The Philly Voice reported on June 5 that a resident of White Haven, Pennsylvania, has solved the mystery of why that state has experienced more tornadoes than usual this year. The unnamed amateur meteorologist called WNEP's "Talkback 16," which allows locals to opine on the issues of the day, and left a voicemail on May 31. In his own words: "We didn't have tornadoes here until we started putting in traffic circles. ... When people go round and round in circles, it causes disturbances in the atmosphere, and causes tornadoes." So there you have it. [Philly Voice, 6/5/2019]

New Weapons

A 47-year-old resident of southern Israel approached a teller at a Postal Bank branch in mid-May, handing her a note that read, "Hand over the money in the drawer" (misspelling the Hebrew word for "drawer"), The Times of Israel reported. As the teller hesitated, he said, "Put the money in the bag quickly or I'll throw this grenade," referring to a black object in his right hand. The teller gave him $4,450 in cash, and he left. Five days later, he repeated his method at another branch, where he netted $3,300. Police tracked him through mobile phone records and other clues, eventually discovering the "grenade" he wielded was an avocado he had painted black. No word on whether he whipped up some guacamole while in custody. [Times of Israel, 6/6/2019]

When Ya Gotta Go ...

A 16-year-old driver was pulled over by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police in Manitoba, Canada, on June 6 after being clocked driving 105 mph, according to Fox News. The teenager was driving a Chevrolet Camaro, but it wasn't the muscle car that made him go so fast, he said. He told police he had just eaten hot chicken wings and really needed to use the bathroom. Officers were unmoved, however, tweeting, "Absolutely #noexcuses for that kind of speed." The teen was fined and is likely to have his license suspended. [Fox News, 6/9/2019]

Bright Ideas

-- On June 5, firefighters arrived at an apartment complex in Inglewood, a suburb of Los Angeles, to find a 14-year-old girl trapped feet-first in a chimney. By removing some bricks, they were able to free her after about 20 minutes, and she was taken to a hospital to be evaluated. "A lot of people think it's plausible to go ahead and get into your house or break into a house (through a chimney)," Brian Stevens, an inspector for the fire department, told the Los Angeles Times. "I can tell you that doesn't seem to work out for most people. It's very narrow." Good to know. [Los Angeles Times, 6/5/2019]

-- In Scotland, Zoe Archibald, 34, thought it would be fun to take a ride in a child's Little Tikes red and yellow car on June 7. When she couldn't get in the plastic car in the conventional way, she put it over her head, Fox News reported -- and then got stuck. "There was no way she could get herself out," her nephew, Matthew Shepherd-Bull, said. After being trapped for about an hour, her father finally cut her out of the toddler conveyance with a butter knife. "Everyone found it funny, even Zoe," Shepherd-Bull said. "She was a bit panicked but mainly found it funny." [Fox News, 6/12/2019]

Enterprising Thievery

In the Arctic region of Murmansk in Russia, an abandoned railway bridge was the quarry of ambitious metal thieves who removed the 75-foot-long center span, leaving only the support structures near either shore. Locals noticed the section was missing in May, reported the BBC. And while the span would have weighed about 62 tons, it was estimated to be worth only about $9,000. Russian law enforcement is looking into the theft, but locals are nonplussed: One mused that the remaining structures would be "eyesores" for a long time to come, then shrugged: "Ah, who cares -- this isn't Germany, and restoring order to the vandalized landscape is not high on the agenda." [BBC, 6/4/2019]

Ewwwww!

If you're a fan of bubble tea, you may want to add it to your "all things in moderation" list. On May 28, a 14-year-old girl in Zhejiang province in China went to the hospital after suffering from constipation and being unable to eat for five days. Through a CT scan, doctors found unusual spherical shadows in her abdomen, reported Asia One, which they suspected were undigested tapioca pearls from bubble tea. The girl reluctantly admitted to drinking only one cup of bubble tea five days before, but doctors said her condition indicated she had consumed much more and prescribed laxatives. One doctor warned that the bubbles, or "boba," are made of starch and are difficult to digest. [Asia One, 6/6/2019]

Yikes!

