The Selectboard of Croydon, New Hampshire, ruled unexpectedly on Feb. 18 that it would abolish the town police department and rely instead on the New Hampshire State Police for law enforcement, reported the Valley News. Croydon Police Chief Richard Lee, the sole member of the police department for almost 20 years, told the News he was asked to turn in his equipment, including his uniform, badges and the keys to his police cruiser, so at the meeting's conclusion, Lee faced the board president and "gave them my uniform shirt. I gave them my turtleneck, I gave them my ballistic vest. ... I sat down in the chair, took off my boots, took off my pants, put those in the chair, and put my boots back on, and walked out the door." Lee walked about a mile in 26-degree temperatures before his wife picked him up. The Selectboard released a statement saying the decision was "an action based upon value for the cost of the department." Resident Rick Sampson told reporters, "What kind of a town lets their chief of police walk out in a snowstorm in his underwear?" [Valley News, 2/19/2020]

Oops

An unnamed 33-year-old woman from Herminie, Pennsylvania, took an unconventional route home after a night out drinking on Feb. 16, according to City of Duquesne police. Driving a Mazda CX-5, the woman left a tavern and ended up in a rail yard near the Port Perry Railroad Bridge, a narrow span that carries one set of tracks over the Monongahela River. "The vehicle did quite well, considering it is not a locomotive," noted police, and the driver traveled a significant distance along the bridge before getting stuck. WPIX reported she called 911 for help at about 2:40 a.m., and Norfolk Southern stopped all rail traffic while the car was removed from the tracks. Police arrested the driver for DUI. [WPIX, 2/16/2020]

The Passing Parade

Three friends were wrapping up a night of dinner and drinking on Feb. 15 in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, when things got "a little out of control," according to a police report. As the night wore on, Kasey Margaret Westraad, 24, became increasingly amorous toward a resistant female friend, the friend told police, eventually escalating to the point that a naked Westraad pursued the woman outside, punching her several times in the face. Myrtlebeachonline.com reported Westraad was charged with third-degree assault and battery, damage to property and resisting arrest. [myrtlebeachonline.com, 2/16/2020]

The Smell Test

Police in Speyer, Germany, gave chase after they were passed by a car driving at high speed with its lights off on Feb. 14. The suspect, a 26-year-old man, pulled over and ran from the car, leaving a trail of scent that was so distinct officers said they were able to follow it from the car to the man, who was hiding behind a hedge. "Due to the cloud of perfume that was detected inside the car and on the man," police said, "it was possible to identify him as the driver," the Associated Press reported. His breath didn't smell so good, though: He was far over the alcohol limit. [Associated Press, 2/15/2020]

Wait, What?

The woman who attempted to board an airplane with her emotional support peacock made headlines, but in Port St. Lucie, Florida, one man is questioning why his particular support item has been banned from the dialysis center where he takes treatments three times a week. Nelson Gibson first brought an 8-by-10-inch photo of President Donald J. Trump to comfort him as he endured the 3 1/2-hour treatments, then exchanged that for a small cardboard cutout of himself standing next to a Trump photo. When he next arrived with a life-size cutout of the president, no one complained, Gibson told WPBF, but on Feb. 11, "they told me it was too much and it wasn't a rally." "It just feels like bringing something from home to make you comfortable," Gibson said, noting that others bring items, including one woman who pops bubble wrap during the entire treatment. "That's very nerve-wracking," he said. It's unclear whether Gibson will return to the center for treatments. [WPBF, 2/12/2020]

Extreme Measures

Tensions are running high in China, where the coronavirus has affected thousands of people and sparked instances of panic-buying. AFP reports that supermarkets have experienced runs on staples such as rice and pasta, but in Hong Kong, a gang of men wielding knives attacked a delivery driver in Mong Kok on Feb. 17, making off with hundreds of rolls of toilet paper worth about $130. Police said the missing rolls were recovered, and two suspects were arrested. Locals seemed baffled, with one woman telling a TV station, "I'd steal face masks, but not toilet roll." [AFP via Yahoo News, 2/17/2020]

Government at Work

Ontario's new license plates hit the roads on Feb. 1, sporting a pleasing color of blue with white numbers and letters. During the day. At night, all that's visible is a shiny blue rectangle, according to complaints on Twitter -- the numbers and letters disappear, which makes them a problem for law enforcement. "Did anyone consult with police before designing and manufacturing the new Ontario license plates?" wrote Kingston Police Sgt. Steve Koopman. "They're virtually unreadable at night." The CBC reported a government spokesperson saying authorities "are currently looking into this," but Lisa Thompson, Ontario's minister of government and consumer services, saw a political angle: "Sticking with the status quo Liberal plate that was peeling and flaking was not an option," she said. "We absolutely have confidence in our plates." [CBC, 2/18/2020]

