A Tesla showroom in South Salt Lake, Utah, was the nexus of four different arrests on Nov. 24, according to the Salt Lake Tribune, in which at least two of the suspects claimed to be part of the Tesla "family." (The car company is named after inventor Nikola Tesla, not a family owner.) In the first arrest, a Tesla pulled up behind a Utah Highway Patrol car at a stoplight, and the officer noticed that Driver No. 1 was acting "suspicious." When the officer pulled him over, the 24-year-old driver said a man he hardly knew gave him the car and keys to three other Teslas. When the officer and driver returned to the showroom, it had been burglarized, but Driver No. 1 explained that the burglary had occurred before he got to the dealership, so he felt he was allowed to take the vehicle and keys. Area officers were alerted, and 31-year-old Driver No. 2 led troopers on a short chase, until his Tesla's battery died. Later, Driver No. 3, 19, was pulled over in West Valley, and finally Driver No. 4, a 27-year-old woman, was stopped at a liquor store and told police a man named Tesla had given her the car. "We are still trying to sort this out," said South Salt Lake Police spokesman Gary Keller. "We actually have two people claiming their name is Tesla and a family member died and left them these cars. It's one of those cases where you just have to scratch your head and say, 'Really?'" [Salt Lake Tribune, 11/24/2017]

News That Sounds Like a Joke

-- Arielle Bonnici, 26, of Huntington, New York, responsibly arrived at the Northport Police Department and Village Justice Court on Dec. 4 to answer a summons issued in May for possession of marijuana. But before she could even park her car, Bonnici, who was on her phone, attracted the attention of officers by cutting off an unmarked police vehicle and wheeling into the spot reserved for the chief of police. The Long-Islander News reported that when officers approached the car and Bonnici rolled down her window, a cloud of marijuana smoke poured out, and she was promptly arrested for possession again, along with getting a ticket for using her cellphone while driving. She was able to kill two buds, er, birds, with one stone and appear before the court for both charges. [Long-Islander News, 12/6/2017]

-- Meanwhile, in Newberry, South Carolina, 31-year-old Franklin Dell Hayes of Midlands appeared on Dec. 6 at his trial for his third charge of possession of methamphetamines. As the first day of the trial came to a close, The State reports, Hayes was ordered into custody, but when Newberry County sheriff's deputies searched him before locking him up, they found ... 4 grams of meth in his pants pocket. Without knowledge of the new meth discovery, the jury sentenced Hayes to nine years in prison. [The State, 12/7/2017]

Questionable Judgment

Popeye's preferred diet of spinach to pump up his biceps had to be healthier than what a Russian man has been injecting. Kirill Tereshin, 21, from Pyatigorsk in southwestern Russia, concocts a dangerous muscle-enhancing solution of olive oil, lidocaine and benzyl alcohol and injects it into his arm muscles, resulting in "bazooka" arms that doctors say may become paralyzed or even have to be amputated. Tereshin has so far used 6 liters of the fluid, and his biceps measure 23 inches, but he plans to continue injecting until they reach 27 inches. "I would like to get more than 1 million subscribers on Instagram and to stop working," Tereshin told the Daily Mail. He's considering an offer to become a porn star. "I love to be recognizable." [Daily Mail, 12/8/2017]

What Could Go Wrong?

It was all fun and games until a drunk, naked man and his (also naked) companion crashed into a tree near La Grande, Washington, on Nov. 22. Washington State Patrol spokeswoman Brooke Bova told The Olympian that the couple were engaging in intercourse when the driver missed a curve and left the highway. The woman was hospitalized with broken bones, but her 3-month-old child was unhurt in the backseat. The driver, who has three prior DUI convictions, was charged with felony driving under the influence, vehicular assault and endangering a child. [The Olympian, 11/24/2017]

Awesome!

