Police in Wichita Falls, Texas, say they responded to a report on Jan. 5 that Christopher Ragsdale choked and headbutted his unnamed girlfriend after she complained about his odorous gas. "She told Christopher that his fart smelled horrible and he got mad and grabbed her by the hair and pulled her to the ground," the Associated Press quoted the arrest affidavit. The altercation took place at a friend's house, and that friend called police. Ragsdale was held on $10,000. [Associated Press, 1/8/2020]

Questionable Judgment

Four Amish men pleaded guilty in Gladwin County (Michigan) District Court on Jan. 8 to charges stemming from an earlier incident in Beaverton Township. According to the Midland Daily News, deputies from the Gladwin County Sheriff's office responded on Dec. 29 to a call from a concerned motorist who observed the four men tossing empty beer cans from the horse and buggy they were riding in. When deputies pulled them over, they gave bogus ages and would not confirm their names, authorities said, yet the men appeared to be inebriated, and a search of the buggy turned up empty alcohol containers along with unopened ones. Levei Mast, 20; Andrew Zook, 19; Joseph Miller, 20; and Joseph Troyer, 19, each paid a $700 fine and $150 in court costs. They have yet to face the bishop. [Midland Daily News, 1/8/2020]

Next, on 'Dateline'

Colleagues of 35-year-old paramedic Joshua Lee Hunsucker told investigators in Mount Holly, North Carolina, they were surprised at how quickly he had another girlfriend following the death of his wife in September 2018. And when Stacy Robinson Hunsucker's mother shared her suspicions, pointing to the $200,000 in life insurance Joshua had collected, agents of the North Carolina Department of Insurance began an investigation that led to Joshua Hunsucker's arrest on Dec. 19, charged with first-degree murder for poisoning his wife with Visine, according to prosecutors. Stacy Hunsucker, 32 at her death, had suffered from heart problems, the Gaston Gazette reported, and a test of her blood revealed tetrahydrozoline, a chemical found in eye drops and nasal sprays, at levels 30 to 40 times the recommended dose, an amount insurance fraud attorney Jordan Green told the court would have had "a dramatic effect on her heart, which would cause heart stoppage in a short amount of time." The Gazette also noted the wide news coverage given two weeks before Stacy's death to a woman arrested in York, South Carolina, for putting eye drops in her husband's water, causing a seizure and cardiac arrest. A Gaston County grand jury on Jan. 6 additionally indicted Hunsucker on charges of insurance fraud. [Gaston Gazette, 12/20/2020, 1/8/2020]

Precocious

The father of a 3-year-old girl in Guilin, China, is paying the price for his toddler's creative expression. On Nov. 24, the man, identified only as Mr. Zhao, his wife and daughter visited an Audi dealership, Oddity Central reported. As the adults looked around, the bored girl scratched "artwork" into 10 automobiles, including one valued at more than $140,000. The dealership sued the father for $28,400 over the damage caused. Eventually, Mr. Zhao and the dealership settled on a payment of $10,000. [Oddity Central, 12/12/2019]

Act of Desperation

After Dona Maria Schiave failed her driver's license test three times in the Novo Mutum Parana district of Brazil, her son, Heitor Marcio Schiave, 43, decided to take matters into his own hands. On Dec. 10, he donned a stuffed bra, long skirt and makeup and showed up at the State Department of Traffic, claiming to be his mother, ready to take the test again. Aline Mendoca, the examiner, became suspicious and summoned the military police. "I thought she was drunk at first," she told globo.com. "When I realized that the student was actually a man, I decided to proceed normally" and wait for officers. "I think he pitied his mother for failing three times." Schiave was arrested for fraudulent misrepresentation and released; he may face a fine. [globo.com, 12/11/2019]

The Way the World Works

Kari and Dustin Drees bought their first home In Atlanta's Buckhead district in December and shortly thereafter left on vacation to visit family. While they were gone, an alarm went off, and friends reported nothing was amiss, but when the Dreeses returned home, they discovered an uninvited visitor had moved in: a squirrel. The animal had apparently fallen down the chimney and become trapped inside, where it did a lot of damage -- defecating, scratching floors, chewing baseboards and building a nest in the couch. No worries, the couple thought: "This is why you have homeowner's insurance," Kari told the Associated Press. Not so fast: The couple's insurance "explicitly stated" it doesn't cover damage done by rodents, and a squirrel is a rodent. Small comfort: The company did offer to provide housing for the couple for up to two weeks. [Associated Press, 1/7/2020]

