Jennifer Colyne Hall, 48, of Toney, Alabama, was distraught when she called the Limestone County Sheriff's Office dispatch on Oct. 2, so officers were sent to call on her. Public information officer Steven Young told The News Courier the officers first approached Hall's landlord, who told them she had been "acting strangely" and hinted she might be on drugs. When the officers spoke to Hall, she produced a clear bag from a baby wipes container and told them, "I want this dope tested" because she feared the methamphetamines in the bag had possibly been tainted with another drug. Asked if she had consumed the drugs, Hall said she had, but couldn't remember when. She was arrested and charged with possession of a controlled substance and was held at the Limestone County Jail. [News Courier, 10/3/2019]

Inexplicable

-- A front-door camera in McDowell County, North Carolina, twice captured a bold loiterer on the home's porch: a naked man. Sheriff's officers arrested Denny Lynn Dover, 45, in early October after identifying him by his distinctive tattoos, The McDowell News reported. Dover had visited the home in April and again on Oct. 3, when he attempted to break in. He was charged with first-degree burglary and held on $50,000 bond. Dover isn't new to a life of crime: He also has convictions for arson, drug possession, larceny, peeping and breaking in. [McDowell News, 10/7/2019]

-- The Louisville Courier Journal reported that Knox County (Kentucky) Sheriff's deputies arrested Barrett L. Sizemore, 48, of Heidrick, on Oct. 4 for theft of a "honey wagon" -- a septic cleaning truck -- in Barbourville. The truck went missing on Oct. 2, and authorities located it in a barn in Laurel County, not far from where Sizemore was arrested. He is being held on a $10,000 bond. [Louisville Courier Journal, 10/5/2019]

Unintended Consequences

-- An unidentified 89-year-old woman who has had previous trouble with trespassers on her remote property outside Piru, California, was hospitalized on Oct. 5 after her attempt to shoo away a group of nine people went wrong. After spotting the interlopers, she warned them away and fired two rounds from her rifle into a hillside to "emphasize her point," Ventura County Sheriff's Office Capt. Eric Buschow told the Los Angeles Times. As the group retreated, the woman pursued them in her pickup truck to be sure they were leaving and pointed her gun at them. One man tried to talk with her, but she couldn't hear him, so he opened the door of her truck and grabbed the gun barrel. "In the process," Buschow said, "she fell out of the truck (and) unbeknownst to (the man), the truck was still in gear, so the rear wheel drove over her leg, continued to roll and went off a cliff." She was airlifted to a hospital with injuries to her ankle, and neither party wanted to press charges, so no arrests were made. [Los Angeles Times, 10/7/2019]

-- An unidentified man in Phoenix became angry at his upstairs neighbors for making too much noise on Oct. 6. He first tried banging on their door around 11:20 p.m., but then returned to his apartment and fired several shots into his ceiling -- one of which apparently ricocheted and hit him in the face, according to the Arizona Republic. Although no one else was injured, the shooter was taken to the hospital in extremely critical condition. [Arizona Republic, 10/7/2019]

Overreactions

An apparent dispute over pigeons at Pershing Field in Jersey City, New Jersey, has resulted in Charles Lowy, 69, facing eight years in prison for reckless manslaughter, according to The Jersey Journal. In April 2018, Lowy stabbed former schoolteacher Anthony Bello, 77, to death after they argued about Lowy's habit of feeding pigeons in the park. Lowy's attorney called Bello the "mayor of the block" and said he was the aggressor in the altercation, and that Lowy had stabbed him in self-defense. Hudson County Superior Court Judge Sheila Venable sentenced Lowy on Oct. 4; he must serve at least 85 percent of his sentence. [The Jersey Journal, 10/7/2019]

Oops!

