In April, News of the Weird reported that sweat bees were found to be living in the eye of a woman in Taiwan. Now, United Press International reports doctors at a hospital in Yangzhou, Jiangsu province, China, found a small spider building a nest inside a man's ear. The man, identified only as Li, arrived at the hospital complaining of discomfort in his ear. Doctors said the spider was too small and fast to be caught with tools, but they were able to flush it out using water. [United Press International, 5/8/2019]

Chutzpah!

Ricci Barnett, 41, refused to stop when a police officer tried to pull her over for driving the wrong way down a one-way street in Las Cruces, New Mexico, on April 21. The Associated Press reported that when she paused at a red light, the officer showed her his badge, to which she replied, "I don't think so" and drove away. Barnett was eventually apprehended and charged with aggravated fleeing from a law enforcement officer and reckless driving. [Associated Press, 5/12/2019]

Crime Report

-- A 25-year-old man from Kapaa, Hawaii, will likely spend seven years in prison after going on a drug-fueled rampage in his former boss's home in December. Forrest Broyles pleaded no contest on May 7 to charges that he broke into the home to claim his fair share of fish the two men had caught together. Broyles told Kauai police he was using the hallucinogenic concoction ayahuasca when he used a machete to break the glass front door of the home, reported The Garden Island. He threatened the boss and his wife, saying he "was going to kill him and chop him up," then attacked the house instead, hitting a television, breaking windows, a sliding glass door, kitchen cabinets, the stove and microwave and a canoe paddle, among other items, amounting to about $3,000 in damages. "That is what the whole incident was about," Broyles told a detective at the scene. "He owes me choke ahi." Broyles was on probation at the time (for allegedly threatening two people with scissors); he is scheduled for sentencing in August. [The Garden Island, 5/8/2019]

-- The Sioux Falls (South Dakota) Argus Leader reported that Brody Fuchs, 25, of Tyndall was arrested on April 23 and charged with second-degree burglary after a local man contacted police about items disappearing from his home over the course of a couple of years -- about $500 worth of sex toys. The man had installed security cameras in the house, which caught Fuchs entering the home, staying for about 40 seconds, then leaving, according to the affidavit. Bon Homme County Sheriff's officers searched Fuchs' residence and found a number of toys the victim said belonged to him. It was unclear whether the homeowner and Fuchs were acquainted. [Argus Leader, 5/10/2019]

Cuteness Alert

-- Hugo the dog is a frequent boarder at Happy Tails Pet Hotel and Playland in St. Ann, Missouri. In early May, according to KTVI, Hugo proved how much he loves his pals at the doggy day care: He ran away from home, navigated a busy street and covered more than a mile to get to Happy Tails, where he ran inside to greet his canine friends. [KTVI, 5/9/2019]

-- Baby's First Shoes: When Olivia the giraffe gave birth to her son on May 2 at the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle, zookeepers noticed his rear feet were not in normal alignment, a condition called hyperextended fetlocks. So the 170-pound baby, as yet unnamed, was fitted with casts to correct the problem, and along with them, his own custom-made pair of therapeutic shoes made of plywood and polyethylene. "I'm hopeful they will help him walk better," zoo veterinarian Dr. Tim Storms told KIRO. He expects the treatment will continue over several months. [KIRO, 5/9/2019]

Rules Are Rules

Keith Cutler, senior circuit judge of Winchester and Salisbury in England, had what would seem to be an airtight reason for avoiding jury duty in April: He was scheduled to be the presiding judge for the case. Even so, when Cutler contacted the jury summoning bureau to say, "I would be inappropriate, seeing I happened to be the judge and knew all the papers," the bureau refused to excuse him, suggesting he could "apply to the resident judge." Cutler eventually had to call to explain that he is the resident judge, reported The Guardian. He noted that he would have been happy to serve under other circumstances: "I would have liked to have done the jury service to see what it was like and whether I would have liked the judge," he said. [The Guardian, 4/16/2019]

