The late fashion designer Alexander McQueen (who dabbled in macabre collections, himself), might appreciate the work of acolyte Tina Gorjanc: She will grow McQueen's skin (from DNA off his hair) in a lab, add back his tattoos, and from that make leather handbags and jackets. Gorjanc, a recent graduate of McQueen's fashion school alma mater, bills the project mainly as showcasing the meager legal protections for abandoned bits of human DNA -- and fears industrial use of such DNA on a much larger scale. [Quartz, 7-16-2016]

(1) Jihadists had a rough year militarily and now suffer further from an array of field reports (such as a new book by retired Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn) that their most sensitive laptop computers captured in battle by U.S. forces seemed always to be loaded with pornography -- including "vile" material involving kids and animals. (Initially, said one analyst, there was so much porn that U.S. intelligence figured its purpose was only to disguise tactical messages within the sex-scene pixels.) (2) On the other hand, jihadists can claim one victory, in that the actor Michael Caine said recently the terrorist-caused airport discomforts had finally convinced him to legally change his name to "Michael Caine" -- after tiring of explaining to screeners why he had Maurice Micklewhite's (his birth name's) passport. [ABC News, 7-14-2016] [The Guardian, 7-22-2016]

For Some Reason, Ladies Turned Them Down: (1) Patrick Marsh, 59, was charged with indecent exposure in Woodward Township, Pennsylvania, in July after he rang the doorbell of a 30-year-old female neighbor seeking, as he told police, "courtship." He greeted the woman naked, "with his genitals in his hands." (2) In Florida's The Villages senior community, Howard Sparber, 69, faces several charges after having, in June, fired 33 9mm rounds into the home of a woman who had been declining his sexual overtures. (The lady was away.) (3) John Taylor, 57, said he was just lonely and wanted to meet women when a court sentenced him in Shirley, England, in July, for a three-month spree of furtively slipping men's underwear through various women's house letterboxes. [PennLive.com, 7-12-2016] [WKMG-TV (Orlando), 6-21-2016] [Birmingham Mail, 7-26-2016]

-- In June, Dieter Uchtdorf, a high official in the Mormon Church, said the historic narrative of Mormon founder Joseph Smith's use of a "seer stone" to translate the "golden plates" that gave Smith ultimate worldly knowledge has been authenticated, basically, by the 2007 invention of the iPhone. "I can get the collected knowledge of the world through a few little inputs," said Uchtdorf, and thus it is likelier than ever that God gave Smith something like a smartphone in 1823. [LDS Daily (Salt Lake City), 6-21-2016]

-- Geoffrey Fortier, 23, was arrested in Craighead County, Arkansas, in July and charged with video voyeurism of a woman he had allowed to shower in the home occupied by Fortier and his girlfriend. After the woman stepped out of the shower, she noticed a logged-on iPad propped against a wall. Fortier informed deputies that it was all a misunderstanding -- that he had earlier recorded himself urinating in order to sell the video to a urination-fetish website, and he simply forgot to remove the device. [Arkansas Online, 7-28-2016]

-- Friendly Bacteria: Plastics are well-known to decompose slowly, but the most difficult is the polyethylene used for containers such as the omnipresent water bottles, and despite recycling, tens of millions of metric tons wind up in landfills, where the plastic's strong polymer bonds resist breakdown. Recently, however, two Japanese researchers, after tedious trial-and-error, identified a bacterium that views the polyethylene terephthalate as an efficient, tasty meal. A colleague of the two said further tweaking was necessary before using the bacteria industrially. [Chemical & Engineering News, 3-11-2016]

-- Room-Sized Bong? Samuel Oliphant, 35, was arrested on various charges in Scottsdale, Arizona, in June after police were called to a house to investigate a "strong and unusual" odor (which cops suspected to be drugs). Inside, they found a "laboratory," necessitating use of their "hazmat protocols," because Oliphant had allegedly built a "complex and elaborate" system apparently for the purpose of enhancing the smoking of marijuana. [KPHO-TV (Phoenix), 7-1-2016]

Rapper Kasper Knight apparently shot himself in the cheek with a revolver on July 17 in Indianapolis -- as part of a staged music video -- according to raw footage of the incident posted on his Facebook page (and then of course seen by almost 2 million people). Knight, seen bleeding afterward, said he tried to recruit a shooter, but when no one volunteered, shot himself, anticipating (as in previous times he had been shot, by other people) "like a 4 out of 10 on the pain scale." [WRTV (Indianapolis), 7-27-2016]

