Clive Jones, 66, a retired teacher in Derby, England, calls himself the "world's most prolific sperm donor," having fathered 129 children, with nine currently on the way. Jones has been donating his semen for nine years through Facebook, he told DerbyshireLive, because of the "happiness it brings" to donee families. But his wife of more than 40 years isn't so pleased; they now live apart. Jones explained that he drives to a park near the donee's home and collects the sample in the back of his van (complete with window curtains), then texts them to say he'll "be round in three minutes." England's Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority has issued a medical warning about Jones, saying, "If arrangements are made outside of the clinic environment, there can be medical and legal risks." [DerbyShire Live, 1/26/2022]

Inappropriate

Tourists and locals in Venice, Italy, got all judgy on Jan. 21 when a 30-year-old Czech woman stripped off her top and went for a swim near the Monument to the Partisan Woman, a bronze sculpture of a reclining woman that rests partly in and partly out of the water. After her dip, the unnamed woman climbed onto the monument and posed for pictures, CNN reported. "It's like going to Rome, leaping in the Trevi Fountain and then saying, 'What do you mean, you can't do this?'" said Mario Nason, who was walking by with his son at the time. "Why do people do these things in Venice that they wouldn't do elsewhere? They probably didn't know that the statue of the woman lying there was a dead partisan. But it's treating Venice like a beach." Police banned the woman from Venice for 48 hours and fined her $513. [CNN, 1/25/2022]

Bright Ideas

-- Zachary Taylor Blood, 33, of Galveston, Texas, pleaded guilty on Jan. 25 to trying to smuggle two men into the United States in a flag-draped coffin, The New York Times reported. Blood showed up at a border patrol checkpoint near Encino, Texas, on Oct. 26, where he told the agent he was hauling a "Dead guy, Navy guy" when asked about his cargo. But the agent, who was a military veteran, noticed the "rusty and dented coffin" and saw that the flag had been "crudely taped" to it. Agents explored further and found two live men, cousins, inside the coffin. One man told agents that it had been hot and hard to breathe in the box, and he had agreed to pay $6,000 to be smuggled to San Antonio. Blood will be sentenced on May 11 and could receive up to five years in federal prison. [New York Times, 1/25/2022]

-- The Irish Times reported that on Jan. 21, two men carried Peader Doyle, 66, into a post office in Carlow, Ireland, and inquired about collecting his pension. Staff and other customers became concerned about Doyle, as he seemed unresponsive, and made efforts to resuscitate him, but he was already deceased. While an investigation showed there was no foul play in his death, the two men were detained by police on Jan. 26. One of the men had gone to the post office earlier that day to try to collect Doyle's pension, but he was told the person had to be there. Both insisted that Doyle was alive but unwell when they left his home and that they helped him as he walked to the post office. They believe he died there. [Irish Times, 1/26/2022]

Sounds Like a Song

Danville, Pennsylvania, residents were warned to look out for three small monkeys run amok after a crash between two trucks on Jan. 21, The Daily Item reported. State Trooper Andrea Pelachick said a truck with 100 African monkeys on board was on its way to a laboratory when it collided with a dump truck. She tweeted that "a small number of monkeys may have fled the scene" after escaping from their carriers. The three escapees were later located and humanely euthanized. [Daily Item, 1/21/2022]

Teacher of the Year

Robin Hughes teaches special education students at SouthShore Academy in Tampa, Florida, where most of her kindergarten kids had never seen snow, United Press International reported. So Hughes got in touch with her sister, Amber Estes, who lives in Danville, Kentucky. "I said I want you to make me a snowman, and I want you to overnight him to me and see if he can make it to the school," Hughes said. "I want these children in Florida to see snow." Estes said she wrapped Lucky the snowman in foil and packed him with ice in Styrofoam, and "off he went to the local UPS Store." Hughes said her students had looks of "pure joy" on their faces when Lucky was unwrapped on Jan. 20. [UPI, 1/27/2022]

