In the northeastern town of Teesside, England, last August, 22-year-old Jordan Easton of Thornaby was at the home of a friend, hanging out in the kitchen, when he boasted that his vest was "stab-proof." To prove it, he "took hold a knife to demonstrate," Karin Welsh, Teesside assistant coroner, testified, "and sadly realized it wasn't the case." Teesside Live reported Easton was rushed to the hospital, but doctors weren't able to save him. Detective Superintendent Ted Butcher also testified at Easton's inquest on June 16 that he found no evidence Easton intended to harm himself and died after "a boisterous act." Welsh recorded a verdict of "misadventure." [Teesside Live, 6/16/2018]

News You Can Use

Louis Cote of Mascouche, Quebec, Canada, became suspicious last August of the DNA test results obtained from the samples he collected in his work for the Confederation of Aboriginal People of Canada, whose members use DNA testing to determine their native ancestry. So, CBC News reported on June 13, Cote launched his own experiment. He collected two samples using his own inner-cheek swabs, and a third from his girlfriend's Chihuahua, Snoopy, and sent them off to Viaguard Accu-Metrics. The results indicated that all three samples had identical DNA, including 12 percent Abenaki and 8 percent Mohawk ancestry. "I thought it was a joke," Cote said. "The company is fooling people ... the tests are no good." [CBC News, 6/13/2018]

Public Servants

In Putnam County, Florida, the sheriff's office provides a wide variety of services. So when Douglas Peter Kelly, 49, called the office on June 12 to complain that the methamphetamine he had been sold was fake, officers happily offered to test it for him. Kelly told detectives he had suffered a "violent reaction" after smoking the substance and wanted to sue the dealer if he had been sold the wrong drug. He arrived at the sheriff's office and "handed detectives a clear, crystal-like substance wrapped in aluminum foil," the office's Facebook post explained, according to The Washington Post. It "field-tested positive for methamphetamine." On the spot, Kelly was arrested and charged with possession of meth. The Facebook post continued: "Remember, our detectives are always ready to assist anyone who believes they were misled in their illegal drug purchase." [Washington Post, 6/14/2018]

What Is Art?

-- As part of the Dark Mofo art festival, Australian performance artist Mike Parr, 73, entered a steel tomb below busy Macquarie Street in Hobart on June 14, where he meditated, drew and read as traffic flowed overhead for 72 hours until his release on June 17. Parr had water but no food, and oxygen was pumped into the box. His performance was promoted as a "response to 20th-century totalitarian violence," according to The Guardian, but the piece didn't speak to everyone. "I don't take anything away from it at all," said Carolyn Bowerman from Townsville. "I'm just amazed that someone would put themselves through this and go to this much effort." In a previous performance art piece, Parr hacked at a prosthetic arm with an ax before a shocked audience. [The Guardian, 6/17/2018]

-- Over in Melbourne, Australia, customers of the Prahran neighborhood Woolworths store will have to park somewhere else on July 9, as renowned American photographer Spencer Tunick captures thousands of willing nudes in a group shot on the store's rooftop parking lot. Reuters reported more than 11,000 people registered to disrobe for Tunick, who has done group nudes in other spots around the world. "It's well and truly oversubscribed," said John Lotton, director of the Provocare Festival of the Arts in Melbourne. [Reuters, 6/16/2018]

Smooth Reactions

When Daryl Royal Riedel, 48, was pulled over for suspected drunk driving June 14 by Monroe County (Florida) Sheriff's Deputy Anthony Lopez, he first drove off, but thought better of it and stopped to face the music. Riedel, who claimed to be scared, then stepped out of his truck with an open can of beer and chugged the contents as Lopez watched. The Associated Press reported that Riedel has four prior DUI arrests and now faces felony DUI, fleeing from a deputy, driving with a suspended license and failure to submit to a breath test. [Associated Press, 6/15/2018]

Czech This Out

Czechoslovakian president Milos Zeman called a press conference on June 14 in Prague, where Zeman instructed two firefighters in protective gear to incinerate a huge pair of red underpants as reporters watched. The underwear had been hoisted during a 2015 protest at Prague Castle, replacing the presidential flag and symbolizing Zeman's close relationship with Russia and China. Zeman told reporters, according to the Associated Press: "I'm sorry to make you look like little idiots, you really don't deserve it." Zeman's longstanding difficulties with the press include an incident last year when he waved a fake machine gun at them. [Associated Press via New York Times, 6/15/2018]

O.M.G.