In Caddo Parish, Louisiana, sheriff's deputies responded to a call on June 10 about an alligator in the middle of Highway 1. As they waited for wildlife removal experts to arrive, the gator, which was about 8 feet long, bit off a section of bumper on one of the patrol cars, WBRZ reported, and moved into the grass with a rectangular piece of the car's front grill. It dropped its prize and escaped before the animal handlers got there. [WBRZ, 6/12/2019]

Wait, What?

At a Patriot Prayer rally in Portland, Oregon, last August, two protesters took a smoother, shinier approach to their opposition. Robert "Jonah" Majure, 28, and Tristan Romine-Mann, 29, were approached by officers at the rally because they were carrying four 5-gallon buckets and super-soaker water guns, The Oregonian reported. When told to empty the buckets, Majure and Romine-Mann did so, splashing the officers with horse lubricant (used in obstetric and rectal procedures on large animals) mixed with glitter. Majure and Romine-Mann were sentenced to serve five days in jail on June 7 for harassment. [Oregonian, 6/10/2019]

Wide World of Sports

Men looking for diversion in Krasnoyarsk, Russia, entered the Male Slapping Championships, part of the Siberian Power Show, in March, wherein contestants slap each other so hard that some of them sustain concussions. According to RT News, female Siberians now have their own contest: the Booty-Slapping Championships. For this event, which took place in mid-June, the women, all fitness enthusiasts, take turns whacking each other on the heinie until one is knocked off balance. Fitness blogger Anastasia Zolotaya, one of the contest's winners, features demonstrations of the serious workouts she uses to toughen her buns on her Instagram page, @sportnastya. [RT News, 6/11/2019]

Awesome!

A lock of Ludwig von Beethoven's hair sold at auction on June 11 for an unexpected 35,000 British pounds (about $45,000), "Inside Edition" reported. Sotheby's said the framed hair was given by Beethoven to a friend, pianist Anton Halm, as a gift for Halm's wife almost 200 years ago. Reportedly, when Halm asked for the gift, a servant snipped some hair from a goat and presented it to Halm. Beethoven was incensed, saying, "You've been tricked. This is not my hair. It's the hair of a goat." He then cut a lock of hair from the back of his own head, wrapped it in paper and turned it over to Halm. A Sotheby's expert confirmed that the auctioned hair was human. [Inside Edition, 6/12/2019]

The Pokemon Co. has made Japanese brides' dreams come true with its announcement that it is collaborating with a wedding planner to offer sanctioned ceremonies with its characters in attendance, dressed as a bride and groom. Yes, Pikachu will stand up with you and your betrothed (as long as you go to Japan to tie the knot), and the icing on the cake is Pokemon-themed food items and a Pikachu cake topper. Finally, United Press International reports, for your scrapbook, you'll have a marriage certificate decorated with Pokemon imagery -- surely an item you'll want to preserve in a licensed Pokemon photo frame. [UPI, 5/30/2019]

Stay With Me Here

Around 1:40 a.m. on May 9, as an unnamed Cocoa, Florida, homeowner slept in her garage, a black Cadillac crashed into the structure, missing her by only inches, according to the 911 call. The Cadillac was stolen, it turns out, and was fleeing an Orange County Sheriff's Office patrol vehicle -- which was also stolen and being driven by someone impersonating a police officer. After the crash, WFTV reported, the imposter patrolman continued trying to pull over vehicles before speeding away. The patrol SUV was later abandoned behind a shopping plaza in Cocoa. [WFTV, 5/9/2019]