Government in Action

New Zealand's House Speaker, Trevor Mallard, ejected National Leader Simon Bridges from the chamber on May 7, claiming that Bridges' conduct was inappropriate during Question Time. "The member earlier made a barnyard noise of the sort that would not be accepted in a junior classroom," Mallard said. But Bridges objected, saying, "I made no such noise and it is entirely unfair for you as a speaker to say that sort of unprofessional comment." The New Zealand Herald reported that Bridges later said Mallard's comments made him feel like a "naughty boy"; later inspection of video from the session revealed that Bridges had made a loud sound of disapproval after an answer given by Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern. [New Zealand Herald, 5/7/2019]

Florida

A police officer in Haines City, Florida, was inside a local business on May 4 when he heard "a loud noise" outside. In the parking lot, he found Gary Wayne Anderson, 68, had just crashed his riding lawnmower (with trailer carrying a red cooler) into the officer's cruiser, reported the Miami Herald. "F--- it, I'm drunk," Anderson told officers, according to an arrest affidavit. "Take me to jail." He was so intoxicated, police said, that he failed a field sobriety test and "almost fell to the ground multiple times." At the police station, Anderson accused police of poisoning him and requested that he be taken to a hospital, where test results found his blood-alcohol content to be three times Florida's legal limit. Anderson has two prior DUI convictions and has not had a valid driver's license since 1978. "It's never a good idea to get behind the wheel drunk," noted police Chief Jim Elensky, "even if that wheel is to a Craftsman, Massey Ferguson or John Deere." [Miami Herald, 5/6/2019]

Awesome!

Cinema's Freddy Krueger has nothing on a winged resident of the Cascavel city zoo in Brazil. The Amazonian parrot started his life at the zoo about four years ago, after being shot in the upper beak during a raid at a drug den, which disfigured his face and earned him the name Freddy Krueger, reported The Guardian. In April, Freddy survived being bitten on the leg by a (nonvenomous) snake, which resulted in profuse bleeding. Just days later, armed thieves broke into the zoo and stole Freddy, along with another parrot and a cylinder of gas. But true to Freddy form, the parrot made his way back to the zoo, where veterinarian Ilair Dettoni speculated that Freddy's deformities may have made him less desirable to the thieves. "I don't know if Freddy is really unlucky or really lucky," he said. The other parrot and the gas cylinder have not been located. [The Guardian, 4/29/2019]

What began as a quiet family dinner at home quickly escalated into a front-yard brawl on April 22 in Bedford, Virginia. Fox News reported that Mark Turner, 56, his girlfriend, the girlfriend's son and the son's girlfriend had retired to the front yard after dinner when an argument broke out between the two men about whether Chevrolet or Ford makes better vehicles. According to the Bedford County Commonwealth's Attorney Wes Nance, Turner allegedly pulled out a knife but ended up slashing his girlfriend's back as she tried to calm the situation. Next Turner went inside and retrieved a gun, but as the girlfriend again tried to get between him and her son, he allegedly shot the woman five times in the leg. He also shot the son in the arm, and two of his stray bullets hit the son's girlfriend in her back and cheek. Finally, according to prosecutors, Turner barricaded himself in the house, where police eventually shot him with a beanbag round and took him into custody. Turner was charged with felony malicious wounding, use of a firearm in the commission of a felony and possession of a firearm by a felon. [Fox News, 5/2/2019]

Free Speech

TSA agents at Juneau International Airport logged unexpected cargo on April 15 when a "large organic mass" was spotted in a traveler's carry-on bag. TSA spokesperson Lisa Farbstein explained to KTOO that such a flag can indicate the presence of explosives. However, when agents opened the bag, they found a plastic grocery bag full of moose "nuggets." "The passenger told the TSA officers that he collects this and likes to present it 'for politicians and their (bleep) policies,'" Farbstein explained. The passenger was not detained and was allowed to continue on with his bag of moose poop. Later that day, the Anchorage Daily News reported that a man was seen at the state capitol, handing out baggies of moose nuggets in protest of Gov. Mike Dunleavy's proposed budget. [KTOO, 4/26/2019]

