In Plymouth, Massachusetts, on Aug. 17, a friendly game at Southers Marsh Golf Club turned ugly when Derek Harkins, 46, and an unnamed 57-year-old man got into a brawl on the 18th hole. But you gotta hand it to Harkins: The Patriot Ledger reported that he pointedly ended the fight by biting off the other man's finger up to the knuckle, according to Plymouth Police Chief Michael Botieri. The victim, from Marshfield, was taken to the hospital, but his finger could not be reattached. Harkins was arrested at the scene and charged with assault and battery, mayhem and disturbing the peace. [Patriot-Ledger, 8/19/2018]

Undignified Death

The happiest place on Earth couldn't work its magic on Aug. 15 when a worker at nearby Harvest Power fell into a vat of oil and grease from Walt Disney World. The plant in Lake Buena Vista, Florida, recycles the resort's food waste, then converts it into renewable energy and fertilizer. John Korody, 61, and another worker were emptying the contents of a semitruck into a vat when Korody slipped on a grate and fell into the vat. His co-worker tried to pull him out, but the fumes overtook them both, and Korody slid farther in, according to The Washington Post. The Reedy Creek Fire Department responded, but Korody was pronounced dead at the scene. [The Washington Post, 8/16/2018]

Smooth Reaction

Debbie L. McCulley, 57, of Salem, Virginia, has been banned from all future Floyd County High School sporting events but, on the bright side, her indecent exposure case may eventually be dropped, following an incident area lawyers are calling "moon over Floyd." McCulley's husband, Mark, is the JV softball coach for Glenvar High School, and the charges resulted from Debbie's unusual reaction to her husband's team's loss to Floyd County in May. She "stood on or close to the pitcher's mound and pulled down her pants with her right hand to expose her right butt cheek," according to Floyd County Sheriff's Deputy G.H. Scott. But Debbie told the officer that her husband had confronted the opposing coach after the game, and she was afraid he would be "attacked," so she was trying to divert attention from the two men. The Roanoke Times reported that Debbie wrote a letter of apology and will be performing community service. Chris Robinson of the Virginia High School League noted that crowd behavior at games is "probably leaning a little bit in the wrong direction." [Roanoke Times, 8/17/2018]

Weird Science

United Press International reported that a 42-year-old British woman saw her eye doctor after experiencing swelling and drooping of her eyelid earlier this year. After performing an MRI, doctors discovered a cyst and performed surgery, during which they found a hard contact lens embedded in the eyelid. It turns out that the patient had suffered a blow to the eye 28 years ago and had assumed the lens fell out. She experienced no symptoms until the recent discomfort. [UPI, 8/16/2018]

Annoying

-- After 16 years, neighbors of "Eva N." in Sturovo, Slovakia, have gotten relief from her particular brand of torment, reported the BBC. From morning until night, the woman had played a four-minute aria from Giuseppe Verdi's "La Traviata" over and over, with her speakers on full blast. "The whole street is suffering," complained one resident. At first, the music-lover played the music to drown out a neighbor's barking dog, but continued the practice until Aug. 6, when she was arrested for harassment and malicious persecution. If found guilty, she could face between six months and three years in prison. [BBC, 8/9/2018]

-- A pothole in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, got a new life as a vegetable garden this summer after area residents grew weary of waiting for the city to repair it. The hole, which is several feet deep, had been expanding for months, neighbors said. So they filled it with tomato plants, which are now ripening and getting so tall they require wire cages for support. Now, "It's sort of, like, become the community garden," resident Bryan Link told CBC Radio. Finally, Mayor John Tory has agreed to not only fill the pothole, but to move the tomato plants to a community garden. [CBC Radio, 8/16/2018]

Unexpected Hazard

An unnamed Irish teenager's hiking outing became fodder for any number of bad punsters after the boy was hit by a falling sheep while walking in Northern Ireland's Mourne Mountains. The sheep fell from a crag on Aug. 17 and landed on the boy, who was treated for potential injuries to his head, neck, back, abdomen and leg. "It is believed the sheep was uninjured and left the scene unaided," reported Metro News. Punny comments on a social media post made by the Mourne Mountain Rescue Team included: "Mutton been looking where he was going, I bet he's feeling a little sheepish now" and "Ewe want to be careful on the mountains!!" [Metro News, 8/19/2018]

