On Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts, a home rental agreement took an X-rated turn when Leah Bassett, artist and longtime resident of Aquinnah, unknowingly leased her home to an employee of Mile High Distribution Inc., a pornography production company. In September 2014, the Boston Globe reported, Joshua Spafford approached Bassett about renting her home from October through May 2015. In March 2015, Spafford informed Bassett he had left the house because he was fired, prompting Bassett to ask her parents to stop by and check it out. They were "shocked by the deplorable state of condition in which they found their daughter's personal residence," according to court documents. As "circumstances evolved," Bassett began reviewing internet sites maintained by Mile High, which "publicly boasted about their porn shoots on chic and tony Martha's Vineyard." Bassett filed suit in late March in U.S. District Court, alleging the sites featured photos showing her home, artwork and furnishings, "utilizing nearly every room of her home" including scenes on top of her dining room table, sofas and in her laundry room. Defense lawyer Stephen A. Roach said the suit "arose out of a basic landlord-tenant dispute." [Boston Globe, 3/28/2018]

Compelling Explanation

Fort Pierce, Florida, police pulled over a car on March 21 after observing it swerving down the roadway. As they approached, they smelled marijuana, and during the ensuing search, passenger Kennecia Posey, 26, was shocked -- shocked! -- when police found two bags in her purse: one containing marijuana, the other cocaine. WPLG TV reported that Posey admitted the marijuana was hers, but told officers: "I don't know anything about any cocaine. It's a windy day. It must have flown through the window and into my purse." Posey was charged with felony possession of cocaine and misdemeanor possession of marijuana. [WPLG, 4/6/2018]

Questionable Judgment

On March 20, the U.S. Marine Corps fired Navy Cpt. Loften Thornton, serving as a chaplain for the Marine Forces Reserve in New Orleans, after Thornton was captured on video having sex with a woman on the street in front of the Crown & Anchor Pub, according to USA Today. Marine Reserve spokesman Lt. Col. Ted Wong said only that Thornton had been fired for "loss of trust and confidence." According to the Navy's strategic plan for religious ministry, chaplains "provide a source of comfort and refuge" to service members, which Thornton had apparently extended to members of the general public. [USA Today, 4/4/2018]

Dangerous Food

Some people don't like ham. When Beverly Burrough Harrison, 62, received a gift of ham from her family on Feb. 12, she waited until they left, then set it on fire and threw it in a trash can at the Bomar Inn in Athens, Alabama, where she was living. As smoke filled the room, AL.com reported, Harrison took her dog and left without alerting anyone to the fire. As a result, she was spared from being a victim of the ham bomb that blew out the front wall of the room when a can of butane fuel was ignited. Harrison was held at the Limestone County Jail on a felony arson charge and could face life in prison if convicted. [AL.com, 4/3/2018]

Failure to Communicate

Things went from bad to worse for soccer player Sanchez Watt during a match in Hertfordshire, England, on March 6. Awarded a yellow card, Watt was asked his name by referee Dean Hulme, who mistook "Watt" for "What." As Watt repeated his name over and over, the referee became perturbed and changed the yellow card to red for dissent, BBC Sport reported. Hulme rescinded the card when someone explained the mixup. "I think everybody found it amusing afterwards, including the referee," said team chairman Dave Boggins. "He was very apologetic." [BBC Sport, 3/7/2018]

Our Weird Addiction

On March 6, Royal Canadian Mounted Police participating in an awareness campaign set up several large electronic signs in North Vancouver, British Columbia, that warned drivers: "POLICE AHEAD -- STAY OFF YOUR PHONE." Despite that, within just two hours, officers ticketed 89 drivers, 74 of them for distracted driving, which results in a $368 fine, plus a $175 penalty payment on a first offense. "It is evident there is still more education and enforcement needed to make our roads safer," remarked Cpl. Richard De Jong to CTV News. [CTV News, 3/7/2018]