News That Sounds Like a Joke

Arnold J. Teeter, 49, became angry while dining at a Perkins restaurant in Painesville, Ohio, on April 16. First, he threw a menu at his waitress; when a manager stepped in, Teeter upped his game and grabbed his pet iguana from under his shirt, twirled it in the air and launched it toward the manager. Teeter was charged with disorderly conduct -- and with cruelty to animals, because Copper, the turquoise iguana, suffered a broken leg in the incident. The Lake County Humane Society has taken the female lizard into protective custody and is trying to raise money for the surgery she needs, reports WEWS. No word on whether the Perkins manager suffered any injuries in the incident. [WEWS, 5/3/2019]

Yikes!

John Gardner was minding his own business, driving to work in Conway, South Carolina, on April 30 when "a big, black dot" flew into his windshield, shattering the glass, according to WBTW. "I didn't get hurt at all," Gardner said, although he was covered in glass fragments. The flying object didn't fare so well: A nearby truck had hit a tortoise crossing the road and projected it into Gardner's car. Rob's Auto Body said the animal died on impact. The truck driver was also unhurt, but it's estimated that repairs to Gardner's car will cost about $2,000. [WBTW, 5/2/2019]

Crime Report

Sometimes a girl just wants a pretty new thing. But Aida Melcado, 18, and an unnamed minor accomplice, let greed get the best of them. Lower Allen Township Police say Melcado and her helper browsed through the Victoria's Secret store in the Capital City Mall in Bethesda, Maryland, on April 7, carrying large shopping bags and talking on cellphones. While the minor acted as a lookout, Melcado allegedly shoveled delicates into her bag, to wit: 375 hipster panties (worth $3,937.50), 375 cut thongs ($3,937.50), 1,000 thongs ($10,500) and 250 raw-cut hip-hugging panties ($2,625), for a grand total of $21,000. Police told WPMT they later identified the thieves during a drug investigation in Fairfax County, Virginia. [WPMT, 5/3/2019]

Likely Story

Police in Tempe, Arizona, said Vanessa Santillan, 40, and her boyfriend were arguing as she was driving on April 21. When she stopped, he exited the car and crossed the street to a sidewalk. Santillan then honked the horn, and her boyfriend returned a rude gesture, according to KTVK/KPHO. That's when police say Santillan drove onto the sidewalk and hit the man, causing injuries serious enough to require a trip to the hospital and stitches. Santillan drove away, but later spoke to police saying she wasn't aware it was "that bad" when she left the scene, further elaborating that she had "blacked out" and didn't remember hitting the boyfriend -- even though her car had visible damage. She was booked on one count of aggravated assault and one count of failing to remain at the scene of a collision with injuries. [AZFamily.com, 5/1/2019]

Update

News of the Weird reported in May 2018 about Thomas Tramaglini, the superintendent of Kenilworth Public Schools in New Jersey, who pleaded guilty to defecating on the Holmdel High School track and football field "on a daily basis." On April 30, Fox News reported, Tramaglini filed a lawsuit against the Holmdel Police Department for releasing his mug shot, claiming doing so tarnished his reputation and "altered his life forever." Tramaglini's actions earned him the nickname "pooperintendent," and he claims to be "underemployed" and "fighting for any semblance of normalcy he can create for himself and his family." However, he also negotiated a "separation agreement" of more than $100,000 with the district in August 2018. [Fox News, 5/1/2019]

Oops

Runners of the Belfast City Marathon on May 5 who felt the course would never end had a legitimate reason, CNN reported. Organizing committee chairman David Seaton admitted later that "approximately 460 additional meters were added to the officially measured course of 26.2 miles," a difference of about three-tenths of a mile. Seaton blamed the mistake on "human error, with the lead car diverting from the official route." Organizers promised to adjust runners' times to account for the additional mileage. [CNN, 5/5/2019]

Wait, What?