-- (1) The Belton (Texas) Early Childhood (pre-kindergarten) School staged an "Enchanted Evening" prom in May and posted many photos on its Facebook page of little toddlers arrayed in tuxedos, gowns, corsages and of course, for some, limousines. (A Kansas City Star reporter suggested that this was just the beginning of an expensive parental trend.) (2) The village of Trecon was inducted recently into the club of French towns with silly names. "Tres con," translated, is "very stupid." Mayor Georges Leherle accepted the town's membership, joining 38 incumbent members including "Monteton" ("My Nipple") and "Mariol" ("Dumbass"). [Kansas City Star, 6-27-2016] [The Local (Paris), 7-11-2016]

Didn't Quite Think It Through: The men who tried an armed carjacking at the Oasis car wash in Shreveport, Louisiana, on July 20 were sent running by the car owner Michael Davis, who was holding a high-pressure hose at the time and casually directed the stream to one potential thief's face while swinging the metal wand at the other. [KSLA-TV (Shreveport, 7-25-2016]

Things That Have Happened Before: (1) An ambulance was called in July when jockey Chris Meehan was kicked in the face by a horse and knocked out cold after he fell during a race in Merano, Italy, but the arriving ambulance accidentally backed over his leg. He is recovering. (2) At England's premier agricultural event (the Great Yorkshire Show), a winning show cow was stripped of her title, suspected of having artificially "enhanced" udders. The runner-up, of course, was promoted. [The Racing Post via Daily Telegraph (London), 7-5-2016] [The Northern Echo (Wycombe, England), 7-14-2016]

Arrested Recently and Charged With Murder: Cody Wayne Fish (Norman, Okla., August); Curtis Wayne Trexler (Salisbury, N.C., July); Daryl Royston Wayne Cook (Hobart, Australia, July); James Wayne Rodgers Jr. (Dallas, May); Bruce Wayne Cameron (St. Louis County, Minn., June 2015). Fugitive Murder Arrest Warrant Issued: Vernon Wayne King (Harrisburg, Pa., August). Pleaded Guilty to Murder: Stacy Wayne Brown (Wilmington, N.C., July). Sentenced for Murder: Christopher Wayne Hill (Harlan County, Ky., June) (a different Christopher Wayne Hill than reported years ago in "News of the Weird"). Killed Himself Resisting Arrest for Murder: David Wayne Campbell (Mason County, Wash., February). Granted New Sentencing Hearing: convicted murderer Michael Wayne Norris (Houston, June). Committed Suicide in Prison: convicted murderer Flint Wayne Harrison (Farmington, Utah, July). Executed for Murder: John Wayne Conner (Jackson, Ga., July). [Fish: Norman Transcript, 8-1-2016] [Trexler: WXII-TV (Greensboro), 7-19-2016] [Cook: The Mercury (Hobart), 7-24-2016] [Rodgers: Dallas Morning News, 5-10-2016] [Cameron: Duluth NewsTribune, 6-2-2016] [King: WPMT-TV (Harrisburg), 8-2-2016] [Brown: WWAY-TV (Wilmington), 7-18-2016] [Hill: Harlan Daily Enterprise, 6-2-2016] [Campbell: Associated Press via Seattle Times, 2-27-2016] [Norris: Associated Press via YourHoustonNews.com, 6-22-2016] [Harrison: GephardtDaily.com (Salt Lake City), 7-25-2016] [Conner: Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 7-15-2016]

"Pheromone parties" attract men and women seeking romance, not via often-insincere conversation, but based on the primal-scent signals emitted by each other's slept-in T-shirts. Organizers have staged parties in New York City and Los Angeles and plan to expand, according to a June (2012) Associated Press report. The organizers' initial conclusion: People prefer lovers with a somewhat-different genetic makeup than their own, but not too different. (Update: "Pheromone parties" were attracting attention as recently as 2014, but not much since then.) [Associated Press via USA Today, 6-23-2012] [The Atlantic, August 2014]

As Americans' fascination with guns grows, so, too, does the market for protection against all those flying bullets. Texan John Adrain has introduced an upscale sofa whose cushions can stop up to a .44 Magnum fired at close range, and is now at work on bullet-resistant window blinds. Another company, BulletSafe, recently touted its $129 baseball caps (with protection against the same bullets, but only in front) -- though the company admits the cap won't prevent concussions. The Colombian suit and vest designer Miguel Caballero offers an array of bullet- and knife-resistant selections, made with Kevlar and Dyneema, which are also used by clothiers BladeRunner and Aspetto (maker of "ballistic tuxedos"). [Bloomberg Business Week, 3-28-2016] [Forbes magazine, 6-15-2016]