Must-See TV

Police in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, arrested Robert Lee Noye, 52, on Feb. 17 and charged him with first-degree harassment and false imprisonment after his victim told them Noye kidnapped her and forced her to watch the 1977 historical miniseries "Roots" "so she could better understand her racism," The Gazette reported. He allegedly told her if she did not sit for the entire nine-hour series about slavery, he would "kill her and spread her body parts across Interstate 380 on the way to Chicago." [The Gazette, 2/17/2020]

Annals of Entitlement

Seloni Khetarpal, 36, threw a tantrum worthy of the terrible twos on Feb. 13 when she "repeatedly" called 911 to report that her parents had shut off her cellphone, according to court documents. Khetarpal demanded that officers respond to her home in Jackson Township, Ohio, and was warned that she should only call 911 for a legitimate emergency. Several hours later, News5 Cleveland reported, she called back, became "belligerent" and told the dispatcher she thought it was a legitimate issue. She was arrested and charged with disrupting public services. [News5 Cleveland, 2/17/2020]

Awesome!

Hell, Michigan, is inviting 29 couples to "take the leap" and tie the knot in their fair city on Feb. 29, 2020 (Leap Day), all at no cost, MLive reported. Outside the tiny chapel there, at 2:29 p.m., Reverend Vonn will join the couples in a mass ceremony. "Imagine having only to remember your wedding anniversary every four years," said the reverend. "There are some couples that are paying officiant and chapel fees to be married in the chapel at different time slots. It is going to be one Helluva Day." [MLive, 2/19/2020]

A well-meaning neighbor's attempt to save his friend from a dog attack went south on Feb. 5 in Adams, Massachusetts. Berkshire District Attorney Andrea Harrington told the Associated Press the neighbor heard yelling shortly after noon and discovered his friend being attacked by his own dog and his girlfriend's dog. The good Samaritan returned to his apartment, got the crossbow he used for hunting and fired it up a stairwell at one of the dogs. But the bolt glanced off the dog and went through the door into the apartment where it struck and killed the victim. Harrington said the dogs had a history of aggression and were usually kept in separate kennels. She described the man as "very distraught" and did not expect criminal charges to be filed. Officers responding to the scene shot both dogs. [Associated Press, 2/6/2020]

Prespective

Juan Zamora, 63, of Kissimmee, Florida, needed directions on Feb. 8 and flashed his headlights at a Marion County Sheriff's squad car to ask for help, the Ocala Star-Banner reported. Deputy Calvin Batts obliged, but during the conversation, he noticed Zamora smelled like alcohol and was unsteady on his feet, according to the arrest report. Zamora then resisted Batts' request to take a breath test, saying, "You didn't pull me over. I pulled you over," and told the officer he is "legally disabled," which would account for his instability. However, it wouldn't explain the bag of white powder found in Zamora's shirt pocket, which field-tested positive for cocaine, according to the report. Batts also reported finding a two-thirds-full bottle of Canadian whiskey and a 15-year-old passenger in the vehicle. Zamora was arrested and charged with DUI and possession of cocaine. [Ocala Star-Banner, 2/10/2020]

Police Report

Shareeka Strawn, 28, must have panicked when the car she was riding in was pulled over by police in Wichita Falls, Texas, on Jan. 15 for a minor traffic violation. According to the probable cause affidavit, Strawn, who had several outstanding warrants, identified herself as Porshala Strawn, but was apparently unaware that a records check revealed Porshala also had an outstanding warrant. The Times Record News reported Shareeka was arrested and is facing a number of charges, including allegedly giving a false name. [Times Record News, 2/4/2020]

What's in a Name?

A former employee of a finance firm is behind bars in Macon County, Tennessee, after allegedly stealing $51,000 in customer loan payments, WATE reported. Serena Swindle, 41, was arrested on Feb. 5 after a yearlong investigation by the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation. She was held on $3,500 bond at the Macon County Jail. [WATE, 2/5/2020]

Bright Idea

Ryan Sentelle State, 37, has been arrested in Salt Lake City after police said he admitted using mice and hamsters to get free hotel rooms. KUTV reported on Jan. 30 that authorities allege State would release the rodents in a hotel room, then complain about them, prompting hotel workers to offer the room for free. State faces charges of theft by deception and criminal mischief. [KUTV, 1/30/2020]

Chutzpah!