Bartender Sarah Krueger was hoping to raise awareness about women's health issues at Yuzu in Lakewood, Ohio, when she introduced a new cocktail, the Even Can't Literally -- a red berry margarita sporting a tampon applicator as a garnish. She told WJW that $1 from the sale of each drink goes to the Domestic Violence and Child Advocacy Center in Cleveland, and patrons can decide whether they want the garnish included or not. Critics were quick to complain on social media, but bar owner Dave Bumba defended the promotion: "This is a small way to bring awareness to real good causes that we are behind." Bumba also assured customers that the health department had OK'd putting the feminine hygiene product in the drinks. [WJW, 5/3/2019]

The Continuing Crisis

In Spokane Valley, Washington, two thieves must have been really thirsty on May 1 when they heaved a 700-pound soda vending machine into the back of a pickup truck. Ryan King, owner of ProFormance Lube, noticed that the "monstrosity" of a vending machine was gone as soon as he arrived at work that morning. When he checked his surveillance camera footage, he saw two men loading it into the truck -- even though the store is right across the street from a police station. "It just goes to show how brazen criminals are," King told KHQ. The machine was later found but was damaged beyond repair. Police are still on the lookout for the thieves. [KHQ, 5/3/2019]

Police officers in Indialantic, Florida, responded to at least seven calls about a man disturbing the peace on April 7. Patrons of Starbucks and Sassy Granny's Smoothies, among others, were startled when 61-year-old Thomas Devaney Lane started yelling, calling himself "the saint" and threatening to unleash his army of turtles on the community. According to WKMG, Lane went along with an officer to the police station, where he screamed at the dispatcher and pounded on the walls, but then left the building. He was located later at a 7-Eleven, verbally assaulting customers. As officers stood by, Lane called 911 and told the dispatcher, "I need to leave now or you will all be sorry you (expletive) with the saint." Lane was charged with disturbing the peace, resisting arrest without violence and misusing 911. [WKMG, 4/12/2019]

The Way the World Works

In Nashville, Tennessee, as the NFL Draft was taking over the town, brides and bridesmaids celebrating bachelorette parties were confounded by the crowds. WZTV reported on April 25 that the influx of crazed football fans was cramping the style of several groups: "We come here to listen to country music, not hang out with football boys," pouted a bride named Cara. "I'll tell you who's going to pay for this. My husband. No football next season," threatened a bridesmaid named Cyndi. But a bride named Savannah was more Zen about the situation: "We're gonna make the best of it. It is what it is." [WZTV, 4/26/2019]

Running Out of Time

Lukas Bates, 30, of southeastern England, dreamed big while running the London Marathon on April 28, according to Fox News. In addition to finishing, Bates hoped to secure a Guinness world record as the fastest runner dressed as an iconic building. His costume, the tower known as Big Ben in London, rose several feet above his head -- and that, it turns out, is what tripped him up. As Bates approached the finish line, his costume got caught on the scoreboard structure overhead. Finally a sympathetic race steward helped Bates free himself and make it over the finish line in three hours, 54 minutes and 21 seconds -- missing by only 20 seconds the record held by Richard Mietz, who ran last year's Berlin Marathon dressed as Germany's Holstentor gate. [Fox News, 4/28/2019]

Least Competent Criminal

One way to assure a negative response to a job application is to lift a few items from your prospective employer on the way out. So it went for an unnamed 36-year-old man in Gillette, Wyoming, who visited a Sportsman's Warehouse on April 24, where he paid for some items with a rewards card but also left the store with some bullets and a pair of sunglasses. Two days later, the Gillette News Record reported, the man returned and asked to fill out a job application, then walked out with two more pairs of sunglasses worth $85. This time, workers called police, who arrested the man and recovered all the stolen items. [Gillette News Record, 4/28/2019]

