On May 1, officials in San Diego County ordered residents to start wearing face coverings while in public to prevent the spread of COVID-19. On May 2, an unnamed man went grocery shopping at Vons in Santee, California, where a number of shoppers took photos of the man, wearing a Ku Klux Klan hood. Staff members repeatedly asked him to remove the hood, according to a company spokeswoman, but he refused until he reached the checkout area, where a supervisor caught up to him. The man removed the hood, paid for his groceries and left. Santee Mayor John Minto told the Los Angeles Times, "Santee, its leaders and I will not tolerate such behavior." [Los Angeles Times, 5/4/2020]

The Passing Parade

Virginia Hamilton, 69, was charged with felonious assault in Youngstown, Ohio, on May 3 after an altercation with her live-in boyfriend. According to WKBN, the boyfriend told police she became upset about his dirty underwear in the "laundry bucket" and grabbed a butcher knife; he tried to fight back with a pocket knife he had on hand. When officers arrived, Hamilton was on the front porch, washing blood off her hands, and the boyfriend was lying on a bed inside, covered in blood, with cuts on his arms and hands. The police report also noted that alcohol was involved. Ya think? [WKBN, 5/4/2020]

Creative Quarantine

Discovery Island at Disney World in Orlando, Florida, has been closed to the public since 1999, and, of course, the park itself has been closed since mid-March because of coronavirus concerns. Once called Treasure Island, the 11-acre property sits in the park's Bay Lake and was a pure "tropical paradise" for an unnamed interloper from Alabama, who was found camping on the island on April 30 by park security. NPR reported the 42-year-old man told Orange County Sheriff's deputies he was planning to stay about a week and was unaware he was doing anything wrong, despite numerous "no trespassing" signs and calls from authorities over loudspeakers. Nevertheless, he was charged with trespassing and was banned from all Disney properties. [NPR, 5/3/2020]

Florida

Two landscapers were charged with DUIs for driving the same vehicle at the same time in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida, after police pulled over an SUV that had been reported to be driving recklessly on April 15. According to police reports, the officers spotted Alfredo Lopez Chaj, 24, behind the wheel, but by the time an officer approached the car, Chaj was standing outside it, and Martin Lopez Chaj, 20, was in the driver's seat. The younger man, apparently a brother, had slid over from the passenger seat, put the car in gear and tried to escape, but the officer pulled him out of the car, The Palm Beach Post reported. Both men, police noted, smelled of alcohol, and both had wet their pants; neither had a valid driver's license. [Palm Beach Post, 4/17/2020]

Precocious

A Utah Highway Patrol officer pulled over a car in Weber County on May 4 for "what he thought was an impaired driver," the highway patrol said on Twitter, but instead he was shocked to find a 5-year-old in the driver's seat. The boy told the trooper he took off in his parents' car after arguing with his mother because she wouldn't buy him a Lamborghini, according to United Press International. He planned to drive to California to get one for himself, but alas, "he only had $3 his wallet," the highway patrol noted. [UPI, 5/5/2020]

Animal Antics

A monkey riding a small motorized bicycle in a street performance in Surabaya, Indonesia, on May 2, threw down the bike and suddenly grabbed a toddler who was watching, Global News reported, dragging the child down the cobblestone street for several feet before letting him go. The boy was scratched but not seriously injured. [Global News, 5/4/2020]

Wait, What?

-- Katrina Morgan, 50, called 911 on May 2 in Port Clinton, Ohio, asking for the fire department because, "I need somebody to come put it out with their hose," according to police reports. "It" was her crotch, she told the dispatcher, and it was on fire. The News Herald reported that police responding to her call arrested Morgan for making false reports and disrupting public services, and found empty bottles of alcohol in the house. Other people at the home admitted they'd been drinking but said they didn't see her using the telephone. [Port Clinton News Herald, 5/5/2020]

-- An advertisement for a deodorant that aired during "Britain's Got Talent" on May 2 caused a backlash among viewers who were shocked to see the ad conclude with a squirrel "getting it on" with a can of the deodorant, as one angry viewer put it. "We are watching this as a family," wrote one complainant, according to The Independent, while others noted the ad celebrating Lynx Africa's 25th anniversary was "inappropriately scheduled" and "unsuitable for children." The Advertising Standards Authority received 155 complaints about the ad, but said, "No decision has been made on whether there are grounds for an investigation." [The Independent, 5/6/2020]

Storytime

Nursery school teacher Eloise Roberts, 32, has been making videos for her students during the coronavirus lockdown, and recently decided to take advantage of a lovely spring day to record a story about unicorns at the horse riding school in Moreton, Merseyside, England, where she lives. What she didn't expect was the springtime friskiness of the horses in the background. "I could hear that the horses were up to something behind me," Roberts told the Daily Mail, so she turned around to discover the more compelling story happening behind her, and quickly moved to another field. [Daily Mail, 4/22/2020]