Disappointing

Organizers of the Big Cheese Festival in Brighton, England, on March 3 were forced to offer refunds to patrons after the event failed on several levels: 1. The festival ran out of cheese. 2. The promised "craft" beer was Bud Light and Stella Artois. 3. The wet weather prompted some to call the event #BigMudFestival and prevented some cheese-mongers and entertainment acts from making it to the site. "Sadly, due to this, a few compromises had to be made," festival organizers said. The BBC reported the festival has offered half-price tickets to next year's event for anyone who bought a ticket this year. [BBC, 3/5/2018]

Unclear on the Concept

-- Jonathan Rivera, 25, of Hartford, Connecticut, dutifully appeared in Hartford Superior Court March 7 to answer charges of stealing a car on Feb. 17. While he waited his turn, the Hartford Courant reported, parking authority agents outside the courthouse spotted a 2014 Subaru Legacy with license plates that had been reported as stolen. The car itself had also been stolen from Newington, Connecticut. Police waited for the driver to return and arrested Rivera as he started to drive away in the Subaru. He was charged with second-degree larceny and taking a car without the owner's permission. [Hartford Courant, 3/7/2018]

-- Phoenix mom Sharron Dobbins, 40, was determined to get her two teenage sons out of bed for Easter services on April 1. When one of them sassed her back, she grabbed a Taser and "I said, 'Get up! It's Jesus' Day!'" she told KNXV TV. Dobbins said she "sparked" the weapon just to make noise, but the 16-year-old called police, who found two small bumps on the boy's leg and arrested Dobbins for child abuse. Dobbins told KNXV, "I did not tase my son ... all I was trying to do is tell my kids to put God first." [KNXV via ABC News, 4/2/2018]

Redneck Chronicles

Last September, a celebration at a recreational lake in Wichita, Kansas, caught the eye of someone who reported seeing people "dressed in Muslim garb" with an American flag "desecrated with ISIS symbols," reported The Kansas City Star. Shortly thereafter, Munir Zanial, an engineer for Spirit Aerosystems, was notified by Facebook that authorities were seeking information about his account, and soon a call came from the FBI, saying it had determined that the flag reported to them was a Malaysian flag and its investigation would be closed. Zanial, a Muslim from Malaysia, had rented the lake to celebrate a Muslim holiday with friends and commemorate the 60th anniversary of Malaysia's independence. In March, Zanial filed a discrimination lawsuit in U.S. District Court after he was barred from renting the lake again. [Kansas City Star, 3/19/2018]

Crime Report

A 23-year-old Salina, Kansas, woman arrived at her home around 9:30 p.m. on March 29 to find that the door had been locked and chained from the inside. She called police, who searched the home and found no one inside, but about two hours later, her ex-boyfriend's legs punched through the ceiling in her living room, the Salina Journal reported. Tyler J. Bergkamp, 25, of Salina had been hiding in the attic. Police arrested him and took him to Salina Regional Health Center to recover from his fall. Five days later, he left the hospital and broke into another woman's house, where he left his hospital gown, exchanging it for one of her T-shirts and a pair of sneakers. Bergkamp was rearrested a short time later and faces a number of charges. [Salina Journal, 4/4/2018]

Around 4:30 a.m. on March 22, High Point, North Carolina, 911 dispatchers received a surprising call from a man informing them he had broken into a business. "Yes, this is Jesus Christ, and I just broke into the Pizza Hut," claimed 46-year-old Richard Lee Quintero of Greensboro, according to WFMY TV. "Jesus is here, he's back to Earth. I just broke in and had a pizza. I'm Jesus," Quintero told dispatchers. "Because I'm Jesus, I can do whatever I want." He also complained that "everybody's been treating me mean." High Point police officers arrested Quintero and charged him with breaking and entering and larceny. [WFMY, 3/27/2018]

Extreme Measures

Shannon Dean Egeland, 43, of Kuna, Oregon, was found guilty Feb. 28 in an elaborate scheme to delay a prison sentence and collect insurance. The Idaho Statesman reported that shortly before Egeland was to begin a 10-year jail term in 2014 for his role in a $20 million housing scandal, he took out a disability insurance policy and talked his then-17-year-old son into shooting him in the legs with a 20-gauge shotgun, which would delay his prison term -- not to mention let him collect on the new insurance policy. After the teenager shot him, Egeland called police and said he'd been assaulted, but police became suspicious when they found Egeland's wallet and BMW were still at the scene. U.S. District Judge Anna J. Brown tacked three years and 10 months of additional time onto Egeland's original sentence. Egeland, who eventually lost his left leg, stood before the judge on his prosthetic leg and said he'd had a lot of time to reflect on his crimes and realized he needs mental health counseling. Assistant U.S. Attorney Scott Bradford called him a "menace to society." [Idaho Statesman, 2/28/2018]

