Australians are about to learn how particular some people are about their genders. Queensland University of Technology and three other sponsors have created an online preference survey (currently underway) that asks participants to decide among 33 "genders" (since "gender" is, according to the World Health Organization, "socially constructed"). "Male" and "female" are clear enough -- but only where "identity" matches plumbing. Otherwise, it's "trans" or "transsexual," or else the more complicated bigender, omnigender, polygender, pangender, intergender, genderfluid, "cisgender," trigender, demigender, "gender non-conforming," "non-binary," "none gender" and a few others. [News.com.au (Sydney), 7-29-2016]

India has supposedly outlawed the "baby-tossing" religious test popular among Hindus and Muslims in rural villages in Maharashtra and Karnataka states, but a July New York Times report suggested that parents were still allowing surrogates to drop their newborn infants from 30 feet up and awaiting the gods' blessing for a prosperous, healthy life. In all cases, according to the report, the gods come through, and a bedsheet appears below to catch the unharmed baby. [New York Times, 7-29-2016]

-- More federal civilian employees have "arrest and firearms authority" than the total number of active-duty U.S. Marines, according to a June report by the organization Open The Books, which claims to have tallied line-by-line expenditures across the government. Several agencies (including the IRS and EPA) purchase assault weapons and other military-grade equipment (camouflage, night-vision goggles, 30-round magazines) for their agents, and even the Small Business Administration, National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration and Department of Education buy their agents guns and ammo. [Washington Free Beacon, 6-22-2016]

-- San Diego Padres outfielder Melvin Upton Jr. was traded on July 23 to the Toronto Blue Jays -- in the middle of a series between the Padres and the Blue Jays in Toronto. Normally, such a player would merely gather his belongings and walk down the hall to the other team's locker room. However, while Canada treats Blue Jays' opponents as "visitors," Blue Jays players, themselves, are Canadian employees, and if not residents must have work permits. Upton had to leave the stadium and drive to Lewiston, New York, which is the closest place he could find to apply to re-enter Canada properly. (He made it back by game time.) [Associated Press via New York Times, 7-27-2016]

-- Shrewd Tourism Campaigns: (1) Since Bulgaria, on Romania's southern border, lies close to Romania's iconic Transylvania region, Bulgarian tourism officials have begun marketing their own vampire tourism industry -- stepped up following a 2014 archaeological find of a 4th-century "graveyard" of adolescents with iron stakes through their chests. (2) The new tourism minister of Thailand is threatening to close down the lucrative sex business in Bangkok and Pattaya, even with the country still rallying from a 2014 near-recession. Ms. Kobkarn Wattanavrangkul insisted that visitors are not interested in "such a thing (as sex)" but come for Thailand's "beautiful" culture. [Mother Nature News, 7-22-2016] [Daily Telegraph (London), 7-17-2016]

-- Paid to Go Away: Sports Illustrated noted in May that some universities are still paying out millions of dollars to failed coaches who had managed to secure big contracts in more optimistic times. Notre Dame's largest athletic payout in 2014 was the $2.05 million to ex-football coach Charlie Weis -- five years after he had been fired. That ended Weis's Notre Dame contract (which paid him $15 million post-dismissal), but he is still drawing several million dollars from the University of Kansas despite having been let go there, also. [Sports Illustrated, 5-30-2016]

-- Horniness: (1) A year-long, nationwide investigation by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution (reporting in May) found more than 2,400 doctors penalized for sexually abusing their patients -- with state medical boards ultimately allowing more than half to continue practicing medicine. Some doctors, a reporter noted, are among "the most prolific sex offenders in the country," with "hundreds" of victims. (2) District Judge Joseph Boeckmann (in Arkansas's rural Cross County) resigned in May after the state Judicial Discipline committee found as many as 4,500 nude or semi-nude photos of young men who had been before Boeckmann in court. (Some were naked, being paddled by Boeckmann, who trolled for victims by writing young men notes offering a "community service" option). [ABC News, 7-6-2016] [CNN, 5-10-2016]