-- Tina Springer, 44, was the passenger in a car driven by Brent Parks, 79, as they stopped to let a train pass in Enid, Oklahoma, on Oct. 3. Parks' yellow Labrador retriever chose that moment to jump from the back seat onto the center console, causing a .22 caliber handgun stored underneath to discharge and strike Springer in the left thigh. The Enid News & Eagle reported that Parks, whom Springer is a caretaker for, told police he doesn't usually carry the weapon loaded. Springer was taken to a hospital for treatment. [Enid News & Eagle, 10/3/2019]

-- Homeowner Linda Taylor-Whitt of Lynwood, Illinois, and her family returned home from a birthday dinner on Oct. 5 to find "a wheel coming through my washroom ceiling" in an upstairs bathroom. Taylor-Whitt, who lives about a mile from Lansing Municipal Airport, told the Chicago Tribune she "didn't know what kind of wheel it was at first. I guessed it was an airplane wheel," she said. But it was from a helicopter, according to Amy Summers of SummerSkyz Inc., a helicopter flight school in Lansing. When Summers heard about the incident, she knew she'd found the ground-handling wheel she'd been missing, and called Taylor-Whitt to apologize. The wheel had apparently been left on one of the company's helicopters during flight and fell off. Taylor-Whitt was relieved the damage wasn't worse: "I am glad -- thank you, Lord -- that it was a wheel instead of a plane because it could've been so bad." [Chicago Tribune, 10/8/2019]

Bright Idea

Springfield, Missouri, authorities have come up with a clever campaign to curb pet waste in the downtown area, the Associated Press reported. Piles of dog poop are being tagged with recycled paper flags sporting messages such as: "Is this your turd? 'Cuz that's absurd," and "This is a nudge to pick up the fudge." The city noted it spends $7,500 a year to pick up 25 pounds of waste per week from downtown parks and parking lots. [Associated Press, 10/10/2019]

Awesome!

Open your wallet: If you have enough scratch, you can buy a customized pair of Nike Air Max 97s dubbed "Jesus Shoes" from a Brooklyn, New York, company called MSCHF. Introduced online Oct. 8, the shoes have 60ccs of holy water from the Jordan River injected into the soles "so you can literally walk on water," noted Cosmopolitan, a crucifix in the laces, red insoles harkening to Vatican traditions, and a Matthew 14:25 inscription. They are also scented with frankincense and sport a godly white and light blue colorway. The Jesus Shoes originally sold for $1,425, but are now fetching anywhere from $2,000 to upwards of $11,000. [Cosmopolitan, 10/9/2019]

Least Competent Driver

In downtown Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, on Oct. 8, an unnamed elderly driver managed to flip her Honda Accord and injure herself, her passenger and several pedestrians while trying to ... parallel park. According to CTV News, as she tried to back into a parking spot, the driver accelerated, jumping the curb and slamming into an immigration office before coming to rest on the sidewalk. Vancouver Police Sgt. Aaron Roed called the incident "a strange accident" and wished all the injured "a speedy recovery." [CTV News, 10/8/2019]

Chutzpah!

Sure, there are probably plenty of stolen goods for sale on Facebook Marketplace, but according to authorities in Oklahoma City, Vicki Treaster, 36, went big: She's been charged with stealing a metal garage and posting it for sale for $1,500. Coincidentally, the original owner was browsing Marketplace when he saw Treaster's ad, which included photos of two people taking his building apart, and notified police. KOCO reported Treaster changed her story several times when questioned by police about how she came to own the building, according to court documents. Treaster was charged in early October with grand larceny. [KOCO, 10/8/2019]

There's so much to unpack about Sexy Vegan, a 37-year-old from West Hollywood, California, that we scarcely know where to begin. His real name is Hansel DeBartolo III. After changing his name in 2016, he had the new handle tattooed on his forehead and chest. He's an "Instagram sensation" and a 2020 presidential candidate, according to his IMDb profile. But most recently, Vegan's been a resident of the Twin Towers Correctional Facility, reported the Los Angeles Times, following his arrest Sept. 26 on charges of sexual abuse of his dog, which authorities say he captured on video and posted on social media. "I do get judged a lot for being different," Vegan told Dr. Phil in 2017. [Los Angeles Times, 9/30/2019]

The Continuing Crisis

-- At New Lynn's Peaches and Cream, a sex toy shop in suburban Auckland, New Zealand, staffer Kat Maher immediately noticed a strange customer on Sept. 23. "He was very energetic and erratic, going around the shop, talking a lot," she told Stuff. Strangely, he also closely resembled Elvis Presley, with slicked-back black hair and sunglasses, although he was wearing a high-visibility orange vest. "He brought a sex toy called 'Like a Virgin' up to the counter, but his card declined," Maher said. When the purchase didn't go through, the man grabbed the "fake vagina" toy, worth about $60, and ran out of the store. Maher reported the theft to police, but fake Elvis has not been apprehended. She also noted that the shop gets robbed about once a week: "It's really frustrating when this sort of thing happens. So rude and it ruins your day." [Stuff, 9/30/2019]