Least Competent Criminal

Police in Lincoln, Nebraska, responded to a call on May 21 about a domestic assault. They didn't find the suspect, identified as Markel Towner, 26, in the residence, but someone who matched his description was sitting outside in a car. When questioned, the man said his name was Deangelo Towns, but a fashion faux pas led officers to suspect he was lying -- a lanyard around the man's neck clearly bore the name "Markel Towner." After some resistance, KETV reported, Towner was finally subdued and arrested on a variety of charges. [KETV, 5/22/2019]

Oops

An unidentified man in Tuscumbia, Alabama, did what so many of us do every day: He went online to Amazon to order some household items. But when his package arrived on May 23, he was alarmed to discover a urine sample from a private citizen, not the shower curtain and rings he'd ordered. "When I reached in and pulled it out (it was) some kind of urine specimen or something like that," he told WHNT. An Amazon representative said the company was "very sorry" about the mistake and would send his bathroom accessories right away, but declined to have him return the sample. [WHNT, 5/23/2019]

Bright Ideas

-- May 17 wasn't the first time Dan Smith of Seattle found a Car2Go vehicle left in the driveway of his rental property, so he erected a fence around it and posted NO TRESPASSING signs and other warnings. He then informed Car2Go's parent company, Share Now, that he wanted $65 per day for storage, $300 for the fence and $500 for harassment. Share Now responded to inquiries from KIRO saying seven different customers tried to rent the car a day after it was left in Smith's driveway but couldn't because of the barricade. Asad Rasheed, who lives in Smith's building, said the errantly parked vehicles are a common problem: "People are not made aware of where to park, where not to park and how to use them," Rasheed said. Share Now has agreed to work with Smith but told the TV station they wouldn't be paying him. [KIRO, 5/30/2019]

-- Damon Hudson, 25, of St. Ives, England, first noticed his missing milk delivery on May 17. "My milk delivery means the world to me. My little brother and sister can't function without their cereal in the morning," Hudson told Metro News. He could see the thief on his doorbell video footage, but he didn't want to bother the police with such a trivial case, so after two weeks of going milk-less, he set up his own sting. Hudson introduced a couple of new ingredients in the milk bottle: fish oil and his own urine. "Hopefully that's the end. The weirdo deserves it." No word on whether the thief has found a new target. [Metro News, 6/3/2019]

Star Treatment

Gwen Lynch, the lone 2019 graduate of the eighth grade at Cuttyhunk Elementary School on Cuttyhunk Island, Massachusetts, will receive the accolades and advice of a celebrity graduation speaker, actress and comedian Jenny Slate, on June 17. The island, which has a year-round population of only about a dozen people, is familiar to Slate, whose parents live nearby, reported the Cape Cod Times. Gwen has also been working on her own speech. Graduation festivities will include a potluck dinner, and organizers expect a "packed house": "Most of the town will be there," predicted Michael Astrue, who secured Slate for the address. [Cape Cod Times, 6/3/2019]

Fashion Statement

Beachgoers looking to make a statement this summer will want to check out the Jeado, a Speedo-style swimsuit brief for men that looks like it's cut from a pair of jeans, but is really made of polyester and Spandex, for comfort and quick drying. The retailer describes the faux-denim look: "It is like eating a bag of chips in church. Everyone looks over at you with disgust, but deep down they want some too." United Press International reports that Jeados sell for $39.99 through shinesty.com. [UPI, 5/30/2019]

Questionable Judgment

While students at Holy Family Catholic School in Port Allen, Louisiana, took a field trip to Washington, D.C., to learn about our nation's founding and visit historic sites, their principal, Michael Comeau, had another kind of sightseeing in mind. In the pre-dawn hours of May 31, police were called to Archibald's Gentleman's Club in D.C. after "an intoxicated man refused to pay his bill," according to the arrest report. The Advocate reports that officers found Comeau, 47, standing in a roadway, "refusing to move." He was arrested for public intoxication and possession of an open container of alcohol. Comeau immediately resigned his position as principal, along with his role as a reserve police officer at the Brusly Police Department. [The Advocate, 5/31/2019]