Bright Idea

Officials in Lund, Sweden, were concerned about people spreading coronavirus in the town's central park as they gathered for Walpurgis Night on April 30, a traditional celebration welcoming longer, warmer days that includes picnics and bonfires. So to discourage revelers, the town spread chicken manure all over the park. "This is a park where usually 30,000 people gather, but with COVID-19, this is now unthinkable," Mayor Philip Sandberg told Reuters. "We don't want Lund to become an epicenter for the spread of the disease. Even a small number of people still going to the park can become a big risk." [Reuters, 4/30/2020]

Least Competent Criminals

Before Quintin Henderson, 28, was released from Illinois' Cook County Jail on May 2, he made a deal with fellow inmate Jahquez Scott, 21. The Chicago Sun-Times reported that Scott promised Henderson $1,000 for letting Scott assume his identity, according to jail authorities, and when Henderson's name was called, Scott stepped up, face mask in place, signed a few papers and walked away. It was when Henderson approached staff members a little while later and said he'd fallen asleep that officers realized there'd been a switch. Henderson, who was supposed to be released, is now being held on charges of aiding and abetting the escape of a felon, and Scott is still on the run. [Chicago Sun-Times, 5/5/2020]

On April 22, Bowling Green, Kentucky, Mayor Bruce Wilkerson was hard at work at a house he has been renovating when he smelled cigarette smoke and "heard a ruckus" outside, so he went to investigate. The former police officer found blood on the cellar door and a bag containing women's clothing inside, but after determining there were no reports of missing women in the area, he told the Bowling Green Daily News, he went back to his work. Later, the electricity suddenly went out, so he returned to the cellar and this time found a young woman. "She said, 'I'm hiding from someone,'" Wilkerson told police, then she ran away. Police haven't identified her, but Wilkerson wanted to set the record straight before "a story would come out that I had a lady locked up in my cellar." [Bowling Green Daily News, 4/22/2020]

Quick Thinking

Eliza Ruth Watson, 37, raises chickens in Gray, Maine, so she's used to seeing foxes nosing around, but as she worked in her garden on April 23, the fox she spotted didn't run when she tried to scare it off by hollering and waving her arms. Instead, the animal lunged toward her, ready to attack. "Thinking back on it now, the fox was a mangy, stanky fox," Watson told the Sun Journal. She responded by kicking it, but "it kept coming back, and I kept kicking it." Finally Watson grabbed the fox around the neck, and as it fought back, she shoved it into a large pot used for scalding chickens, sealed the lid and called 911 and her husband. At the hospital, she received five rabies vaccine injections. "People kept asking, 'Are you the one who wrestled the fox?'" she said. "It's certainly not how I expected to spend my day." [Sun Journal, 4/24/2020]

Zoom Fatigue

-- A videoconference meeting of the Vallejo, California, planning commission got a little weird on April 20 when commissioner Chris Platzer announced, "I'd like to introduce my cat," then was seen throwing the cat off-screen. Later Platzer was seen drinking a beer, and after the meeting ended, city staff could still hear him making derogatory remarks about the commission, the Vallejo Times-Herald reported. In an April 25 email to the newspaper, Platzer apologized for his actions and said he has resigned from the commission. "We are all living in uncertain times, and I certainly, like many of you, am adjusting to a new normalcy," he wrote. Mayor Bob Sampayan said he was bothered by Platzer's "whole demeanor during the entire meeting." The commission had scheduled a vote to remove Platzer on April 28. [Times Herald, 4/27/2020]

-- ABC News reporter Will Reeve made an internet meme come to life on April 28 when he appeared on "Good Morning America" to report on pharmacies using drones to deliver prescriptions. Looking dapper in a sport coat and open-collared shirt, Reeve no doubt thought his home setup would camouflage the fact that he wasn't wearing pants, CNN reported. Twitter had a field day, and Reeve himself tweeted back, "I have ARRIVED ... in the most hilariously mortifying way possible." [CNN, 4/28/2020]

Irony

The National Weather Service issued a dust advisory on April 27 in eastern Washington after wind gusts of more than 40 mph kicked up a wall of sediment. "We have had reports of blowing dust near Dusty (seriously, near the town of Dusty) on SR 26 and SR 127," the NWS tweeted. According to Fox News, the Washington State Patrol reported that SR 26 was "fully blocked" about 3 miles outside of Dusty after a car and a semi-truck crashed. The highway remained closed for about six hours. [Fox News, 4/28/2020]