Inexplicable

On an Aug. 17 flight between Chicago and Narita International Airport in Tokyo, a 24-year-old American man, who was reportedly unprovoked, urinated on a 50-year-old Japanese man sitting two rows behind him. The younger man had consumed at least four glasses of champagne and one cup of sake before the incident, police told Japan Today, and claimed not to remember what he had done. He was restrained aboard the remainder of the flight and turned over to police in Tokyo. [Japan Today, 8/19/2018]

Oops

Pennsylvania State Police told Lehigh Valley Live that Evan T. Kasick, 52, of Upper Milford Township, was injured on Aug. 16 when he wrecked his motorcycle -- in his own driveway. Kasick sped into his driveway around 7:30 p.m. and struck a concrete barrier, causing him to be thrown from the Honda bike. He was taken to an area hospital with undisclosed injuries, and police issued a ticket for driving at an unsafe speed. In his driveway. [Lehigh Valley Live, 8/19/2018]

Compelling Explanation

Near Mason City, Iowa, on Aug. 20, the Iowa State Patrol pulled over a Ferrari 488 Spider that was clocked going 137 mph during a rainstorm. "Not a great idea to drive this fast in the rain," the trooper posted on Facebook with a photo of the radar readout. The unnamed driver, however, wasn't fazed; she thought she was going "around 100." Fox News reported that if ticketed in a 70-mph zone (the highest speed limit in Iowa), her fine would be $335. [Fox News, 8/21/2018]

Superpowers

-- Phoenix teenager Josiah Wiedman, 13, was walking home through a park in early August with a friend when he was struck by lightning, "sending me 9 feet into the air, making me bounce on my head and then flip over to my back," he told ABC News. Afterward, doctors put Josiah into a medically induced coma for three days, and when he came to, he made a speedy recovery. His mother, who didn't expect her son to survive, dubbed him "Superman" -- and indeed, Josiah said he's waiting for his special powers to kick in. "I haven't felt my powers yet, but I will soon," he said. [ABC News, 8/17/2018]

-- Moses Lanham, 57, fell 18 feet from a rope in gym class when he was 14 years old. As a result, the Michigan man is now known as "Mr. Elastic." Lanham has double cartilage and extra tissue in his knee joints, hips and ankles, which makes it possible for him to turn his feet 180 degrees backward and walk. In fact, he tells Metro News, walking with his feet pointed behind him is more comfortable than walking normally. "I've heard one other (person) can turn his feet, but not walk," Lanham said of his fame. "When I perform this in front of people, I love the reactions," he said. "One time, I actually had a person throw up after I turned my feet around." [Metro News, 8/21/2018]

Retirees Marli and Paulo Ciquinel of Meleiro in southern Brazil discovered a fetishist's dream in the vegetable garden behind their home: a 17 1/2-pound potato that has grown into the shape of a huge human foot (with six toes). The "toes" descend in size, much as human toes do, and the largest has roots that look like hair. The "foot" portion of the tuber reaches up almost to knee-height. Marli told the Mirror, "We have never seen anything like it." Paulo said he was "a little bit scared when we harvested that potato." The couple don't plan to eat it. [Mirror, 8/9/2018]

Irony

Tania Singer, 48, a renowned neuroscientist who is one of the world's top researchers on human empathy, has been accused by co-workers of being ... a bully. "Whenever anyone had a meeting with her, there was at least an even chance they would come out in tears," one colleague told Science magazine. Others said the daily working environment included threats and emotional abuse, The Washington Post reported on Aug. 12. For her part, Singer denied the most serious charges and said, "(T)he workload and pressure increasing led to stress and strain that in turn sometimes caused inadequate communication with my staff in problem situations." The Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences in Leipzig, Germany, where Singer has her lab, granted Singer a sabbatical in 2017 and said in a statement that when she returns, "it is envisioned that Prof. Singer will head, at her own request, a considerably smaller working group for social neuroscience." [The Washington Post, 8/12/2018]

Bold

In Columbus, Ohio, workers repairing a street on Aug. 8 hit an unmarked water main, causing homes along the road to lose water. One man couldn't be deterred from finishing his shower, though: WCMH TV reported that after screaming from his porch, "I was in the f------- shower!" the unidentified resident finished his morning toilette on the street, in the geyser from the pipe. Facebook user Cody Vickers took a picture of two astonished crewmembers as Mr. Clean rinsed off nearby. [WCMH TV, 8/8/2018]

Solving the Wrong Problem?

