Researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign announced they had recently (a first, they claimed) transmitted high-speed digital data through slabs of pork loin and beef liver. The signal cleared the muscle and gristle so cleanly that it permitted streaming of high-definition video -- enough to watch Netflix, said the lead researcher. (Actually, the advance is crucial in that it allows a patient to swallow a transmitter and for physicians to monitor inner workings of the body in real time and externally control implanted devices such as cranial sensors and defibrillators.) [Engineering at Illinois press release, 4-18-2016]

-- Religious leaders associated with the "quiverfull" ministry announced intentions for a November retreat this year in Wichita, Kansas, at which parents will meet to plan "arranged" Christian marriages for their prepubescent daughters, to maximize the future couples' childbearing potential -- supposedly the No. 1 priority of all females. Quiverfull activist Vaughn Ohlman has written that female fertility is optimal during their teens (actually, just after age 12) and drops off in their 20s. The local district attorney, queried by The Wichita Eagle, said such marriages are legal as long as all parties consent -- but Ohlman has maintained that the Bible does not require the bride's consent if her father has given his. [Wichita Eagle, 5-5-2016]

-- Apparently, Japanese taste buds easily become bored, for manufacturers seem eager to create extravagant food combinations to satisfy them that might prove daunting to most Americans. The latest exhibit: the familiar Kit Kat chocolate-coated wafer -- but with the taste of ripe melon and cheese (specifically, "Hokkaido Melon With Mascarpone Cheese"). As Japanese foodies know, Kit Kats in Japan come in at least 15 coatings, according to a 2013 review by Kotaku.com, including Edamame Soybean, Purple Sweet Potato, Hot Japanese Chili, Matcha-Green Tea, Wasabi and Red Bean Sandwich. [London Daily Mirror, 5-2-2016] [Kotaku.com, 2- 11-2013]

-- The Daily Pakistan newspaper, covering the Anti-Terrorism Court in Karachi in April, reported that a judge in Courtroom III asked a constable if he knew how the grenade entered into evidence worked. Rather than assume that an explanation was requested, the constable pulled the pin to demonstrate, and the resulting explosion injured the constable, a court clerk and another police officer. The constable is said to be facing severe discipline as soon as he recovers. [Daily Pakistan, 4-11-2016]

-- Great Britain's prisoners claiming to be adherents of the ancient Celtic pagan religion are allowed, under rules from the National Offender Management Services, to be excused from jailhouse routines to celebrate four festivals, including (of course) the Festival of the Lactating Sheep. Although "Skyclad," or naked worship, is forbidden, prisoners can wear the silver pagan ring (to avoid "distress") and are permitted their own chalices, crystals, "worry beads," pentagram necklaces, hoodless robes and flexible twig-wands. [Daily Express (London), 4-14-2016]

-- An Israeli man (unidentified in press reports) petitioned the Haifa Magistrate's Court recently for a restraining order against God, pointing out that the Almighty has exhibited (according to a May Times of Israel report) "a seriously negative attitude toward him," especially over the previous three years. The judge rejected the petition even though God was not present to argue against it (or at least His presence could not be detected). [Times of Israel, 5-4-2016]

(1) In the latest ruling on a familiar theme, a court in Modena, Italy, ordered a father to continue paying living expenses for his son, age 28, who had meandered through a degree in literature but now has decided to seek another, in experimental cinema. (Almost two-thirds of Italians aged 18 to 34 still live with their parents.) (2) In Beijing, an elderly couple secured a court order in March forcing their 36-year-old daughter finally to move out after she had refused for years. The couple admitted to the Beijing Morning Post that they might have pampered her excessively over the years, even lending her the equivalent of $23,000 to buy a house. (Still, she stayed.) [Daily Telegraph (London), 4-27-2016] [Shanghaiist.com, 3-30-2016]

Gynecologists interviewed by The New York Times for an April report said they were baffled by the recent increase in teenage girls demanding cosmetic surgery on the external folds of their vulvas -- since there is rarely a medical need and the safety of the operation on young girls has not been demonstrated. Some doctors called the "need" just an extreme example of teen girls' beauty obsessions and suggested the presence in some girls of the psychiatric malady of "body dysmorphic disorder," in which a person imagines or exaggerates a physical characteristic. (The phenomenon is different from the "vaginal rejuvenation" requested by older women, especially after childbirth, because that involves tightening internal tissue.) [New York Times, 4-26-2016]