(1) Rhys Holman pleaded guilty to a firearms charge in Melbourne, Australia, in July for shooting 53 bullets into his brother's Xbox. (The brother had urinated on Holman's car.) (2) Mauricio Morales-Caceres, 24, was sentenced to life in prison by a Montgomery County, Maryland, judge in July following his April conviction for fatally stabbing a "friend" -- 89 times. [The Age (Melbourne), 7-22-2016] [Washington Post, 7-15-2016]

(1) Police in Southampton, New York, confirmed a July altercation in which model Christie Brinkley water-hosed a woman she had spotted urinating on her beachfront property. Erica Remkus, 36, said her need was urgent after watching a July 4 fireworks show, but Brinkley shouted, "How dare you!" and, "I walk on these rocks (where Remkus had relieved herself)." (2) Also in July, actor Brooke Shields made the news when she -- as a curator of an art show in Southampton, New York -- managed to rescue a piece that custodians had inadvertently tossed into the garbage. (The cleanup crew had made an understandable mistake, as the statue was a raccoon standing next to a trashcan, ready to rummage.) [New York Daily News, 7- 4-2016] [New York Post, 7-11-2016]

(1) Knoxville, Tennessee, firefighters were called to a home in July when a woman tried to barbecue brisket in her bathroom -- and, in addition to losing control of the flame, melted her fiberglass bathtub. Firefighters limited the damage -- by turning on the shower. (2) One day earlier, in Union, South Carolina, a 33-year-old woman called police to her home, claiming that she had fallen asleep on her couch with her "upper plate" in her mouth, but that when she awoke, it was gone and that she suspects a teeth-napping intruder. [WVLT- TV (Knoxville), 7-13-2016] [WHNS-TV (Greenville, S.C.), 7-14- 2016]

The owner of the Howl At The Moon Bar in Gold Coast, Australia, released surveillance video of a July break-in (later inspiring the perpetrator to turn himself in). The man is seen trying to enter the locked bar at 3 a.m., then tossing a beer keg at a glass door three times, finally creating a hole large enough to climb through, acrobatically, and fall to the floor (lit cigarette remaining firmly between his lips). Once inside, he stood at the bar, apparently waiting for someone to take his order. When no one came, he meekly left through the same door. The owner said nothing was taken, and nothing else was damaged. [Brisbane Times, 7-29-2016]

Too Many Toilet-Themed Restaurants: The first one, in Taiwan, made News of the Weird in 2006, but recently two more opened their doors. One, in Semarang, Indonesia (on Java island), serves only one dish -- brown meatballs floating in thick soup, arrayed in a toilet-shaped pan. The owner's secondary agenda is to inspire people to install toilets in their homes. In Toronto's Koreatown, a dessert-themed one was scheduled to open in August with patron seating on you-know-whats and a variety of brown sweets such as swirly-stool-shaped chocolate ice cream. Potty-themed restaurants have opened in Russia, South Korea, the Philippines, China, Japan and Los Angeles. [BBC News, 7-20-2016] [The Independent (London), 7-22-2016]

In August (2012), a Michigan government watchdog group learned, in a Freedom of Information Act request, that the Detroit Water and Sewerage Department still has one job on the payroll as a "horseshoer." (The Department owns no horses.) Over the years, the position has become a patronage slot paying about $57,000 a year in salary and benefits, and sometimes the "horseshoer" has been asked to do "blacksmith" work, such as metal repair. (The city employees' union fights to retain every job, no matter its title.) [Michigan Capitol Confidential, 8-20-2012]

The late fashion designer Alexander McQueen (who dabbled in macabre collections, himself), might appreciate the work of acolyte Tina Gorjanc: She will grow McQueen's skin (from DNA off his hair) in a lab, add back his tattoos, and from that make leather handbags and jackets. Gorjanc, a recent graduate of McQueen's fashion school alma mater, bills the project mainly as showcasing the meager legal protections for abandoned bits of human DNA -- and fears industrial use of such DNA on a much larger scale. [Quartz, 7-16-2016]

