together when doing a toast, they can easily break.

So how do I stop the table or crowd from doing what seems like such a natural, warm gesture?

I often find myself holding my breath and joining in, as I hate to kill joy at my own party, even at the expense of expensive crystal! Luckily, almost any piece can be replaced these days, but couldn’t you find a way for me to save these gorgeous glasses and horrified guests?

GENTLE READER: If we use the crystal and, Miss Manners agrees, we cannot stop the toasting, the solution is to separate the two.

The key to doing this is multiple wines served at different stages of the meal that will, of necessity, require a switch of glassware. At whatever time toasts are likely to be made -- presumably towards the end of the meal -- put out the glassware you can sacrifice without tears. A hasty guest who tries to toast too early can be asked with a smile if they would not mind waiting. (Miss Manners realizes this solution presumes you are hosting a formal dinner party, but this seemed like a safe assumption.)

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Due to a computer meltdown earlier this year, I had to rebuild my holiday greeting card address list. When I asked my mother-in-law to share her list from that side of the family, I was flummoxed to find that she addresses her cards as “Mr. and Mrs. Husband’s Name” -- e.g., John and Jane Smith would be addressed as “Mr. and Mrs. John Smith.”

While I know this used to be a correct form of address, I (married for 15 years and using my husband’s last name) find this sexist and would be somewhat insulted to be addressed as “Mrs. Husband’s Name.”

I imagine that in this day and age, there are quite a few other female friends and relatives that would feel likewise. There are so many other alternatives -- the holiday cards may be addressed to “The Smiths,” “The Smith family,” “Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Smith,” for example.

Should I bring up the subject with my mother-in-law? I had not realized the issue previously because we live in the same town, and she typically gives us our cards in person rather than through the mail.

GENTLE READER: When people want to insult their friends, Christmas cards are probably not their weapon of choice.

Or so Miss Manners would think. But you -- and others, no doubt -- think otherwise.

So here is an idea for an advance Christmas present for your mother-in-law: Offer to update her list by asking each of her friends how they wish to be addressed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a young woman who has recently moved into a larger city. I am not comfortable interacting with strange men on the street who ask passersby for change or attention.

It seems that most of my peers respond to such requests by ignoring them, but I dislike the contempt expressed in ignoring anyone. I prefer to give a polite “No, thank you,” “I’m sorry, no” or “Excuse me please,” and then move on. Unfortunately, since these gentlemen are used to being ignored, my more-polite evasions serve only to encourage them to continue these unwanted conversations.

I feel that if I give in and begin ignoring people on the street, I will be allowing the rudeness of others to force me into rudeness myself. However, I do not care to spend every day disengaging from conversations with very persistent strangers who see every tactic for evasion -- except for silence -- as encouragement.

Any suggestions as to how to handle such tricky situations would be appreciated.

GENTLE READER: You are not supposed to be comfortable interacting with strange gentlemen on the street. Evidence that people are destitute and desperate should make you uncomfortable. And so should solvent strangers who have personal designs on you.

However, Miss Manners is reluctant to discourage you from responding initially with those polite phrases when they might serve to acknowledge the humanity of the unfortunate. That does not oblige you to continue with an exchange. Whether they are seeking your money or your acquaintance, you should react to aggressive behavior by moving away.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had cancer last year and lost my hair. I’m fine now, but my hair is growing back super curly. Every day, people make comments about it: “Oh, your hair! It’s so curly!”

It’s a painful reminder when I’m trying to feel normal again. I’ve tried explaining that I’m upset about my looks and don’t like to be reminded, but then they argue that it looks good.

Every woman at church brings it up, not realizing it’s hard for me to hear dozens of these comments. One woman at the gym commented loudly every day, even after I asked her to stop. I finally burst into tears.

It will take two years for my hair to be long and feminine again. Any ideas on how to stop the comments in the meantime?

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, there is no legal way to stop foolish people from informing others how they look. They seem to think it useful to point out to tall people that they are tall, to the short that they are short, and so on. Fat, thin -- anything noticeable.

And if they are challenged, they claim to be giving compliments. Even your tears have probably not prompted the offender at the gym to realize that she had erred. Rather, she likely thought that you were just oversensitive (a counter-charge often lobbed by rude people). It is a wonder she didn’t announce that.

So Miss Manners can offer little hope that you can retrain those who are determined to comment on appearances. Sorry.

She can only caution you not to respond. A silent, humorless stare should at least stop them from elaborating on their remarks.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a supermarket, I had a conversation with the family of a very noisy child, about 6 years old. I protested the noise, while Mom defended it vigorously.

I walked away and continued my shopping. A few minutes later, the store manager stopped by to tell me that “disrespecting children” was against store policy and would not be tolerated. She referred me to the company website, but of course, I could find no such policy statement.

Why must members of the public be disrespected by unruly, misbehaving, noisy children, and then defended by adults who should know better?

I am not a fan of authoritarian or permissive parenting, and believe in the principle of a community of equal dignity. Sometimes, a parent should address the noisy behavior of a child rather than ignore it -- especially in a public place, where it can affect and upset other people. As in this case.

What is your view on this?

GENTLE READER: That indeed, a parent must sometimes deal with a disruptive child in public. It’s not easy or fun, but Miss Manners dares say that every parent has to go through it.

But why did you? Unlike the parent, you were in the enviable position of being able to move to another aisle, away from the noise. Why didn’t you?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)