(1) Houston's KHOU-TV revealed in May that the French teacher at the Houston school district's Energy Institute High School doesn't speak French (but did take one year of it, in high school). (2) The Sheldon school district near Houston admitted in May that a 7-year-old student at Sheldon Elementary had written her own successful "please excuse Rosabella early" note (using lettering typical of 7-year-olds) and was allowed to go home instead of attending her after-school program. (3) School police at Christa McAuliffe Middle School in Houston threatened to arrest a 13-year-old girl during the last school year because they were unaware that the girl's $2 bill (cafeteria payment) was valid U.S. currency. [KHOU-TV, 5-3-2016] [KTRK-TV (Houston), 5-3-2016] [KTRK-TV, 4-28-2016]

(1) In April, police in Brighton, Ontario, responded to what was reported by neighbors as a domestic dispute, involving shrieks like, "I hope you die!" They found only a man "arguing" with his pet parrot (who the man said was "beaking off" at him). No arrests were made. (2) Kayvon Mavaddat, 28, was arrested in Natick, Massachusetts, as police enforced three arrest warrants. He had been on the loose until May 6, when he politely (inadvisedly) held open a door at Natick Mall for a police officer who, in that brief moment, thought he recognized Mavaddat. Checking his cruiser's computer, he found the warrants, went back inside and arrested Mavaddat. [CTV News (Barrie), 4-22-2016] [Metro West Daily (Framingham, Mass.), 5-9-2016]

Timothy Trammell, 36, was arrested on several charges in Jonesville, South Carolina, in May after a sheriff's deputy spotted him spray-painting a car that was not his. According to the deputy's report, Trammell had just finished angrily painting "C-h-e-e-t-e-r" (sic) on the car (belonging to a woman, identified in a WSPA-TV report as his girlfriend). [WSPA-TV (Spartanburg), 5-9-2016]

(1) In April in Oslo district court, Norway's most notorious terrorist, Anders Behring Breivik (77 killed in 2011), prevailed in his complaint against prison treatment and was awarded the equivalent of about $41,000. The prison (part of a system generally regarded as the world's most inmate-friendly) was found to violate Breivik's human rights by restricting his outside contacts and excessively restraining and strip-searching him. (He had also complained of poor food choices.) (2) The Veterans Affairs hospital in Tomah, Wisconsin, among the system's most troubled (in personnel issues, falsifying reports and overdependence on patient opiod use), is reportedly working on a "100-day plan" for reform and recently posted a job opening -- for interior decorator ($77,000 position, doctoral degree) to, presumably, improve everyone's attitude. [Washington Post, 4-21-2016] [Daily Caller, 4-27-2016]

Fine Points of the Law: In February (2012), a jury in Thousand Oaks, California, acquitted Charles Hersel, 41, of child molestation. Though Hersel admitted through his lawyer that he had paid high school students to spit in his face and yell profanities at him, and had offered kids money to urinate and defecate on him, jurors found that, regardless of why he felt the need to do those things, it must not have been for reasons of "sexual gratification" and therefore, technically, was not a violation of the particular law under which he was charged. [KTLA-TV (Los Angeles, 2-21-2012]

Google filed a U.S. Patent Office application on April 28 for a vision-improvement device in liquid form that, once inserted (i.e., injected directly into the eyeball!), solidifies into not only a lens replacement for the eye but an instrument that carries its own storage, radio and wireless power supply. The idea, according to inventor Andrew Jason Conrad, is to better focus light onto the retina. (The patent process does not assure that the device will ever come to fruition, but it might indicate that Google's parent, Alphabet, is concerned that other inventors might be doing similar work.) [Forbes.com, 4-28-2016]

-- Before new parents ruin their baby daughter's chances of future success by giving her "weak" names (such as Polly), they should consult one of several services that recommend more powerful ones (such as Elizabeth). A New York City woman offers personalized naming research for fees starting at several hundred dollars, but a Swiss agency whose primary work is helping to name product brands now offers parents suggestions on their offspring's "brand" (for corporate-like fees beginning at around $29,000). (Parents in South Korea and India traditionally seek baby-naming recommendations from priests, who review religious text, culture and astrology -- in exchange for modest offerings.) [Bloomberg.com, 4-19-2016]

