Good fortune quickly turned to horror for a man in Allyn, Washington, who scored some raccoon roadkill to use as crab-trap bait on June 25. As the unidentified man walked toward home dragging the carcass behind him on a 15-foot rope (so he couldn't smell it), two different vehicles stopped, and their occupants, mistakenly thinking he was dragging a dead dog, began berating the would-be fisherman. As the dispute heated up, someone produced a gun, shooting the man twice in the leg before he was struck by one of the vehicles as the assailants fled. [KOMO, 6/29/2017]

Bright Ideas

In New Hampshire on June 29, a state police officer stopped the 57-year-old driver of a Honda Odyssey minivan who had piled a Beverly Hillbillies-esque stack of belongings on top of his car. The collection, which was about as tall as the minivan, included a wooden chest, a bike, a floor lamp, a rake, a snow shovel, a moving dolly and a folding ladder, along with blankets and towels and a shopping cart full of items hanging off the back. Police cited the driver for negligent driving, and the car was towed away. [United Press International, 6/29/2017]

Sorry I Missed It

A Canada Day parade in southern Ontario sparked a flood of typically mild protests over Dave Szusz's float, which featured a 3-meter-tall blow-up Jesus (holding a baby sheep) and several real sheep. "I thought it was kind of sad to see sheep out with very loud blasting music, out in the heat in the city," said animal rights activist Dan MacDonald. Others flooded Szusz with complaints on Facebook. Szusz and MacDonald have since talked it out, although MacDonald still hopes Szusz will discontinue using sheep on his floats. [CTV News, 7/6/2017]

Least Competent Criminals

-- Six suspects in a June 25 Denver mugging counted among their spoils the victim's brand-new iPhone. After using Ryan Coupens' credit cards at a nearby Walgreens, the thieves used the phone to post a Snapchat story about their shenanigans to Coupens' account, where his friends -- and police -- could clearly see some of their faces. [FOX31, 6/26/2017]

-- A repeat offender came to the end of his career when he and an accomplice tried to burglarize a home in East Macon, Georgia, on June 19. As James Robert Young, 41, a 35-time resident in the Bibb County jail, and another man zeroed in on her television, the homeowner woke up and heard them. "When she yelled, the men ran out," said Sheriff David Davis, and that was when the other suspect turned around and fired his weapon, striking Young in the head, killing him. The accomplice is still at large. [WMAZ, 6/20/2017]

Family Values

Flower girls at weddings often steal the show, and Georgiana Arlt of Chaska, Minnesota, was no exception as she walked down the aisle on July 1. The 92-year-old grandmother of the bride, Abby Arlt, told her granddaughter the only other wedding she had been in was her own, when she was 20 years old. Abby had hoped to have her grandfather as the ring bearer, but he passed away last year. [KARE11, 7/3/2017]

Oops!

-- What seemed like the best hide-and-seek idea ever took a frightening turn on July 6 in Colonial Heights, Virginia, when a 12-year-old girl became stuck in a sleeper sofa. Another child called 911 when she couldn't free her friend. "I've never seen anything like it," said fire chief A.G. Moore. "When she got out, she was fine." [FOX6, 7/6/2017]

-- In Green Bay, Wisconsin, a driver crossing the Walnut Street Bridge on June 22 disregarded the traffic arm and drove around it onto the drawbridge as it was opening. His van ascended the opening span, but then rolled back down into the gap between the stationary bridge and the moveable span. Green Bay Metro firefighters, concerned that the van might slip through the gap, cut a hole in its roof to rescue the driver. [The Associated Press, 6/23/2017]

Suspicions Confirmed

Karen Leclair, 51, of Albion, Pennsylvania, was reported missing on June 11 by her commercial fisherman husband, Christopher, 48, after she went over the side of his boat on Lake Erie. Christopher told police he hadn't been watching when his wife fell overboard. When her body washed ashore on July 4 in upstate New York, however, she had a gunshot wound in her head, and she was bound by nylon fishing rope and weighted with an anchor. Christopher was charged with her murder after the gun used to shoot Karen was found under a bed in their home. [New York Post, 7/6/2017]

Oh, THOSE Monkeys

A monkey mystery unfolded near Mesa, Arizona, in early July as drone owner Jesse Sorensan dispatched his device over a facility rumored to house abandoned monkeys. "Hovered above it and took some pictures ... and sure enough there's monkeys in almost all the cages," said Sorensan. "What are these monkeys doing ... in the middle of the desert?" Local TV reporters looked into the mystery and found the facility is used for research and breeding for the University of Washington and the Centers for Disease Control, who were quick to point out that the monkeys have access to air conditioning and veterinary care. [3TV/CBS5, 7/5/2017]

Who You Gonna Call?