The Way the World Works

With a snowstorm bearing down on New England, residents of five homes on Hampshire Street in Metheun, Massachusetts, have a real problem: The city will no longer remove snow from their street. Mayor Neil Perry sent a letter to homeowners alerting them to the change, which he attributed to the street being private property. He told NBC10 Boston that he received an anonymous tip about the property ownership. But neighbors are not having it: "There is a storm coming this weekend. Like, God forbid 911 needs to be called in," said Collette Maksou. Cornelia Illmann hoped the city would reconsider: "We pay taxes, just as any other resident of Methuen does." However, the assistant city solicitor is holding their ground. [NBC10 Boston, 1/26/2022]

Oops

Diners eating on the deck at Flip Flops Dockside Eatery in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, were plunged into the Intracoastal Waterway when the deck partially collapsed on Jan. 21. NBC6 South Florida reported that three people swam to a nearby boat, where they were pulled out of the water, and two of them went to the hospital with minor injuries. Fire Rescue Battalion Chief Stephen Gollan said the dock had apparent signs of decay and areas that had visibly been recently repaired. [NBC6 South Florida, 1/21/2022]

New World Order

In an elementary school classroom in Berlin, one student is a little ... different from the others. Joshua Martinangeli, 7, is too ill to attend school in person, so a robot avatar sits at his desk and relays lessons to him at home. "The children talk to him, laugh with him and sometimes even chitchat with him during the lesson," the school's headmistress, Ute Winterberg, told Reuters. The avatar displays a blinking signal when Joshua wants to say something. The school district bought four of the avatars for use in the classrooms during COVID-19, but officials believe they'll be used beyond the pandemic. When asked whether he'll be happy for Joshua to return to school, his classmate Noah Kuessner said he likes it "either way because I like the avatar." [Reuters, 1/20/2022]

Least Competent Criminal

Augie's Grocery Deli in Jersey City, New Jersey, was the target of three robberies by the same crook over six days, Oddee.com reported. Not only did the masked perp take cash and merchandise, but he assaulted Augie Lopez, 77, and his wife, Nilda Moldonado, even though Lopez is disabled. The robberies took place on Jan. 10, 15 and 16. But when he came back on Jan. 21, Officer Maurice Johnson was lying in wait for him. "He (Johnson) was going to stand outside the store, but I told him to come inside and sit down, but don’t let yourself be seen," Lopez said. When the robber saw Johnson, he ran out the front door and into the arms of Lopez's son, Officer Agustin Lopez Jr. Travis Nealy, 34, was arrested and charged with several crimes. "I feel much, much safer now," Lopez said. [Oddee.com, 1/26/2022]

In the United Kingdom, as of Jan. 29, flouting a new highway code rule will cost you up to 1,000 pounds, the Mirror reported. The rule requires someone inside a car to open the door with the hand farthest from the door, employing a technique known as the Dutch Reach. In other words, if you're driving (on the right side of the car), you would use your left hand to reach around and open the car door. (The technique is borrowed from the Netherlands, thus the name.) Rule 239 reads: "This will make you turn your head to look over your shoulder. You are then more likely to avoid causing injury to cyclists or motorcyclists passing you on the road, or to people on the pavement." If a person in a car injures someone by opening with the wrong hand, a fine will be levied. Cycling UK estimates that more than 500 people are injured every year by car doors. [Mirror, 1/21/2022]

Wait, What?