Least Competent Criminal

North Carolina State Highway Patrol officers stopped Lance Gordon, 32, on April 24, for speeding in a car belonging to Angela Lee, 47, of Holly Springs, whom Gordon said was an acquaintance. WRAL reported authorities grew suspicious after Holly Springs police were unable to contact Lee to confirm the story, and in a subsequent search of her house and car, investigators found Lee's body in the car's trunk. Gordon was charged with Lee's murder, along with stealing her car. [WRAL, 4/27/2020]

Desperate Times

In Logrono, Spain, an unidentified man pushed the envelope on Spain's stringent lockdown rules, which make an exception for pet owners, who are allowed to go outside briefly with their pets, according to Gray News. The National Police tweeted a photo on April 24 of the man being arrested for sitting on a city bench holding his pet fish a fish bowl. [Gray News via 14News, 4/24/2020]

Entrepreneurial Spirit

Brian Wood, owner of All American Gator Products in Dania Beach, Florida, is taking face masks to a whole new level by fashioning coverings made with the skin of Burmese pythons. "Some people want to make a fashion statement even during this pandemic, so I want to give them options," Wood told the Miami Herald on April 19. The snakeskin itself doesn't offer any added protection, but the masks would allow for a filter or lining to be inserted and removed. Wood hopes to add alligator and crocodile skin masks to his offerings, although alligator, "the diamond of leathers," would be more expensive. Wood said he will be buying animals from local hunters to meet the demand. [Miami Herald, 4/19/2020]

Name in the News

Police in Gwinnett County, Georgia, finally caught up with 35-year-old Speedy Gonzalez, of Buford, on April 25. Gonzalez had been wanted in connection with a theft in January, when multiple checks were reported stolen from a mailbox in Suwanee, the Associated Press reported. Gonzalez allegedly cashed the checks, used the money to buy more than $3,000 worth of merchandise at Home Depot, then returned the goods for cash. He was charged with forgery, identity theft and theft by deception. [Associated Press, 4/28/2020]

Recurring Theme

In the Sydney, Australia, suburb of Marrickville, a family has resorted to erecting a fence and a warning sign to scare away a "mystery human poo-er" who has allegedly been defecating next to their garage, United Press International reported. "We have installed this fence and a camera to hand over to police," the sign reads. "We understand that COVID-19 is tough on everyone but please stop (expletive) on our garage." The message also includes directions to a nearby public toilet. [United Press International, 4/28/2020]

Ewwwww!

Three roommates at Northwest Iowa Community College in Sheldon, Iowa, were charged on April 20 with assault in response to an event that took place on March 13. According to nwestiowa.com, Lindsey Ann Cundiff, 20; Kyiah Elaine Kastner, 19; and Ellie Thompson, 20, allegedly removed dry skin from the bottom of one of their feet and added it into a fourth roommate's shredded cheese, then watched her eat it. No word on what else was in the dish. [nwestiowa.com, 4/21/2020]

Early on the morning of April 15, an unidentified driver smashed his yellow Mustang into a fence in unincorporated Marin County, California, KPIX reported. California Highway Patrol Officer Andrew Barclay later recounted what followed: The driver tried to back out of the fence, but failed to realize he was in drive and crashed through a home instead. The homeowner came out to investigate and, noting the driver's impaired state, removed the keys from the Mustang and returned inside to call police. The driver then discovered the keys inside the homeowner's Toyota and tried to make his getaway, Barclay said, but he shifted the car into drive and barreled through the house once more, coming to rest alongside his Mustang. When the homeowner again tried to take the keys away, the driver allegedly hit him repeatedly, causing major injuries. CHP arrested the driver for suspicion of DUI involving drugs, battery and theft of a vehicle. [KPIX, 4/15/2020]

Bright Ideas

-- Many hospital workers are self-isolating to keep their families safe from COVID-19 exposure, but Corpus Christi, Texas, emergency room doctor Jason Barnes, 39, is taking a novel approach: He's moved into his kids' treehouse in his backyard. Barnes told the Caller Times on April 20 that he's lived in the treehouse for about three weeks. If he needs something, he'll shout down to the kids or call the house. "(T)he Wi-Fi reaches the treehouse, so I have my laptop and my own little command center here," Barnes said. He uses a camping toilet with disposable bags, and he either showers at the hospital or "my oldest son will rig up a water hose. ... Luckily, my fence is pretty tall." As for when he can re-enter the house, Barnes said, "We're always looking at the CDC and Gov. Greg Abbott's decision, but the final determinator is the wife." [Caller Times, 4/20/2020]

-- The Washington Examiner reported on April 21 that some people appear to be spending their coronavirus stimulus checks on another kind of stimulation. The adult live model site Cams.com says it has seen a surge in traffic. "Since April 13, we've seen a 22% uptick in traffic to our livestreaming site, and tips to our models have increased by 40%," said Gunner Taylor, director of strategic development for FriendFinder Networks, of which Cams.com is a part. Traffic from Washington state is up 204%, and it's up 83% in Illinois, but it's down in Washington, D.C., by 29%. [Washington Examiner, 4/21/2020]