Villagers in the eastern Thailand province of Amnat Charoen have called in the Royal Thai Police Force to help rid them of an evil female spirit, "phi pob," they accuse of killing four cows and sickening four border police officers, reported the BBC in June. In Thai folklore, phi pob can possess people and sow chaos, including a 2016 incident in which neighbors were forced to strip naked at gunpoint by three reportedly possessed individuals. Adul Chaitprasithkul, the local police chief, noted, "More people believe in phi pob than those who don't." [BBC, 6/28/2017]

Pre-existing Conditions

Police in Dearborn, Michigan, are hoping a thief's unusual loot may draw him back to the scene of the crime. Surveillance video at a Walgreens store captured a bald man making off with seven boxes of Rogaine, a hair-growth product, on June 22. "While this is not the most hair-raising crime ... it is suspected he will continue committing this type of crime, as 12 to 14 months of consistent use is needed to see results," Police Chief Ronald Haddad said in a news release. [Detroit Free Press, 6/29/2017]

Police Report

What does ol' St. Nick do in the off-season? Perhaps look for a bail bondsman. In a dramatic chase, Maine State Police pursued a stolen car from Fairfield to Bangor on July 4, finally striking the vehicle and bringing it to a stop. When the driver was taken into custody, he identified himself as Santa Claus. But rest easy, boys and girls: Turns out he was Christos Kassaras, 54, from New Hampshire. [WMTW, 7/5/2017]

Precocious

Residents of Baraboo, Wisconsin, must have done a double-take when they looked outside during the early hours of June 30. Kelly, a full-grown elephant, had escaped from the Circus World Museum nearby and wandered the neighborhood, munching on marigolds. Apparently, her partner, Isla (also an elephant), had used her trunk to free Kelly from a restraint. A trainer from Circus World was summoned, and Kelly was returned to her home at the museum. [The Associated Press, 6/30/2017]

Smooth Reaction

Anger over spilled sugar led a Blue Springs, Missouri, grandfather to a chilly end when his grandson, Tyreik Baldwin, 21, allegedly killed Harvey C. Baldwin, 77, and stuffed him into a chest freezer. A family member who had become worried about the elder Baldwin visited the home on June 30, then called police after Tyreik hit him in the head with a hammer and drove off in the family member's truck. Police caught up with Tyreik as he tried to escape and took him into custody. [Kansas City Star, 7/5/2017]

If you visit Dawson City in Canada's Yukon Territory, you can't skip one of its famous traditions: sipping on a Sourtoe Cocktail at the Sourdough Saloon. The drink, conceived in 1973, comprises the cocktail of your choice garnished with a pickled amputated human toe. ("You can drink it fast, you can drink it slow, but your lips have gotta touch the toe," says "toe master" Terry Lee.)

On June 18, one of the saloon's toes went missing when a patron, who identified himself as "a drunken fool," took the digit (specifically, a second toe). Although the thief mailed the toe back with an apology, Travel Yukon has launched a campaign for an "insurance toe," saying, "Our toe was returned, but we can always use backups!" [Alaska Dispatch News, 6/20/2017; Reuters, 6/26/2017)

The Continuing Crisis

Demit Strato of New York took to Facebook on June 26 from his throne room to excoriate his local Starbucks for making his venti iced coffee with regular milk instead of soy milk, as he ordered it. "I've pooped 11 times since the A.M. My bottom hurts from all the wiping. Do you think I enjoy soy milk? ... I don't order soy milk because I'm bored and want my drink order to sound fancy. I order soy milk so that my bottom doesn't blast fire for 4 hours." For its part, Starbucks sent Strato a $50 gift card, and he told Buzzfeed that "many women are trying to go out on a date after this, too." [United Press International, 6/28/2017]

People Different From Us

A China Southern Airlines flight between Shanghai and Guangzhou was delayed for five hours on June 27 after an 80-year-old passenger, identified only as Qiu, was spotted tossing coins into the engine as she boarded "to pray for a safe flight." Passengers already onboard were asked to deplane while crews searched inside the engine and around the area, ultimately finding nine coins totaling the equivalent of about 25 cents. Local news outlets estimated the cost of the delay and the search at $140,000. [Washington Post, 6/28/2017]