You Can't Make This Up

Odis Latham, 47, and Russell Sparks, 48, of Columbus, Mississippi, were arrested on Jan. 6 after they allegedly hatched a cockamamie scheme to "win" the lottery, WLBT reported. The two arrived at the Mississippi Lottery Corp. in Flowood and presented a losing $100,000 ticket upon which they had glued the winning numbers, according to authorities. Flowood police arrested the pair, who were charged with conspiracy to commit a felony and uttering a counterfeit instrument over $1,000. They were held without bond. [WLBT, 1/6/2020]

Entrepreneurial Spirit

Mike Parrish of Woodfin, North Carolina, is making fantasy a reality with a "Lord of the Rings" hobbit home he's building to offer on Airbnb. "I'm not just a casual fan. I'm a huge fan," Parrish said as he guided WLOS through the 800-square-foot "Unexpected Journey," built 90% underground with one bedroom, one bathroom, a kitchen and round doorways crafted by local woodworker John Fenwick. "What we want is to just have an area where people can come and bring their kids and just leave with an unforgettable experience," Parrish said. The home should be ready to rent in February or March; Parrish and his wife have not set a per-night rate yet. [WLOS, 12/27/2019]

Bright Idea

Firefighters in Las Vegas discovered what they say is an illegal, homemade gas station in a backyard on Jan. 7. The setup comprised two yellow tanks in the corner of a walled yard and a gas pump nozzle on the end of a hose long enough to reach from the backyard to the curb out front, the Associated Press reported, for "possible curbside fill-ups." "This is not only illegal in the city," Las Vegas Fire and Rescue wrote on social media, "it is a hazard to neighbors (and) first responders who may respond there for an emergency, like a fire." Las Vegas Metropolitan Police are investigating and believe it is part of a scheme to purchase gasoline with stolen credit cards and stash the fuel in storage containers at private homes. [Associated Press, 1/9/2020]

Wait, What?

Finally. Lizard owners who want to dress like their reptilian pets have a source for trendy looks: Fashion Brand Company of Los Angeles has been making clothes for lizards for a while, but now you can MATCH your bearded dragon. The current collection, according to OK Whatever, includes velvet jumpsuits and Western fringe jackets that come with a tiny white cowboy hat. The clothes are handmade and go for up to $125 -- and that doesn't include whatever you order for yourself. Founder Penelope Gazin says the ideas "come to me in my dreams," adding that lizards need clothes because "their bodies are disgusting and should be covered up." (Gazin doesn't own a lizard herself; "I dislike lizards," she admits.) [OK Whatever, 1/8/2020]

Kelly McGraw, 37, of Portsmouth, England, and her husband, James, 40, have enjoyed playing pranks on each other throughout their 24-year marriage. But before Christmas, as James was plotting a way to get back at Kelly for a "dodgy" haircut she'd given him, he came up with a gloriously permanent idea: He had his thigh tattooed with a less-than-flattering photo of Kelly, asleep on a plane with her mouth gaping open, as James mocked her behind her head. "I'm one up at the moment," James told the Sun, "but I'm also scared because I don't know what she's now planning." Kelly was unforgiving: "I was horrified. I couldn’t believe it. ... We do mess about anyway, but this is on another level. ... He needs to watch his back." [The Sun, 12/25/2019]

Bright Ideas

-- A romney ewe living on a farm near Auckland, New Zealand, is getting some relief from an unusual problem, thanks to a clever veterinarian and a brassiere meant for humans. Rose the sheep had suffered damage to her udders when she produced a high volume of milk during her pregnancy with triplets. "When this happens," Dr. Sarah Clews told Stuff, "the udder can hang so low that it can be traumatized on the ground." The condition can sometimes be a cause for euthanasia, but Dr. Clews thought a bra might help lift the udders and allow them to heal. Rose's owners eventually located a 24J maternity bra big enough to do the job, and it worked -- after two or three weeks of wearing the bra, Rose's udders recovered enough that surgery was no longer needed. [Stuff, 12/27/2019]