Wa Tiba, 54, disappeared on June 14 while tending her vegetable garden on Muna Island in the Southeast Sulawesi province of Indonesia. Her family found only her sandals, a machete and a flashlight in the garden, but just 50 yards away, villagers located a 23-foot-long python with a severely bloated midsection. Fox News reported that when the snake's belly was cut open, it revealed the woman's fully intact body inside, still wearing all her clothes. Villager Ayu Kartika said, "Everyone cried and was in shock. ... It looked like a horror movie." [Fox News, 6/16/2018]

Fetishes

In Auckland, New Zealand, an unnamed 28-year-old man appeared in court June 18 to answer charges of stealing two human toes from the Body Worlds Vital exhibition, a traveling display that features human corpses and organs preserved through plastination. The toes, valued at $5,500 each, have been returned to the exhibition, the New Zealand Herald reported. The toe thief is looking at seven years in prison and two years for interfering with a dead body. [New Zealand Herald, 6/18/2018]

High Times

-- Two unnamed employees of the Inn at Shelburne Farms in Shelburne, Vermont, enjoyed some malted milk ball-type candies left behind by guests on June 13, but they didn't enjoy the aftermath. The candies were cannabis edibles, and the employees became sick after consuming them. Police arrived to find one of them lying in the parking lot, and both were transferred to the hospital, according to the Associated Press. Recreational use of marijuana becomes legal in Vermont on July 1; police said the guests who left the edibles would not be charged. [Associated Press, 6/14/2018]

-- In California, some bed-and-breakfast establishments are employing a new marketing twist: "bud and breakfast." For example, CBS News reports, Erin Dean's Airbnb north of Sacramento is right next door to a cannabis farm. Her welcome gift for guests includes up to 1 ounce of the herb from the neighboring farm (allowable under state law). Other bud-and-breakfasts can be found in Lake Tahoe and Palm Springs. [CBS News, 6/13/2018]

Least Competent Criminal

In Youngstown, Ohio, police responding to a call about multiple gunshots on June 10 spotted Dai'ryon Mitchell, 21, speeding away from the scene in an SUV. He refused to pull over but finally left the vehicle and ran into a home, where he climbed through a window and hung from the ledge. Mitchell tried to climb back in, The Youngstown Vindicator reported, but lost his grip and fell directly into the arms of officers below, who handcuffed him. [The Vindicator, 6/11/2018]

Visitors to Merlion Park in Singapore on June 8 were startled to see Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump enjoying a casual walkabout, hand-in-hand. On closer inspection, however, they would have seen the two men were Howard X, a Kim impersonator, and Dennis Alan, a Trump impersonator, who traveled to Singapore in advance of the June 12 summit meeting between the two real leaders. Janette Warokka of Indonesia was fooled: "It's so shocking for me. I don't know why those two famous guys come here," she told the Associated Press. Airport officials were less amused when Kim's doppelganger, whose real name is Lee Howard Ho Wun, arrived at Changi Airport. Wun said police officers searched his bags and detained him for two hours before releasing him with stern warnings to stay away from the summit. Singapore's Immigration and Checkpoints Authority said Wun was interviewed for about 45 minutes. [AP via ABC News, 6/8/2018]

