John Stevenson of Inverclyde, Scotland, hit a bump in his plans to vacation in the United States on Dec. 3 when his visa was denied after he declared himself a terrorist while filling out a Department of Homeland Security online form commonly known as ESTA. One of the questions on the form asks, "Are you a terrorist?" Stevenson, 70, told The Independent that the website "must have jumped from No to Yes without me knowing," adding that the site kept timing out and crashing as he and his wife, Marion, tried to answer the questions. "I even called the border control in the U.S. and gave them my passport details," he said. "They looked up my ESTA number and said, 'You're a terrorist.' The only time I've been in court was for jury service. Marion is sick about it. ... I don't know why that question is on the form in the first place." (UPDATE: United Airlines refunded the Stevensons' airline tickets and gifted them two free flights to New York once their visa troubles are all worked out.) [The Independent, 12/1/2018]

Armed and Clumsy

A shopper at a Buckeye, Arizona, Walmart was in the meat department on Nov. 27 when his semiautomatic handgun, which he had positioned for a quick draw in the waistband of his sweatpants, began to slip. As he tried to reposition it, he told Buckeye police, it discharged, striking the gunslinger in his privacies. AZCentral reported the unnamed shopper was taken to the hospital with minor injuries, and no one else was hurt. However, police did file a charge of unlawful discharge of a firearm. [AZCentral, 11/28/2018]

Least Competent Criminals

-- A successful heist at an electronics retail store requires careful planning and attention to detail -- a fact that appears to have escaped three men in North Raleigh, North Carolina, on Nov. 12. That night, the News and Observer reported, an employee of the store called 911 to report that three men had entered the store with semi-automatic weapons and ordered workers into the stockroom. One of them was carrying a cardboard box, officers learned, which he used to load up mobile phones and smart watches. The men also filled two crates with merchandise, which totaled more than $26,000. When the robbers left through the back door, they took the crates with them, but forgot the cardboard box which, serendipitously, sported a shipping label with an address on it. Police used the address, along with a mug shot from a previous crime that matched an image in the store's surveillance video, to track down Brian Lamonte Clark, 22, and arrest him for robbery with a dangerous weapon and conspiracy to commit robbery. [Raleigh News and Observer, 11/30/2018]

-- The Lucardo Escape Rooms in Manchester, England, were the site of a misguided break-in on Nov. 29 when two thieves ransacked a fake bank vault as if it were the real thing. The Manchester Evening News reported that more than 50 surveillance cameras captured the duo's antics as they broke into fake safes and opened drawers that held only puzzles. "They must be Manchester's stupidest burglars," said Lucardo director Ian Pownall, 26. The business lost about 100 pounds in cash, but damage amounted to about 1,000 pounds -- not to mention lost revenue while the business cleans up. "We're a small, family-owned business, so even a couple of thousand pounds will have an effect on us, particularly before Christmas," Pownall said. [Manchester Evening News, 11/29/2018]

'Scuuuuse Me!

-- At the Grand Slam of Darts in Wolverhampton, England, there was more in the air than just the sharp projectiles tossed by competitors on Nov. 16. According to Reuters, former two-time champion Gary Anderson, 47, from Scotland, prevailed over Wesley Harms, 34, from the Netherlands to reach the quarter finals, but Harms had a gripe: He said he was affected by the "fragrant smell" Anderson had emitted as they played. "It'll take me two nights to lose this smell from my nose," Harms told a Dutch television station. Anderson objected, saying the smell came "from the table side," laying the blame on spectators. "If the boy thinks I've farted he's 1,010 percent wrong," Anderson declared. "If somebody has done that they need to see a doctor. ... He says it was me, but I would admit it." [Reuters, 11/17/2018]

-- Shanetta Yvette Wilson, 37, was standing in line at a Dollar General store in Dania Beach, Florida, on Nov. 25 when the urge struck and she let one rip. John Walker, who was standing nearby, was offended and complained about "the defendant farting loudly," according to the resulting Broward Sheriff's office complaint, so Wilson pulled out a small folding knife, opened it and threatened to "gut" Walker as she moved toward him. The Miami Herald reported that police called to the scene tracked down Wilson and charged her with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill. [Miami Herald, 12/1/2018]

