-- An April Fools' Day prank went wrong in Wichita, Kansas, on ... April 1, KWCH-TV reported, when Arnthia Willis, 58, called her daughter that morning and said she'd been shot. The Wichita Police and Fire departments and Sedgwick County EMS responded to the address given, but discovered no one was there. They later found Arnthia in suburban Derby and arrested her for an unlawful request for emergency service assistance. [KWCH-TV, 4/1/2021]

-- Michael Boatman, 41, discovered by two sheriff's deputies wandering down the street at 1 a.m. in Spartanburg, South Carolina, wearing only a "clear bag over his genitals" on April 1, told the officers he was doing a "walk of shame" in penance for cheating on his wife, according to an incident report. The Smoking Gun reported Boatman, who was smoking marijuana, according to the report, also allegedly told officers he had taken methamphetamine earlier. Boatman briefly tried to run away from officers, police said, but was captured and arrested for indecent exposure, among other offenses. [The Smoking Gun, 4/1/2021]

Yikes!

An unnamed man emerged with his groceries from an Albertson's supermarket in Las Cruces, New Mexico, on March 28, to find that his car had been overtaken by a swarm of an estimated 15,000 honeybees, according to the Las Cruces Fire Department. The man, who had borrowed the car, had left the back window down during his 10-minute trip inside the store, and the bees took up residence in the back seat. The New York Times reported he called 911, and responding firefighters turned to Jesse Johnson, 37, an off-duty firefighter who keeps bees as a hobby. Johnson brought an empty hive box treated with lemongrass oil ("It really mimics the scent of the queen," he said) and lured the swarm out of the car. "I'll do anything to keep people from killing bees," Johnson said. [New York Times, 4/1/2021]

Cliche Come to Life

Around 4:15 a.m. on March 24, an unidentified resident of Laurium, Michigan, woke to find a gun pointed at his head, WLUC-TV reported. Laurium Police said Warren Meyers, 52, of Calumet, Michigan, allegedly demanded the homeowner give him his two cats. The "cat burglar" left with one cat and was later apprehended, along with the gun he used, said authorities. He was arraigned on March 29 in Houghton County Court; the fate of the stolen cat is unknown. [WLUC-TV, 3/29/2021]

Everyone's a Critic

Jason Harvey, 50, of Romford, England, has been fined about $3,800 after his east London town council received 150 complaints from neighbors about his Saturday-night karaoke parties. "It has been a nightmare," said one neighbor. "It was so loud, and his singing was terrible." Noise officers told the Evening Standard they received specific complaints about Harvey's covers of Dire Straits' "Sultans of Swing" and Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton's "Islands in the Stream." Harvey, who said he would appeal the fine, defended his voice: "I admit I'm no singer, but I have a go. I would have a couple of people over and they loved all that." [Evening Standard, 2/26/2021]

Don't Eat That!

Among the treasures discovered at Oxburgh Hall in Norfolk, England, is a 121-year-old chocolate bar, still in its tin, commissioned by Queen Victoria for troops fighting in the Second Boer War in South Africa, Reuters reported on March 31. Oxburgh was the ancestral home of the Bedingfeld family for 500 years, and one of them, Sir Henry Edward Paston-Bedingfeld, fought in that war; the chocolate bar was discovered in his helmet case. "Although you wouldn't want it as your Easter treat," mused Anna Forrest, cultural heritage curator at Britain's National Trust, "it is still complete and a remarkable find." On the lid, a message is inscribed in Queen Victoria's handwriting: "I wish you a happy new year." [Reuters, 3/31/2021]

Unexpected Diagnosis

Kent Ryan Tomao, 25, of Kidapawan City, Philippines, has experienced pain in his chest during cold weather ever since he was stabbed by some teenagers on his way home from work in January 2020. Inquirer.net reported on March 24 that a recent X-ray taken as part of Tomao's application for a mining job revealed the source: a 4-inch knife blade buried in his chest, just inches from his lungs. Tomao told local media he had "no idea there is a knife in my chest" and now "I am just seeking help so it can be removed." [Inquirer.net, 3/24/2021]

Animal Antics

-- The Anchorage, Alaska, Daily News reported on March 26 that customers at a local Costco store are routinely robbed of large cuts of meat as they transfer their groceries to their cars ... by ravens. More than a year ago, Olani Saunoa was buckling her toddler into a car seat when a raven swooped in and grabbed a package of short ribs from her car. "He had picked up the entire package," she said. And this year it happened to her again -- a bird snatched a pack of pork ribs. Other customers are reporting similar incidents on social media. Rick Sinnott, a former wildlife biologist, isn't surprised: Ravens "much prefer ... a package of short ribs from Costco to half of a hamburger bun from McDonald's." [Anchorage Daily News, 3/26/2021]

