For two whole years, Caelie Wilkes nurtured a lovely green succulent in her kitchen window. She watered it, wiped dust off its leaves, and forbade anyone else from caring for it. "It was full, beautiful coloring, just an overall perfect plant," Wilkes wrote in a Facebook post from Feb. 28. Recently, Upworthy reported, she decided it was time to transplant it into a pretty new pot. So imagine her dismay when she pulled up the succulent and realized it was plastic, rooted in Styrofoam with sand glued to the top. "How did I not know this?" she wondered. "I feel like these last two years have been a lie." Wilkes suffered some ridicule on social media, but her local Home Depot reached out with some real, living succulents that Wilkes can shower with love and attention. [Upworthy, 3/4/2020]

Bright Idea

An innovative jewel thief in Melbourne, Australia, was caught on camera using a fishing rod to burgle a Versace necklace from a store window on Feb. 24. ABC News reports the thief carefully broke a hole in the window to avoid setting off the alarm, then spent almost three hours trying to hook the costume jewelry necklace, worth about $800. He worked with two different-sized rods before finally snagging the necklace. Store owner Steven Adigrati called the heist "outrageous and courageous," although he suspected the thief was unaware that the piece was relatively inexpensive. "This particular necklace looks a lot more expensive than what it is ... gold, bright, iconic Medusa head," he explained. Police are still searching for the fisherman. [ABC News, 3/3/2020]

The Litigious Society

Chuck E. Cheese may be "where a kid can be a kid," but for one Portland, Oregon, patron, it's where a woman can get her long hair caught in a ticket machine. Ashreana Scott is suing Chuck E. Cheese's parent company for $1,000 after alleging her hair was tangled for 20 minutes in a machine that counts tickets for prize redemption, The Oregonian reported. In the lawsuit, Scott said the Dec. 8 incident caused injuries, discomfort and headaches, and she wants a jury trial and a sign posted near the machine to warn others. A manager at the restaurant declined to comment on the lawsuit, but said the machines already have warning signs. [Oregonian, 3/2/2020]

The Foreign Press

The ancient legend about St. Patrick driving Ireland's snakes into the sea could only be salt in the wound of a 22-year-old man from Dublin, who appears to be the first person in Ireland to suffer a venomous snake bite, The Irish Post reported on Feb. 29. The man's pet puff adder bit him, prompting a visit to Connolly Hospital, where doctors consulted with experts from the National Reptile Zoo. James Hennessy, zoo director, explained that "puff adder venom is pretty nasty. It's going to start digesting and disintegrating all around the area of the bite, and that will continue up the limb as well. It will then cause massive internal issues as well, if not treated." (FYI, scientists say it was probably the Ice Age that kept snakes out of Ireland.) [The Irish Post, 2/29/2020]

A Dream Come True

Residents of Settecani, a small village in Italy, were startled on March 4 when their kitchen and bathroom taps began dispensing red wine rather than water, United Press International reported. Locals quickly identified the wine as Lambrusco Grasparossa, which is produced at a nearby winery, and officials there found a leak that sent wine from a silo into water pipes. Some quick-thinking residents said they bottled as much of the tap wine as they could before the problem was resolved. [United Press International, 3/5/2020]

Awesome!

-- Ohio college student Mendl Weinstock, 21, kidded his sister, Riva, five years ago that when she gets married, he will bring a llama to the wedding as his plus-one. So when Riva tied the knot on March 1, Mendl made good on his promise, showing up with a rented llama named Shockey, wearing a custom-made tuxedo. Riva was unamused, but conceded to CNN: "When my brother puts his mind to something, he gets it done." Mendl spent $400 to rent the llama but said it was worth every penny. Shockey spent about 30 minutes taking photos with amused guests outside the venue, but friends who were in on the joke seated two inflatable llamas at one of the tables inside. Riva said she'll get her revenge: "He should sleep with one eye open." [CNN, 3/4/2020]

-- Keith Redl of Dawson Creek, British Columbia, was more than a little annoyed when the prize his 8-year-old grandson won in a raffle turned out to be $200 worth of cannabis products and accessories: chocolate edibles, vanilla chai and other products, along with a pipe and lighter. At a fundraiser for youth hockey in early March, Redl told CTV, the boy's father had given him $10 worth of tickets to bid on whichever prizes he liked. The little boy thought he was bidding on chocolate. "My grandson thought he had won a great prize," Redl said, but when he was told he couldn't have any of it, "He was mad ... How do you explain that to a kid?" [CTV, 3/2/2020]

EW EW EW!