-- Notorious French derivatives trader Jerome Kerviel was fired in 2010 after his employer (Societe Generale bank) discovered that he had made unauthorized trades worth about $55 billion and then, by forgery and fraud, covered them up. In June, however, Kerviel won a wrongful-discharge case when France's Court of Cassation concluded the bank had "no real and serious" reason to fire him. Actually, the court ordered the bank to pay Kerviel about $500,000 in "performance" bonuses, based on the profit that his rogue trades eventually earned. Even though the bank had spent the equivalent of $5.5 billion unwinding Kerviel's trades, they still made money (because, before the world economy collapsed in 2008, the derivatives business was very good). [New York Times, 6-8-2016]

-- Ronnie Music Jr., 45, won a scratch-off lottery prize last year of $3 million in Waycross, Georgia, and must surely have thought he was on a roll -- because he soon flipped the money into a Georgia methamphetamine gang. The "bet" went sour, and he now faces decades in prison, as he pleaded guilty in July to drug trafficking and firearms violations after his associates were found with $1 million worth of meth and a load of guns. [Atlanta Journal- Constitution, 7-26-2016]

-- Montpelier, Vermont, has one solution to America's well-known problem of ignoring infrastructure maintenance (and the high cost of asphalt). While other cities and states merely delay needed road work (though with harsh consequences to drivers), Montpelier has begun to unpave some of its roads, converting them back to cheaper, annoying gravel and dirt (and inevitably, dust). A recent report by Montana State University researchers expressed surprise that so many governments are choosing this option. [Wired, 7-12-2016]

-- Phoenix's KTAR-TV reported in July that the local sheriff (the notorious "tough on crime" Joe Arpaio) has already cost the government $10.4 million in attorneys' fees for successful lawsuits filed against him by illegally profiled Hispanics. A judge found months ago (awarding $4.5 million) that Arpaio was deliberately violating the court's orders, and lawyers have demanded another $5.9 million to bring Arpaio's resistances up to date. (Unless the court rules otherwise, the $5.9 million will ultimately come from taxpayers.) [KTAR-TV, 7-26-2016]

-- No Wonder ISIS Is So Steamed: Last year, 3 million Muslims made the sacred pilgrimage to Mecca for the hajj and another 5 million for the slightly less sacred umrah, but awaiting them in the Saudi holy city would hardly have been the reverence many imagined: massive modern buildings; housing construction with worksites brightly lit around the clock; glittery, multistory shopping malls featuring familiar brands peddling opulence -- capped by high-rise views of the city's entire amusement-park-like setting from four- and five-star hotel rooms, where suites during hajj can go for $10,000 a night. (The malls, like the rest of Mecca, come to a standstill -- or kneel-still -- for prayers.) [New York Times, 6-12-2016]

-- A Fargo, North Dakota, fire official said in July his crew had responded at least twice to alarmed-citizen phone calls to go help a man obviously homeless, covered in a blanket on a park bench, who seemed not to be moving. The First Lutheran Church later explained that the "man" was just a statue -- their idea of Jesus as a homeless man -- and its Canadian designer said versions of the statue had been placed in several cities, including Toronto and Detroit. [WDAY-TV (Fargo), 7-5-2016]

Almost half of all produce raised by U.S. farmers is thrown out before it reaches a consumer's plate, and though there are several contributing explanations, the most striking is American eaters' "cult of perfection." "It's about blemish-free produce," said one farmer, e.g., "sunburnt cauliflower" or table grapes not quite "wedge-shaped" enough. America's "unyielding cosmetic standards," according to a July report in The Guardian of London, even means that much of the annual $160 billion worth of imperfect food is simply left to rot on the vine, or sent directly to a landfill, because farmers anticipate retailers' reluctance to stock it. [The Guardian, 7-13-2016]

(1) In July, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service announced plans to keep black-footed ferrets in northeastern Montana from dying out -- with drones that shoot peanut butter M&Ms (coated with a vaccine). Before the drones, there were too few ferrets to justify, economically, hand-delivering the candy. (2) A Japanese researcher (working out of the University of Illinois at Chicago) recently announced a health-improving computer app that would require men to ejaculate on their cellphones. (The researcher's sophisticated microscope lens would be capable of transmitting a highly detailed photo, able to be examined in a lab, thus freeing shy men from having to visit a doctor's office.) [Newsweek, 7-13-2016] [New Scientist, 7-15-2016]