-- Justin and Nissa-Lynn Parson of McKinney, Texas, were all in when their son Cayden, 12, asked for a magnifying glass for Christmas. "We thought, 'Oh, he wants to magnify something'" to read, Nissa-Lynn told KDFW. Instead, Cayden and his brother, Ashton, used the glass to light a newspaper on fire on the family's front porch, which soon spread to the yard, eventually destroying the lawn and some of the family's Christmas lights. "We ran inside and started screaming," Cayden said. The family doused the fire with "pitchers of water, blankets smothering it, sprinklers turned on, hose turned on," Nissa-Lynn recounted, adding that now Cayden "will definitely have yard work to do once spring comes." [KDFW, 12/29/2019]

Least Competent Criminal

In Jefferson County, Colorado, would-be car thief Todd Sheldon, 36, has finally admitted it's just not the vocation for him, according to police. Fox News reported Sheldon had tried over recent weeks to steal multiple vehicles, according to the Jefferson County Sheriff's Office, but each time he was caught in the act -- first by a homeowner, then by sheriff's deputies minutes later "just down the street," shocking the deputies by telling them, "I'm trying to steal this truck." He was taken into custody and bonded out, but a week later, deputies responding to a report of someone trying to break into a car again found Sheldon. "I really suck at this," Sheldon allegedly told an officer. Sheldon remained in jail as of Dec. 27. [Fox News, 12/30/2019]

Bah, Humbug!

Poppy Leigh, 13, of Manchester, England, hoped wrapping her waist-length hair around an empty plastic water bottle and decorating it with lights like a Christmas tree atop her head would bring good cheer to her mates and teachers at Manchester Health Academy on Dec. 20. Instead, school authorities told her she had to either take the decorations off or go home. Her mom, Christie, wasn't happy about it: "It's just a bit of fun and Christmas cheer," she told Metro News. But Principal Kevin Green huffed: "The Academy has the highest of expectations around uniform and teaching and learning, and ... whilst it was a remarkably creative hairstyle, it was, unfortunately, inappropriate for school." [Metro News, 12/20/2019]

Oops!

-- As she enjoyed an Aldi mince pie in early December, caterer Angela McGill, 52, of Glasgow, Scotland, thought one bite seemed particularly "rough and really hard -- I thought it was a tough piece of pastry!" she told Metro News. Instead, McGill soon realized she had swallowed her partial dentures with two false teeth. Hospital X-rays confirmed the dentures were caught halfway down her throat, but the staff advised her pulling them out would only cause more harm. It took 72 hours for the plate to pass. "It was ever so funny!" she said. "And I was really enjoying the mince pie, too." [Metro News, 12/8/2019]

-- Sandra Smith, 59, of St. Petersburg, Florida, was cited for careless driving on Dec. 29, after crashing her 1994 Oldsmobile Cutlass into a mausoleum at the Memorial Park Funeral Home and Cemetery, damaging the facades of three above-ground graves, WFLA reported. Florida Highway Patrol troopers said Smith was driving in a grass lot at the cemetery when she "failed to avoid a mausoleum on the property." Her passenger, 63-year-old Betty Strickland, went to the hospital with critical injuries. [WFLA, 12/30/2019]

Precocious

The newest tattoo artist in the Haji Lane area of Singapore is Lilith Siow, 12. She learned the art from her father, Joseph, who has operated a tattoo business for 20 years, reported Asia One on Dec. 30. In the past year, Lilith has tattooed at least a dozen customers, although she admitted that she was nervous at first, taking 90 minutes to complete her first. "I was afraid at the beginning. ... Once a tattoo sets, it is forever," she said. As her confidence grows, so does her advocacy for the art: She disagrees that people with tattoos are "bad people." [Asia One, 12/30/2019]

Animal Shenanigans

Police in Elizabethtown, Kentucky, were called Dec. 27 to the parking lot of a CVS pharmacy over a "public menace," according to WKYT. The culprit was a "hostile chicken" that "pecked viciously" at the officers and "made some adept use of vehicles for cover" before they were able to corral it in a plastic milk crate, according to the police department's Facebook page. Officers transferred the foul fowl to "someone who can give him more suitable accommodations," then attended to their wounds with "some doughnut therapy." [WKYT, 12/28/2019]