Male residents of Ringaskiddy in Ireland have at least one compelling reason to set down roots there: According to local lore, the nearby Pfizer plant, where Viagra is produced, emits "love fumes" that give men free erections. "One whiff and you're stiff," bartender Debbie O'Grady told The Times of London. Pfizer, however, disputes the tales, with a spokesperson saying: "Our manufacturing processes have always been highly sophisticated as well as highly regulated." Still, locals speak of a baby boom after the plant opened in 1998, and men apparently regularly gather near the facility to inhale the fumes. [Newsweek, 12/6/2017]

Animal Antics

Dovey the Shar Pei, of Edmond, Oklahoma, might be just a bit jealous of the new baby at his owners' home. But in a classic passive-aggressive move, he settled on stealing pacifiers. Scott Rogers and his wife noticed that binkies were disappearing, but it wasn't until Dovey started vomiting and losing weight in early December that they tracked down the lost items. KFOR-TV reports that Dr. Chris Rispoli of Gentle Care Animal Hospital took an X-ray of Dovey's stomach and saw what he thought were seven to nine pacifiers. But when Rispoli opened up Dovey to remove them, he found 21 binkies. Turns out, Dovey was taking the pacifiers off the kitchen counter. "We've had corn cobs and socks and panties and things like that, but never 21 binkies," noted Rispoli. [KFOR-TV, 12/8/2017]

The Voices in Our Heads

In Parkland, Washington, state troopers and Pierce County Sheriffs officers responded to a call on Nov. 25 about a man who had stopped his SUV in the middle of an intersection and was waving around an AK-47 and screaming about "lizard people." The 54-year-old Eatonville man obeyed when officers ordered him to lie on the ground, but resisted being handcuffed until officers tased him. He told them he had "snorted methamphetamine to lose weight" and that President Donald Trump had called his home to warn him that the lizard people were coming and his family members were already being held hostage by the "alpha dragon," according to The News Tribune. "The lizard people are real," he told police, explaining that he wanted to attract attention so that his "story could be documented for history." [The News Tribune, 12/1/2017]

Yikes!

Claudell Curry, 82, and his wife, Odell Marie, 83, heard a loud crashing noise as they watched TV in their San Bernardino, California, home on the evening of Dec. 10. Imagine their surprise when it was NOT Santa Claus, but instead a block of ice the size of a car engine, which had torn through their roof and landed on their bed. Federal Aviation Administration spokesman Ian Gregor said about a similar incident in November that the ice might have dropped off a passenger airliner, having formed after a leak in the galley. Neither of the Currys was hurt, but "We shiver every time we think we could have been in bed," Claudell told The San Bernardino Sun. [The San Bernardino Sun, 12/11/2017]

Cai, a 28-year-old man in Lianyungang, Jiangsu Province, China, had plenty of time to consider traffic patterns as he waited for the lights to change during his daily commute. So much, in fact, that he decided to take matters into his own hands on Sept. 27 and paint new traffic arrows on the roadway. A traffic camera captured the whole project as Cai carefully added a straight arrow to the existing left-turn and U-turn arrows. "I saw the straight lane was always packed with cars, while the turning left lane has a lot of space," Cai told police. "So I thought changing the signs would make my commute smoother." The BBC reports that police fined Cai the equivalent of about $151, and crews removed the new straight arrow from the road. [BBC, 11/30/2017]

Hair Trigger

Timothy Colton, 28, is cooling off in the Clark County (Nevada) Detention Center after being charged with arson and the attempted murder of his 66-year-old mother, who has limited mobility. The Nov. 27 altercation apparently started over a laundry dispute, but North Las Vegas police said Colton became aggressive and threatened to kill his mother and burn the house down. Fox News reports that Colton set fire to the front door and then ran away to hide under a car in a nearby parking lot, where officers found him. Police said he was "kicking the back seat door and hitting his head on the plastic partition between the front and rear seats" in the patrol car during his arrest. He was being held on $100,000 bail. [Fox News, 12/5/2017]

When Ya Gotta Go ...

Nemy Bautista of Sacramento, California, will not be posting a five-star review to Amazon this holiday season following not one but two alarming experiences. On Nov. 28, Bautista returned home to find a pile of what he thought was dog poo at the end of his driveway. But after reviewing his security camera footage, he discovered the poop perp was in fact a contract delivery driver for Amazon, driving a U-Haul truck. Bautista watched as the female driver squatted by the side of the truck, partially concealed by the open door, and left her mark. Bautista called Amazon to complain, and a supervisor arrived hours later to bag up the evidence. The next day, Bautista got another package from Amazon, but the delivery person "tossed the package ... instead of walking up the driveway," Bautista told FOX40. He said the package contained a "fragile porcelain figurine," but it didn't break. Maybe the delivery person was afraid of stepping in something? [FOX40, 12/1/2017]