Government in Action

Yoshitaka Sakurada, 68, a 22-year member of Japan's parliament, was named by Prime Minister Shinzo Abe in October to two new posts: cybersecurity and Olympics minister for the country. But according to Reuters, at a committee meeting on Nov. 14, when a member of the opposition asked Sakurada a "gotcha" question about his computer literacy, he admitted: "I've never used a computer! ... I've always directed my staff and secretaries to do that kind of thing." He assured the lawmaker there would be no problems. Mmm-hmm. [Reuters, 11/14/2018]

Update

In The Hague, Netherlands, motivational speaker Emile Ratelband, 69, will not turn 50 on his next birthday, as he had hoped. As reported earlier, Ratelband petitioned the court in November for an age change, saying he feels discriminated against both in the career realm and on Tinder. But the Associated Press reported that on Dec. 3, a Dutch court rejected his plea to become 49, saying he did not convince judges that he had been discriminated against and that "Mr. Ratelband is at liberty to feel 20 years younger than his real age and to act accordingly," but noting that changing his age would nullify any number of records from public registers. Ratelband hopes to appeal. [Associated Press, 12/3/2018]

Scrooged

An unnamed substitute teacher in Montville, New Jersey, won't be returning to Cedar Hill School after revealing a sacred secret to first-grade students there on Nov. 29. Superintendent Rene Rovtar told NJ.com that the sub got into a debate with a student about whether Santa is real. That's when the 6-year-olds started quizzing her about the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Elf on a Shelf, and the teacher "proceeded to debunk all of it," Rovtar said. Parents reported doing "damage control" after the kids returned home from school, and the sub is no longer welcome in the district. [NJ.com, 12/4/2018]

But, Cheesecake!

Things got "a little hectic" in Clarendon, Virginia, on Dec. 5 when an unexpectedly large number of delivery drivers convened at the Cheesecake Factory in response to a 40th anniversary promotion offering free cheesecake slices. The sweet treats were available only to those who ordered on DoorDash, ARLnow.com reported, and a crowd of delivery drivers double-parked outside and jostled for position inside the restaurant as they picked up orders. Arlington County police and medics responded to reports of fights and disorderly conduct, resulting in one arrest but no apparent injuries. [ARLnow.com, 12/5/2018]

LOL

The animal rights group PETA launched a new campaign Dec. 4 designed to remove some common animal-related idioms from the English language. CBS News reports the group tweeted suggested alterations to phrases it says are verbal vestiges of "speciesism" and perpetuate harmful messages. PETA offers these alternatives: For "bring home the bacon," try "bring home the bagels." "Take the bull by the horns" should be "take the flower by the thorns." And "kill two birds with one stone" morphs into "feed two birds with one scone." PETA likened the use of the original phrases to racist and homophobic language: "Phrases that trivialize cruelty to animals will vanish as more people begin to appreciate animals for who they are." Reaction on social media was swift. Maybe PETA should have let sleeping bags lie. [CBS News, 12/5/2018]

Akihiko Kondo, 35, of Tokyo, spent $18,000 on a Nov. 4 wedding ceremony to marry the love of his life, Hatsune Miku -- a computer-generated hologram with big eyes and long, turquoise hair. Kondo told Reuters he found Hatsune Miku, who has thousands of fans around the world, singing on the internet. The wedding ceremony included traditions such as the exchange of rings (hers was placed on the finger of a stuffed doll created in her image) and friends and relatives in attendance, although Kondo's parents did not attend. "I believe the shape of happiness and love is different for each person," Kondo said. [Reuters, 11/14/2018]

Christmas Comes Early

A Bank of America ATM in Houston was the scene of a near-riot on Nov. 25 when it began dispensing $100 bills instead of $10s, reported Click2Houston. After the first lucky driver posted his score on social media, a crowd showed up and stood in line, with a few fights and arguments breaking out over about two hours, until police were summoned and the free money was shut down. Bank of America released a statement the next day that would have galled Ebenezer Scrooge: "Customers will be able to keep the money dispensed." Turns out the blame lay with a vendor who incorrectly loaded $100 bills into the $10 slot. There was no report of how much money was withdrawn. [Click2Houston, 11/26/2018]