Just Can't Get Enough

It's been a twisty, U-turny road for Brittany Ann Koerselman, 19, and her first (soon-to-be second) husband, Jeremie Rook, 24, of Little Rock, Iowa. The two originally married in 2014, when Koerselman, then 15, was pregnant with Rook's child. But they divorced when she was 18. "He just wasn't ready to be all of that," Koerselman told Metro News. "The parent, the husband, the responsible person. He just wasn't ready for that." She said she and Rook have gotten back together and split up seven times since their divorce, but they can't stand being apart, so they're planning a "f-ing princess wedding" for this summer. "The last time I got married, I got swollen on the way to Missouri -- it's six hours (drive), so my shoes didn't fit," Koerselman recalled. "We're reusing (the) old engagement ring. He's different this time," she told (herself). [Metro News, 3/28/2018]

Bright Idea

A traditional March wedding at Peckforton Castle in Tarporley, Cheshire, England, was briefly interrupted when an owl trained to deliver the rings to a waiting best man changed its mind about where to land. The betrothed Jeni Arrowsmith and Mark Wood of Wrexham watched as the barn owl flew down the aisle toward the best man, but a seated groomsman then pointed at the bird, which it took as a signal to fly to his hand. "The owl just dived in and hit the guy -- who is terrified of birds!" said wedding photographer Stacey Oliver. "He fell off his chair." "Everyone was absolutely hysterical," the bride later told the BBC. "It made the wedding because we were talking about it all night." [BBC, 3/27/2018]

Least Competent Criminals

-- When an intoxicated man arrived at the Delaware State Police Troop 1 station in Wilmington on March 20, looking for a ride home, officers thought he seemed familiar. Turns out he was Christopher McDowell, 34, a suspect in a Feb. 22 shoplifting incident at a local Kohl's store, according to the News Journal. McDowell was charged with shoplifting and arraigned, then released on $1,000 bail. After he made a phone call to a friend for a ride home, his Kohl's accomplice, April Wright, 48, showed up -- and she too was arrested and charged. [News Journal, 3/21/2018]

-- John Silva and Derrick Irving thought they had a foolproof plan to cover their tracks after breaking into a mutual acquaintance's apartment on March 13 in DeLand, Florida. The Volusia County Sheriff's Office told News 6 the men stole appliances and a flat-screen TV from the home, then stopped before leaving to set a pot of spaghetti sauce on a hot burner and place a washcloth nearby so it would catch fire and destroy evidence. The victim had been alerted to the break-in by security cameras and called police, who stopped the two and found among the stolen goods in their car an empty jar of Ragu spaghetti sauce. Both men were charged with unarmed burglary, grand theft and arson. [News 6, 3/14/2018]

Feuds

-- In Toronto, a group of animal rights advocates started protesting outside a restaurant called Antler in early December. By March, the protests had grown, and Antler's co-owner, Michael Hunter, had had enough of the "murder" signs and "You've got blood on your hands" chants. So on March 23, he told the Globe and Mail, he figured, "I'm going to have my own protest. ... This is who we are and what we do. So I went and got a deer leg." Hunter brought a cutting board, knife and the hindquarter of a deer into the front window and butchered the meat while the protesters looked on. As a result, Hunter and the protesters are now trying to open a dialogue, and reservation requests at Antler have increased. [Globe and Mail, 3/28/2018]

-- Neighbors in Gainesville, Florida, called police on March 11 after finding a set of stairs barricaded in their condominium complex. The Gainesville Sun reported that Derrick Lamar Walker, 34, told officers on their arrival that his neighbors had been stomping in the stairwell outside his apartment to "get back at him for his several (insurance-related) lawsuits," according to a police department report. In retaliation, Walker had covered the stairs with fishing line, thin rubber gaskets, duct tape and cooking oil to try to keep the neighbors away. He was arrested on a criminal mischief charge and was held at the Alachua County Jail. [Gainesville Sun, 3/13/2018]

Oops!

