Hi, Helaine: My boyfriend and I are in our late 50s, and we live together in a house I own, along with his two teenage children from a previous relationship. He would like to sell my house and purchase a larger, more expensive house closer to his work and the children's schools. I am not so sure this is the retirement-smart thing to do, given our ages and the expenses incurred by our adult children from previous relationships.

I purchased my home several years ago, near the bottom of the market. Both my boyfriend and I would each be able to make the mortgage payment on my house if the other were to lose a job or fall ill. The home my boyfriend wants to purchase is worth about $100,000 more than I believe I could receive for our current residence. We'd need both of our incomes to meet the mortgage payments, and if something were to happen, we'd need to pay for the house out of my savings.

He earns twice what I do but has little in savings outside of his retirement account. That concerns me. I lost half my 401(k) in my divorce, and I am still making up for lost time, so I am nervous about starting over at ground zero. Could you please share your thoughts on this scenario? -- Housebound or House-Hunting

Dear Housebound or House-Hunting: It sounds to me like you do not want to sell your current home, and I agree with you. If your boyfriend wants to purchase another home, he should go off and do it. But that's the rub, right? Unless he takes money out of his retirement account, he doesn't have the money for a down payment -- not for your home, never mind one that's more expensive. So he's putting the squeeze on you. He wants you to make a financial sacrifice for his benefit, one with little to no upside for you. If anything, it comes with enormous risks.

As you noted, in your late 50s, it's more than a tad financially risky to take on increased mortgage costs. All too many of us leave the workforce earlier than we plan, either because of ill health or job loss. You might want to remind your boyfriend he's likely going to be helping out with college tuition payments well into his 60s. The last thing he needs is an increase in his monthly living expenses.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Dear Helaine: I am a senior widow and have been working with my advisers to leave everything equally in my will. However, I was shocked to learn recently that my younger daughter and her husband told my older daughter's ex-husband that my older daughter was getting money from me. The ex -- who is a high-net-worth individual -- took my daughter back to court and is now trying to get his alimony payments reduced.

They've been divorced for several years, and my older daughter has asked her sister many times to end her friendship with the ex, but they've refused, saying they love him like family and it would hurt them too much to end the connection. So what do I do? The division and bitterness already exists. My younger daughter's husband is a high earner, so they don't need the money. My older daughter does.

It's the disloyalty that hurts. I think my younger daughter should be financially penalized in my will, especially if my older daughter's support payments are cut. What would you do? -- Furious Mom

Dear Furious Mom: I will begin this note by telling you what I tell everyone when it comes to wills: It is your money, and you get to do what you want. Now let's get to business.

You've got a bigger problem on your hands than disposing of your estate after your death. I would urge you not to take sides in a battle between your daughters, but to try to remain open to both sides. I would furthermore urge, nay, beg you not to share financial or personal information about one with the other. Unless your younger daughter has a serious spying habit, I am assuming she's hearing this information from somewhere, and I am guessing that somewhere is you.

Given the state of the relations you describe, you must know no good will come of gossiping with either of your daughters about the other or about your personal financial business. You are culpable in stirring up this trouble, and it needs to stop. One way to do that: Stay as fair as possible when it comes to money and other matters. In our society, we equate money with love. They are both your daughters, and they deserve to be treated equally by you. It begins now.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Dear Helaine: My brother and I are trying to figure out how to support my dad and my stepmom, who only have a small income from Social Security. Her daughter and grandchild live with them, but my stepsister doesn't have much money either. She's barely earning minimum wage.

We want to help, but we don't want to be intrusive. We tried to pay to get their air-conditioning fixed, but they got a friend to do it, even though we were going to call a company and pay. They need the front walk boards replaced because they are a hazard, and my dad is in his 80s. My stepsister said she'll take care of it, but, as I said, she doesn't have much. If she did, she wouldn't be living with my dad and her mom.

We want to ease things and get important stuff done but not make them feel bad. What would you do? -- Hoping to Help

Dear Hoping to Help: It's hard to help elderly parents with their finances. They want to see themselves as independent -- which they are -- and just about the last thing they want to admit is that they need aid. It goes beyond money. Few will admit to their children that their health or stamina is fading and that they now need assistance with the tasks of daily living. Our parents still see themselves as the ones who are supposed to be helping us!

So how do you offer an assist in such a way that they will actually take it? I would reach out to the local senior center and find out what resources are available to help the community's low-income elderly with medical, food and housing expenses. It's possible there are programs to pay for replacing the walk boards and other things that will need to be done so they can age in place.

You also need to include your stepsister in the discussions. She is living with your dad and her mom and can probably give you a better sense of what the most urgent needs are than you get on your visits. Remember, you might have extra money to give them, but she's giving her time to them in exchange for a place to live.

Then all three of you -- you, your brother and your stepsister -- can sit down with your dad and stepmom and offer ways to help, from utilizing friends and neighbors like they did when fixing the broken air conditioner, to out-and-out financial assistance. If your dad and stepmom feel like you are all having a conversation with them instead of dictating what you think they should do, it's more likely they will be receptive to accepting at least some help.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)