The Litigious Society

If you've ordered a Quarter Pounder recently and specified "no cheese," you may be interested in a $5 million class-action lawsuit brought against McDonald's on May 8 by Cynthia Kissner of Broward County, Florida, and Leonard Werner of Miami-Dade. According to the Miami Herald, the two are angry that they've been paying for cheese even though they ordered their sandwiches without it. The lawsuit contends "customers ... continue to be overcharged for these products, by being forced to pay for two slices of cheese, which they do not want, order or receive." Also, Kissner and Werner "have suffered injury as a result of their purchases because they were overcharged" and "McDonald's is being unjustly enriched by these practices." While attorney Andrew Lavin admits the mobile app ordering option does offer a Quarter Pounder without cheese, he notes in-store customers have no such choice. [Miami Herald, 5/24/2018]

Irony

Charlotte Fox, 61, an accomplished mountain climber who summited Mount Everest in 1996, met an unlikely death May 24 when she fell down the hardwood stairs at her home in Telluride, Colorado. Fox was part of the infamous 1996 Mount Everest expedition chronicled in "Into Thin Air" by Jon Krakauer, when eight climbers died. Friends called her fall "shocking," according to The Aspen Times. Climbing partner Andrea Cutter said of the news, "It made me think, 'Jeez, it's just so wrong.'" San Miguel County Coroner Emil Sante said officials "have no reason to believe that it was suspicious at all." [Aspen Times, 5/29/2018]

Armed and Clumsy

Things got wild on June 2 at Mile High Spirits and Distillery in Denver when an unnamed off-duty FBI agent accidentally shot patron Tom Reddington, 24, in the lower leg. According to the Denver Post, the agent was dancing and did a backflip, which caused his firearm to come out of its holster and fall to the floor. When he bent to pick up the gun, it discharged. "I heard a loud bang," Reddington said, "and I thought some idiot set off a firecracker. All of a sudden, from the knee down became completely red, and that's when it clicked in my head, 'Oh, I've been shot.'" A man at the bar applied a tourniquet to Reddington's leg. The FBI agent was taken to Denver police headquarters and released to an FBI supervisor. Mile High Spirits has promised "complimentary drinks forever" to Reddington. [Denver Post, 6/7/2018]

Sweet Revenge

In a bid to unseat his boss, Bon Homme County, South Dakota, Deputy Sheriff Mark Maggs thrashed Sheriff Lenny Gramkow in the June 5 Republican primary by a vote of 878 to 331. So Sheriff Gramkow didn't waste any time: Less than a minute after the polls closed, he fired Maggs, the Sioux Falls Argus Leader reported. "As of this moment you are no longer an employee of Bon Homme County," Maggs' termination notice read. Maggs, a 31-year-old father of four, will not become sheriff until January, but he is confident the county commission "will stand with my family ... and insure that my family will not be left hanging without an income or insurance," Maggs said. "We're going to be fine." [Argus Leader, 6/8/2018]

Just Say No

On June 2, as two Jackson County, Oregon, sheriff's deputies waited for a tow truck to remove a 2003 Toyota Camry from the side of a road, 23-year-old Anthony J. Clark, of Grants Pass, walked up to the car and told the deputies he was going to steal it. He then got into the car and drove off, leading officers on a 40-mile chase through Ashland, Talent and Phoenix, Oregon, crashing into fences and driving the wrong way on several roads. When officers finally stopped the car, The Oregonian reported, Clark ran into a mobile home park, where he was arrested trying to steal another car. The deputies reported Clark admitted taking LSD and said he thought he was inside a real-life version of the "Grand Theft Auto" video game. Among other charges, Clark was accused of driving under the influence of intoxicants and second-degree criminal mischief. [The Oregonian, 6/4/2018]

You Think Your Job Is Bad?