On Dec. 19, five prisoners in Belgium's Turnhout Prison escaped by climbing over a wall and jumping into a getaway car waiting nearby, Newsweek reported. Four of the men were captured within a few weeks, but officials failed to track down Oualid Sekkaki, 26, who was serving time for drug possession. Sekkaki added insult to injury when a letter arrived at the prison on Jan. 20. Inside was Sekkaki's prison badge and a card saying "Greetings from Thailand." Sekkaki, who hails from an infamous Moroccan prison-escaping family, is still at large. [Newsweek, 1/22/2020]

Awesome!

Residents of an apartment building in Kerala, India, were surprised on Feb. 3 when a pungent mixture of beer, brandy and rum began flowing from their faucets instead of water. Officials told the BBC that about 6,000 liters of alcohol confiscated on court orders had been buried in a pit nearby, but it seeped through the soil into the well used as a water source for the building. "The children couldn't go to school, and even their parents couldn't go to work," Joshy Malyiekkal, the building owner, said. [BBC, 2/6/2020]

Sweet Revenge

Housepainter Dean Reeves of Bolsover, England, came to a slow realization that his client, Terry Taylor, was never going to pay him the rest of what he says he is owed for painting Taylor's building. So in January, Reeves took his complaint public and painted a graffiti message on the building's exterior: "Want your house painting? Don’t be like Terry. Pay the bill! Now you will!" According to Oddity Central, Reeves said Taylor "changed the job, kept asking me to do extra work. ... He kept saying, 'I'll pay you tomorrow,' but tomorrow never came." For his part, Taylor denies Reeves' accusations and is threatening to press criminal charges. [Oddity Central, 2/7/2020]

Government in Action

-- The Washington, D.C., Metro has spent five years and $3.8 million building two still-unfinished bike racks at two of its stations, WJLA reported on Feb. 12. The original budget for the two covered racks, which each will house 92 bikes, was $600,000 apiece. "Quality control issues with contractors can take time to sort out," the Metro said in a statement, "but Metro determined it was important to get the project done right rather than get it done quickly." It hopes the projects, first set to be completed in December of 2015, will be finished in the next few months. [WJLA, 2/12/2020]

-- Giovanni Palmiero, 101, has been living in the United Kingdom since 1966, so logically, he applied to remain there after Brexit. Alarmingly, the Home Office demanded that Palmiero's parents confirm his identity and accompany him to an office in north London to make his application. Dimitri Scarlato, a volunteer helping Palmiero, immediately realized the computer had read his birth year as 2019 instead of 1919. "I phoned the Home Office and it took two calls and a half an hour for them to understand," Scarlato told The Guardian. Palmiero has been married to his 92-year-old wife, Lucia, for 75 years. They will be able to remain in the U.K. [The Guardian, 2/12/2020]

Clever

An unnamed 47-year-old Italian woman convicted of fraud in 2017 in Sicily has been on the run since then, The Guardian reported, eluding authorities by hiding in convents. The woman moved to the northern regions of Italy and phoned convents pretending to be a sister "looking for help and claiming she was severely ill," investigators said. As she moved from convent to convent, she changed her identity, duping nuns who trusted her and thought her to be kind. Finally, a Benedictine nun grew suspicious and phoned police, telling them her stories were "full of contradictions." Authorities verified her identity and arrested her. She now faces further charges of claiming false identity. [The Guardian, 2/13/2020]

The Times of India reports that Soni Devi, 20, of Vaishali district, petitioned the state women's commission on Jan. 9 for divorce from her husband of two years, Manish Ram, 23, complaining, "My husband stinks as he won't shave and bathe for nearly 10 days at a stretch. Moreover, he doesn't brush his teeth. He also doesn't have manners and follow etiquette. ... Kindly get me rid of this man; he has ruined my life." Commission member Pratima Sinha told the Times, "I was taken aback by her silly reasons," but nonetheless, the commission will give the husband "two months' time to mend his ways. If his behavior is not found satisfactory even after that, we will ... refer the matter to the family court for separation." Manish reportedly promised to mend his ways. [Times of India, 1/10/2020]

Irony

Sauntore Thomas, 44, of Detroit, presented three checks at his bank on Jan. 21 that he had received as settlement in a race discrimination lawsuit against his former employer, according to the Detroit Free Press. Instead of accepting the checks, TCF Bank in Livonia, where Thomas was an established customer, summoned police and initiated a fraud investigation. Thomas' attorney, Deborah Gordon, told the Free Press, "Obviously, assumptions were made the minute he walked in based on his race." Thomas finally closed his existing accounts, left the bank and deposited the checks at a different bank without any trouble. The next day, Thomas filed a lawsuit against TCF Bank alleging race discrimination and asking for unspecified damages and an apology from the company. [Detroit Free Press, 1/23/2020]