-- Entrepreneur.com reported in April the surprising success of "Ship Your Enemies Glitter," in which, for about $10, the startup sends an envelope full of glitter that, when opened, scatters, irritating (or enraging) the recipient. The concept was an overnight sensation, but quickly petered out and was seemingly worthless -- until a prescient businessman offered $85,000 for its two assets: (1) a valuable list of customers who might buy similar pranks (such as a cupcake that's really horse manure) and (2) an opportunity at additional waves of customers newly discovering the original glitter product. The $85,000 purchaser now reports sales "in the high six figures." [Entrepreneur.com, 4-20-2016]

-- Peter Jensen of Athol, Idaho, filed a lawsuit against the state transportation department in April after his driving privileges were revoked because his car had no license plate. For the inconvenience, he believes he deserves $5.6 million in damages (gold and silver only, please) because, for example, there is nothing about "license plates" in the Ten Commandments. [KREM-TV (Spokane, Wash.), 4-22-2016]

-- Simple As That: (1) Bingham County (Idaho) Sheriff Craig Rowland told reporters in March that the state legislature had no reason to improve the statewide administration of "rape kit" evidence because the majority of local rape accusations are, he is certain, consensual sex. (2) Scout Hodge, 20, angry at his mother, was charged with arson in Austin, Texas, in January for setting fire to her rug. He told police he did it as a "political" statement (unexplained) and to prove he isn't a "loser." [Associated Press via OregonLive.com, 3-15-2016] [KEYE-TV (Austin), 1-16-2016]

-- Modern Problems: (1) Sophia Sanchez, 27, was charged with intentionally crashing her car into her boyfriend's vehicle in April in Riverside, Illinois. According to police, the couple had been arguing the night before, and Sanchez said she felt she had to disable his car so that he would talk to her. (2) William Timothy Thomas, 25, was arrested for vandalizing a home in Largo, Florida, in April. He told police he needed to go "destroy" stuff because he "listened to too much music and masturbated too much." (Bonus: Three first names! Special police surveillance warranted!) [WLS-TV (Chicago), 4-27-2016] [WFLA.com, 4-12-2016]

(1) As China's real-estate construction boom fades, tempers have flared, and according to a local government officer in Hebei province, two companies' officials angling for a contract wildly dueled each other in their bulldozers in an incident captured on video. The losing driver was seen running from his toppled machine. (2) Italy's top appeals court ruled in April that a homeless man stealing cheese and sausage from a grocery story in Genoa, and who received a six-month jail term for it, was actually not guilty of criminal behavior at all. The court set him free using a traditional Italian legal principle that no one is required to do the impossible -- which, the court surmised, would be to allow himself to starve. [Sky News (London), 4-18-2016] [New York Times, 5-4-2016]

Motorist Rebecca Musarra was stopped for speeding in October 2015 by state troopers in New Jersey, and dutifully handed over her license, insurance and registration, but declined to answer the troopers' "do you know why we stopped you" questions. Annoyed at her silence, troopers Matthew Stazzone and Demetric Gosa threatened several times, with increasing aggressiveness (according to dashboard video obtained by NJ Advance Media), to arrest Musarra for "obstruction." Musarra pointed out that -- as nearly every American knows -- she has the right to remain silent. The troopers nonetheless arrested her (then recited, of course, her "right to remain silent"). After nearly two hours back at the station, a supervisor offered a weak apology and released her. Musarra, an attorney, unsurprisingly has filed a federal lawsuit. [NJ.com, 5-5- 2016]

The species Acanthonus armatus first showed up in waters near Vancouver, British Columbia, 10 years ago, generating ichthyological excitement -- in that it is widely known as the assfish. The Royal BC Museum in Victoria, British Columbia, put one on display in January with its bulbous head and flabby skin resembling a "glorified tadpole," said a museum curator, who declined to guess at the origin of the assfish name (bypassing a chance to link it to the fish's large mouth and tiny brain). [National Post, 1-14-2016]

(1) The British broadcast censor Ofcom declined to punish a January edition of "The Jeremy Kyle Show" on which a guest used a "well-known swear word" -- because the speaker has a Scottish accent and, Ofcom said, probably no more than two or three people thus comprehended what he was saying. (2) The body of Peter ("Petey Crack") Martinez, 28, who had a long rap sheet, washed up on a beach in Brooklyn, New York, on May 2 -- with his feet encased (up to his shins) in a bucket of hardened cement. It was the first time veteran New York detectives could ever recall seeing actual "cement shoes" (though they have, of course, been icons of true crime stories for decades). [BBC News, 3-21-2016] [New York Times, 5-5-2016]