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

At the Peace N Peas Farm in Indian Trail, North Carolina, owners Francie and Mark Dunlap have launched a new career for their 8-year-old mini donkey, Mambo, and their other horses. For $50, Mambo, Eddie, Zeus or other animals will make a 10-minute guest appearance to liven up your next videoconference, the Charlotte Observer reported. You can even give the four-legged interloper the on-screen name of a regular attendee: For instance, Zeus might become Paul, the guy who asks too many questions. The Dunlaps also arrange for their animals to visit classrooms or happy hours. [Charlotte Observer, 4/19/2020]

Reports of My Death

Cancer patient Gladys Rodriguez Duarte, 50, was rushed to a clinic in Coronel Oviedo, Paraguay, on April 11, after her blood pressure shot up, according to the Paraguay National Police. Two hours later, Dr. Heriberto Vera declared her dead and shared the news with Duarte's family, but her daughter, Sandra, later told local media, "He assumed she was dead and ... they disconnected her and passed her off to the funeral home." The Daily Mail reported that funeral directors told investigators they were shocked to find she was breathing and moving around inside the body bag at the funeral home. Duarte was immediately transferred to another hospital for observation. [Daily Mail, 4/14/2020]

The Continuing Crisis

Geauga County (Ohio) Sheriff Scott Hildenbrand told WJW his office was called to break up a large party of Amish late on April 18 in Huntsburg Township. "When we got there, there was a barn full of people and some of them ran," he said. One partier was arrested for disorderly conduct, two were charged with underage drinking and another was issued a summons for violating the state's stay-at-home order, according to the sheriff. "We won't tolerate this," Hildenbrand said, "and we have to keep everybody safe." Amish people are reportedly continuing to gather in large groups, and the county health commissioner has sent a letter to Amish bishops about an increase in COVID-19 cases in that community. [WJW, 4/20/2020]

NOT COVID-19

An unnamed 22-year-old Chinese woman has spent the last 14 years trying to discover the cause of her persistent cough, which started when she suffered a serious fit of coughing as a child, Oddity Central reported on April 22. Over the years, she has been misdiagnosed numerous times, but as she recently prepared for an unrelated surgery, the mystery was solved. Dr. Wang Jiyong at Guangzhou University of Chinese Medicine ordered CT scans that revealed a foreign object in her right lung that turned out to be a chicken bone fragment just over half an inch long. Doctors said she had probably inhaled it at 8 years old, when the coughing started. [Oddity Central, 4/22/2020]

Ignorance Was Bliss

Elena Manighetti and Ryan Osborne, formerly of Manchester, England, followed their dream and have been sailing around the world on their boat since 2017. They were en route from the Canary Islands to the Caribbean, where they planned to dock on a small island in mid-March, but were surprised to discover the island's borders were closed because of a worldwide pandemic. "In February, we'd heard there was a virus in China, but ... we had figured by the time we got to the Caribbean in 25 days it would all be over," Elena told the BBC. The couple had told friends and family they didn't want to hear any bad news, but Elena is from the hard-hit Lombardy region of Italy and has since caught up with her family. "It's a very macabre picture at home, there are no more coffins, no more cemetery space. ... My family is thankfully safe ... but people we've known for years have died," Elena said. The couple was eventually able to dock in Saint Vincent, and they hope to head north before hurricane season starts in June. "We're sandwiched between the hurricane season and the virus," Elena said. [BBC, 4/21/2020]

Numbers Game

Doriana Fontanella contacted KDVR in Denver to report that she's been inundated with phone calls recently and she suspects she know why: Her mobile phone number is just one digit off Colorado's fax number for the Department of Labor and Employment, where people are trying to send applications for unemployment claims. "There's a real need out there, and I needed to let people know that I'm not the one they want," Fontanella told the station's Problem Solvers team. "I see on the news they're saying they can't get any response from unemployment, and I think that's because they're not getting the right number." [KDVR, 4/22/2020]

Inexplicable

Ethan Palazzo, 30, of Collingswood, New Jersey, was arrested by police in Old Forge, who found him naked inside a local funeral home on April 11. According to a criminal complaint, Palazzo allegedly broke into the Thomas P. Kearney Funeral Home around 8 p.m., then rummaged through the facility's chemical closet and left a cold bottle of beer in a display casket. The Citizens' Voice reported Palazzo smelled of alcohol and declined to give police a motive for his trespassing; he was charged with burglary, criminal trespass and criminal mischief. [The Citizen's Voice, 4/15/2020]