-- Anyone's Fault but Mine: Lawyer Andrew Schmuhl, 32, ordered to trial in Fairfax County, Virginia, in May, declared that he was not responsible in 2014 when he invaded the home of a man who had recently fired Schmuhl's wife. Using a Taser, he had held the man and his wife hostage for three hours and ultimately slashed the man's throat and stabbed the woman repeatedly. However, Schmuhl claimed he should be found not guilty because he was "involuntarily" intoxicated at the time -- cluelessly on pain medication that made him oblivious of his actions. (He was convicted.) [Washington Post, 5-13-2016, 6-16-2016]

-- Unclear on the Concept: (1) The membership of the Westerly (Rhode Island) Yacht Club voted in June to retain the club's men-only admission policy, which some members told a Providence Journal reporter was necessary to preserve the club's "family atmosphere." Apparently, according to the report, they feared being tempted at social events by having unmarried women around (as "full" female members, instead of the currently allowed "spousal" members). (2) The Chessington (England) World of Adventures theme park, after upgrading its authentic jungle experience, nonetheless had to post a noise restriction in July because some patrons apparently cannot resist the urge to do loud Tarzan impressions, which officials said "confuse" the monkeys. [Providence Journal, 6-23-2016] [Surrey Comet, 7-14-2016]

(1) Christopher Wade, 55, was arrested in Nashville, Tennessee, in July after police tracked him to his home, where he was found already in bed with a female mannequin shortly after stealing it from the Hollywood Hustler store. The mannequin was wearing a brown wig, a pink spandex dress and rhinestone stilettos. (2) As part of the Taste of Buffalo (New York) food festival in July, competitors from the Major League Eating organization were offered a shot at the Kale Cup, with a $2,000 prize for the most kale eaten in eight minutes. The very healthy Gideon "The Truth" Oji won, downing 25.5 bowls. [The Tennessean, 7-6-2016] [WIVB-TV (Buffalo), 7-9-2016]

Brazil has a robust democracy but with very few controls on what candidates may call themselves on ballots. Among those running for offices this time, according to a September (2012) New York Times dispatch from Rio de Janeiro: "John Kennedy Abreu Sousa," "Jimmi Carter Santarem Barroso," "Ladi Gaga," "Christ of Jerusalem," five "Batmans," two "James Bonds," and 16 people whose name contains "Obama." "It's a marketing strategy," said city council candidate Geraldo Custodio, who apparently liked his chances better with the ballot name "Geraldo Wolverine." [New York Times, 9-16-2012]

A conservation biologist at Australia's University of New South Wales said in July that his team was headed to Botswana to paint eyeballs on cows' rear ends. It's a solution to the problem of farmers who are now forced to kill endangered lions to keep them away from their cows. However, the researchers hypothesize, since lions hunt by stealth and tend to pass up kills if the prey spots them, painting on eyeballs might trick the lions to choose other prey. (For the same reason, woodcutters in India wear masks painted with faces -- backward -- for protection against tigers.) [Sydney Morning Herald, 7-6-2016]

(1) In June, the online mega-website Pornhub announced a program to help blind pornography consumers by adding 50 "described videos" to its catalog, with a narrator doing play-by-play of the setting, the actors, clothing (if any) and the action. Said a Pornhub vice president, "It's our way of giving back." (2) Later in June, another pornography website (with a frisky name -- see bit.ly/29O4G9UURL) inaugurated a plan to donate a penny to women's health or abuse prevention organizations every time a user reached a successful "ending" while viewing its videos (maximum two per person per day). Its first day's haul was $39, or $13 for each of three charities (including the Mariska Hargitay-supported Joyful Heart Foundation). [Huffington Post, 6-15-2016] [Huffington Post, 6-30-2016]

-- A Government Program That Actually Works: A motorist in Regina, Saskatchewan, was issued a $175 traffic ticket on June 8 after he pulled over to ask if he could assist a homeless beggar on the sidewalk. According to the police report cited by CTV News, the "beggar" was actually a cop on stakeout looking for drivers not wearing seat belts (who would thus pay the city $175). Driver Dane Rusk said he had unbuckled his belt to lean over in the seat to give the "beggar" $3 -- and moments later, the cop's partner stopped Rusk (thus earning Regina a total of $178!). [CTV News, 6-10-2016]

-- One of America's major concerns, according to a U.S. congressman, should be the risk that if an apocalyptic event occurs and we are forced to abandon Earth with only a few species to provide for humanity's survival, NASA might unwisely populate the space "ark" with same-sex couples instead of procreative male-female pairs. This warning was conveyed during the U.S. House session on May 26 by Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert (who seemed not to be aware that gay males might contribute sperm to lesbians for species-continuation). [New York Daily News, 5-27-2016]