Least Competent Criminals

-- Richard Robert Langely, 46, of Kansas City, Missouri, was working part time for the Platte Woods Police Department in October when he decided to take part in the department's drug take-back program. Except, according to court documents, Langely wasn't disposing of drugs; he was helping himself to pills that had been collected in Lake Waukomis. And to make matters worse, the Kansas City Star reported, his own body camera captured evidence enabling prosecutors to charge him with felony theft of a controlled substance. Langely is scheduled to appear in court on Dec. 10. [Kansas City Star, 11/26/2018]

-- Wesley Glenn Bost, 27, of Birmingham, Alabama, made quite the impression when he fell through the ceiling of a Waffle House in Tuscumbia on Nov. 4, not least because he wasn't wearing pants. Bost apparently went into the restaurant's bathroom and used his pants to tie the door shut, then, said Tuscumbia police Detective Sgt. Wes Holland, climbed into the ceiling with the intent of robbing the office. WHNT News reported that video of the incident shows Bost shoving other restaurant patrons on his way to the door, which was being held shut by people outside, before hitting the door with his shoulder and falling to the floor. Finally he managed to flee ... without his trousers ... which held his driver's license. [WHNT, 11/6/2018]

Compelling Explanations

It happens all the time: A vehicle crashes into a building, causing damage and sometimes injury, because brakes don't function or a driver steps on the wrong pedal. In the case of Keith Rio Cavalier, 28, however, there was more to the story. WLOX reported that Cavalier drove his 1997 Toyota Tacoma into a glass wall at the Harrison County courthouse in Gulfport, Mississippi, on Nov. 10 at around 6 a.m. The building was empty, so there were no injuries, and Cavalier can be clearly seen on surveillance video climbing out of the truck and leaving the scene. When police caught up to him, Cavalier told them he intentionally struck the building in order to report drug paraphernalia had been stolen from him. It will come as no surprise that Cavalier was found to have been driving under the influence and arrested; he was held at the county jail on $25,000 bond. [WLOX via WBTV, 11/10/2018]

Picky, Picky

A referee in a Women's Super League soccer match in Manchester City, England, stayed cool at the start of the televised game on Oct. 26 when he realized he'd forgotten his coin for the kickoff coin toss. Thinking quickly, David McNamara had the captains of the Manchester City and Reading teams play "Rock, Paper, Scissors" instead. But the Football Association, soccer's governing body in England, was unamused, and on Nov. 26, McNamara began a 21-day suspension after accepting a charge of "not acting in the best interests of the game," according to the BBC. An FA refereeing manager said: "He should have been more prepared. ... It's very unprofessional." [BBC, 11/13/2018]

What Is Fame?

Former Toronto Blue Jays star Jose Bautista has another honor to add to his resume, thanks to entomologist Bob Anderson of the Canadian Museum of Nature. On Nov. 22, reported the Associated Press, Anderson named a newly discovered species of beetle after the star third baseman and right fielder. Sicoderus bautistai is a small black weevil found in the Dominican Republic, where Bautista hails from. "I thought what a great way to kind of recognize (Bautista's) contributions to Blue Jays baseball and to Canadian baseball, really, as a whole," said Anderson. The scientist has named about 120 weevils over his career. [Associated Press, 11/22/2018]

Awesome!

-- Katherine Leigh Mehta, 26, of Arlington, Texas, accepted a gig to photograph a wedding at The Springs Event Venue in Weatherford on Nov. 24. But she became the star of the show when wedding guests discovered her having sex with another guest in a room at the venue, according to WSRZ Radio. A security guard summoned Parker County Sheriff's deputies, who found Mehta yelling by a fountain on the property, according to their report. She then walked to a tree and urinated. While she waited in the back of the patrol car, Mehta screamed: "Y'all families will be dead by Christmas. Y'alls daughters are dead. My dad is going to find out about this, and y'all are ... dead. D-E-A-D." At the jail, officers found a bottle of anxiety pills, which they believe she mixed with alcohol, causing her erratic behavior. She faces charges of public intoxication and obstruction/retaliation. [WSRZ, 11/27/2018]