Recurring Themes

-- Sunday morning shoppers in central Auckland, New Zealand, got more than an eyeful on Sept. 29 when for several hours, pornography was broadcast on a large outdoor video screen at the Asics sportswear store. The "totally inappropriate and offensive" scenes apparently continued for about nine hours -- until staff arrived at the store around 10 a.m. and turned the screen off, the New Zealand Herald reported. "Some people were shocked, but others just stopped and watched," said security guard Dwayne Hinango. The store manager, who gave only "John" as his name, said the incident stemmed from a cybersecurity breach, and Asics apologized on its website and through email to its customers. [New Zealand Herald, 9/30/2019]

-- And in Auburn Hills, Michigan, a suburb of Detroit, motorists along an interstate got a free show late on Sept. 28 after two people broke into a small building connected to an electronic billboard and uploaded pornography to the sign. Auburn Hills police told WDIV that two hooded young men were captured on surveillance video entering the structure at 10:49 p.m. and staying about 15 minutes. Police started getting reports of the images around 11 p.m. "I was just looking up at it and I was like, 'Huh, oh, wow. That's porn,'" said driver Chuck McMahon. Police are still looking for the hackers. [WDIV, 9/30/2019]

Unclear on the Concept

Lee Dong-jin, the mayor of Jindo county in South Korea, wanted to make International Coastal Cleanup Day special for his community. So on Sept. 20, the day before the global event, he instructed crews to transport more than a ton of trash that had already been collected from coastlines and deposit it on a pristine beach in Jindo, according to Agence-France Press. "We brought in waste Styrofoam and other coastal trash gathered from nearby areas so the 600 participants could carry out clean-up activities," Lee said. He apologized for deceiving the volunteers and assured residents that there was no "secondary pollution." [AFP via Yahoo News, 9/26/2019]

News that Sounds Like a Joke

The Hudson Regional Health Commission in New Jersey is investigating a mystery odor, according to WABC. People in Jersey City and Bayonne complained about the smell on Sept. 24, and officials, following the wind, searched in Newark but couldn't identify the source of the odor, which some described as similar to rotting fish. "Being a peninsula, we have water on three sides and sometimes at low tide you can smell the bay," explained Edoardo Ferrante, coordinator at the Office of Emergency Management. "It was really nothing like that. It was a very nasty, almost like a foul meat type of smell." The HRHC is continuing to investigate the odor. [WABC, 9/25/2019]

Family Values

Bozhena Synychka, 20, and Volodymyr Zaitsev, 25, just got "tired of looking after" their toddler boys, Andrey, 3, and Maksim, 2. So in mid-August, they dropped the boys off at a homeless encampment in Zaporizhia, Ukraine -- and didn't come back. The naked toddlers were watched over by men at the camp for a week as they drank from a river and foraged through trash for food, until passerby Olena Tashevska spotted them on Aug. 26 and called police, reported the Daily Mail. A pediatrician who examined them at the hospital said they suffered from viral infections and malnutrition. "They are weak now and barely can walk," Dr. Taisa Klimenko told local media. Police are pursuing criminal charges against the parents, and the boys are living in an orphanage in the meantime. [Daily Mail, 9/23/2019]

Buh-bye!

Michael and Georgina Parsons' 54 neighbors in Little Bay Islands, Newfoundland, are resettling on the mainland this fall as part of a program to centralize populations in growth areas. But not the Parsons. In spite of the fact that the government will cease all services to the island on Dec. 31 -- electricity, mail delivery, ferry and snowplow -- the Parsonses have decided to stay. "We're not nervous," Michael told CTV. "I don't know if that's because we're just plain crazy or whatnot." They are busy preparing for life off the grid, purchasing a snowmobile and wood stove, and installing a solar panel system. "We're also learning to do without some fresh fruits and vegetables and go to more dry goods, bottled goods, powdered milk -- that sort of stuff," Georgina said. [CTV, 10/1/2019]