Unclear on the Concept

For reasons that remain unclear, a local police officer drove a beach patrol ATV into a marsh on Tybee Island, Georgia, on May 31, where it became stuck in the mud. Officials with the Georgia Department of Natural Resources say the officer then used a City of Tybee pickup truck to try to free the ATV, but the truck also became stuck. City workers next attempted to pull both vehicles out using two backhoes, which also succumbed to the marsh. An excavator was finally able to free one of the backhoes from the muck, but the Coastal Resources Division of the DNR reported to WSAV that it will likely take a barge and crane to extricate the other three vehicles. Tybee city officials are conducting an investigation. [WSAV, 6/3/2019]

Anger Management

Don't mess with Texas ... or with 41-year-old Doris Vallejo-Godoy of Austin, Texas, who pulled a gun on a man at La Catedral del Marisco, a Mexican restaurant, according to an arrest affidavit. The June 2 scuffle began as a disagreement about who would be up next for karaoke, the Statesman reported. The man told police that as they argued, Vallejo-Godoy struck him, then pulled out her gun and pointed it at him. She also threatened a waitress who tried to intervene, the affidavit said. Police arrived as Vallejo-Godoy was arguing in the parking lot with her girlfriend; she was arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and unlawful carrying of a concealed weapon. [Statesman, 6/3/2019]

Bill Gibson of Burtonsville, Maryland, drives an iconic vehicle: a custom-built 1966 replica of the Batmobile, complete with rocket launchers, jet flames and a bat phone, worth $175,000. So he wasn't about to stand by and let a criminal escape on May 15, when a hit-and-run driver smashed into his prized car on Route 28 in Silver Spring. "I don't know what the guy was thinking," Gibson told Fox5. "He must have been going about 60 ... and just slammed into the right rear corner." When the driver failed to pull over, Gibson dialed 911 and gave chase, eventually pulling into a church parking lot, where the driver agreed to give Gibson his insurance information without getting the police involved. Gibson estimates repairs will cost around $7,000. [Fox5, 5/21/2019]

Lame

Manuel Muniz, 35, of Amsterdam, New York, didn't fool officers of the Montgomery County Sheriff's Department with his attempt to avoid the lines at the DMV. Muniz was charged on May 20 with driving an unregistered vehicle after officers quickly identified Muniz's handwritten inspection sticker as a fake, made out of red construction paper and including a handmade bar code and January 2020 expiration date, WRGB reported. "We appreciate people who take some initiative," the department posted on its Facebook page, "however this will not work as your vehicle inspection sticker, NICE TRY!" [WRGB, 5/22/2019]

The Litigious Society

Jim and Jen (who asked that their last names be withheld) of Ontario, Canada, decided in 2011 they would be done having children after their twins were born that year. Jen's doctor was supposed to perform a tubal ligation after delivering the babies, but 10 months later, she found herself pregnant again. "I was floored," she told CTV News. "I couldn't imagine having a newborn again." But in February 2013, their fourth child was born, and later that year, Jen and Jim sued their hospital and doctors for $800,000 for wrongful pregnancy. The case is expected to go to trial in spring 2020. It's "not that we don't love her. ... She is everything and more, but it still doesn't mitigate the fact that there are pragmatic costs to raising a child," Jen said. The hospital investigated and uncovered a chain of miscommunication regarding the tubal ligation -- compounded by not letting Jen know the procedure had not been done. "If a man got a woman pregnant, he would have to pay child support, right?" said Jim. Lawyers for the doctors deny that Jen and Jim have suffered any damages. [CTV News, 5/27/2019]

Bright Idea

Indianapolis Metropolitan Police officers were led on a chase late on May 26 after a reckless driver nearly hit a patrol car. Ignoring signs and warnings about a bridge out ahead, the driver tried to jump the bridge "Dukes of Hazzard" style, reported WXIN, but when he came to the end of the pavement, his car hit the exposed beams of the bridge and skidded to a stop. The driver got away, but police apprehended a passenger, who informed them the driver had one leg and had left his prosthetic leg behind in the car. Police said they were confident they'll track him down soon. [Fox59, 5/27/2019]