-- All good things must come to an end, and so it seems for Robert Craig Davis, 70, of Key Largo, Florida. Drivers in South Florida had reported seeing a Chrysler Pacifica minivan rigged with a clever device that lowered a black cloth over its license plate each time it drove through an automated toll plaza. But on Nov. 17, according to FLKeysNews.com, an off-duty Florida highway patrolman spotted the vehicle as it passed through the Bird Road toll plaza and he alerted his fellow troopers. Sgt. Carlos Vanegas soon stopped Davis, according to the arrest report, and found a remote control device used to operate the license plate cover. "The actions of the defendant showed an ongoing course of conduct with intent to defraud the SunPass toll system," trooper Dennis Gallo wrote in his report. Davis was charged with organized fraud and petit theft. [FLKeysNews.com, 11/24/2018]

Crime Report

Suspected car prowler Isaiah John Gellatly, 31, of Vancouver, Washington, was going about his business late on Nov. 19 when Happy Valley police were called, according to Fox12 News. Responding officers found Gellatly lying fully reclined in the driver's seat of a Honda Accord matching the suspect vehicle's description. Suddenly Gellatly sat up and sped away, leading to a pursuit and the use of spike strips. As his ability to control the car decreased, police said, Gellatly opened his door to flee, but forgot to put the Honda in park, so it rolled alongside him as he ran. Eventually he tried to run in front of it, as the car hit a tree, a building -- and Gellatly, breaking one of his legs. Suspected stolen items found in the car included a tennis racket, a Ping-Pong paddle and a Texas Instruments calculator, begging the question: Was it worth a broken leg? [Fox 12 News, 11/21/2018]

The historic Chattaway restaurant in St. Petersburg, Florida, is a welcoming place, but it was the scene of a lot of unexpected late-night activity in early November, according to the Tampa Bay Times. Surveillance video of a Nov. 6 break-in captured an intruder who "spent over an hour just milling around going room to room and eating and drinking," said manager Amanda Kitto. In the process, he stole chicken wings and beer, along with computer equipment and cash tips. In the midst of their investigation, police were surprised to find yet another nocturnal visitor on tape from the night before: A man riding a bicycle cruised up to the restaurant and slipped in a back gate. After emptying a storage shed of all its contents, he went into the restaurant bathroom and emerged completely naked. Next he can be seen at a restaurant picnic table, digging into the meal he brought with him: Maruchan Instant Lunch ramen noodles. But Kitto said he was so tidy staff wouldn't have even known he was there had police not been investigating the later incident. "We still don't know where his pants are," said server Chad Pearson. Officers identified the man, who is homeless, but the restaurant declined to press charges because he caused no real harm. Police are still looking for the other man. [Tampa Bay Times, 11/12/2018]

Latest Religious Messages

Pastor John Lindell of the James River Church in Ozark, Missouri, took the opportunity presented by Halloween to compose a paranormal-themed sermon that warned against fortune-telling, Wicca -- and yoga. According to the Springfield News-Leader, Lindell told parishioners on Oct. 28 that yoga positions were "created with demonic intent to open you up to demonic power because Hinduism is demonic." He went on: "To say the positions of yoga are no more than exercise are (sic) tantamount to saying water baptism is just aqua aerobics." Local yoga instructors were not amused, especially when fewer people started showing up to their classes. Instructor Amanda Davis said the pastor doesn't have a thorough understanding of the practice. "Yoga doesn't prescribe (sic) to any religion, and I don't think people understand that, so they get false ideas about it," she said. "It's ignorant." [Springfield News-Leader, 11/13/2018]

Girl Fight!

A lawsuit filed in federal court in Dallas on Nov. 9 seeks up to $1 million in damages and accuses American Airlines flight attendant Laura Powers, 56, of assault and battery on her co-worker Kathy Ida Wolfe during an in-flight brawl in June 2016. In her suit, Wolfe claims Powers "maliciously dug her fingernails into my arm, and slammed the door of a beverage cart on my arm," and also "grabbed my scarf, choking me, and dragged me in the aisle and in front of the passengers." The Dallas Morning News reported Wolfe also said she alerted the captain and other flight attendants about the behavior, but American took no action "to ensure my safety." In response to the suit, originally filed in Tarrant County, the airline and Powers both said they are "not liable because (Wolfe) caused or contributed to cause the harm for which recovery of damages is sought." [Dallas Morning News, 11/10/2018]