-- A young driver in Buffalo, Minnesota, wasted no time earning an EPIC FAIL on her driver's test on March 21 when she rammed the car into the examination station before she'd even pulled out of the parking space. As the driving test began, the 17-year-old shifted her 2014 Chevy Equinox into drive instead of reverse and hit the accelerator, causing the car to lurch forward, jump the curb and crash through the window of the station, located in a strip mall. While the driver was not hurt, the examiner, 60, was taken to a hospital with noncritical injuries. Buffalo Police Chief Pat Budke told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that no charges would be filed. [Minneapolis Star Tribune, 3/22/2018]

-- Presumably in the throes of a serious case of munchies, Lizabeth Ildefonso, 44, drove up to the security booth at the Suffolk County (New York) jail at 10:12 a.m. on March 16 and tried to order a "bacon, egg and cheese" sandwich. Deputy Sheriff Yvonne DeCaro explained that she was at the jail, but Ildefonso "insisted that she really wanted a sandwich," the Riverhead News-Review reported. The deputy noticed Ildefonso's eyes were dilated and glassy, and that she had white powdery residue in her left nostril. DeCaro also checked her license and found it was not valid. After failing a field sobriety exam, Ildefonso was charged with felony driving while ability impaired by drugs and driving without a valid license. [Riverhead News-Review, 3/17/2018]

Police in Sheboygan, Wisconsin, appealed to the public for help in late March tracking down a most unusual perpetrator. "Over the past year and a half," the department posted on its Facebook page, "someone has been clogging the women's toilet (at the Deland Community Center) with a 20-ounce soda bottle. This is very strange ... and gross." The Sheboygan Press reported that the string of more than 25 incidents began in 2016. Joe Kerlin, the city's parks and forestry superintendent, says the suspect is likely an adult male, based on security camera footage from outside the restroom. The city's resulting plumbing bills have totaled between $2,000 and $3,000. [Sheboygan Press, 3/21/18]

Oops

A man playing with a baseball on the roof of a parking structure in Honolulu on March 23 had to be rescued by firefighters after he fell into the space between two buildings and got stuck, KHON2 TV reported. Security guard Ray Rodrigues was dispatched to the roof to run the 55-year-old off, but found the man had fallen into a 7- to 9-inch-wide space between the cement walls. When pulling him out with a rope failed, firefighters resorted to using drills and saws to cut through the concrete to free him. He was taken to a hospital in serious condition. [KHON2, 3/25/18]

Questionable Judgments

-- Shoppers at the Miracle Mile Shopping Center in Monroeville, Pennsylvania, got more than they bargained for on April 8, 2017, as model Chelsea Guerra, 22, of Indiana Borough and photographer Michael Warnock, 64, of Point Breeze conducted a nude photo shoot around 11 a.m. According to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, as Warnock took photos and families looked on, Guerra walked around and posed wearing only thigh-high black stockings and high-heeled shoes. In early March of this year, Guerra and Warnock pleaded guilty to misdemeanor disorderly conduct after other charges were dropped, and paid a $300 fine. "My nude modeling is honest work," Guerra said, "and I use it mostly to fund my college career." [TribLive, 3/5/18]

-- A dairy truck driver lost his job in early March after being caught on a surveillance camera urinating near dairy cows in a barn at Tremblay Farm in Highgate, Vermont. While no charges were filed, Monica Massey of the Dairy Farmers of America said the driver's behavior was unacceptable. "We saw the videos. What we saw was deplorable," Massey said told WCAX TV. Darleen Tremblay said she was "shattered" by what she saw on the video. "I couldn't move. I froze and I shook," she added. [WCAX, 3/2/18]