In Paris, the designer of a recently installed "urinoir," a sidewalk urinal, on the Ile Saint-Louis, says the new device offers "an eco solution to public peeing." But Reuters reports that nearby residents and business owners are unhappy about the urinals, saying they are "immodest and ugly" and will "incite exhibitionism." The "Uritrottoir," a mashup of the French words for urinal and sidewalk, looks much like a plastic trash receptacle, and local mayor Ariel Weil says they're necessary: "If we don't do anything, then men are just going to pee in the streets." [Reuters, 8/13/2018]

Oops!

Colorado Mesa University in Grand Junction, Colorado, is footing the bill for a possible $46,000 reprint job after a recent graduate found a typo on his diploma. Alec Williams, former editor of the school's newspaper, was examining his sheepskin when he found a line reading "Coard of Trustees," instead of "Board of Trustees" under one of the signatures. "There was this moment of laughing at it ... and the more I thought about it, the more frustrated I got, because I'm sitting on $30,000 worth of debt and they can't take the time to use spellcheck," he said. CMU President Tim Foster told The Grand Junction Daily Sentinel that the school will send out corrected diplomas to 2018 grads -- but the typo goes back to 2012 diplomas. Those graduates can request a new diploma if they want to. "This mistake is all ours," he said. [The Daily Sentinel, 8/9/2018]

Step Aside, Cat Ladies

Agents of Columbus (Ohio) Humane executed a warrant on a home in the Clintonville neighborhood on Aug. 14 in response to complaints about birds inhabiting the home. Columbus Humane CEO Rachel Finney told The Columbus Dispatch that concerns about the birds' well-being were warranted: Officials found more than 600 birds inside, including macaws, African gray parrots, Amazon parrots and other species. "It's pretty overwhelming to step into the house," Finney said. Removal took all day, and Columbus Humane was undertaking the task of examining each bird from beak to tail. Finney said the agency would decide which birds might be adoptable after assessments are complete. As for the owner, she said, "We're confident we'll have charges; it's just a matter of which charges and how many." [Columbus Dispatch, 8/14/2018]

Ewwww!

Dr. Jay Curt Stager and his colleagues, researchers at Paul Smith's College, have released results from a study showing that Walden Pond, made famous by naturalist Henry David Thoreau in the mid-1800s, is an ecological disaster, thanks to human urine. The pond was declared a National Historic Landmark in 1962, and the site in Concord, Massachusetts, draws hordes of tourists each year. But NBC News reports that swimmers urinating in the water for generations is the most likely cause of high levels of nitrogen and phosphorus in the pond that cause algae to spread and block the sun's rays, devastating the fish population. The study authors suggest building a swimming pool nearby to take pressure off the pond. Here's an idea: More restrooms? [NBC News, 4/6/2018]

Obsession

Chen San-yuan, 69, of New Taipei City, Taiwan, has taken his gaming obsession to another level. "Uncle Pokemon," as the Feng Shui master is known around town, has mounted 11 smartphones on the handlebars of his bicycle so that he can better play Pokemon Go. United Press International reported that Chen sometimes stays out until 4 a.m. playing the virtual game. His habit costs him $1,300 per month, but he's not daunted: He hopes to expand his phone lineup to 15. [UPI, 8/9/2018]

Animal Antics

-- German police took a baby squirrel into custody on Aug. 9 following an incident in which it chased a grown man down the street. The Guardian reported that an unnamed man summoned Karlsruhe police when he could not shake the tiny squirrel. But when officers arrived, the squirrel suddenly lay down and went to sleep. Officers felt sorry for the exhausted little rodent, who apparently had been separated from its mom and was looking for a replacement in the terrified man. Police named their new mascot Karl-Friedrich, then took him to an animal rescue center, where he was doing very well. (UPDATE: Workers at the rescue center later determined the squirrel was a girl and renamed her Pippilotta. They expect to return her to the wild in September.) [The Guardian, 8/10/2018]