Compelling Explanation

Christopher Greyshock, 57, of West Milford, New Jersey, used the old disappointed football fan excuse to explain how things went wrong after he was involved in a traffic accident in Wayne on Nov. 11 that injured two people: "I drank too much because the Jets suck." According to News12, as first responders were attending to the injured, Greyshock staggered toward them smelling of alcohol. A field sobriety test confirmed Greyshock was inebriated, and he was arrested. On the front seat of his car were a bottle of bourbon and marijuana. Buddy, there's always next year. [News12, 11/13/2018]

Compulsions

David Rush of Boise, Idaho, has found a unique way to score his 15 minutes of fame. On Nov. 13, at the public library in Oak Brook, Illinois, Rush set his mind to achieving a new Guinness record for eating sweet corn kernels within three minutes with a toothpick. Rush, who holds 40 Guinness records, succeeded on his third try, downing 241 kernels. "It's a ridiculous talent to have," Rush admitted to the Chicago Tribune. "I practiced skewering a lot to prepare along with the size of the plate, spreading out the corn and best toothpicks to use." Rush told the Tribune he got involved in breaking records to promote science, technology, engineering and math education (STEM), saying a lot of kids don't feel confident about STEM subjects. "If you believe you can get better at something and work hard at it, you can get better at anything," he explained. [Chicago Tribune, 11/14/2018]

My Generation

Hasbro has determined that the buying hotels and houses aspect of Monopoly doesn't much appeal to millennials, who "can't afford it anyway." So just in time for Christmas, the company has released a new version of its classic game, Monopoly for Millennials, in which players, whose game pieces include an emoji and a vintage camera, gather experiences rather than property. On the box, Rich Uncle Pennybags holds a takeout coffee and wears ear buds and a "participation" medal that reads, "If you had fun, you won!" USA Today reported the game's experiences include "Thrift Shop" and "Farmers Market," along with dining at a vegan bistro and attending a music festival. But make sure you Uber home: There is still a "Go to Jail" space on the board. [USA Today, 11/14/2018]

Inexplicable

Police in Youngstown, Ohio, received an unusual call late on the morning of Nov. 14, according to WFMJ TV. A resident of the city's South Side called 911 to report that four men appeared to be stealing the sidewalk along Ridge Avenue. Police arrived to find parts of the sidewalk were indeed missing, and following a tip from a neighbor, they soon caught up with four men driving a truck hauling six flagstone slabs. Thomas Clark, Andre Eggleston, Levar Riley and D'Vaille Williams were charged with theft. [WFMJ, 11/15/2018]

Bright Ideas

-- The Zolotoy Bridge in Vladivostok, Russia, is more than a mile long and opened in 2012, but three years later, inspectors banned pedestrians from crossing it because the walkways were too narrow to be safe. United Press International reports the ban didn't stop four pedestrians on Nov. 8, who attempted to cross the vehicle-only bridge wearing a yellow cardboard bus costume to disguise themselves. Police weren't buying it, though, and pulled them over. [UPI, 11/13/2018]

-- Like many recently untethered people, Kimberly Santleben-Stiteler, 43, wanted to celebrate her divorce with a party, so on Nov. 10, she hosted about 40 people at her father's farm near Lacoste, Texas, about 25 miles west of San Antonio. The big bang of the party wasn't the music or the food, though, according to the San Antonio Star-Telegram. Santleben-Stiteler wanted to burn her wedding dress, which "represented a lie," she said, and not just burn it, blow it up. Her dad and brother-in-law attached exploding targets to the dress, and to really take things up a notch, also rigged it with 20 pounds of Tannerite, the same explosive used in the targets. "We have a friend who is a bomb tech, and he kept saying, 'That's really a lot,'" the un-bride's sister told the newspaper. Shooting from 200 yards away, Santleben-Stiteler hit her target on the first shot. "The explosion was huge," she said. Residents of Medina County heard and felt the explosion as far away as 15 miles. "It was liberating pulling that trigger," Santleben-Stiteler said. "It was closure for all of us." [San Antonio Star-Telegram, 11/12/2018]