A mother in Saint-Malo, France, filed a complaint with police on Feb. 25 against Danone, the manufacturer of powdered baby formula. Police told AFP the woman's 3-month-old daughter became ill in November with a high temperature, and the mother took her to the emergency room. "Several days later," authorities said, "[the baby] vomited a worm about 6 to 7 centimeters long" -- about the length of an adult index finger. In the report, the mother said the worm had been examined at a hospital and was determined to be of a parasitic type. She decided to take action after learning of two other cases, one in central France where living larvae were found in a container of the same brand of formula. A spokesperson from Danone told a news conference that without the containers, "several hypotheses could explain the presence of an insect," but the formula is never exposed to air in its production chain. [AFP, 2/26/2020]

Latest Religious Messages

Self-described Christian prophet Cindy Jacobs declared the coronavirus against the law on March 4: "We say, in the name of Jesus, 'Virus, you are illegal. This is God's Earth.'" Dead State reported that Jacobs went on to tell an enthusiastic group of supporters, "I don't know if everybody will get healed," but "We're going to decree that the coronavirus will cease worldwide." [Dead State, 3/5/2020]

A rider on the New York City subway employed a novel way of protecting his personal space on Feb. 7, Fox News reported. The seated passenger removed a bottle of ketchup from his bag and squirted a squiggly perimeter on the floor around his seat, apparently hoping to keep fellow straphangers away. Twitter erupted with funny comments after one user posted a photo: "Gotta protect yourself from the mustard demons they can't cross the barrier" and "What brand of ketchup though?" New York City Transit got a taste of the problem and promised to clean it up right away. [Fox News, 2/8/2020]

The Litigious Society

Lacie the Norwegian Forest cat is at the center of a heated two-year dispute in Brewerton, New York, that has now gone to state Supreme Court. Original owner Carol Money accuses adoptive owner Danette Romano of refusing to let Lacie sleep in bed with her, a key provision that Money says was in the adoption agreement both parties signed in April 2018. Syracuse.com reported that according to the lawsuit, Money regularly visited Lacie in her new home after the adoption and found the cat to be skittish and fearful, and became very upset after Romano's husband allegedly admitted, "We don't let Lacie sleep with us." By Dec. 20, tensions had increased to the point that Romano complained to the Onondaga County Sheriff's office and had her lawyer send Money a letter ordering her to stop contacting Romano. Money's lawsuit accuses Romano of breach of contract and lying about her intention to let Lacie sleep in her bed, and demands the return of the cat. [Syracuse.com, 12/30/2019]

Unclear on the Concept

In a report published on Feb. 18, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reveals school districts struggling to comply with the state's requirement that every school have "a good guy with a gun" are challenged to find enough qualified applicants. Among recent hiccups: Near Orlando, a safe-school officer sent her husband a nude video she recorded in a school bathroom while on her lunch break. In Hillsborough County, a school guardian thought her gun was unloaded when she shot through a mirror as she practiced in front of it for her firearms certification. Another officer pawned his service weapon and ballistic vest; his supervisor discovered he was carrying a pellet gun in his holster. Bob Gualtieri, sheriff in Pinellas County, remarked: "The reality is there is no perfect in the world." [South Florida Sun Sentinel, 2/18/2020]

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

The Spanish Civil Guard raided an underground cigarette factory on Feb. 13 and 14 in the southern province of Malaga and found a facility with a complete production line capable of producing 3,500 cigarettes an hour as well as beds and living quarters for the workers, the Associated Press reported. Access to the plant, located 13 feet under a horse stable, was disguised by a cargo container. Twenty people, from the U.K., Ukraine and Lithuania, were arrested, said police, and more than 3 million cigarettes, some hashish and marijuana, as well as weapons, were seized. [Associated Press, 2/20/2020]

Clever

Vincent Putrino, captain of the cross-country/track and field team at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute in Troy, New York, and his teammates, craved Chick-fil-A for lunch on Feb. 22, but the only location closer than an hour and a half away was at the Albany International Airport -- beyond the security checkpoint. So, reported News10, the 18 teammates pooled their money (about $5.50 each), bought a one-way ticket to Fort Lauderdale, Florida ($98, the cheapest they could find), and sent Putrino in to collect the bounty. Putrino purchased $227 worth of food, then left the airport and joined his teammates for their midday meal. [News10, 2/23/2020]

Old Story, New Twist

An Oklahoma City homeowner hearing noises in his attic suspected squirrels might have gotten in, but when he went to inspect, he found instead ... a man, lying on a mattress. KOCO News reported on Feb. 28 the unnamed homeowner called 911 and reported a “stranger in my house. ... I have a gun on him right now.” Police responding to the call told reporters "there was actually somebody that appeared to have taken up residence in (the) attic," and the home has a staircase “that goes up the side of the house with attic access.” The homeowner escorted the squatter at gunpoint to the driveway, where officers were waiting. [KOCO, 2/18/2020]

Oops!