Inexplicable

The Lankenau Medical Center in suburban Philadelphia was the site of a break-in on the morning of April 20, but it was the stolen loot that leaves us scratching our heads. Two men and a woman stuffed several colonoscopes worth $450,000 into three backpacks. The scopes are used to examine colons during colonoscopies. "This is not something that a typical pawn shop might accept," said Lower Merion Police Det. Sgt. Michael Vice. "My feeling would be that it was some type of black market sales." He also told WCAU that it's not yet clear whether it was an inside job. [WCAU, 4/25/2019]

Lame

Why spend all that money on a real vacation when you can just fake a trip to an iconic destination? That's the service offered by Fake a Vacation, a Nebraska company that offers to superimpose you in a photo from a popular vacation spot, such as Las Vegas or the Grand Canyon, for posting on your social media pages. According to United Press International, they'll even offer you some fun facts about the place you choose to help you make your trip stories more legit. Packages start at $19.99; no word on what it costs to get your dignity back. [UPI, 4/25/2019]

You Know You've Thought of It

United Press International reported on April 25 that the Arizona Department of Public Safety arrested yet another driver using a dummy in the passenger seat to cruise in the HOV lane along State Route 202. "Don't let this be you," the department's Twitter feed warned. The mannequin in this case was dressed as a woman. [UPI, 4/25/2019]

Awesome!

Idahoans embraced the Big Idaho Potato, a 28-foot-long steel-and-plaster potato constructed in 2012 to mark the Idaho Potato Commission's 75th anniversary. It's been traveling the country ever since, promoting Idaho's biggest crop, and the plan was for it to be retired this year, when Big Idaho Potato 2.0 arrives. But Kristie Wolfe had better idea. The tiny house builder has converted the sculpture into a single-room hotel (aptly called the Big Idaho Potato Hotel), reported USA Today. It features a queen bed, two chairs and a bathroom with a whirlpool and skylight for stargazing; Wolfe lists it on Airbnb for $200 per night. "It's a way of inviting people to experience Idaho in a unique way," remarked Frank Muir, CEO of the Idaho Potato Commission. [USA Today, 4/24/2019]

The High Price of Vanity

A "vampire facial" is a procedure during which blood is drawn with a needle and then "spun" to separate the plasma, which is then injected into the face. For customers of a spa in Albuquerque, New Mexico, though, the most lasting effects may come after a blood test. The state's Department of Health is urging customers of VIP Spa, which closed in September 2018, to undergo HIV testing after two people were infected following treatment there. Dr. Dean Bair of the Bair Medical Spa said people should always make sure they're going to a licensed facility for such procedures. "This is just the worst example of what can go wrong," he told KOAT. The spa closed after inspectors found the spa's practices could potentially spread blood-borne infections, including hepatitis B and C as well as HIV. [KOAT, 4/30/2019]

Smooth Reactions

An unnamed Ogden, Utah, woman who accused her boyfriend of cheating added emphasis to the charge in a most unusual manner on April 27, according to a Salt Lake County Jail report. The 23-year-old was with her boyfriend in the parking lot of a strip mall in Sandy when she "took her clothing off as she accused the boyfriend of cheating. ... The incident took place in a busy public area with constant vehicle and pedestrian traffic." KSL reported the woman told police she stripped because "her boyfriend doesn't want her anymore." She was arrested for disorderly conduct and lewdness involving a child. [KSL, 4/29/2019]

Family Values

A 33-year-old man from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, was arraigned April 29 on two counts of abuse of a corpse and one count of criminal mischief after he flushed his grandparents' ashes down the toilet. The Tribune-Review reported that Thomas Porter Wells was living at his mother's house when she became fed up with his drinking and marijuana use and asked him to leave last September. Denise Porter told police she learned from a relative in February that Wells had disposed of her parents' remains, which had been stored in a box as part of a memorial in her bedroom, before leaving. Wells denied flushing the ashes, but he later texted his mother that he would flush her remains, too, after she died. [TRIBLive, 4/29/2019]