(1) Jihadists had a rough year militarily and now suffer further from an array of field reports (such as a new book by retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn) that their most sensitive laptop computers captured in battle by U.S. forces seemed always to be loaded with pornography -- including "vile" material involving kids and animals. (Initially, said one analyst, there was so much porn that U.S. intelligence figured its purpose was only to disguise tactical messages within the sex-scene pixels.) (2) On the other hand, jihadists can claim one victory, in that the actor Michael Caine said recently the terrorist-caused airport discomforts had finally convinced him to legally change his name to "Michael Caine" -- after tiring of explaining to screeners why he had Maurice Micklewhite's (his birth name's) passport. [ABC News, 7-14-2016] [The Guardian, 7-22-2016]

For Some Reason, Ladies Turned Them Down: (1) Patrick Marsh, 59, was charged with indecent exposure in Woodward Township, Pennsylvania, in July after he rang the doorbell of a 30-year-old female neighbor seeking, as he told police, "courtship." He greeted the woman naked, "with his genitals in his hands." (2) In Florida's The Villages senior community, Howard Sparber, 69, faces several charges after having, in June, fired 33 9mm rounds into the home of a woman who had been declining his sexual overtures. (The lady was away.) (3) John Taylor, 57, said he was just lonely and wanted to meet women when a court sentenced him in Shirley, England, in July, for a three-month spree of furtively slipping men's underwear through various women's house letterboxes. [PennLive.com, 7-12-2016] [WKMG-TV (Orlando), 6-21-2016] [Birmingham Mail, 7-26-2016]

-- In June, Dieter Uchtdorf, a high official in the Mormon Church, said the historic narrative of Mormon founder Joseph Smith's use of a "seer stone" to translate the "golden plates" that gave Smith ultimate worldly knowledge has been authenticated, basically, by the 2007 invention of the iPhone. "I can get the collected knowledge of the world through a few little inputs," said Uchtdorf, and thus it is likelier than ever that God gave Smith something like a smartphone in 1823. [LDS Daily (Salt Lake City), 6-21-2016]

-- Geoffrey Fortier, 23, was arrested in Craighead County, Arkansas, in July and charged with video voyeurism of a woman he had allowed to shower in the home occupied by Fortier and his girlfriend. After the woman stepped out of the shower, she noticed a logged-on iPad propped against a wall. Fortier informed deputies that it was all a misunderstanding -- that he had earlier recorded himself urinating in order to sell the video to a urination-fetish website, and he simply forgot to remove the device. [Arkansas Online, 7-28-2016]

-- Friendly Bacteria: Plastics are well-known to decompose slowly, but the most difficult is the polyethylene used for containers such as the omnipresent water bottles, and despite recycling, tens of millions of metric tons wind up in landfills, where the plastic's strong polymer bonds resist breakdown. Recently, however, two Japanese researchers, after tedious trial-and-error, identified a bacterium that views the polyethylene terephthalate as an efficient, tasty meal. A colleague of the two said further tweaking was necessary before using the bacteria industrially. [Chemical & Engineering News, 3-11-2016]

-- Room-Sized Bong? Samuel Oliphant, 35, was arrested on various charges in Scottsdale, Arizona, in June after police were called to a house to investigate a "strong and unusual" odor (which cops suspected to be drugs). Inside, they found a "laboratory," necessitating use of their "hazmat protocols," because Oliphant had allegedly built a "complex and elaborate" system apparently for the purpose of enhancing the smoking of marijuana. [KPHO-TV (Phoenix), 7-1-2016]

Rapper Kasper Knight apparently shot himself in the cheek with a revolver on July 17 in Indianapolis -- as part of a staged music video -- according to raw footage of the incident posted on his Facebook page (and then of course seen by almost 2 million people). Knight, seen bleeding afterward, said he tried to recruit a shooter, but when no one volunteered, shot himself, anticipating (as in previous times he had been shot, by other people) "like a 4 out of 10 on the pain scale." [WRTV (Indianapolis), 7-27-2016]

