DEAR HARRIETTE: While most of my family members moved away when they went to college, I stayed in town. Fast-forward to 40-some years later: I’m still here, and I am the one everyone is relying on.

Recently, my father passed away, and the arrangements were totally left to me even though I have several siblings. This came after I organized all his care for the past few years of his life. Now another family member has fallen ill, and all eyes are looking in my direction for help. While I am helping out the best I can, it is way too much for me. I have a demanding career and my own family to deal with. I cannot be the caretaker for everyone in my life. How can I let people know? -- Drawing the Line

DEAR DRAWING THE LINE: Speak to your family and friends about what you have learned from taking care of your father. Share details about caregiving roles and responsibilities and costs. Use the currently ill family member’s situation as an example of what is happening and how much goes into helping them. Then point out that it is too much for you to take on by yourself. Ask for help. Be specific with your requests. Since these people have not had this responsibility in the past, it will be unfamiliar for them to assume now. You will have to put on your teaching hat as you push for help.

Beyond that, encourage everyone to consider their end-of-life plans. Do they have a will? A health care proxy? A plan in place for their lives? If not, encourage them to get that paperwork in order now.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was in a toxic relationship for about a year. I was completely attracted to this guy, but the rest of it didn’t work. There was always one conflict after another. My problem is, I keep remembering the great sex that we had. He was by far the best lover I’ve ever been with. I’m sure I put up with a lot of his inadequacies because the physical aspect was so good. I’ve been thinking about calling him just for a hookup. I mean, just the thought of him sends me swooning. Here’s the thing: It’s never just a hookup. We like each other, and it gets sticky. Then we usually hurt each other’s feelings and separate. Plus, I’ve never been good at doing hookups anyway. What I want more than anything is a real relationship with great sex. What should I do? I really want to call him. -- Hot for Him

DEAR HOT FOR HIM: Leave that man alone. Since you two haven’t figured out how to have a casual relationship or a committed one, this is not the relationship for you. As tempting as it seems, getting with him under these circumstances will surely lead to some form of heartbreak. That suggests that the sex is way too expensive emotionally. This is where the practice of self-pleasure needs to go to the top of your list and stay there until you meet the right person. When you do meet someone, you can recall what you liked about your former man's techniques and communicate those preferences to the new guy (without mentioning your ex, of course).

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I quit my job just four months after starting because it wasn’t what I expected, and now I’m struggling more than I ever imagined to find a new one. I honestly thought I had built enough connections in my industry to help me land a position quickly, but everyone has gone silent. I’m updating my resume constantly, applying to jobs every day and reaching out to old contacts, but nothing is moving. I’m starting to worry that the short stint on my resume is hurting me and that I made a huge mistake by leaving before securing something else. I feel like people in my network are judging me for quitting so soon, even if they don’t say it outright. My savings are dwindling, and the longer I go without work, the more anxious and embarrassed I feel. I’m trying to stay positive and keep my routine, but I’m losing confidence and questioning my decisions. How do I bounce back from this and get my job search back on track? What can I do to rebuild my professional momentum and stop feeling like I sabotaged my own career? -- Bad Move

DEAR BAD MOVE: As you are experiencing, for a lot of people, leaving a job quickly earns them a reputation for being unreliable. That, in turn, can make it more difficult for people in your network to want to vouch for you. Their reputation is at stake as well as yours when they make recommendations.

That said, since dollars are dwindling, cast your net more broadly. Look in fields outside of where you’ve been focusing. Find temporary holiday work -- anything to tide you over as you refresh your search. Go to industry mixers if you learn of any, and network with new people. Take that last job off of your resume so that it is no longer a talking point when you are describing your career path.

DEAR HARRIETTE: When the government shutdown happened and all those people lost their SNAP benefits, I felt so bad for them. Millions of people who get support from the government just to have money to eat were told they would not be getting any more help. As I understand it, the benefits were restored in the nick of time. My issue is how people in my peer group reacted to this. Quite a few “friends” laughed and said things like, “Those freeloaders need to get a job,” or “I don’t want to be paying for somebody else’s food,” or “Those are my hard-earned tax dollars.” Some people went so far as to say that people who use SNAP should be deported. It was nuts. After a bit, I stopped talking. I didn’t want to believe that my friends would not care about people who can’t afford to feed themselves in our country. What do you say when people make comments like that? -- Where Is Compassion?

DEAR WHERE IS COMPASSION?: Choose your battles. You can decide to take on your friends and challenge them on their ideas about caring for their fellow human. You can speak to the individuals who made the most egregious comments and probe to find out why they were so venomous. Or you can decide not to fight with them but to know where people stand and, over time, align yourself more with people who share your values.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My partner and I decided to take a break because I felt consistently unheard in our relationship. No matter how many times I tried to express my needs, it seemed like they never truly landed, and I reached a point where I needed distance for my own emotional well-being. Now something heartbreaking has happened: His father passed away suddenly. Even though we’re separated, I can’t stop thinking about him and what he must be going through. A part of me wants to reach out, offer support and be there for him the way I always was when we were together. Another part of me wonders if doing that would betray the boundaries I set for myself when I stepped away. Should I be there for him in this moment of loss, or should I respect the space we agreed on and trust that someone else in his life will show up for him instead? -- Emotionally Unavailable

DEAR EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE: Reach out to him. The death of a parent can be devastating for a person. If ever there is a time when a person needs a loved one, it is now. Contact him. Express your condolences. Ask if you can do anything to help. Be actively supportive.

At the same time, remember that this is a vulnerable time for you and your ex, and you will be doing what you always do -- tend to him. Chances are, he will appreciate you greatly, and tender feelings could resurface. Do not expect him to change. Resist falling back into a relationship with him. Help him through this period, and either move on or let him know the conditions under which you would stay.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’m worried about my friend’s hygiene and that it might have bigger implications. I'm visiting from out of town and I stayed at his place. After a few days of sightseeing, we decided a sabbatical was in order, so we stayed in for the next three days. I thought it was a healthy choice to relax, binge watch some movies and indulge in some snacks, but during this time, he didn’t shower at all, and the scent was alarming. His bedsheets were unclean, and the delivery person for our takeout knew him by name. Before staying with him and getting this personal POV of his lifestyle, I thought everything was OK, but now I wonder if something is wrong. I’ve heard that sometimes things like overindulging on TV, overeating and poor hygiene can be signs of depression. How should I approach this? -- Brink of Depression

DEAR BRINK OF DEPRESSION: Your friend could simply be a slob. There are people who don’t have good hygiene. He certainly is one of them, but he could also have an emotional problem. This will be hard for you to sort out. Stay in touch with him more. Ask him about his life and his goals. Talk to him about your plans for the future, and encourage him to make some of his own.

If you are up for it, consider going back to visit so you can check on him. This time, challenge him about taking a shower and cleaning up. Jump in and help him.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)