Dylan Bryant found more adventure than he expected on Feb. 23 as he explored a bayou in southwest Houston. Bryant told KTRK his exploration took him about 100 yards down a sewer line before he became trapped. "I can't go back because of how I had to scooch through," Bryant said. "I'm in the middle of raw, open sewage in this little bitty box." From under the street, Bryant yelled for help and a man heard him, then asked a passerby to call 911. Firefighters arrived and pulled Bryant out of his smelly predicament. [KTRK, 2/24/2020]

It's a Mystery

The Smith family of Lockport, Illinois, has a perplexing extra feature in their house that has occasionally kept the family up at night for about six years: "There are voices in the wall, and I don't know what it is," 9-year-old Brianna Smith told WLS. Music and talk radio emanate from the walls in Brianna's room in the middle of the night, but the family can't figure out why. There are no speakers in the walls, Brianna's father, Richard, said, and attempts by police to uncover the source were unsuccessful. The Federal Communications Commission couldn't help either. Richard Smith believes something in the wall is receiving a signal from one of the six radio towers near the home, but an engineer sent to the home from one of the stations told him: "I got to be honest with you, I don't know what is acting as a speaker." The Smiths have been advised to hire an engineer to pinpoint the signal and block it, but in the meantime, Brianna falls asleep in her parents' room. [WLS, 2/21/2020]

Anger Management

Ypsilanti, Michigan, police were called to an apartment complex on Jan. 16, where they found a 23-year-old man smoking a cigarette and pressing a bloody towel to his side, MLive reported. The man told officers his partner, 28-year-old Neil Patrick Wasinski, known as Nalla and referred to as "she" in court records, attacked him with a 21-inch samurai sword because he didn't buy her any marijuana. The attack resulted in multiple stab wounds to the man's arm and torso, and one of his lungs collapsed, according to police. Tracked down at her apartment, Wasinski told police to "please go away" and later claimed to have no memory of the incident. Police found a blood-stained 21-inch katana on Wasinski's bedroom floor, according to their report, and she was charged with assault and resisting arrest. [MLive, 2/25/2020]

The Selectboard of Croydon, New Hampshire, ruled unexpectedly on Feb. 18 that it would abolish the town police department and rely instead on the New Hampshire State Police for law enforcement, reported the Valley News. Croydon Police Chief Richard Lee, the sole member of the police department for almost 20 years, told the News he was asked to turn in his equipment, including his uniform, badges and the keys to his police cruiser, so at the meeting's conclusion, Lee faced the board president and "gave them my uniform shirt. I gave them my turtleneck, I gave them my ballistic vest. ... I sat down in the chair, took off my boots, took off my pants, put those in the chair, and put my boots back on, and walked out the door." Lee walked about a mile in 26-degree temperatures before his wife picked him up. The Selectboard released a statement saying the decision was "an action based upon value for the cost of the department." Resident Rick Sampson told reporters, "What kind of a town lets their chief of police walk out in a snowstorm in his underwear?" [Valley News, 2/19/2020]

Oops

An unnamed 33-year-old woman from Herminie, Pennsylvania, took an unconventional route home after a night out drinking on Feb. 16, according to City of Duquesne police. Driving a Mazda CX-5, the woman left a tavern and ended up in a rail yard near the Port Perry Railroad Bridge, a narrow span that carries one set of tracks over the Monongahela River. "The vehicle did quite well, considering it is not a locomotive," noted police, and the driver traveled a significant distance along the bridge before getting stuck. WPIX reported she called 911 for help at about 2:40 a.m., and Norfolk Southern stopped all rail traffic while the car was removed from the tracks. Police arrested the driver for DUI. [WPIX, 2/16/2020]

The Passing Parade

Three friends were wrapping up a night of dinner and drinking on Feb. 15 in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, when things got "a little out of control," according to a police report. As the night wore on, Kasey Margaret Westraad, 24, became increasingly amorous toward a resistant female friend, the friend told police, eventually escalating to the point that a naked Westraad pursued the woman outside, punching her several times in the face. Myrtlebeachonline.com reported Westraad was charged with third-degree assault and battery, damage to property and resisting arrest. [myrtlebeachonline.com, 2/16/2020]