Cameron Newsom, 42, of Colorado Springs, Colorado, was treated for stage 4 squamous cell carcinoma on her tongue in 2013, the New York Post reported. Removing the tumor meant also removing part of her tongue, which doctors replaced with skin and muscle taken from her thigh. Through all of her experiences in treating the cancer, she said, "The weirdest part ... was when I felt a rough texture on the 'thigh' part of my tongue -- and when I looked in the mirror, it had started growing leg hair!" Newsom had to learn to speak again and still finds eating a challenge, but she's back to being a gymnastics coach, even with her fuzzy tongue. [New York Post, 1/19/2022]

It's a Living

Xavier Long, 20, of Yerkwood, Alabama, has discovered a way to profit from human jealousy and insecurity, the Daily Mail reported. Suspicious partners pay Long to flirt on social media with their loved ones as a loyalty test, and Long rakes in the proceeds: In one week alone, he made over $2,000. Long said he receives about 100 requests for help every day and charges a minimum of $10. If a woman he's paid to flirt with gives him any of her personal contact information, he considers her a "fail." "I'm helping people, so I feel like it's a good thing in a way," Long said. "Doing these tests has allowed me to stop working a 9-to-5 job." [Daily Mail, 1/7/2022]

When Pigs Swim

Veteran surfer Ingrid Seiple was catching a wave on Dec. 18 off Oahu, Hawaii, when she saw something floating like a log in the water, KITV reported. She at first thought it was a Hawaiian monk seal, but, she said, "That's when I realized it was a pig, and it saw me. It started swimming toward me as fast as it could! It was very close and getting closer. I pushed the board between the pig and I and it bit my board." Seiple thinks the wild boar was chased into the ocean by hunting dogs. "It looked like it had an injury on its face," she said. Seiple escaped the boar without harm, but no word on the pig's condition. [KITV, 12/21/2021]

Don't See That Every Day

Motorists on I-59 in Tennessee on Jan. 12 got a closeup look at the world's largest cast-iron skillet as it made its way on a flatbed truck to the future Lodge Cast Iron Museum in South Pittsburg, Tennessee. The big fry pan measures 18 feet from handle to handle and weighs more than 14,000 pounds, United Press International reported. It will be used outside the museum, which is set to open in late summer. Get your selfie stick ready! [UPI, 1/14/2022]

Family Values

Teacher Kerry Lyn Caviasca, 36, of Watertown, Connecticut, was arrested on Jan. 15 and charged with two counts of risk of injury to a child and second-degree reckless endangerment, WFSB-TV reported, stemming from an incident in November. According to the arrest warrant, Caviasca's ex-husband informed police that she had left their two children, both under age 12, home alone for two days while she went on vacation to Florida with her boyfriend. When the father checked one of the children's phones, he saw texts between the child and Caviasca, including exchanges about what they should eat, to which she replied, "Just eat candy." She also instructed them to stay in the basement so they wouldn't be seen. The children told police they were alone in the house, except for their dog. [WFSB, 1/20/2022]

Just Rewards

Mayor Chen Qimai of Kaohsiung City, Taiwan, has ordered a clever punishment for people convicted of drunk driving in his community. Oddity Central reported that offenders will have to clean funeral parlors to give them the experience of being close to death. In January, 11 drunk drivers spent hours cleaning a mortuary, refrigeration unit and crematorium. "I had never been close to death, and it felt disturbing," one offender said. When they were finished, they reportedly expressed their deep remorse and said they wouldn't drive drunk again. [Oddity Central, 1/19/2022]

Mistaken Identity

Police were called to investigate on Jan. 15 after a motorist on the M11 in Ely, Cambridgeshire, England, spotted what they believed were the sneakered feet of a dead person rolled up in a carpet in another car. A law enforcement spokesperson explained, however, that the feet belonged to "a mannequin dressed as Prince Charming who was on his way to a themed birthday! Thankfully, this was a false alarm." Metro News reported that the driver was advised to "avoid such circumstances occurring again." [Metro News, 1/17/2022]

Undignified Death

Newsweek reported that a man in Spain perished on Jan. 20 while he was working in an agricultural warehouse. The unnamed 34-year-old was buried when a large quantity of carrots fell on him, emergency services said. The man died at the scene. [Newsweek, 1/21/2022]