On the Naughty List

-- A man in Australia couldn't wait for Santa to deliver his Christmas wish: a 5 1/2-foot-tall "Dorothy model" sex doll. So, according to the Victoria Police Kingston Crime Investigation Unit, he broke into an adult entertainment store in Moorabbin on Dec. 4 by cutting through a fence with bolt cutters and smashing his way through the door. After quickly loading Dorothy into the back of his van, he took off. Security cameras caught the event, but the thief was disguised with stockings and a balaclava pulled over his head. [United Press International, 12/5/2017]

-- A mall Santa working the weekend shift in late November got more than he bargained for at Dufferin Mall in Toronto, Ontario, Canada, when an unnamed woman unloaded a sleigh-full of obscenities on him, saying, "Do you have a sleigh? No? ... You're not magic! You're not even real! I heard about it when I was a young kid!" A bystander with a cellphone captured the tirade on video, reported the New York Post, and true to his spirit, St. Nick kept his composure and tried not to engage with the elf-hater. A mall spokesperson said the woman left without further incident. [NYPost, 11/29/2017]

The Passing Parade

Faye Preston of Hull, Yorkshire, England, loves her neighborhood -- even the homeless folks who gently ask for change, or, in Preston's case, make love in her driveway. She stepped out one night in November to smoke a cigarette and saw a couple under a blanket in her drive, and decided to let them be. But when she went out the next morning, "They were having actual sex on my driveway. The movement going on under the cover was unmistakable," Preston wrote in the Hull Daily Mail. Still, she was worried about running over them, so she called police, who eventually removed them. "If I was homeless, I'd come here too," Preston wrote. "Where else can you go for a posh meal, followed by cocktails in a swanky bar and finish the night stepping over some frisky homeless people fornicating on your driveway?" [Hull Daily Mail, 12/4/2017]

A Message From God?

An 18th-century statue of the crucified Jesus that was removed for restoration from the church of St. Agueda in Burgo de Osma, Spain, held a surprise in a most unusual spot. As historians removed from Jesus's backside a section of the carving meant to look like a cloth, they discovered two handwritten letters dated 1777 and signed by Joaquin Minguez, then-chaplain of the cathedral. Minguez details life in the community, including harvest reports and diseases, and tells about the sculpture's artist, Manuel Bal. Historian Efren Arroyo told the Spanish newspaper El Mundo it appears Minguez intended his letters to be a sort of time capsule. The original letters were sent to the Archbishop of Burgos for archiving, but copies were returned to Jesus's hindquarters to honor Minguez's intent. [National Geographic, 12/4/2017]

Awesome!

Chuck E. Cheese restaurants are undergoing an evolution of sorts, and employees at the location in Oak Lawn, Illinois, were only following company protocol when they took sledgehammers to the plastic head of the animatronic mouse on Nov. 28. In a video recorded by a reporter with the Oak Lawn Patch, two female employees half-heartedly strike Chuck's head for several minutes before it finally breaks apart. Meanwhile, other workers load furniture and games into a moving van. The Oak Lawn location has closed after experiencing a particularly difficult period, as it became the scene of violent brawls and gang activity. But they won't have Chuck E. to kick around anymore. [Oak Lawn Patch, 11/28/2017]

Inexplicable

A suburban parking lot in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, has been the scene of repeated crashes, as drivers there can't seem to avoid the Sage Hill Rock -- a large boulder surrounded by yellow cement curbs. At least three photos of cars that have collided with the rock -- two hung up on it and the third tipped over on its side -- were posted on social media over the weekend of Dec. 2, according to the CBC. "I don't know how you miss this big rock," said Brangwyn Jones, who lives in Sage Hill. An employee of a nearby business said the rock was placed in its spot to keep people from driving over the curb. The management company of the retail center had planned to remove it, but an uproar from community members ("It's far too entertaining!") may have stalled those plans. [CBC, 12/4/2017]