Fashion Statement

You either love 'em or hate 'em, but if you're going to be mocked for your fashion sense, Crocs' newest style doubles your chances. Developed as part of a collaboration with Japanese streetwear company Beams, the new Crocs sport tiny fanny packs attached to the ankle straps, reported CBS News. The $53 shoes come in teal and purple, and the miniature backpacks are big enough for keys, a credit card and a few dollars -- along with what's left of your dignity. [CBS News, 4/30/2019]

Or You Could Just Walk

Officials in the southern Spanish town of Estepona were forced to close a 125-foot steel slide linking two streets to save folks from a 10-minute walk when people suffered injuries riding down it, Sky News reported on May 13. One woman posted photos of her bruised and scraped elbows, saying her rear end suffered worse. The town council argued that it provides instructions about how to safely use the slide, but closed the conveyance for fresh safety inspections. Local residents said the 28,000-euro slide was a "vanity project" for the mayor. [Sky News, 5/13/2019]

Ewwwww!

Students in a "Global Gourmet" class at Hyatts Middle School in Powell, Ohio, may have taken things a bit too far on May 16 when they allegedly served crepes laced with urine and semen to teachers who were judging a cooking competition. WBNS reported that the Delaware County Sheriff's Office learned of a video circulating among students purported to show the prank being cooked up and opened an investigation, including lab testing of the food. Charges could include felony assault. Brad Koffel, an attorney representing one of the suspects, cautioned that "we don't know if urine or semen was ever placed in anyone's food. ... (It) easily could have been a prank that may have been mocked up for the purposes of creating a video." [WBNS, 5/20/2019]

Wait, What?

Michael and Kyle Sherwood, father-and-son funeral directors in Cleveland, Ohio, have opened a niche business: Save My Ink Forever, which preserves the tattoos of people who have died as a memorial for their loved ones. The idea for the 2-year-old company came about after a "semi-serious" discussion with a friend about preserving tattoos, according to BBC News. "So we started doing some research and blended a few techniques together," Kyle Sherwood said, to develop a technique for long-term preservation of excised skin art. The company works with funeral homes in the United States, U.K. and Canada, where the tattoos are surgically removed, then sent to a lab for preservation before being mounted and framed behind UV-protected glass. "People put urns on their mantel and to me, my tattoos are more meaningful than an urn on the mantel," Sherwood said. [BBC News, 5/3/2019]

Crime Report

A 40th birthday outing ended on a sour note for Neil Edwards-Cecil, the birthday boy, and Lee Gaudoin, 31. According to Metro News, after a few drinks, the two stopped for a cheeseburger on April 27 at McDonald's in Chester, England, where they found a duck walking around the restaurant. Kindly, the men helped the bird find its way out of the building, but they somehow ended up arguing over it, which escalated into a brawl. When officers arrived, Gaudoin lunged at one of them, shouting about how he had saved a duck. Edwards-Cecil tried to jump in and help Gaudoin, only to be pepper-sprayed. Both men were arrested and later admitted to being intoxicated and resisting a constable. "I am ashamed for the way I have acted," Edwards-Cecil told the court. [Metro News, 5/20/2019]

Florida

Natasha Ethel Bagley, 42, was arrested on May 28 in connection with an April 2 incident at a Miami Burger King, according to WTVJ. The arrest report stated that Bagley and 27-year-old Genesis Peguero demanded free french fries in the restaurant's drive-thru. When a restaurant employee refused their request, they parked the car and entered the store, where Peguero hopped over the counter and, with her hands in her pockets suggesting she had a gun, demanded all the contents of the cash register. After the manager tried to call police, Peguero punched her in the face, the report said, and Bagley piled on to further assault the woman. The two then drove away after destroying two registers on their way out. Bagley was held without bond; Peguero remains at large. [WTVJ, 5/28/2019]