When in Doubt, Use the Pork

A Jack Russell terrier named Millie, who slipped out of her leash and became stranded on mudflats near Hampshire, England, was lured to safety with the most reliable of baits: a sausage. Officials began a rescue mission when it seemed Millie might be swept out to sea, but their efforts failed for four days, the Guardian reported on Jan. 20. But one of the rescuers thought of dangling a sausage from a drone and flying it over her. "It was a crazy idea," said Chris Taylor, chair of the Denmead Drone Search and Rescue team. "If we hadn't got her away from that area the tide would have come in and she would have been at risk of drowning. The sausages were the last resort." Millie's owner, Emma Oakes, confirmed that Millie "really likes food and she'll eat anything you give her ... but she much prefers sausages." [Guardian, 1/20/2022]

Nay-chur

In the wee hours of Jan. 19, residents along Hastings Drive in Belmont, California, were awakened by growling and roaring in their front yard, KTVU-TV reported. Two mountain lions were captured by doorbell camera as they fought to the death. The prevailing lion then dragged the dead one across the street to a neighbor's front porch. "Just keep your head on a swivel," suggested Kevin Stanford, who is part of the neighborhood's watch team. Tiffany Yap, an expert at the Center for Biological Diversity, said the attack was just "mountain lions being mountain lions. It's a common occurrence for mountain lions to kill each other over territory." Still, Belmont Police urged area residents to be extra cautious, keeping pets and small children inside. [KTVU, 1/20/2022]

At the Tabor, South Dakota, Senior Center, a regular card game got a little weird on Jan. 4 after players enjoyed some brownies supplied by the mother of 46-year-old Michael Koranda. KTIV-TV reported that Koranda, an elementary schoolteacher, had recently traveled to Colorado and brought back some THC-infused butter, which he used to make a batch of brownies. His mother unknowingly shared half the treats with her fellow card players, which resulted in multiple calls to county officials about a possible poisoning. Sheriff's deputies spoke to Koranda and took the remaining brownies as evidence, charging him with possession of a controlled substance. He is scheduled to appear in court on Jan. 25. [KTIV, 1/11/2022]

Unclear on the Concept

On Jan. 7, the California Court of Appeal ruled that the Los Angeles Police Department was justified in its firing of two officers in 2017 after they ignored a robbery call to play Pokemon Go, the Los Angeles Times reported. On April 15, 2017, Louis Lozano and Eric Mitchell were assigned to patrol the LAPD's southwest division. But when a call for backup came over the radio, Lozano and Mitchell were captured on their in-car video responding, "I don't want to be his help" and "Screw it." Instead, they continued their hunt for a Snorlax and Togetic Pokemon, eventually meeting up with their sergeant at a 7-Eleven. When he questioned them about the robbery call, they said they hadn't heard it because they were responding to another call, leading their supervisor to review the dashcam footage. After the officers were fired, they sued, saying that the video captured their "private communications" and that they were improperly questioned. Five years later, the courts disagreed, and Lozano and Mitchell have plenty of time to hunt for Snorlax and Togetic. [Los Angeles Times, 1/10/2022]

Family Values

Cypress Falls High School teacher Sarah Beam took her 13-year-old son to a Houston-area COVID-19 drive-thru testing site on Jan. 3, KHOU-TV reported. When a worker there approached her car, Beam told her that the boy was in the trunk because she didn't want to be exposed to the virus. Police were alerted, and Beam was arrested and charged with endangering a child. While he was not hurt, officials said in the event of an accident, he could have been. But the Cypress Falls community has shown support for Beam, posting messages outside her home to say they "have her back." She was released on bond and put on administrative leave, the school district said. [KHOU, 1/11/2022]