Unclear on the Concept

The Jilin Daily newspaper in eastern China has provided a handy guide for residents about what to do in case of a nuclear attack from North Korea. Cartoons illustrate how to wash radioactive contaminants from shoes with water and use cotton swabs to clean out ears. "If war breaks out," commented the state-backed Global Times, "it is not possible to rule out the Korean Peninsula producing nuclear contaminants, and countermeasures must be ... spoken openly about to let the common folk know. But at the same time, there is absolutely no reason to be alarmed." [NBC News, 12/6/2017]

It's Good to Have Goals

Ryan Nanni, a sportswriter for SB Nation, had just one career goal for 2017: He wanted to wear the bloomin' onion costume at the Outback Bowl in Tampa, Florida. He had hinted repeatedly on social media about his wish, but Outback Steakhouse didn't take notice until he challenged the chain directly on Twitter on Dec. 5: "How many retweets is it going to take for you to let me fulfill my destiny and become Bloomin' Onion Man?" The Tampa Bay Times reports that when Outback set the bar at 10,000 retweets, Nanni collected more than 13,000 in just 24 hours. "We should've made that harder," Outback tweeted to Nanni. However, Nanni will wear the costume only during the third quarter of the Jan. 1 contest, with a "professional" representing Outback through the remainder of the game. [Tampa Bay Times, 12/6/2017]

Chengdu, China, street barber Xiong Gaowu offers a most unusual service at his roadside location in Sichuan province. For $12, Xiong will scrap the inside of his customers' eyelids using a straight razor, according to Reuters. Xiong suggests being "gentle, very, very gentle" when performing eyelid shaving, or "blade wash eyes," as the technique is known in Mandarin. A Chengdu ophthalmologist, Qu Chao, says shaving may unblock moisturizing sebaceous glands along the rim of the eyelid, leading to a more comfortable and refreshed feeling. "If he can properly sterilize the tools that he uses, I can see there is still a space for this technique to survive," Qu added. [Reuters, 11/24/2017]

Uncontained Excitement

Traffic slowed to a crawl on I-95 in Palm Beach County, Florida, on Nov. 21 as President Trump's motorcade arrived for the Thanksgiving holiday. Author and sportswriter Jeff Pearlman was among the delayed drivers, but things turned weird when "these people (kept) getting out of the car dancing," he posted in a Twitter video. WPTV reported that Pearlman recorded the people two cars in front of him emerging from their car and twerking on the highway, then jumping and dancing around enthusiastically before getting back in the vehicle. [KSHB TV, 11/22/2017]

Compulsion

A 35-year-old Indian man employed a unique method for dealing with his depression: swallowing metal. Maksud Khan was rushed to surgery at Sanjay Gandhi Hospital in Satna, Madhya Pradesh, India, after developing severe abdominal pains, according to Metro News. An endoscopy showed that Khan had "coins, nails and nut-bolts in his stomach," said Dr. Priyank Sharma, who led the surgical team. In late November, surgeons removed 263 coins, 100 nails and other metal items, including razor blades and dog chains, from Khan's stomach. His family had no idea he had been ingesting metal, and Khan promised doctors he would never eat metal again. [Metro News, 11/26/2017]

Unclear on the Concept

-- In Iowa, autumn is breeding season for deer, when the animals can get a little wacky and try to cross roadways. It's also the time of year when the Iowa Department of Transportation begins fielding questions from drivers asking why deer crossing signs aren't erected at safer spots for deer to cross. "This sign isn't intended to tell deer where to cross," the Iowa DOT helpfully posted on its Facebook page on Oct. 24, according to the Des Moines Register. "It's for drivers to be alert that deer have been in this area in the past." State Farm Insurance reports that Iowa drivers have the fourth-highest likelihood in the U.S. of hitting a deer. Coincidence? [Des Moines Register, 11/25/2017]

-- Rocky, an enterprising 7-month-old border collie in Devon, England, took the command "bring the sheep home" a little too literally in early November when he herded nine sheep into his owner's kitchen. "I was in the kitchen and heard a noise," Rocky's owner, Rosalyn Edwards, told the BBC. "I turned around and the sheep were just standing there. It was funny at the time, but then there was quite a lot of wee, poo and mud everywhere." The sheep stood around for a few minutes, then allowed themselves to be shown out the front door. [BBC, 11/3/2017]