-- (1) The Belton (Texas) Early Childhood (pre-kindergarten) School staged an "Enchanted Evening" prom in May and posted many photos on its Facebook page of little toddlers arrayed in tuxedos, gowns, corsages and of course, for some, limousines. (A Kansas City Star reporter suggested that this was just the beginning of an expensive parental trend.) (2) The village of Trecon was inducted recently into the club of French towns with silly names. "Tres con," translated, is "very stupid." Mayor Georges Leherle accepted the town's membership, joining 38 incumbent members including "Monteton" ("My Nipple") and "Mariol" ("Dumbass"). [Kansas City Star, 6-27-2016] [The Local (Paris), 7-11-2016]

Didn't Quite Think It Through: The men who tried an armed carjacking at the Oasis car wash in Shreveport, Louisiana, on July 20 were sent running by the car owner Michael Davis, who was holding a high-pressure hose at the time and casually directed the stream to one potential thief's face while swinging the metal wand at the other. [KSLA-TV (Shreveport, 7-25-2016]

Things That Have Happened Before: (1) An ambulance was called in July when jockey Chris Meehan was kicked in the face by a horse and knocked out cold after he fell during a race in Merano, Italy, but the arriving ambulance accidentally backed over his leg. He is recovering. (2) At England's premier agricultural event (the Great Yorkshire Show), a winning show cow was stripped of her title, suspected of having artificially "enhanced" udders. The runner-up, of course, was promoted. [The Racing Post via Daily Telegraph (London), 7-5-2016] [The Northern Echo (Wycombe, England), 7-14-2016]

Arrested Recently and Charged With Murder: Cody Wayne Fish (Norman, Okla., August); Curtis Wayne Trexler (Salisbury, N.C., July); Daryl Royston Wayne Cook (Hobart, Australia, July); James Wayne Rodgers Jr. (Dallas, May); Bruce Wayne Cameron (St. Louis County, Minn., June 2015). Fugitive Murder Arrest Warrant Issued: Vernon Wayne King (Harrisburg, Pa., August). Pleaded Guilty to Murder: Stacy Wayne Brown (Wilmington, N.C., July). Sentenced for Murder: Christopher Wayne Hill (Harlan County, Ky., June) (a different Christopher Wayne Hill than reported years ago in "News of the Weird"). Killed Himself Resisting Arrest for Murder: David Wayne Campbell (Mason County, Wash., February). Granted New Sentencing Hearing: convicted murderer Michael Wayne Norris (Houston, June). Committed Suicide in Prison: convicted murderer Flint Wayne Harrison (Farmington, Utah, July). Executed for Murder: John Wayne Conner (Jackson, Ga., July). [Fish: Norman Transcript, 8-1-2016] [Trexler: WXII-TV (Greensboro), 7-19-2016] [Cook: The Mercury (Hobart), 7-24-2016] [Rodgers: Dallas Morning News, 5-10-2016] [Cameron: Duluth NewsTribune, 6-2-2016] [King: WPMT-TV (Harrisburg), 8-2-2016] [Brown: WWAY-TV (Wilmington), 7-18-2016] [Hill: Harlan Daily Enterprise, 6-2-2016] [Campbell: Associated Press via Seattle Times, 2-27-2016] [Norris: Associated Press via YourHoustonNews.com, 6-22-2016] [Harrison: GephardtDaily.com (Salt Lake City), 7-25-2016] [Conner: Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 7-15-2016]

"Pheromone parties" attract men and women seeking romance, not via often-insincere conversation, but based on the primal-scent signals emitted by each other's slept-in T-shirts. Organizers have staged parties in New York City and Los Angeles and plan to expand, according to a June (2012) Associated Press report. The organizers' initial conclusion: People prefer lovers with a somewhat-different genetic makeup than their own, but not too different. (Update: "Pheromone parties" were attracting attention as recently as 2014, but not much since then.) [Associated Press via USA Today, 6-23-2012] [The Atlantic, August 2014]