-- Neighbors in Northampton, England, have been annoyed by a swan that has been knocking on their doors, sometimes for hours at a time, for five years, Fox News reported on March 24. "He starts by rattling the letterbox then bashes the metal with its beak quite loudly," said resident Stephen Legg. "The racket reverberates through the whole house." The bird targets houses only on one particular block, according to local media, but no one seems to know why. [Fox News, 3/24/2021]

Overreaction

Thomas McCann, 49, of Stockport, England, was sentenced to prison for life on March 30 for the brutal murder of his wife, Yvonne, 46, in May 2020, following an argument over a bag of french fries left out of the freezer, according to court documents. The Guardian reported McCann strangled his wife in the bathroom, then dismembered her body and disposed of some of the parts in Reddish Vale Country Park, where dog walkers discovered her remains; other parts were taken to a recycling center. During this time, McCann texted their children, saying Yvonne had walked out on him. He was later spotted on video footage carrying trash bags to his car and while walking toward the park, and confessed the killing to police. [The Guardian, 3/30/2021]

Compelling Explanation

Deputies in Brevard County, Florida, clocked Charles Thomas, 65, of Malabar, going over 100 mph on his motorcycle and weaving in and out of traffic on March 31, according to an arrest report. When they finally caught up with him, Thomas reassured them by saying "he is trained to drive like that," WKMG-TV reported. He was charged with reckless driving. [ClickOrlando.com, 4/1/2021]

Jose Manuel Navarrete, 25, is being held on $100,000 bond on suspicion of child endangerment in the San Diego Central jail after he carried his 2-year-old daughter into the elephant habitat at the San Diego Zoo on March 19, the Associated Press reported. Navarrete allegedly wanted to take a picture with the African bull elephant, police said, and evaded multiple barriers to enter the enclosure. Witness video shows one of the elephants charging the two trespassers and Navarrete briefly dropping the toddler before picking her up and getting her to safety. "He runs, throws his baby through the gate and it's seconds from hitting him," said witness Jake Ortale. "People were just mad at this guy." [Associated Press, 3/20/2021]

The Continuing Crisis

-- Larry Lee Harris, 66, of Willcox, Arizona, was arrested after chasing a caravan of three National Guard vans carrying COVID-19 vaccines out of a truck stop in Lubbock, Texas, on March 22 and trying repeatedly to run the vans off the road, police said. WAFB-TV reported Harris finally turned his vehicle into oncoming traffic and stopped the vans, then allegedly pointed a gun at a guardsman, identified himself as a detective and insisted on searching the vehicles. He told Idalou police, who found a .45-caliber pistol and loaded magazines in his possession, that he was looking for a kidnapped woman and child. "Mr. Harris appeared to be mentally disturbed," Idalou Police Chief Eric Williams said. All 11 unarmed uniformed guardsmen escaped unharmed. [WAFB-TV, 3/22/2021]

-- On March 17, police at the Charleston, South Carolina, airport rushed to meet United Airlines Flight 728 in response to a report that someone's ear had been bitten off on the plane, which had been diverted there from its flight from Newark, New Jersey, to Miami, The State reported. Passenger John Yurkovich Jr., 45, of New Jersey, had become "agitated" and "restless" after making a trip to the restroom, police said, then "began to scream and thrash around," punching his seatmate and apparently biting the man's ear, which later required seven stitches, an FBI report said. A doctor on board injected Benadryl into Yurkovich's buttocks to help subdue him, and others bound him with zip ties and a belt. Authorities said they found 1.5 grams of suspected meth in Yurkovich's pocket; he was arrested and faces state charges of possession as well as federal charges of assault. [The State, 3/19/2021]

Entrepreneurial Spirit

Good Fortune Burger in Toronto has renamed some if its menu items as office supplies as a not-so-underhanded way to help customers get reimbursed for lunch, the National Post reported, and perhaps boost sales. The restaurant's Fortune Burger is now the Basic Steel Stapler, and Parm Fries will appear on a receipt as CPU Wireless Mouse. Director of operations Jon Purdy said the restaurant "just wanted an opportunity to put a smile on some people's faces and have them have a little bit of a giggle." [National Post, 3/4/2021]

Wait, What?