-- New York City police rounded up 39 people on April 26 suspected as part of a massive credit-card-scamming operation targeted at customers of high-end retailers such as Saks Fifth Avenue -- and whose members are affiliated with the rap-music group Pop Out Boyz, which makes reference to the scams in its songs. (One number, "For a Scammer," features the lyric, "you see it, you want it, you have it," while another voice repeatedly brags, "I'm cracking cards cause I'm a scammer." A New York Post report describes "cracking cards" as a scheme paying a bank customer a fee to accept a phony deposit into his account to be later withdrawn -- but the scammer removes much more money than the phony deposit.) [New York Post, 4-26-2016]

-- Ricardo Ruiz, 26, was arrested in March on complaints from women that he had groped them at parks in Davie and Cooper City, Florida, but the case got easier afterward when police were tipped to a YouTube video that they believe is of Ruiz, addressing the camera while driving a car and extolling his groping habit. "Man, today was a good ... day, touching ass," he says. "If you don't touch ass, you're crazy. That's all I got to say." [South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 3-31-2016]

Louis Helmburg III filed a lawsuit in Huntington, West Virginia, in February (2012) against the Alpha Tau Omega fraternity and its member Travis Hughes for injuries Helmburg suffered in May 2011 when he fell off a deck at the fraternity house. The reason he gave for falling was that he had been startled, and toppled backward off the rail-less deck, after Hughes attempted to fire a bottle rocket "out of his anus" -- and the rocket, instead, exploded in place. (The lawsuit did not refer to Hughes' injuries.) [Courthouse News service, 2-2-2012]

The eye-catching Vietnamese model and Playboy (Venezuela edition) Playmate Angie Vu complained to the New York Daily News in April that her five-plus months in jail in Brooklyn have been "torture" and "cruel" because of her lack of access to beauty care. Vu is fighting extradition to France for taking her 9-year-old daughter in violation of the father's custody claim and is locked up until a federal judge rules. Among her complaints: "turning pale" in the "harsh light"; lack of "Guerlain's moisturizer"; inability to look at herself for months (because glass mirrors are prohibited); and "worrying" about being hit on by "lesbians" (thus causing "wrinkles"). At least, she told the reporter, she has found God in jail and passes time reading the Bible. [New York Daily News, 4-26-2016]

-- Chef Mahbub Chowdhury pleaded guilty in April to food and hygiene violations in Swindon (England) Magistrates Court after inspectors found "brown fingerprints" in the kitchen at his Yeahya Flavour of Asia carry-out restaurant. Chowdhury was candid about his "cultural" habit of bypassing toilet paper and using his hand to clean himself. The plastic bottle with the fingerprints, Chowdbury said, contained water that he normally used instead of the toilet paper, and his lawyer argued that since the bottle was never actually lab-tested, the brown spots could have been "spices." [Metro News (London), 4-13-2016]

-- England's Brighton and Hove City Council, striving to be progressive, issued a directive to parents of new school students (kids as young as age 4) calling on them to mark the gender identity they prefer -- and notes that any child who identifies as other than male or female should leave the space blank and consult with officials individually. (Critics, according to The Sun, expressed that school should be for "developing" such identities without the necessity of declaring them so early in life.) [The Sun, 4-19-2016]

-- "Zero tolerance" claimed another victim, in Charlotte, North Carolina, in April, when Jaden Malone, 12, came to his bullied friend's aid, was knocked down himself and repeatedly punched in the head by the bully, and pushed the boy off of him to avoid further damage -- but was himself suspended for three days by his charter school Invest Collegiate. A school official pointed out that the bully got five days, and besides, the policy against "all" physical violence is very clear. (After having Jaden treated for a concussion, his mother promptly withdrew him from the school.) [WJZY-TV (Charlotte), 4-20-2016]

-- Ms. Madi Barney, 20, courageously publicly reported her own rape accusation recently in Provo, Utah, and as a result has been disciplined as a student at Brigham Young University for allegedly violating the school's "honor code." (She is barred from withdrawing from courses or re-registering.) Whether the sex was consensual must be investigated by Provo police, but BYU officials said they had heard enough to charge Barney with the no-no of premarital sex. (Critics decried the advantage BYU thus gives rapists of BYU females -- since the women face the additional fear of university reprisals irrespective of the criminal case.) [Washington Post, 4-20-2016]