Overreaction

Police were called to an IHOP restaurant in Asheville, North Carolina, on Sept. 26, after a group of patrons lost their composure when told their orange juice refills weren't free. Authorities told WLOS the customers damaged the restaurant and assaulted its manager and another employee. Police are examining surveillance video in an effort to identify the suspects. "We never want to see anyone injured, especially over a bill at a restaurant," said Asheville police spokesperson Christina Hallingse. [WLOS, 9/28/2019]

https://wlos.com/news/local/manager-of-tunnel-road-ihop-assaulted-over-lack-of-free-refills

Creme de la Weird

Indian farmer Shyam Lal Yadav, 74, bumped the top of his head about five years ago, and shortly afterward, the bump started growing, becoming what doctors call a sebaceous horn. On Sept. 18, Metro News reported that Yadav underwent surgery to remove the "devil horn" at Bhagyoday Tirth Hospital in Sagar, India. The 4-inch horn was made of keratin, the substance found in fingernails and hair, and neurosurgeons were able to remove it with a razor. "However, the underlying condition will still need to be treated," explained Dr. Vishal Gajbhiye. A biopsy of the horn showed that it was benign, and a skin graft covers the spot where it grew. [Metro News, 9/18/2019]

Spoiler Alert: Man Bites Dog

In Rio Rancho, New Mexico, officers were called to the Rio West mobile home park Sept. 26 following reports of a violent altercation, the Albuquerque Journal reported. Chris Galvadon, authorities told the paper, had used an ax to assault a woman, causing "significant injury" to her hand. But as officers assisted the woman, Galvadon barricaded himself inside the home, and the SWAT team and New Mexico State Police were called in to help. Negotiations continued unsuccessfully for hours until K-9 officer Diesel was sent in. Diesel ended the standoff by biting and apprehending Galvadon, but not before Galvadon bit him back. Rio Rancho Police Capt. Andrew Rodriguez said the bite didn't break the skin, but Diesel will "be on antibiotics for a bit." [Albuquerque Journal, 10/1/2019]

It started out innocently enough. A road-tripping couple stopped in Grosse Tete, Louisiana, on Sept. 18 to let their deaf pup relieve himself. As they stretched their legs, they wandered over to the Tiger Truck Stop petting zoo and an enclosure that's home to Caspar the Camel, and the man started throwing treats inside. But when their dog breached the fence to get at the treats, the woman, ignoring "No Trespassing" signs, followed. As she chased the dog, her husband shoved the camel and swatted him with his hat. That's when Caspar lost his cool, settling his 600-pound camel booty right on top of the woman; she told officers from the Iberville Parish Sheriff's Office that she did the only thing she could do: "I bit his balls to get him off of me." Deputy Louis Hamilton Jr. cited the couple for leash law violations and criminal trespassing, siding with Caspar: "The camel did nothing wrong," Hamilton told The Advocate. "The camel has never been aggressive." A veterinarian treated the camel with antibiotics after the incident. [The Advocate, 9/22/2019]

Can't Possibly Be True

A Trumbull County (Ohio) sheriff's deputy pulled over an Amish buggy on Donley Road early on the morning of Sept. 15 after the officer noticed a few oddities about the vehicle. For one, there were two Amish men inside who were drinking, and on the buggy's roof rode a 12-pack of beer. And, according to Fox 8, the old-fashioned conveyance sported an unlikely modern convenience: a stereo system with large speakers. As soon as the buggy came to a stop, the two men jumped out and escaped into heavy woods near the road. Meanwhile, the horse, trailing the buggy, took off. The officer was able to catch up with the horse and have the buggy towed; the drivers were still at large. The buggy "is a vehicle, it's on the roadway and the ... laws do apply," said Chief Deputy Joe Dragovich. "You're not allowed to drink and drive or operate a buggy." [Fox 8, 9/17/2019]

Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

-- The Tennessee Titans were all fired up for their NFL home opener on Sept. 15 at Nissan Stadium in Nashville. Accordingly, so was some of their pyrotechnic equipment -- which caught fire during player introductions, spreading flames and thick, black smoke near one end zone. According to Bleacher Report, no one was hurt, and flames were extinguished quickly. But the NFL, taking its usual proactive stance, placed a ban on "all flame effects and pyrotechnics used on its playing fields" until an investigation can be completed. [Bleacher Report, 9/20/2019]