-- At the Puy de Fou historical theme park in Vendee, France, cleaning up litter is always a problem. But less so now that six "particularly intelligent" crows are being trained to pick up litter, according to Sky News. Nicolas de Villiers, president of the park, said that each time a crow drops a cigarette butt or piece of trash into a bin, it will be rewarded with a small nugget of food. The birds were set to begin their duties on Aug. 17. [Sky News, 8/11/2018]

Extreme Measures

Your city may not have the dubious pleasure of pay-per-minute electric scooters yet, but in some places, the handy people transports have overstayed their welcome. The Los Angeles Times reported on Aug. 10 that angry residents are throwing Bird scooters off balconies, heaving them into the ocean, stuffing them in trashcans and setting them afire. Robert Johnson Bey, a Venice Beach maintenance worker, said: "Sunday, I was finding kickstands everywhere. Looked like they were snapped off." What's worse, the perpetrators are documenting their destruction on social media; Instagram has a Bird Graveyard account devoted to chronicles of scooter desecration. Culver City resident Hassan Galedary, 32, has a visceral reaction to the scooters: "I hate Birds more than anyone," he said. "They suck. People who ride them suck." However, he has stopped defacing them: "I can't put bad energy into the world. I don't even kick them over anymore." [LA Times, 8/10/2018]

Armed thieves in New Delhi, India, left a craftsman deep in debt after they made off with 500 pounds of wigs and raw hair worth more than $20,000 on July 27, according to the Associated Press. "People think wigs are cheap, but they cost a fortune to make," wig-maker Jahangir Hussain said. In fact, he had borrowed more than $17,000 to buy hair last month from South Indian wholesalers. India exports wigs and hair extensions to the tune of $300 million a year; much of the raw materials are collected at Hindu temples where people shave their heads as a religious sacrifice, a practice called tonsuring. [Associated Press, 8/2/2018]

The (Im)perfect Seatmate

Chicago cellist Jingjing Hu, a student at the DePaul University School of Music, found herself being escorted off an American Airlines flight on Aug. 2 after trying to return to Chicago from Miami with her instrument. Hu paid in advance for an extra seat for her cello, worth almost $30,000 and housed in a hard case, and had no trouble on her flight from Chicago to Miami, where she participated in a music festival. But on her return trip, after boarding the Boeing 737 and settling herself and her cello into their seats, a flight attendant approached her and told her she would have to leave the plane because the aircraft was too small for her instrument. Hu was booked on a flight the next day on a 767. American blamed the incident on a "miscommunication," according to WBBM TV, but Hu's husband, Jay Tang, said, "I don't think we did anything wrong here, and I think the way they handled it was humiliating." [WBBM TV, 8/4/2018]

Problem-Solver

The list of offenses was long when Franklyn Williams, 32, appeared in Cuyahoga County (Ohio) Common Pleas Court on July 31 to be sentenced for aggravated robbery, kidnapping, theft, misuse of credit cards and more -- including cutting off his ankle bracelet late last year and fleeing to Nebraska, where he claimed he was hit over the head and lost his memory. But it was his courtroom behavior that spurred Judge John Russo to call for an extreme measure: During the hearing, Williams would not stop talking, even interrupting his own lawyers repeatedly over about 30 minutes. Finally, Russo ordered deputies to tape the defendant's mouth shut, reported FOX 8 in Cleveland. Williams continued to talk until deputies applied more tape, and finally Russo sentenced him to 24 years in prison. [FOX 8, 7/31/2018]

So Many Questions

When an employee of Sarabeth's restaurant in New York City opened the walk-in freezer door on Aug. 5, a man jumped out, yelling, "Away from me, Satan!" and grabbed a knife from the kitchen, which he used to threaten restaurant staff. Carlton Henderson, 54, of Cave Creek, Arizona, struggled with workers but eventually fell unconscious and was transported to Mount Sinai St. Luke's Hospital, where he was pronounced dead, the New York Post reported. Authorities don't know (1) why and how he entered the freezer and (2) why he died, but they did determine he was charged last year with two 1988 cold-case murders in Boston. He had been released on bail the week before the freezer incident and was scheduled to appear in court on Aug. 14. [New York Post, 8/6/2018]

Ripe

West Valley City, Utah, has a malodorous mystery on its hands. The community stinks, and for the past year, officials have been fielding complaints about the smell, which city communications director Sam Johnson described as "a musty sewer smell ... that you can smell in certain parts of the city stronger," according to FOX 13. The city has now launched a campaign recruiting residents to help pinpoint the source of the odor: "If you smell something, say something." They're hoping more complaints will spur Salt Lake County and Utah's Department of Environmental Quality to investigate and take action. [FOX 13, 8/1/2018]

Bright Idea!