Car salesman Brett Bland in League City, Texas, finally had enough and filed a lawsuit in May against his employer, AutoNation Acura Gulf Freeway, and Jeremy Pratt, a co-worker. Pratt, the suit alleges, engaged in "constant taunting ... making extremely crass, vulgar and rude comments" and "reinforced dominance over his subordinates by regularly entering their enclosed offices, intentionally passing gas and then laughing," as well as "pinching and touching his male subordinates' nipples." KPRC-TV reported Pratt was fired after sending a text to everyone at the dealership alleging Bland was a sex offender (which he is not). After the firing, however, Bland's lawsuit alleges, AutoNation allowed Pratt to "loiter at the dealership" and continue harassing employees, and Bland was threatened with termination if he didn't sell eight vehicles a month. Bland seeks damages and court costs. [KPRC, 5/30/2018]

Ewwwwwww!

-- In Beihai, South China, an unnamed 51-year-old man had been experiencing nonstop nosebleeds for 10 days when his wife told him she saw something "peek" out of his nose. In June, Metro News reported, the man went to Beihai People's Hospital, where Dr. Liu Xiongguang removed a slithery, several-inches-long leech from his nostril as a nurse filmed the procedure. The doctor said the leech might have entered the patient's nose as he swam in a river. [Metro News, 6/8/2018]

-- In a gross twist on road rage, Henry George Weaver, 69, of New Tripoli, Pennsylvania, ended an argument with another man June 8 by defecating on him. According to Lehigh Valley Live, Pennsylvania state police reported that "the accused and the victim got into a road-rage argument, leading the accused to defecate on the victim," but they did not disclose what started the argument. Weaver was charged with harassment. [Lehigh Valley Live, 6/10/2018]

Ninety-six-year-old Barney Smith of Alamo Heights, Texas, is known around those parts as the King of the Commode for his life's work: more than 1,300 decorated toilet seats, all displayed in the retired master plumber's Toilet Seat Art Museum. But now, he concedes, it's time to put a lid on it: "I'm beginning to feel like I'd rather be in an air-conditioned home in a chair, looking at a good program," Smith, who is bent with arthritis and uses a cane, told the Associated Press on May 22. Inside the metal-garage museum the collection includes toilet lids decorated with a chunk of the Berlin Wall, a piece of insulation from the Space Shuttle Challenger, Pez dispensers and flint arrowheads, along with the toilet lid from the airplane that carried Aristotle Onassis' body back to Greece after his death. Smith told his wife, Louise, that he would stop at 500 pieces, but that was 850 lids ago. "If I would have just read my Bible as many hours as I spent on my toilet seats, I'd be a better man," Smith said. Louise died in 2014, and Smith took a fall recently and broke some ribs. Now he's looking for someone who will keep the museum intact: "This is my life's history here." [The Associated Press, 5/22/2018]

Precocious

On May 20, as a handful of adults enjoyed the swings at Angel Park in southwest Atlanta, two children walked up and asked to use the swing set. The adults agreed and started to walk away, reported The (Macon, Georgia) Telegraph, when the boys, about 6 and 12 years old, pulled out rocks the size of baseballs and what appeared to be a black handgun. They threw the rocks, hitting one man on the calf and causing an abrasion, according to Atlanta police. The older boy held the gun and pointed it at the adults, who ran away as the boys ran in the opposite direction. Earlier in May, two children were reported for an alleged armed carjacking in the same neighborhood. [The Telegraph, 5/21/2018]

Compelling Explanation

Claiming the shooting was an accident, Angelo Russo, 55, told police in Tatura, Victoria, Australia, he tripped over an eggplant during a dispute with a man who had run over his dog, which caused the gun Russo was carrying to go off, striking David Calandro in the head and killing him. Calandro and a friend had gone to Russo's farm on Feb. 18, 2017, to buy some chilies, 9News reported, but as he drove away, Russo's dog, Harry, began barking and chasing the vehicle. Calandro swerved toward the dog to "spook him," the friend told a Victorian Supreme Court jury on May 23, but swerved too far, running over the dog instead. Russo pleaded guilty to manslaughter on May 25. [9News, 5/23/2018]

Oops!