As Americans' fascination with guns grows, so, too, does the market for protection against all those flying bullets. Texan John Adrain has introduced an upscale sofa whose cushions can stop up to a .44 Magnum fired at close range, and is now at work on bullet-resistant window blinds. Another company, BulletSafe, recently touted its $129 baseball caps (with protection against the same bullets, but only in front) -- though the company admits the cap won't prevent concussions. The Colombian suit and vest designer Miguel Caballero offers an array of bullet- and knife-resistant selections, made with Kevlar and Dyneema, which are also used by clothiers BladeRunner and Aspetto (maker of "ballistic tuxedos"). [Bloomberg Business Week, 3-28-2016] [Forbes magazine, 6-15-2016]

-- Notorious French derivatives trader Jerome Kerviel was fired in 2010 after his employer (Societe Generale bank) discovered that he had made unauthorized trades worth about $55 billion and then, by forgery and fraud, covered them up. In June, however, Kerviel won a wrongful-discharge case when France's Court of Cassation concluded the bank had "no real and serious" reason to fire him. Actually, the court ordered the bank to pay Kerviel about $500,000 in "performance" bonuses, based on the profit that his rogue trades eventually earned. Even though the bank had spent the equivalent of $5.5 billion unwinding Kerviel's trades, they still made money (because, before the world economy collapsed in 2008, the derivatives business was very good). [New York Times, 6-8-2016]

-- Ronnie Music Jr., 45, won a scratch-off lottery prize last year of $3 million in Waycross, Georgia, and must surely have thought he was on a roll -- because he soon flipped the money into a Georgia methamphetamine gang. The "bet" went sour, and he now faces decades in prison, as he pleaded guilty in July to drug trafficking and firearms violations after his associates were found with $1 million worth of meth and a load of guns. [Atlanta Journal- Constitution, 7-26-2016]

-- Montpelier, Vermont, has one solution to America's well-known problem of ignoring infrastructure maintenance (and the high cost of asphalt). While other cities and states merely delay needed road work (though with harsh consequences to drivers), Montpelier has begun to unpave some of its roads, converting them back to cheaper, annoying gravel and dirt (and inevitably, dust). A recent report by Montana State University researchers expressed surprise that so many governments are choosing this option. [Wired, 7-12-2016]

-- Phoenix's KTAR-TV reported in July that the local sheriff (the notorious "tough on crime" Joe Arpaio) has already cost the government $10.4 million in attorneys' fees for successful lawsuits filed against him by illegally profiled Hispanics. A judge found months ago (awarding $4.5 million) that Arpaio was deliberately violating the court's orders, and lawyers have demanded another $5.9 million to bring Arpaio's resistances up to date. (Unless the court rules otherwise, the $5.9 million will ultimately come from taxpayers.) [KTAR-TV, 7-26-2016]

-- No Wonder ISIS Is So Steamed: Last year, 3 million Muslims made the sacred pilgrimage to Mecca for the hajj and another 5 million for the slightly less sacred umrah, but awaiting them in the Saudi holy city would hardly have been the reverence many imagined: massive modern buildings; housing construction with worksites brightly lit around the clock; glittery, multistory shopping malls featuring familiar brands peddling opulence -- capped by high-rise views of the city's entire amusement-park-like setting from four- and five-star hotel rooms, where suites during hajj can go for $10,000 a night. (The malls, like the rest of Mecca, come to a standstill -- or kneel-still -- for prayers.) [New York Times, 6-12-2016]