Overreaction

The moral of this story: Don't hog the bacon. Gregory Seipel, 47, of Ludlow Falls, Ohio, was arrested on Jan. 30 after being accused of attacking a man with a knife during an argument over bacon, WHIO-TV reported. The unnamed victim told Miami County Sheriff's officers he had made bacon that morning for breakfast, and Seipel took issue with the amount he had eaten. The argument escalated until Seipel allegedly grabbed the victim by the back of the head and held a razor blade to his neck, cutting him. Seipel was charged with felonious assault and was held on $50,000 bond. [WHIO, 2/3/2020]

Valentine's Greetings

-- If you'd like to get a special gift for an ex this Valentine's Day, Centre Wildlife Care in Port Matilda, Pennsylvania, has just the thing. In exchange for a donation to a fund for restoring local bat populations, the rescue organization will name a mealworm after your ex, and Betsy the large brown bat will eat it. Donate more than $45, and you'll receive a personalized video of Betsy devouring the treat. "Essentially, people will be naming the mealworms after someone they don't like," Executive Director Robyn Graboski told WTAJ, "and we will feed them to the bat." [WTAJ, 2/3/2020]

-- If you have lifetime commitment on your mind this Valentine's Day, Domino's Australia wants to help out. The pizza chain announced a contest on Feb. 3 in which the winner will receive a diamond-encrusted engagement ring in the shape of a pizza slice worth $9,000, Fox News reported. Fans can enter with a 30-second video detailing "how you will involve pizza in your proposal," according to the company. Good luck! [Fox News, 2/3/2020]

Life Imitates a TV Drama

Two chemistry professors at Henderson State University in Arkadelphia, Arkansas, were formally charged on Feb. 3 with manufacturing methamphetamines and possession, KTHV reported. Terry David Bateman, 45, and Bradley Allen Rowland, 40, both associate professors, were arrested on Nov. 15 and had been on administrative leave since Oct. 11, after the science center on campus was closed because of a chemical odor. It reopened on Oct. 29 after testing, but in the meantime, according to court documents, faculty members reported to the Clark County Sheriff's Office the two were acting in a way that indicated "these persons were involved in some type of illegal activity." The suspects had also lost weight and were "extremely guarded" about who was in their laboratories and when. (Should have sprung for the RV.) [KTHV, 2/3/2020]

Unintended Consequences

In the fall of 2018, the Florida Department of Law Enforcement launched Fortify Florida, an app intended for students to anonymously report suspicious activity. Since then, more than 6,000 tips have been received statewide, but school officials are feeling mostly frustration, reports WFTS in Tampa. Indian River County Superintendent Dr. David Moore said students will "talk about the flavor of the food in the cafeteria." Pasco Superintendent Kurt Browning said, "The number of kids entering bogus tips is consuming a great deal of resources. ... There's a coyote in my front yard," was one example. Indian River Country authorities spent hours investigating a report of a student planning to shoot up a high school, only to find out it was a revenge report for a recent breakup. Florida lawmakers are considering a bill to allow authorities to track tipsters' IP addresses and prosecute those who submit false information. [WFTS, 2/3/2020]

Compelling Explanation

Ottawa, Ontario, businessman Bruce McConville, 55, who ran for mayor in the last election with a tough-on-crime platform, has gone to great lengths to avoid paying his ex-wife the spousal and child support he was ordered by the court to provide. The Ottawa Citizen reports McConville has long defied several court orders involving his finances, finally telling Superior Court Justice Kevin Phillips he withdrew over $1 million (Canadian) from six bank accounts, but he no longer had the cash. "I burnt it," he told the incredulous judge, who replied, "I don't believe you, I don't trust you, I don't think you're honest," and on Jan. 28 sentenced McConville to 30 days in jail, after which he'll face penalties of $2,000 for each day he fails to provide a full account of his finances, including where the $1 million-plus in cash is. The fines will be paid directly to his ex-wife. "You cannot thumb your nose at the court as you have done," Phillips warned. [Ottawa Citizen, 2/4/2020]

Inexplicable

David Baird of Yukon, Oklahoma, took up arms against his neighbor, John Stafford, after Stafford went on a bizarrely violent rant on Feb. 5, KFOR reported. Stafford assaulted the neighborhood for 12 hours, throwing feces into the Bairds' yard and trying to break down a fence using a Roomba vacuum cleaner. As he and his family took shelter in their home, Baird warned Stafford: "If you break through this fence, I will have to shoot you." Finally the bomb squad and SWAT team were called in, and Stafford barricaded himself inside his home, making six calls to 911 during the ordeal. "I am going to run you guys into the f-ing ground," he said during one. "OK, have a nice night," the dispatcher replied. Eventually officers released cans of pepper spray to budge Stafford from his house. He was charged with planning an act of violence. [KFOR, 2/6/2020]