As Jensen Karp, 41, of Los Angeles, was pouring a second bowl of his favorite breakfast cereal, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, on March 22, "something plopped out of the box. I picked it up, and I was like, 'This is clearly a shrimp tail,'" he told The New York Times. Karp looked into the box and saw another tail, both encrusted in sugar. Karp took a picture, sent it to his wife, then contacted General Mills. Then a friend suggested he take another look into the bag, where he reported finding "shrimp skins-looking things, a small string, something that resembled a pistachio, and finally, "small black pieces" at the bottom that he fears are rat feces. Karp is having the samples tested at a lab. "I'm a comedy writer, but like, there's no joke here," he said. "I love Cinnamon Toast Crunch." General Mills says it's looking into the matter, but "we can say with confidence that this did not occur at our facility." [New York Times, 3/23/2021]

Inexplicable

A motorist in Delray Beach, Florida, stopped to investigate the screaming she heard on March 23 and found a naked woman trapped in a storm drain 8 feet below street level. The Washington Post reported first responders pulled the unnamed 43-year-old woman to safety and took her to a hospital as investigators discovered she had been reported missing by her boyfriend three weeks earlier, Palm Beach County sheriff's officials said. The woman told officers she had been swimming in a canal when she noticed a door leading to a tunnel, which she entered, and then became lost, wandering for weeks in the tunnel system and surviving on a bottle of ginger ale she found. Ted White, a spokesman for the Delray police, was skeptical: "Was she actually down there the whole time?" Health officials think she might have been in the tunnels just a few days, he said. [Washington Post, 3/24/2021]

Compelling Explanation

Phedeline St. Felix told police in Pompano Beach, Florida, she had gone to a city park in mid-March to settle an argument with another woman when she allegedly drove her car over a gate and into a playground, accidentally hitting Chaunda McCleod and her 3-year-old grandson instead, injuring them both. "I was attempting to run (the other woman) over," St. Felix said, according to WPLG-TV. McCleod said she saw a fight brewing in the park and "started to get all the kids together to get them out of the park. ... As I'm picking (my grandson) up, she's just hitting us both and we just went flying over the car and finally we hit the ground." St. Felix was arrested and ordered not to have any contact with the victims. [Local10.com, 3/23/2021]

Seems Like a Lot of Trouble

Authorities in Houston charged former Bank of America employee Juan Esteban Ramirez on March 24 with a second felony in connection with tricking young female customers into unlocking their phones so he could steal nude photos of them. In both cases, Ramirez allegedly took the phones to show the women how to look up information on their bank accounts, but with the phones unlocked, he found and sent himself intimate photos. In the second case, Ramirez also texted the woman, who felt threatened, Harris County Assistant District Attorney Keaton Forcht told KPRC-TV. "It's highly unlikely that these are the only two victims," he said. [Click2Houston.com, 3/24/2021]

Devil in the Details

An unnamed teenager in Thailand was excited by the surprisingly low price he found online for an Apple iPhone, and even though the shipping seemed a little high, he went ahead and ordered it, Oddity Central reported. The surprise came when he received a box nearly as tall as he was and found inside a coffee table shaped like an iPhone. The teen posted photos of his acquisition on social media and admitted he had been so anxious to snag the bargain that he didn't read the listing carefully. [Oddity Central, 3/23/2021]

Two weeks after a plea deal fell through in connection with a 2019 attempt to stowaway on a flight at Chicago's O'Hare International Airport, Marilyn Hartman, 69, was arrested and charged with trespassing March 16 as she attempted to sneak onto another flight at O'Hare, the Associated Press reported. At the time of her 2019 arrest, Hartman was on probation after having bypassed security in January 2018 and boarded a flight from Chicago to London without a ticket. The Cook County Sheriff's Department says it plans to seek a felony escape charge for Hartman. [Associated Press, 3/17/2021]

Perspective

In March, Einstein Cafe, an upscale dessert chain with outlets across the Gulf Arab states, started a fad by selling its thick, milky drinks in plastic baby bottles, complete with nipples. The Associated Press reported the cafe was inspired by photos of trendy bottles on social media, and the idea was an instant hit. People lined up at Einstein stores, they "took photos, they had fun, they remembered their childhood," said Younes Molla, CEO of the chain, but others "were so angry they said horrible things." In Dubai, Kuwait and Bahrain, the government cracked down on the new cafe offerings, saying the bottles violate the countries' customs and traditions; in Oman, citizens were asked to report sightings of the baby bottle confections to a consumer protection hotline. [Associated Press, 3/16/2021]

Recurring Themes

-- Laura Rose Carroll, 50, and her daughter, Emily Rose Grover, 17, were arrested in Pensacola, Florida, on March 16 after an investigation by the Florida Department of Law Enforcement found the duo had allegedly stuffed the ballot box with votes for Emily for homecoming queen last fall. Suspicions were raised when the Escambia County School District reported illegal accessing of hundreds of its students' digital accounts. Authorities said Carroll, an assistant elementary school principal, had access to the district student information system, and investigators traced unauthorized entries into the system to Carroll's cellphone and computers, where nearly 250 votes were cast. Fox News reported that investigators also said students reported being told by Grover about her mother's activity. Each of them was charged with offenses against computers and other cybercrimes, along with conspiracy. [Fox News, 3/15/2021]