Bright Ideas

-- The Snell Family Park ficus tree, a sprawling giant that has shaded the park in Fort Myers, Florida, for more than a century, played the part of groom to several brides on March 24 as Karen Cooper and others tried to save it from being cut down. The News-Press reported that while its roots are on the park property, some of the limbs in the tree's 8,000-square-foot canopy extend to an adjacent property that is for sale, and potential buyer Jeff Romer was concerned about his liability for the tree's upkeep. In December, Fort Myers' public works officials approved the removal of the tree, prompting protests from Cooper and others. She got the idea of marrying the tree from women in Mexico who have been protesting deforestation. "I thought, 'Oh, we should marry the ficus tree' -- kind of giggle, giggle." A city spokeswoman said the city is moving ahead to save the newlywed tree, but Cooper is worried that the decision is not final. "If they cut down this tree, I'm going to be a widow." [The News-Press, 3/26/18]

-- Ruan Rocha da Silva, 18, was caught in late March trying to steal five cans of deodorant from a supermarket in Sao Paulo, Brazil. His prominent tattoo might have given him away: A year ago, after Silva tried to steal a bike from Maycon Wesley Carvalho, 27, and Ronildo Moreira de Araujo, 29, the two men forcibly tattooed Silva's forehead with the words "I am a thief and an idiot." The Daily Mail reported that Carvalho and Araujo were caught after filming themselves inking Silva's forehead and sending the video to friends; both were sentenced to jail time. Silva is out on bail, awaiting trial for shoplifting. [Daily Mail, 3/26/18]

Inexplicable

Eastern Michigan University student Andrew (who didn't give a last name), 22, wasn't making any kind of statement or protesting any government action (or lack thereof) on March 12 when he filled a pothole in Trenton with a whole box of Lucky Charms and a gallon of milk. Andrew then lay on the road with a spoon and ate the cereal out of the pothole. "I don't know where the inspiration came from, but when it hit me, I knew it was a good idea," Andrew told MLive.com. "It tasted great. If I was blindfolded, I wouldn't know if it was a pothole or a bowl." [MLive.com, 3/22/18]

International Relations

Italian chef Fabio Picchi has offered three American exchange students in Florence a four-hour cooking lesson after the women tried to cook pasta in a pot without water on March 18. The pasta burst into flames within minutes, and firefighters were summoned to put out the fire. "We thought it was cooked like that," one of the students told La Nazione. "They will have lunch in our restaurant with two of my extraordinary cooks," Picchi said. "I think this can be useful to them, but also to us. Understanding is always ... what is beautiful and necessary." [La Nazione, 3/19/18]

Weird Power

In Didcot, England, known as the country's "most normal town," one resident creatively tried to change people's perceptions with additions to road signs along local highway A4130. The prankster added destinations such as Narnia, Gotham City, Middle Earth, Emerald City and Neverland to roundabout signs, telling the BBC (on condition of anonymity): "To me there's nowhere that is normal, there's no such thing." He said he's been making "creative interventions" all over the country for about 20 years. The Oxfordshire County Council responded that while the additions were "amusing," they'll be removed as soon as the county's potholes are fixed. [BBC, 3/20/18]

Anger Management

Maghan LeGlue, 25, of Bridge City, Louisiana, shifted her rage into high gear on March 24 when she used her 2004 Ford Expedition to pin her 27-year-old boyfriend up against his Ford Crown Victoria, according to the Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office. The Times-Picayune reported that the couple, who have three children together, had been arguing when LeGlue hit him, shattering his leg. Doctors performed emergency surgery on the victim. LeGlue was taken into custody and was held without bond. [Times-Picayune, 3/26/18]

Overachiever

It was lucky 13 for Hot Springs, Arkansas, resident Patricia Ann Clanton, 55, as she was charged with her 13th felony DWI on March 26. Garland County Sheriff's Deputy Richard Garrett stopped to check on a Chevrolet Monte Carlo parked in the lot of Buddy Bean Lumber Co. around 1 a.m. on March 26, reported the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. An assisting officer noticed a strong smell of intoxicants and asked Clanton and her passenger to get out of the car. Clanton refused a field sobriety test but agreed to a Breathalyzer, which registered her blood alcohol level at more than twice the legal limit. Nevertheless, she entered an innocent plea in Garland County District Court. Since 1994, Clanton has been convicted of driving drunk in various Arkansas jurisdictions and served jail time. [Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, 3/27/18]