(1) In May, the Times of India reported the death of a man known only as Urjaram, in Rajasthan, India, when, while hosting a party, he forgot that while he was enjoying himself, he had left his camel in the sun all day (during a historic heat wave) with its legs tied together. When Urjaram finally went outside, the enraged camel "lifted him by the neck," "threw him to the ground" and "chewed on his body," severing his head. (2) The thief who ransacked a community greenhouse in County Durham, England, in July got away, but, according to residents, among his bounty was a bottle of rum that is usually offered only as a constipation remedy, in that it contained a heavy dose of the aggressive laxative "lactulose." Said one resident, "Maybe (the thief has) left a trail" for the police. [The Times of India, 5-23-2016] [The Northern Echo (High Wycombe, England), 7-15-2016]

Many website and app users are suspected of "agreeing" to privacy policies and "terms of service" without comprehending them (or even reading them), though most judges routinely assume the user to have consented to be bound by them. In a controlled-test report released in July, researchers from York University and University of Connecticut found that 74 percent skipped the privacy policy altogether, but, of the "readers," the average time spent was 73 seconds (for wordage that should have taken 30 minutes), and time "reading" terms of service was 51 seconds when it should have taken 16 minutes. (If users had read closely, they might have noticed that they had agreed to share all their personal data with the National Security Agency and that terms of service included giving up their first-born child.) [ArsTechnica.com, 7-12-2016]

Air Force Col. Eugene Caughey is scheduled for court-martial in August in Colorado Springs, Colorado, charged with six counts of adultery (a violation of the Uniform Code of Military Justice) -- which he alleges constitutes illegal discrimination because he is heterosexual. That is, only heterosexuals can have the "sexual intercourse" required for adultery since the UCMJ defines the term as between a man and a woman; same-sex pairs cannot have "sexual intercourse." (Even if Caughey prevails on the discrimination issue, he faces other, more serious charges that may bring him life in prison.) [The Gazette (Colorado Springs), 6-29-2016]

-- Update: News of the Weird reported in 2007 and 2014 that, despite the abundant desert, Middle East developers were buying plenty of beach sand from around the world (because the massive concrete construction in Dubai and Saudi Arabia, among other places, requires coarser sand than the desert grains tempered for centuries by sun and wind). The need has now grown such that London's The Independent reported in June that black market gangs, some violent, are stealing beach sand -- and that two dozen entire islands in Indonesia have virtually disappeared since 2005 because of sand-mining. [The Independent, 6-23-2016]

-- Farmers high in Nepal's Himalayas are heavily dependent on harvesting a fungus which, when consumed by humans, supposedly produces effects similar to Viagra's -- but the region's rising temperatures and diminished rainfall (thought to result from global climate change) threaten the output, according to a June New York Times dispatch. Wealthy Chinese men in Hong Kong and Shanghai may pay the equivalent of $50,000 a pound for the "caterpillar fungus," and about a million Nepalese are involved in the industry, producing about 135 tons a year. (The fungus is from the head of ghost moth larvae living in soil at altitudes of more than 10,000 feet.) [New York Times, 6-27-2016]

Joshua Long, 26, was arrested in Carlisle, Pennsylvania, in June for possession of a suspected-stolen human brain (which he allegedly kept in a shopping bag under the porch at his aunt's trailer home). Police believe that the brain had been a medical teaching aid, but that Long was lacing his marijuana with the brain's embalming fluid. (Long and a former resident of the trailer home called the brain "Freddy.") [PennLive.com (Mechanicsburg, Pa.), 7-15-2016]

(1) Large-schnozzed people from all over Europe squared off in June for the World Nose Championship in Langenbruck, Germany (held every five years since 1961). After judges applied precision calipers (adding length plus width), Hans Roest was declared the winner. (Also reported: Contestants believe snuff tobacco and beer to be size-enhancing substances.) (2) An unnamed man, 55, and woman, 40, were arrested near Joplin, Missouri, in July, after being spotted riding a stolen lawn mower at 8:45 a.m. -- naked. They told police that someone had stolen their clothes while they were skinny-dipping and that the mower was their best option to make it home. [The Local (Berlin), 6-20-2016] [Joplin Globe, 7-14-2016]

A centuries-old practice of China's upper class continues today, reported Slate.com in August (2012), except with a bit more circumspection. Rich or powerful people convicted of crimes can still hire replacements to serve their sentences -- but because of ubiquitous Internet videos, only if the replacements facially resemble them. Since the convict winds up paying something for his crime (though a relatively small price), Slate called the practice (known as "ding zui") sort of a "cap-and-trade" policy for crime. [Slate.com, 8-2-2012]