-- Raffaela Spone, 50, was arrested in early March in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, after prosecutors say she created "deepfake" videos and photographs of at least three girls on her daughter's cheerleading squad in an apparent attempt to embarrass them and force them off the team. Prosecutors said Spone allegedly sent the manipulated images to the girls -- shown drinking, smoking and naked -- anonymously and suggested they kill themselves, The Philadelphia Inquirer reported. Parents of one of recipients contacted police, and detectives traced the IP address where the messages originated to Spone's home. Investigators believe Spone's daughter was unaware of what her mother was doing. [Philadelphia Inquirer, 3/12/2021]

Compelling Explanation

Andrew Almer of Fargo, North Dakota, has flown an American flag from the balcony of his condominium for two years, but the condo association is now demanding the flag be taken down because it creates too much noise flapping in the wind. "You've got to be kidding me," Almer told reported KVLY-TV. "It's not rude, it's not nasty, it's the American flag. ... It's not coming down anytime soon." [KVLY-TV, 3/10/2021]

Home Sweet Home

Andreas Flaten of Peachtree City, Georgia, quit his job at Walker Luxury Autoworks in November, visibly annoying his boss, he told WGCL-TV, but he was promised his final $915 paycheck would be paid in January. When the check didn't come, Flaten contacted the Georgia Department of Labor, and one night in mid-March, 500 pounds of oily pennies were anonymously dumped in his driveway, presumably totaling $915. Flaten has been storing them in a wheelbarrow, but they can't be cashed until they are cleaned. [WGCL, 3/16/2021]

Blessing or Curse?

Work had begun on the small bungalow retired banker Charles Pole, 81, of Wiveliscombe, England, was building for himself on his property when excavators unearthed the remains of a 13th-century bishop's palace, simultaneously solving a local mystery and bringing construction to a halt. Historians had been looking for the site, once home to bishops of Bath and Wells, for 200 years, and a spokesperson for the South West Heritage Trust described it to the Somerset County Gazette in early March as a "significant find." In the meantime, though, Pole is stuck with the bill. "The cost of the investigation is going to cost me around ($26,000)," he said. Building will continue after the site is protected and covered over again. [Somerset County Gazette, 3/11/2021]

Fine Points of the Law

Lawyers filing briefs for the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit were advised on March 16 the court would be officially discouraging the use of the Garamond typeface, a centuries-old font widely used in printed books, because it "can be more difficult to read," wrote court clerk Mark J. Langer. Fox News reported the font is popular among attorneys, but author and web designer David Kadavy, gets it: "Garamond is considered one of the best fonts in existence, (but it) "can be a disaster on the web. ... It's better to use a modern font that has been drawn with the screen in mind." [Fox News, 3/17/2021]

Least Competent Criminals

-- Robert Radek, 29, of Marlboro, New York, scored a hat trick on March 7 when he was arrested three times in one day, the Daily Freeman reported. First stopped that morning in the city of Newburgh, driving a Jeep Cherokee, Radek was found by the trooper to have a suspended license and crack cocaine with him, for which he was charged with a misdemeanor and released, according to authorities. At 2:30 p.m., police said, the same trooper stopped him again, this time in a Honda Civic, and again found him in possession of crack cocaine, along with heroin. His final arrest came at 5:45 p.m., when Radek was stopped driving the Cherokee again and detained after the trooper determined he appeared to be under the influence of drugs, said police. Radek was released with tickets on all three violations and ordered to appear in court in April. [Daily Freeman, 3/17/2021]

-- Volusia County (Florida) Sheriff's deputies responding to a fire at Myers Marine Service in Deland on March 13 were met by witnesses who said they saw Sean Sword running out of the building saying, "I lit a tow rope on fire." Sword, who was severely burned, told deputies conflicting stories about his motives, according to court papers, but after being interviewed at the hospital, he admitted he was looking for a vehicle to steal, but "it didn't work out," so he set a tow rope on fire and the flames spread, adding that he hoped to be in jail for a long time. Boats and equipment valued at nearly $100,000 were damaged, records show, and Sword faces arson and burglary charges. [ClickOrlando.com, 3/15/2021]

Vietnam veteran Tom Garvey, 78, of Ambler, Pennsylvania, has released a new memoir, not about his service in Southeast Asia, but about the "secret apartment" he maintained for two years in an empty concession stand in Philadelphia's Veterans Stadium, once home to both the Phillies and the Eagles, reported The Philadelphia Inquirer. From 1979 to 1981, Garvey lived in an "off-the-wall South Philly version of the Phantom of the Opera," he said, furnishing the apartment with a bed, sink, refrigerator, stereo, coffeemaker, hot plate and seating for guests, who included players' wives waiting for their husbands after games. Leftover Astroturf served as the carpeting. Cousin Terry Nilon said being in Garvey's apartment, located literally in leftfield, felt like "Vet stadium was in his living room." [Philadelphia Inquirer, 3/9/2021]

Sour Grapes