Zemarcuis Devon Scott, 18, of Texarkana, Arkansas, REALLY wanted to attend a rap concert in another state, so on July 4 he executed his plan to get there: Scott was seen by Texarkana Regional Airport security officers around 2:30 a.m. jumping a fence and trying to get into an American Eagle twin-engine jet parked there. When police arrived, Scott was inside the cockpit, sitting in the pilot's seat, the Texarkana Gazette reported. Scott, not a licensed pilot, told officers he thought there wasn't much more to flying a plane than pushing buttons and pulling levers. On July 31, he was charged with commercial burglary and attempted theft; he's been grounded at the Miller County jail. [Texarkana Gazette, 8/1/2018]

Nerd Alert

Who knew? Apparently the unofficial "uniform" for Bay Area techies and venture capital investors is a vest, so the Japanese company Uniqlo is cashing in with a vest vending machine at the San Francisco International Airport. The airport's public information officer, Doug Yakel, says the machine is no joke; it earns $10,000 a month on average. Do the math: At $49.90 apiece, the company is selling about 200 of its ultra-light down vests each month. "This is the first time we've had clothing available for sale from a vending machine, which we thought was very unique," Yakel told Business Insider. [Business Insider, 7/30/2018]

Least Competent Criminal

The Baltimore Sun reported that a driver's license examiner in Glen Burnie, Maryland, got a whiff of something illegal on Aug. 6 when she approached a car about to be used in a driving test. She called Maryland State Police, who found Reginald D. Wooding Jr., 22, of Baltimore waiting in his mother's car to take his test. But he never got the chance: Wooding was in possession of marijuana, a scale, more than $15,000 in suspected drug-related money and a 9mm Glock handgun with a loaded 30-round magazine. [Baltimore Sun, 8/7/2018]

Compelling Explanation

-- In Bluffton, South Carolina, 32-year-old Lauren Elizabeth Cutshaw informed police officers she was a former cheerleader, sorority girl, good student and National Honor Society member after they pulled her over at 1:45 a.m. on Aug. 4 for running a stop sign at 30 mph over the speed limit. According to The Island Packet, she also told officers she shouldn't be arrested because she's a "very clean, thoroughbred, white girl." She said she'd had only two glasses of wine, but then allowed, "I mean, I was celebrating my birthday." Police arrested her anyway and booked her into the Beaufort County Detention Center. [The Island Packet, 8/6/2018]

Questionable Judgment

Farah Hashi, 25, of Newport, Wales, is "mad about cars," so while he was visiting friends in Dubai, they arranged for him to drive a $350,000 Lamborghini Huracan. Hashi, who has one leg shorter than the other and typically drives a custom Vauxhall Corsa mobility car, took full advantage: He was caught on roadside cameras 33 times in less than four hours on Aug. 7 as he reached a top speed of 150 mph and racked up more than $47,000 in speeding fines. Farah's brother, Adnan Hashi, said the rental company went to Hashi's hotel room and seized his passport after the fines were issued, so Hashi is stuck in Dubai until the mess can be sorted out. "There is no way he has that money," Adnan told the BBC. "He is out of work at the minute and went to Dubai to visit friends." [BBC, 8/8/2018]

Suspicions Confirmed

Airport security at Berlin's Schonefeld Airport evacuated a terminal on Aug. 7 after spotting "suspicious content in a luggage piece" during a routine X-ray, according to CNN. The bag's unnamed owner was summoned, but he was reluctant to identify the mysterious items, calling them just "technical stuff." After an hourlong investigation involving the bomb squad, the 31-year-old traveler admitted to federal police that the items were sex toys, including a vibrator, he had brought along for his girlfriend. He was allowed to proceed with his trip, and the terminal reopened shortly afterward. [CNN, 8/7/2018]