Compulsions

-- Could it have been overconsumption of caffeine that provoked Londoner Kit Lovelace to scan all 236 episodes of "Friends" to chronicle how much coffee each character drank? Lovelace told the Huffington Post in June he was disappointed that no one had ever collected data about the characters' coffee habits, so he meticulously studied how much they drank, how their consumption changed over the years and how much they spent on coffee. (Spoiler alert: Phoebe drank the most coffee, and collectively the group spent more than $2,000 on joe over the course of the 10-season series.) [HuffPost, 6/28/2017]

-- A California man's 2,000th visit to Disneyland in Anaheim on June 22 made him a celebrity in the park. Jeff Reitz began visiting Disneyland every day after receiving an annual pass as a gift in 2012. At the time, he was unemployed, but he continued his habit even after finding a job, using the $1,049 Disney Signature Plus Passport. "Until today, cast members would think I looked familiar, but now they know who I am," Reitz said. "It's been positive, it's been a motivator, it's been my workout gym. This past year I've lost about 40 pounds." [United Press International, 6/23/2017]

-- A serial underwear thief in Tokyo was finally snagged July 4 when he was caught on surveillance video stealing nine women's undergarments that had been hung out to dry. Yasushi Kobayashi, 61, told police that he'd been lifting lingerie for 20 years because he enjoys wearing them. Police found more than 1,000 pieces during a serach of his home. [Japan Today, 7/5/2017]

Great Art!

Police in St. Petersburg, Florida, were hunting in late June for the artist tagging buildings with ... butt cheeks. At least 20 downtown fanny paintings, sporting from two to seven buttocks, have been reported. "It's not very creative," sniffed one office worker. "The bottom line is, whoever is doing this is destroying property," Assistant Police Chief Jim Previterra said. Property owners are wiping the butts away as fast as they appear, but police say the vandal, when caught, will have to pay for cleanup. [Fox13 News, 6/26/2017]

Police Report

-- A SWAT team from the Sumter County (Florida) Sheriff's department raided The Villages retirement community on June 21, uncovering what they believe is a golf cart chop-shop operation, along with illegal drugs, in the sprawling complex near Ocala. Souped-up golf carts are a popular way to get around in the community, which is home to more than 150,000 people. Windshields, seat cushions, wheels and tires were found in the garage, along with drugs "in plain sight" in the home, Deputy Gary Brannen said. Five people, ranging in age from 38 to 63, were arrested. [CBS News, 6/26/2017]

-- A determined pregnant woman in Asheville, North Carolina, was charged June 28 with misdemeanor assault with a deadly weapon after she ran over the man who had been caught rifling through her SUV. Christine Braswell, 26, confronted Robert Raines, 34, in a Walmart parking lot, but when he ran, she couldn't run after him. "Me being five months pregnant, I chased a little ways, then come back, jumped in the car, threw it in gear and come across the curb and ran him over. I was not going to let him get away with it," Braswell said. Raines sustained minor injuries. [WLOS, 6/28/2017]

-- A hopeful driver, pulled over by Dakota County (Minnesota) Deputy Mike Vai in June, produced a "get out of jail free" card from a Monopoly game in an effort to escape charges on a controlled substance warrant. The amused officer shared the incident on his department's Facebook page, but took the unidentified man into custody nonetheless. [KARE, 6/26/2017]

Odd Hobbies

The Wall Street Journal reported in June on a small group of enthusiasts who participate in the esoteric sport of container spotting -- discovering and documenting unusual shipping containers. Spotting a distinctive box "is analogous to the satisfaction that bird-watchers get from spotting a very rare breed of bird," noted Matt Hannes, who maintains the Intermodal Container Web Page. Unusual boxes, known as unicorns, include those with outdated names or logos, or sporting discontinued colors, and those from very small shipping companies. Charles Fox of Indianapolis may be an extreme hobbyist: On his honeymoon, he spent two 12-hour days taking photos of a variety of boxes in Belgium. Mrs. Fox was not amused. [Wall Street Journal, 6/27/2017]

What We'll Do for Love

Brandon Thompson, 35, had just one request before Muskogee, Oklahoma, police officers took him into custody on July 4: "I asked the officer if I could propose." Officers Bob Lynch and Lincoln Anderson agreed and moved Thompson's handcuffs from his back to his front so he could put the ring on Leandria Keith's finger. Thompson had six felony bench warrants out for his arrest, but he told CNN he has been "doing a lot to turn his life around." Keith apparently agrees, as she said "yes." [CNN, 7/8/2017]