Sour Grapes

Japanese YouTuber Marina Fujiwara has harnessed the pain she feels when she sees couples basking in their love at the holidays and developed a sort of schadenfreudean device: a light that turns on whenever anyone breaks up on social media. Oddity Central reported on Dec. 27 that Fujiwara's device is connected to the internet through a "bridge" and is set to light up whenever a breakup status is posted on Twitter. "I want to celebrate Christmas," she said. "But when you see a couple in the world going on a Christmas date and doing something like that, I am attacked by a huge sense of loneliness." While her machine is not available commercially, Fujiwara says it's easy enough to set one up for yourself. (Check her YouTube channel for directions.) [Oddity Central, 12/27/2019]

Dreams Do Come True

Joan, 89, and her friend Pauline, 84, had their wishes fulfilled in early December after asking administrators at the Glastonbury Court care home in Bury St. Edmunds, England, for an attractive man with a "large chest and big biceps" to visit. Sure enough, a male stripper dressed as a fireman arrived at the home to entertain the ladies, waving his belt around his head as he danced for them. "I wish he could visit us every day!" gushed Joan to the Daily Mail. "He made me feel like I was young again." Joan made her request through the home's wishing tree initiative, which others have used to ask for things like a shopping trip or a day at the beach. "This isn't the typical kind of visitor we have," said home manager Sharlene Van Tonder, "but based on the response, he was one of the most popular." [Daily Mail, 12/12/2019]

Asparagus is healthy and delicious. But for 63-year-old Jemima Packington of Bath, England, the columnar vegetable is much more: Packington is an asparamancer, a person who can foretell the future by tossing the spears into the air and seeing how they land. "When I cast the asparagus, it creates patterns, and it is the patterns I interpret," Packington said. "I am usually about 75 to 90 percent accurate." In fact, out of 13 predictions she made for 2018, 10 of them came true. What's in store for 2019? Packington tells Metro News that England's women's soccer team will win the World Cup; "A Star Is Born" will win an Oscar; and fears over Brexit will be largely unfounded. Oh, and asparagus will see an all-time high in sales. [Metro News, 12/31/2018]

People With Issues

KION TV reported on Jan. 7 that a Salinas, California, family's Ring doorbell camera captured video of a man licking the doorbell for more than three hours. The homeowners were out of town during the encounter, which took place around 5 a.m., but their children were inside. Sylvia Dungan, who was alerted to the activity at her front door on her phone, said, "I thought, boy there's a lot of traffic. ... Who the heck is that?" Salinas police identified the man as Roberto Daniel Arroyo, 33. Arroyo also relieved himself in the front yard and visited a neighbor's house. "You kind of laugh about it afterwards because technically he didn't do anything," Dungan said, although police later charged him with petty theft and prowling. [KION, 1/8/2019]

Blame It on the Meth

Debra Lynn Johnson, 69, of Searles, Minnesota, suffered from heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure and mental illnesses, according to the Mankato Free Press, and was a patient at a transitional care center before her husband took her home to have a "death party," he later told authorities. Brown County sheriff's officers responding to a 911 call from Duane Arden Johnson, 58, on Jan. 24 found the words "Death Parde God Hell" spray-painted on the front door. Duane came out of the house naked, yelled that his wife was dead and ran back inside, where officers found him in the bathtub picking "things" from his skin. Debra's body, still warm, was wrapped in a sheet. Duane told police his wife had begged him to take her home to die, so they had staged the party, "rocking out" to Quiet Riot's "Metal Health" and taking methamphetamines. After her death, Duane said he washed and wrapped her "like the Bible told me to do." Police found stolen guns and hundreds of rounds of ammunition in the home, and Duane was charged with felony counts of theft and receiving stolen property. [Mankato Free Press, 1/26/2019]

Inexplicable

-- Sharisha Morrison of Albuquerque, New Mexico, and her neighbors have been the recipients since Jan. 1 of an odd gift: plastic grocery bags with slices of bread and bologna inside, delivered by an unknown man. At first, Morrison told KOB TV, she thought the food deliveries were acts of kindness, until she opened the bag and smelled the contents. "It smelled like urine," she said. Morrison said she can watch the man on her surveillance camera. "He'll just walk up and drop it on the little doorknob and walk away," she said. "I just want it to stop." Police have told her they can't do anything unless they catch him in the act. [KOB TV, 1/29/2019]

-- Zack Pinsent, 25, from Brighton, England, hasn't dressed in modern clothing since he was 14 years old. Instead, he makes and wears clothes that were popular in the 1800s. "At 14, I made the symbolic decision to burn my only pair of jeans in a bonfire. It was a real turning point," Pinsent told Metro News. On a typical day, Pinsent wears a floral waistcoat and knee-high leather riding boots, along with a jacket with tails and a top hat. He explains that his obsession started when his family found a box of his great-grandfather's suits. He now researches, designs and sews clothing for himself and other history buffs, to great response: "I've been all over the world and people are inquisitive and appreciative," he said. [Metro News, 6/27/2019]

Ewwwww!