The Smell Test

Police in Speyer, Germany, gave chase after they were passed by a car driving at high speed with its lights off on Feb. 14. The suspect, a 26-year-old man, pulled over and ran from the car, leaving a trail of scent that was so distinct officers said they were able to follow it from the car to the man, who was hiding behind a hedge. "Due to the cloud of perfume that was detected inside the car and on the man," police said, "it was possible to identify him as the driver," the Associated Press reported. His breath didn't smell so good, though: He was far over the alcohol limit. [Associated Press, 2/15/2020]

Wait, What?

The woman who attempted to board an airplane with her emotional support peacock made headlines, but in Port St. Lucie, Florida, one man is questioning why his particular support item has been banned from the dialysis center where he takes treatments three times a week. Nelson Gibson first brought an 8-by-10-inch photo of President Donald J. Trump to comfort him as he endured the 3 1/2-hour treatments, then exchanged that for a small cardboard cutout of himself standing next to a Trump photo. When he next arrived with a life-size cutout of the president, no one complained, Gibson told WPBF, but on Feb. 11, "they told me it was too much and it wasn't a rally." "It just feels like bringing something from home to make you comfortable," Gibson said, noting that others bring items, including one woman who pops bubble wrap during the entire treatment. "That's very nerve-wracking," he said. It's unclear whether Gibson will return to the center for treatments. [WPBF, 2/12/2020]

Extreme Measures

Tensions are running high in China, where the coronavirus has affected thousands of people and sparked instances of panic-buying. AFP reports that supermarkets have experienced runs on staples such as rice and pasta, but in Hong Kong, a gang of men wielding knives attacked a delivery driver in Mong Kok on Feb. 17, making off with hundreds of rolls of toilet paper worth about $130. Police said the missing rolls were recovered, and two suspects were arrested. Locals seemed baffled, with one woman telling a TV station, "I'd steal face masks, but not toilet roll." [AFP via Yahoo News, 2/17/2020]

Government at Work

Ontario's new license plates hit the roads on Feb. 1, sporting a pleasing color of blue with white numbers and letters. During the day. At night, all that's visible is a shiny blue rectangle, according to complaints on Twitter -- the numbers and letters disappear, which makes them a problem for law enforcement. "Did anyone consult with police before designing and manufacturing the new Ontario license plates?" wrote Kingston Police Sgt. Steve Koopman. "They're virtually unreadable at night." The CBC reported a government spokesperson saying authorities "are currently looking into this," but Lisa Thompson, Ontario's minister of government and consumer services, saw a political angle: "Sticking with the status quo Liberal plate that was peeling and flaking was not an option," she said. "We absolutely have confidence in our plates." [CBC, 2/18/2020]

Must-See TV

Police in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, arrested Robert Lee Noye, 52, on Feb. 17 and charged him with first-degree harassment and false imprisonment after his victim told them Noye kidnapped her and forced her to watch the 1977 historical miniseries "Roots" "so she could better understand her racism," The Gazette reported. He allegedly told her if she did not sit for the entire nine-hour series about slavery, he would "kill her and spread her body parts across Interstate 380 on the way to Chicago." [The Gazette, 2/17/2020]

Annals of Entitlement

Seloni Khetarpal, 36, threw a tantrum worthy of the terrible twos on Feb. 13 when she "repeatedly" called 911 to report that her parents had shut off her cellphone, according to court documents. Khetarpal demanded that officers respond to her home in Jackson Township, Ohio, and was warned that she should only call 911 for a legitimate emergency. Several hours later, News5 Cleveland reported, she called back, became "belligerent" and told the dispatcher she thought it was a legitimate issue. She was arrested and charged with disrupting public services. [News5 Cleveland, 2/17/2020]

Awesome!

Hell, Michigan, is inviting 29 couples to "take the leap" and tie the knot in their fair city on Feb. 29, 2020 (Leap Day), all at no cost, MLive reported. Outside the tiny chapel there, at 2:29 p.m., Reverend Vonn will join the couples in a mass ceremony. "Imagine having only to remember your wedding anniversary every four years," said the reverend. "There are some couples that are paying officiant and chapel fees to be married in the chapel at different time slots. It is going to be one Helluva Day." [MLive, 2/19/2020]