Government in Action

-- Rabbit Hash, Kentucky, elected a 2-year-old mayor in November -- a dog named Brynneth Pawltro, who won the race by a landslide 1,000 votes. She's the small town's fourth canine mayor, having beaten her chicken, donkey and cat opponents, along with other dogs. Running on a platform of peace, love and understanding, Brynn is very outgoing, according to Bobbi Kayser of the Rabbit Hash Historical Society: "There's always inappropriate licking going on." [United Press International, 6/28/2017] [WDRB, 6/23/2017] [Cincinnati Enquirer, 11/16/2016]

-- Natwaina Clark, 33, of Gainesville, Florida, was fired and charged March 28 with larceny and scheming to defraud after it was discovered that she had used city credit cards to steal more than $93,000 from the parks, recreation and cultural affairs department between November 2015 and March 2017. Most notably, Clark spent $8,500 of her take on a Brazilian butt lift procedure. [Gainesville Sun, 6/28/2017]

What could go wrong? Canadian company Bad Axe Throwing announced in June it is bringing its unusual entertainment concept to Denver. It's "like darts, but on steroids," says founder Mario Zelaya. Customers provide their own food and beer and learn how to throw axes at targets. "We'll be bringing along the competitive league side as well. That means that folks in Denver can sign up ... and compete at a global level," Zelaya said. [Denver Business Journal, 6/7/2017]

Smooth Reactions

-- Did you say french fries or FRESH fries? Eiram Chanel Amir Dixson, 25, made a point of ordering fresh french fries at a Coon Rapids, Minnesota, Wendy's drive-thru in May. When the exchange between the dissatisfied Dixson and a Wendy's worker escalated, the employee threw a soda at Dixson, and Dixson fired back by spraying Mace through the drive-thru window. Police charged Dixson with one count of using tear gas to immobilize. [WCCO, 5/19/2017]

-- Rachel Borch, 21, of Hope, Maine, was out for a run in June when a raccoon attacked her. Thinking quickly, Borch grabbed the animal and, despite being bitten, ran to a puddle on the trail and held its head underwater until it drowned. (BONUS: Borch's father retrieved the dead raccoon and delivered it for rabies testing in a Taste of the Wild dog food bag.) [Bangor Daily News, 6/14/2017]

Insult to Injury

It was dark in the wee hours of June 30 in Jacksonville, Florida, and Cedric Jelks, 38, probably never saw the loaded gun on the driver's seat of his car as he got in, but he certainly felt it after the gun went off, wounding his manhood. When police investigating the report of a gunshot wound arrived at the hospital Jelks was taken to, they added possible firearms charges to his pain after discovering Jelks had a prior conviction for cocaine possession. [News4JAX, 6/30/2017]

Why Not?

A driver in Zhenjiang, China, took drive-thru service to the next level on June 10 when he carefully pulled his tiny automobile through the front doors of a convenience store, requested a package of potato chips and a bottle of yogurt, paid for his purchase and reversed through the doors with the cashier's guidance. Surveillance video shows the cashier waving and saluting as the car pulls away. He posited that the driver might have been avoiding getting out of his car in the rain. [The Straits Times, 6/17/2017]

Finer Points of the Law

-- A restaurant owner near Florence, Italy, was ordered to pay 2,000 euros in fines in June after judges in Italy's highest court declared it illegal to keep lobsters on ice in restaurants because it causes them undue suffering. "The suffering caused by detaining the animals while they wait to be cooked cannot be justified," the judges ruled. [Reuters, 6/16/2017]

-- In a fit of law abidance, a resident of Yorkshire, England, called that country's emergency phone number to report that Queen Elizabeth II was not wearing her seatbelt as she departed the Palace of Westminster on June 21 after delivering her traditional speech at the State Opening of Parliament. Police warned that the 999 system is meant to be used only for emergencies. [United Press International, 6/23/2017]

Bright Ideas

Smoke bombs aren't just for celebrating our nation’s birth! Mike Tingley of Grand Blanc Township, Michigan, burned his garage to the ground on July 3 when he used smoke bombs to try to rid the structure of a bees’ nest. When firefighters from three townships arrived, fireworks stored in the garage were shooting into the sky. "We really weren't going to celebrate the Fourth of July so much," Tingley said. His home, which was not attached to the garage, was not damaged. [MLive.com, 7/3/2017]

Oops!