-- A Fargo, North Dakota, fire official said in July his crew had responded at least twice to alarmed-citizen phone calls to go help a man obviously homeless, covered in a blanket on a park bench, who seemed not to be moving. The First Lutheran Church later explained that the "man" was just a statue -- their idea of Jesus as a homeless man -- and its Canadian designer said versions of the statue had been placed in several cities, including Toronto and Detroit. [WDAY-TV (Fargo), 7-5-2016]

Almost half of all produce raised by U.S. farmers is thrown out before it reaches a consumer's plate, and though there are several contributing explanations, the most striking is American eaters' "cult of perfection." "It's about blemish-free produce," said one farmer, e.g., "sunburnt cauliflower" or table grapes not quite "wedge-shaped" enough. America's "unyielding cosmetic standards," according to a July report in The Guardian of London, even means that much of the annual $160 billion worth of imperfect food is simply left to rot on the vine, or sent directly to a landfill, because farmers anticipate retailers' reluctance to stock it. [The Guardian, 7-13-2016]

(1) In July, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service announced plans to keep black-footed ferrets in northeastern Montana from dying out -- with drones that shoot peanut butter M&Ms (coated with a vaccine). Before the drones, there were too few ferrets to justify, economically, hand-delivering the candy. (2) A Japanese researcher (working out of the University of Illinois at Chicago) recently announced a health-improving computer app that would require men to ejaculate on their cellphones. (The researcher's sophisticated microscope lens would be capable of transmitting a highly detailed photo, able to be examined in a lab, thus freeing shy men from having to visit a doctor's office.) [Newsweek, 7-13-2016] [New Scientist, 7-15-2016]

-- Anyone's Fault but Mine: Lawyer Andrew Schmuhl, 32, ordered to trial in Fairfax County, Virginia, in May, declared that he was not responsible in 2014 when he invaded the home of a man who had recently fired Schmuhl's wife. Using a Taser, he had held the man and his wife hostage for three hours and ultimately slashed the man's throat and stabbed the woman repeatedly. However, Schmuhl claimed he should be found not guilty because he was "involuntarily" intoxicated at the time -- cluelessly on pain medication that made him oblivious of his actions. (He was convicted.) [Washington Post, 5-13-2016, 6-16-2016]

-- Unclear on the Concept: (1) The membership of the Westerly (Rhode Island) Yacht Club voted in June to retain the club's men-only admission policy, which some members told a Providence Journal reporter was necessary to preserve the club's "family atmosphere." Apparently, according to the report, they feared being tempted at social events by having unmarried women around (as "full" female members, instead of the currently allowed "spousal" members). (2) The Chessington (England) World of Adventures theme park, after upgrading its authentic jungle experience, nonetheless had to post a noise restriction in July because some patrons apparently cannot resist the urge to do loud Tarzan impressions, which officials said "confuse" the monkeys. [Providence Journal, 6-23-2016] [Surrey Comet, 7-14-2016]

(1) Christopher Wade, 55, was arrested in Nashville, Tennessee, in July after police tracked him to his home, where he was found already in bed with a female mannequin shortly after stealing it from the Hollywood Hustler store. The mannequin was wearing a brown wig, a pink spandex dress and rhinestone stilettos. (2) As part of the Taste of Buffalo (New York) food festival in July, competitors from the Major League Eating organization were offered a shot at the Kale Cup, with a $2,000 prize for the most kale eaten in eight minutes. The very healthy Gideon "The Truth" Oji won, downing 25.5 bowls. [The Tennessean, 7-6-2016] [WIVB-TV (Buffalo), 7-9-2016]

Brazil has a robust democracy but with very few controls on what candidates may call themselves on ballots. Among those running for offices this time, according to a September (2012) New York Times dispatch from Rio de Janeiro: "John Kennedy Abreu Sousa," "Jimmi Carter Santarem Barroso," "Ladi Gaga," "Christ of Jerusalem," five "Batmans," two "James Bonds," and 16 people whose name contains "Obama." "It's a marketing strategy," said city council candidate Geraldo Custodio, who apparently liked his chances better with the ballot name "Geraldo Wolverine." [New York Times, 9-16-2012]