-- Idaho's law protecting fundamentalist faith healers regained prominence recently in the case of Mariah Walton, 20, who was born with a routinely repairable heart defect but who received only prayer and herbs because of her parents' religious rejection of doctors. Walton's now-irreversible damage leaves her frail and dependent on portable oxygen, and she will likely need lung and heart transplants to survive. Idaho and five other states immunize parents from criminal prosecution if they reject medical care on the ground of religious teachings. [The Guardian (London), 4-13-2016]

-- Latest From Evangelicals: (1) Christian political activist David Barton told his "WallBuilders" radio audience recently that Disney's anthropomorphic characters (e.g., Bambi) are simply gateways to kids' learning Babylonian pagan worship. (2) Brooklyn, New York, "prophet" Yakim Manasseh Jordan told followers recently that he has arranged with God to bring people back from the dead if they -- cheerfully -- offer a "miracle favor cloud" of gifts as low as $1,000. (3) James David Manning, chief pastor of the Atlah Worldwide Missionary Church in Harlem, in a recent online sermon, stepped up his usual anti-gay rhetoric, warning "sodomites" that God would soon send flames "coming out of your butthole." (A gay and transgender support group is fundraising to buy Atlah's building and set up a shelter.) [Salon.com, 4-12-2016] [The Daily Beast, 3-20-2016] [NBC News, 4-14-2016]

-- The Tap Inn bar in Billings, Montana, released April 11 surveillance video of the armed robbery staged by two men and a woman (still on the lam), showing two liplocked customers at the bar, lost in affectionate embrace during the entire crime, seemingly oblivious of danger. The robbers, perhaps impressed by the couple's passion, ignored them -- even while emptying the cash register just a few feet away. [Associated Press via Washington Post, 4-14-2016]

-- Andru Jolstad, 26, was arrested on April 16 and charged with using a pry bar to break into the cash boxes of four machines at Zap's Arcade in Mesa, Arizona. Following citizen tips, a cop arrived to find Jolstad on his knees alongside one machine with his arm still inside. His total take from the spree was $18, and he'll likely be sent back to prison from an earlier charge. [KNXV-TV (Phoenix), 4-21-2016]

(1) Transportation Security Administration announced on April 27 that its screeners had confiscated 73 guns from passengers' carry-ons -- in just the previous seven days! (Sixty-eight were loaded, and 27 had a round in the chamber.) (2) Federal regulators were deliberating in April whether to stop Minnesota's Ideal Conceal from rolling out its two-shot, .380 caliber handgun disguised as a smartphone. Several police chiefs, and two U.S. senators, have expressed alarm. (3) Jeffrey Grubbs, 45, was charged with two felonies in March following a school's 4-H Club carpentry project at which he (lacking a hammer) pounded a thumbtack into wood with the butt of his loaded handgun. (He subsequently realized the danger and removed the bullets.) [United Press International, 4-27-2016] [PublicSource via New Pittsburgh Courier, 4-24-2016] [Southeast Missourian (Cape Girardeau), 3-24-2016]

California's forests host major marijuana-growing operations (legal and illegal), and though the product has its virtues, cannabis farming creates massive problems -- guzzling water (23 liters per day per plant -- state drought or not) and needing the protection of a dangerous rodenticide. A state wildlife official told NBC News in April that the cannabis sites "use massive amounts of fertilizers, divert natural run-off waters, create toxic run-off waste and byproducts, remove large amounts of vegetation and trees, ... create ... unstable soils and kill or displace wildlife." [NBC News, 4-22-2016]

(1) Police in the Augusta, Georgia, suburb of Hephzibah arrested a meth-addled Ray Roye for battery and family violence against his wife in March. Roye was yelling about custody of their child, but his wife informed police they don't have a child. (2) Johnnie Hurt, 38, was arrested after reportedly eating mulch from a motel's landscaping in London, Kentucky, in April while missing a court-ordered drug test. When police arrived, Hurt was found in his wildly trashed a motel room. [WJBF-TV (Augusta), 4-6-2016] [Herald-Leader (Lexington), 4-14-2016]

Each year, the town of Chumbivilcas, Peru, celebrates the new year with what to Americans might seem "Festivus"-based (from the Seinfeld TV show), but is actually drawn from Incan tradition. For "Takanakuy," during background singing and dancing, all townspeople with grudges from the previous 12 months (men, women, children) settle them with often-bloody fistfights so that they start the new year clean. Said one villager to a Reuters reporter in December (2011), "Everything is solved here, and afterward we are all friends." [Reuters via CBS News, 12-14-2011]