Jerry Lynn of Ross, Pennsylvania, is continually haunted by the result of a minor mishap 13 years ago while drilling a hole in the wall of his living room. During his project, an alarm clock fell through the hole and to the floor behind the wall. Since then, the alarm sounds dutifully at 7:10 p.m. (standard time) every day. [Fox News, 6/20/2017]

The Entrepreneurial Spirit

Ventura County, California, sheriff's officers charged three produce workers with grand theft fruit after they were caught making unauthorized cash sales of avocados from a ripening facility. Joseph Valenzuela, 38, Carlos Chavez, 28, and Rahim Leblanc, 30, liquidated up to $300,000 worth of off-the-books avocados. "It's a big product here in California," said Sgt. John Franchi. "Everybody loves avocados." [The Associated Press, 6/17/2017]

Fashion Emergency

-- To beat June's record heat, male students at Isca Academy in Exeter, England, protested the school's no-shorts rule by wearing the same uniform skirts the girls wear. One boy said the skirts were "quite refreshing." Another enjoyed the "nice breeze." [NPR, 6/23/2017]

-- And farther south, in Nantes, France, bus drivers adopted the same skirt-wearing strategy to oppose the bus company's strict no-shorts policy. Temperatures in the region have reached record highs this year, and female drivers are allowed to wear skirts. The company responded by allowing "shorts that correspond to the uniform's color scheme of black and beige." [United Press International, 6/22/2017]

News That Sounds Like a Joke

The Innovation Center for U.S. Dairy reported in June that as many as 16.4 million Americans believe that chocolate milk comes from brown cows. In fact, the center's most frequently asked question on its website is, "Does chocolate milk come from brown cows?" (The answer is no.) Almost half of respondents to the center's survey weren't sure where chocolate milk comes from at all. [IFLScience, 6/16/2017]

Crime Report

A Spencer's store at Park Plaza Mall in Little Rock, Arkansas, took on a Jerry Springer vibe on June 21 when a disgruntled customer tried to steal a stripper pole. A Spencer's employee chased the woman into the mall and in the ensuing struggle was bitten by the customer, who then relinquished the stripper pole and ran away. At press time, the biter was still at large. [Associated Press, 6/22/2017]

Too Much Time on Their Hands

Awesome! An industrious group of Russian mechanics created a huge fidget spinner by welding parts of three cars together in the shape of the ubiquitous toy. The Garage 54 team, based in Novosibirsk, tried spinning the creation with one person in each car, but eventually had better luck with just one driver. [United Press International, 6/22/2017]

Recurring Themes

Two unidentified thieves managed to elude capture even after one of them nearly lost his pants during a Wellington, Florida, car break-in. The man, caught on a security camera June 18 while running back to a getaway car, tripped over his pants and landed facedown, clearly yelling, "My pants fell!" He managed to make it to the vehicle, and the thieves have yet to been identified. [Fox News, 6/22/2017]

Divine Revelations

Honduran housewife Iris Suyapa Caceres Castellanos "felt something coming into my body from the soles of my feet" after finding a flour tortilla with a likeness of Jesus Christ. Since the discovery on June 14, Castellanos' home in Danli has been flooded with pilgrims who want a look at the holy tortilla, including Olga Marina, 71, who said: "You look at the little eyes, the little mustache and his hair ... can you imagine? It's a miracle." Castellanos hopes to preserve the savior-y tortilla for the rest of her life. [Daily Mail, 6/23/2017]

Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

A brigade from the Sawang Boribun Fire Rescue Center in Pattaya, Thailand, was called to a local hospital on June 24 when doctors needed help extricating a patient from two metal rings stuck on his penis. The patient, 33, who gave his name as Wirat, first said he didn't know how the rings had gotten there, but later admitted that he had been "experimenting" with them. When doctors couldn't dislodge the sex toys, they turned to firefighters, who worked for 30 minutes using pliers and cutting tools to remove the rings. [Daily Mail, 6/26/2017]

Spooky

A couple in Scotland have resorted to offering 50,000 pounds ($57,000) for a live-in nanny to care for their two young children after five previous nannies have quit in the last year citing "supernatural incidents." The homeowners describe the property as "lovely, spacious ... with spectacular views," but admit they were told the house was haunted before they bought it. Richard Conway, CEO of Childcare.co.uk, the website where the job is offered, said: “The family has assured us that no harm has come to anyone living in the house, however the nanny will have to have a strong disposition.” [The Telegraph, 6/14/2017]