Awkward

"Ms. Wang," 30, of Zhengzhou, China, agreed to a blind date arranged by her parents ("I'm getting quite old, so my parents arranged more than 10 blind dates for me," she said) and went to the man's home for dinner on Jan. 6. But during the meal, they learned that his community had gone into a rapid lockdown because of COVID-19, and she wouldn't be able to leave for several days, the BBC reported. She posted on WeChat that the situation was "not ideal" -- while he did cook for her, "he doesn’t speak much," she noted. "I feel that apart from him being reticent like a wooden mannequin, everything else about him is pretty good." Wang said she thinks his friends alerted him to the posts, so she removed them. "I think it has affected his life." [BBC, 1/12/2022]

Boundaries

The Medical Practitioners Tribunal Service (MPTS) in the United Kingdom on Jan. 10 removed the medical license from Simon Bramhall, a transplant surgeon at Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham, The Washington Post reported. The action stemmed from an incident in 2013 in which, after finishing up a transplant, Dr. Bramhall used an electric beam to burn his initials into the patient's liver before closing her up. The flourish might not have been discovered, but the liver began to fail the following week and another surgeon discovered the signature. Bramhall said at the time it was something he did to relieve stress during long, difficult operations. In 2017, he was convicted of assault and fined about $13,000. In 2021, he submitted a letter arguing that he was again fit to practice, but the latest ruling has denied him the right to do so, noting that his actions "undermined" people's trust in the medical profession. [Washington Post, 1/13/2022]

Keeping Up With the Times

In Aksaray, Turkey, one family has been raising cattle for three generations, Oddity Central reported. Izzet Kocak believes their success is linked to their willingness to keep up with modern technology. To that end, the farmer is testing virtual reality goggles that make his cows think they're standing in a green field of grass in the summer. Kocak says the average yield per day from his cows is 22 liters, but "We had two of our cows wear virtual reality glasses and watch vast green pasture all day, and the daily milk production increased up to 27 liters." He said the quality of the milk also increased. He has ordered 10 more pairs of VR goggles, and if results are similar, he plans to order them for all of his 180 cows. [Oddity Central, 1/10/2022]

Inexplicable

Need something to do during a snowstorm in Queens, New York? One person had an idea: Around 3:15 a.m. on Jan. 7, someone rode up on an electric bike to a speed camera in Howard Beach. The camera caught the action, Pix11-TV reported, as the person calmly stopped the bike, aimed a handgun and shot multiple rounds at the camera (which did not appear to be damaged), then put the gun away and rode off into the snowy night. Police released the video in hopes someone can identify the shooter. [Pix11, 1/12/2022]

Recurring Theme

Zane Wedding, 40, of Auckland, New Zealand, went swimming on Jan. 7 and thought he got water in his ear, United Press International reported. He saw a doctor the next day, who suggested he use a hair dryer to evaporate the moisture in his ear. But on Jan. 10, as the sensation persisted, he saw a specialist. "She said, 'I think you have an insect in your ear,'" Wedding said. It took the doctor only five minutes to extract a cockroach, and Wedding felt instant relief: "I felt a pop as soon as the doctor pulled it away." He also noted that a fumigator was scheduled at his home for Jan. 14. [UPI, 1/13/2022]

Awesome!

In Baltimore, David Bennett Sr., 57, became the first person to receive a heart transplant using a donor heart from a pig, The Washington Post reported. The eight-hour surgery took place on Jan. 7; Bennett was so sick that he could not qualify for a transplant from another human. Dr. Bartley Griffith, who performed the surgery, said, "It's working and it looks normal. We are thrilled, but we don't know what tomorrow will bring us. This has never been done before." Scientists have worked to genetically alter pigs so that human bodies would not reject their organs, in an effort to supplement the supply of donor hearts from other people. Bennett, who was convicted of battery in a 1988 stabbing that left a man paralyzed, spent six years in prison. Before the surgery, he admitted, "I know it's a shot in the dark, but it's my last choice." His son said Bennett wished to "contribute to the science and potentially save patient lives in the future." [Washington Post, 1/13/2022]