Silence of the Lambs, indeed. A Manchester, England, woman named Joan has a unique project in mind for a custom clothing designer. Joan, 55, is anticipating having her leg amputated because of peripheral arterial disease, reported the Daily Mail, so she posted on Sewport.com, requesting help to "create something beautiful and useful" -- a handbag, using her own skin. She has budgeted about $3,900 for the project, which she envisions as a "medium-sized handbag with a short strap and a section down the middle that will be made from my skin," she explained in the post. "I know it's a bit odd and gross ... but it's my leg, and I can't bear the thought of it being left to rot somewhere." There are no laws against her keeping the limb, although there is paperwork to fill out. Boris Hodakel, the founder of Sewport.com, reports that no designers have come forward yet to help with Joan's request. [Daily Mail, 2/20/2019]

Dumb and Dumber

Rogers, Arkansas, neighbors Charles Eugene Ferris, 50, and Christopher Hicks, 36, were hanging out on Ferris' back porch on March 31, drinking and enjoying the spring air. Ferris was wearing his bulletproof vest -- because why not? -- and invited Hicks to shoot him with a .22-caliber semi-automatic rifle. KFSM reported the vest blocked the bullet from striking Ferris, but it still hurt and left a red mark on his upper chest. Next, Hicks donned the vest and Ferris "unloaded the clip into Christopher's back," according to the police report, also leaving bruises. That's where it all would have ended had Ferris not gone to the hospital, where staff alerted the Benton County Sheriff's Office. Ferris initially told officers an elaborate story about being shot while protecting "an asset" in a dramatic gunfight, but Ferris' wife spilled the beans about the back-porch challenge. Both men were arrested for suspicion of aggravated assault. [KFSM, 4/2/2019]

The High Price of Vanity

A "vampire facial" is a procedure during which blood is drawn with a needle and then "spun" to separate the plasma, which is then injected into the face. For customers of a spa in Albuquerque, New Mexico, though, the most lasting effects may come after a blood test. The state's Department of Health is urging customers of VIP Spa, which closed in September 2018, to undergo HIV testing after two people were infected following treatment there. Dr. Dean Bair of the Bair Medical Spa said people should always make sure they're going to a licensed facility for such procedures. "This is just the worst example of what can go wrong," he told KOAT. The spa closed after inspectors found its practices could potentially spread blood-borne infections, including hepatitis B and C as well as HIV. [KOAT, 4/30/2019]

Free Speech

TSA agents at Juneau International Airport logged unexpected cargo on April 15 when a "large organic mass" was spotted in a traveler's carry-on bag. TSA spokesperson Lisa Farbstein explained to KTOO that such a flag can indicate the presence of explosives. However, when agents opened the bag, they found a plastic grocery bag full of moose "nuggets." "The passenger told the TSA officers that he collects this and likes to present it 'for politicians and their (bleep) policies,'" Farbstein explained. The passenger was not detained and was allowed to continue on with his bag of moose poop. Later that day, the Anchorage Daily News reported that a man was seen at the state capitol, handing out baggies of moose nuggets in protest of Gov. Mike Dunleavy's proposed budget. [KTOO, 4/26/2019]

It's Come to This

The Pokemon Co. has made Japanese brides' dreams come true with its announcement that it is collaborating with a wedding planner to offer sanctioned ceremonies with its characters in attendance, dressed as a bride and groom. Yes, Pikachu will stand up with you and your betrothed (as long as you go to Japan to tie the knot), and the icing on the cake is Pokemon-themed food items and a Pikachu cake topper. Finally, United Press International reports, for your scrapbook, you'll have a marriage certificate decorated with Pokemon imagery -- surely an item you'll want to preserve in a licensed Pokemon photo frame. [UPI, 5/30/2019]