Pesky weeds around his garage caused a Springfield Township, Ohio, resident to resort to extreme measures: The unnamed homeowner tried to eliminate them with a torch, and instead set the garage on fire. Firefighters were called to the scene at 4 a.m. on May 24, where they found the detached garage "fully involved," according to the Springfield News-Sun. The structure was a total loss, including tools and appliances inside, valued at $10,000 to $15,000. [Springfield News-Sun, 5/24/2018]

Crime Report

-- Three men were arrested on May 20 after stealing a 25-foot-long shed from a foreclosed property in Lebanon, Maine, and dragging it down the street behind their pickup truck, according to the Portland Press Herald. Matthew Thompson of Lebanon, Timothy James of Pembroke, New Hampshire, and Robert Breton of Milton, New Hampshire, were spotted in the act by a concerned citizen, who alerted Maine State Police. In addition, Thompson was found to have crystal meth and prescription pills that were not prescribed to him. All three were taken to the York County Jail and held on $5,000 bail. [Portland Press Herald, 5/22/2018]

-- Patrick Gillis, 18, a senior at Highlands High School and a volunteer firefighter for the Pioneer Hose Fire Department in Brackenridge, Pennsylvania, told police he "just wanted to respond to a fire" on May 21, when he was arrested for starting a blaze in a vacant duplex where he used to live. The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reported that witnesses told investigators Gillis was seen at the home before the fire started, then returned as a firefighter to help put it out. He admitted to setting a piece of paper on fire and putting it in the microwave, then leaving. The Allegheny County Fire Marshal's Office estimated damage at $150,000, and Gillis was charged with arson. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 5/22/2018]

Bright Ideas

-- Toronto police constables Vittorio Dominelli, 36, and Jamie Young, 35, had to call for backup in January during a raid on a marijuana dispensary after allegedly sampling some of the evidence. CTV News reported the officers called for help after they began hallucinating, one eventually climbing a tree. In a May 23 press release, Toronto police announced the two officers had been suspended and now face criminal charges in the incident.

[CTV News, 5/23/2018]

-- A senior prank went unexpectedly wrong for high school student Kylan Scheele, 18, of Independence, Missouri, when he was slapped with a three-day suspension on May 23 and barred from participating in graduation after putting his high school up for sale on Craigslist. Scheele said it was meant to be a joke. "Other people were going to release live mice ... I thought, let's do something more laid back," he told Fox 4. The ad for Truman High School listed attractive amenities such as newly built athletic fields, lots of parking and a "bigger than normal dining room." A lawsuit filed against the school district by the ACLU of Missouri failed to reduce the punishment. [Fox 4, 5/23/2018]

Still Creepy

Before Chuck E. Cheese was a thing, it was ShowBiz Pizza, complete with the Rock-afire Explosion Band, an animatronic combo that is still the stuff of nightmares. On May 24, the Rock-afire Explosion Band was reunited at a new arcade bar in Kansas City, Missouri, also called Rock-afire. The band's inventor, Aaron Fechter of Creative Engineering in Orlando, Florida, refurbished the band members with new masks, skin and costumes, and the playlist is set to include old standards as well as more contemporary hits. Bar owner James Bond was a huge fan of the band as a child: "You didn't know whether they were fake or real," he told The Kansas City Star. [Kansas City Star, 5/23/2018]

Least Competent Criminal

Rowdy Lapham, owner of Old to Gold Hardwood Floors in Grand Rapids, Michigan, arrived at work May 21 to find that someone had broken in. Surveillance footage showed that around 2 a.m. the day before, a burglar had thrown a rock through his store window, apparently tempted by the "gold" bars stacked in the window. Unfortunately for the thief, the bars are promotional items made of foam rubber and stamped with the store's logo, reported WZZM TV. The squeezable bars are meant for stress relief, employee Nick Butler said, supporting the company's motto of "stress-free flooring. ... I think this falls under you can't fix stupid." [WZZM, 5/23/2018]