-- Police arrived at the home of Vernelle Jackson, 83, in Norway, Maine, on Sept. 17, inquiring about the whereabouts of another unnamed woman in her 80s who had reportedly lived with Jackson. As police excavated the back yard and the story unfolded, Jackson admitted to authorities and WMTW News 8 that she was the one who buried the woman, about 18 months ago. "She begged me when she passed away that she didn't have enough insurance to bury her, and I don't have it. And she said, 'Will you promise me to bury me in your yard so I'll be close?' ... I finally agreed to do it to satisfy her," Jackson explained. "I put her in a tarp. I didn't carry her. I have COPD. I couldn't breathe that good." She was surprised to learn that she would have needed a permit to legally bury her friend in her yard, and she's still unclear whether she's in trouble with the law. The State Medical Examiner's office is working to ID the body and determine the cause of death. [WMTW, 9/18/2019]

Least Competent Criminals

Two football-crazed fans of Kansas City Chiefs QB Patrick Mahomes couldn't quite pull off a heist in Lawrence, Kansas, on Sept. 16. Pulling up to a McDonald's, the two ran inside, grabbed a life-size cardboard cutout of Mahomes and ran out, stuffing the promotional piece into their car. Lawrence Police spokesman Patrick Compton told the Lawrence Journal-World that as they received the call about the theft, they were working a car crash nearby -- in which one of the vehicles just happened to have a Mahomes cutout in the back seat. Officers questioned the suspects and ordered them to appear for alleged theft. Flat Pat was returned to the McDonald's. [Lawrence Journal-World, 9/18/2019]

Bright Idea

Paul Nixon, 51, is sought in Harris County, Texas, on charges of felony aggravated perjury after taking a novel approach to divorce. Nixon filed for divorce in February but forged his wife's signature and the name of a notary on the legal papers, the New York Post reported. A judge declared the divorce final in April -- but the wife didn't find out until May, when she noticed strange spending habits of his. "She started finding things showing that he was spending money on jewelry, so she confronted him and he told her that they were actually divorced," Constable Mark Herman said. "They are still married. The fraudulent divorce papers have been retracted." However, Nixon, who could face 10 years in prison, had so far eluded police. [New York Post, 9/18/2019]

Compelling Explanation

Kristine, 45, and Michael, 43, Barnett of Lafayette, Indiana, adopted a 6-year-old Ukrainian-born girl, Natalia Grace, with dwarfism in 2010. Nine years later, much to their confusion, they are charged with abandoning her. Within their first few weeks as a family, the Barnetts noticed that Natalia seemed to be older than they had been told, with a sophisticated vocabulary, pubic hair and menstrual periods. A doctor ordered bone density tests to check her age, and results suggested she was at least 14. So they began to treat her like a teenager. Then, the Barnetts claim, Natalia began making death threats against them. At a psychiatric hospital where she was treated, she told doctors she was much older and wanted to kill her family. "She was standing over people in the middle of the night. We had to hide all the sharp objects," Kristine Barnett told The Daily Mail. In 2012, they legally changed her age (from 8 to 22) and helped her get benefits so she could continue to receive psychiatric care, and in 2013, with Natalia living independently in an apartment, the Barnetts and their son moved to Canada. Soon after, they lost touch with the girl. But inexplicably, a second set of bone density tests, performed in 2010, surfaced, arguing that Natalia was at that time just 8 years old, and she told police herself in 2014 that she had been "left alone" when her parents moved to Canada. Michael and Kristine Barnett surrendered to the Tippecanoe County Sheriff's Department on Sept. 18 and 19, charged with abandonment of Natalia. [Daily Mail, 9/24/2019]

Wait, What?

Paramedics responded to a home in Detroit on the evening of Sept. 21 where a man was suffering from a heart attack. But as they worked on the victim, another man took a woman into a bedroom in the home and stabbed her. Then he ran out of the house and, according to Fox2, is still on the loose. The woman died at the scene, and the heart attack victim did not survive. Police are still trying to figure out the relationships between the three people. [Fox2, 9/23/2019]