Irony

As elder members of the First United Methodist Church in Tellico Plains, Tennessee, gathered on Nov. 16 to discuss the recent church shooting in Sutherland Springs, Texas, one of those present asked if anyone had brought a gun to church. One man spoke up and said he carries a gun everywhere, reported WATE-TV, and produced the gun, emptying the chambers before passing the weapon around. When the owner got the gun back, he replaced the magazine and recharged the chamber -- accidentally squeezing the trigger and shooting himself in the hand and his wife in the abdomen. Both victims were taken by helicopter to the University of Tennessee Medical Center for treatment of non-life-threatening injuries. [WATE-TV, 11/16/2017]

Last Wishes

On Oct. 10, Richard Lussi, 76, of Plains Township, Pennsylvania, succumbed to heart disease. But before he died, he made sure his family knew there was one thing he wanted to take with him: a cheesesteak from Pat's King of Steaks in Philadelphia. "No onions because they'll come back to haunt me!" Lussi told his family. So the day before Lussi's funeral, his son, John, grandson, Dominic, and two friends drove to Philly, where they ate cheesesteaks and bought two extra for Lussi's casket. John told The Philadelphia Inquirer that the funeral director advised not putting the sandwiches in the coffin until after the viewing, "because people would take them." Pat's owner Frank Olivieri Jr. said he was flattered and proud that his cheesesteaks were held "so dear" by someone. "Maybe it's a bribe for St. Peter," he added. [The Philadelphia Inquirer, 11/17/2017]

In Your Own Backyard

Lisa Cramps moved into a new home in Mitcheldean, Gloucestershire, England, this fall and quickly discovered a mysterious manhole cover in her backyard. Rather than ignore it, Cramps dug up the cover and unearthed a World War II-era bunker underneath. Neighbors informed Cramps that the shelter pre-dates her house and originally had two stories, with the upper level partially above ground. "It's very exciting to find this in our garden," Cramps told Metro News. "I love Second World War history, and my mission now is to find out exactly why it's here." [Metro News, 11/28/2017]

Undignified Death

Linda Bringman, 64, of the Logan Square neighborhood of Chicago, died on Nov. 27 after being found unresponsive three days earlier with her head stuck between two posts of a wrought iron fence. Paramedics were called around noon that day to a PNC Bank branch where the fence was located, and Bringman was taken to the Illinois Masonic Medical Center in critical condition, the Chicago Sun-Times reported. Chicago Police could not provide an explanation for her being stuck in the fence, but they did not believe criminal activity was involved. [Chicago Sun-Times, 11/27/2017]

Inexplicable

Ja Du of Tampa, Florida, was born a white male named Adam Wheeler. Today, he is not only transsexual, but also considers himself transracial, saying he identifies as a Filipino. "Whenever I'm around the music, around the food, I feel like I'm in my own skin," Du told WTSP-TV in November. Du even drives a motorized rickshaw called a Tuk Tuk, a vehicle used for public transportation in the Philippines (but which Filipinos call "trisikels"). However, some Filipino-Americans are less than welcoming, claiming that Du has overlooked centuries of their people's struggle. "To say you are that race is both unrealistic and problematic," said Jackie Fernandez, a Filipino-American journalist. She believes Du has crossed a line between "cultural appreciation and appropriation." [WTSP, 11/17/2017]

Police Report

Stacy Scott of Anchorage, Alaska, arrived home on Nov. 24 to find thousands of dollars' worth of clothing and jewelry missing, along with a signature item, George the mounted zebra head, which was a gift from a friend. The thief was bold enough to call a taxi to use as the getaway car and loaded the zebra head into its trunk -- all of which was caught on surveillance camera at Scott's home. Anchorage police tracked down and arrested Desiree Fuller, 38, for felony burglary and theft, and recovered most of Scott's items. But George remained at large until the cab driver saw a story on KTVA-TV and contacted them -- he had been holding the zebra hostage because Fuller neglected to pay her cab fare. In the spirit of the season, George is home for the holidays. [KTVA, 11/27/2017]

No Longer Weird

Firefighters in North Philadelphia burrowed through trash for hours to free a man who was trapped in the back of a garbage truck on Nov. 27. Philadelphia Police were not sure how the 33-year-old unnamed man had landed in the truck, but speculated he may have been sleeping in a dumpster when it was emptied into the truck. WCAU News reported that the man went to the hospital with abdomen, hip and leg injuries. [NBC 10, 11/27/2017]