LEAD STORY -- Donating for Dollars

Already, healthy people can donate blood, sperm and eggs, but now the nonprofit OpenBiome offers donors $40 for bowel movements -- to supply "fecal transplants" for patients with nasty C. difficile bacterial infections. ("Healthy" contents are transplanted into the infected gut via endoscope or frozen swallowed capsules so that the good bacteria drive out the antibiotic-resistant bad.) Over 2,000 transplant units have been shipped to 185 hospitals so far, and OpenBiome allows daily "donations" so that, with bonuses, a donor could earn $13,000 a year. However, extensive medical questioning and stool-testing is required, and only about 4 percent of potential donors have exquisite-enough feces to qualify. [Washington Post, 1-29-2015]

California State University Los Angeles researcher Marc Kubasak spent about 2,500 hours (sometimes 12 hours a day) training 40 brain-damaged rats to walk on a treadmill, after sewing little vests to tether the critters, suspended, to a robotic arm. His work paid off, though, according to the February Popular Science magazine, as doctors in Poland and University College London used his procedures to help a man with a damaged spine. (In the middle of the project, Kubasak developed a rodent allergy and was forced to wear a body suit every day with a respirator.) [Popular Science, February 2015]

-- U.K.'s Bedfordshire Police were searching in April for the thief who ran off without paying for his Jesus arm tattoo at the RedINC Luton studio (to go with his "Only God Can Judge Me" inking on the other arm.) In fact, the shopkeeper also believes the man swiped the equivalent of $1,548 from a cash drawer when he was momentarily alone in the studio. [Luton Today, 4-1-2015]

-- Former Virginia state Delegate Joseph Morrissey, already scheduled for trial for submitting false documents in one case, was foiled in March qualifying for a state Senate primary because 750 of the 972 voter signatures he submitted were found to be bogus. (Morrissey was sworn in as delegate in January while wearing an ankle monitor as part of his sentence for having sex with an underage girl, but resigned to run for the Senate.) [Richmond Times-Dispatch, 3-31-2015] [Associated Press via Virginian-Pilot (Hampton Roads), 1-15-2015]

-- In March, the U.S. patent office approved Google's application covering robot software that mimics human personalities (voice, mannerisms) using a variety of moods (happiness, fear, surprise) with a notable use that family members might employ it to continue to "interact" with a loved one after he has passed. One disquieting possibility might allow a deceased person to be directed to act in ways that the person never acted while alive. [Discover Magazine, 4-26-2015]

-- Entrepreneurship: (1) A curious woman, inspired by her own mother's attachment to her unlaundered pillowcases following the death of her dad, has partnered with France's Universite du Havre to produce a person's bottled scent by processing old clothing. A September rollout is planned, with the probable retail price of about $600. (2) Artist Mark Sturkenboom has described plans for an even more remarkable remembrance device (if the deceased is male): a dildo that holds 21 grams of cremated ashes (accessorized, perhaps for non-sexual "cover," by a necklace and music player). "After passing," Sturkenboom explained, "the missing of intimacy" is "one aspect of the pain and grief." [Popular Science, 4-24-2015] [Metro News (London), 4-26-2015]

Just west of Ferguson, Missouri, is Kinloch (pop. 299), where newly elected mayor Betty McCray was unable to start work on April 23 because the losing incumbent administration merely locked her out of City Hall ("impeaching" her for "voter fraud" in the April 7 election, despite St. Louis County election officials having already certified her victory). Of McCray's two predecessors, one was once also locked out of office by police, and the other had to go to court to get his mayoral job back after admitting that he had missed child-support payments. [KTVI-TV (St. Louis), 4-23-2015] [St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 1-29-2014]

The controversial ex-Greenpeace campaigner who years later turned against the environmental group's program walked out of an interview in March for a French documentary in which he assured viewers that Monsanto's Roundup weed killer was safe for humans. "You can drink a whole quart of it, and it won't hurt you," Patrick Moore told the interviewer for Canal Plus. The interviewer then offered Moore a swig of Roundup he had on hand. "I'd be happy to, actually," Moore reportedly said on camera, but then quickly changed his mind. "No, I'm not an idiot." At that point, Moore declared, the interview was "finished." [Time, 3-27-2015]

The owner of a New York City condominium apartment that sold for $100.5 million recently received a property tax reduction of $360,000 last year -- and is likely to keep receiving reductions over as many as 25 years, based on "Section 421-a" benefits the state enacted to encourage "affordable" housing in the most desirable parts of New York City. The tax abatements are available to developers that promise to create "affordable" units in the same zones ("affordable" to families making under about $40,000 annually), but in recent years, the new "millionaire" units (with tax breaks) have outnumbered the new affordable units by about 11-to-1, according to a February New York Times report, costing the city over $1 billion a year in revenue. [New York Times, 2-2-2015] [Gothamist.com, 3-18-2015]

-- Prison breaks in Latin American countries are often staged with cooperative, corrupt guards. However, the escape by 28 inmates in February from the Nova Mutum prison near Cuiaba, Brazil, was engineered by three make-believe "dominatrixes" (in police costumes), who playfully handcuffed the guards, knocked them out with sedatives and unlocked the cells. (The guards were found the next day, still handcuffed and naked.) [Daily Mirror (London), 2-8-2015]

-- Wall Street Miracle: Two March instances of gleaning insight and using it to buy stock "options" were executed so quickly (1 to 3 seconds each) that experts consulted for a Slate.com analysis said they couldn't possibly have been made by human securities traders. Their conclusion: A robot so intelligent exists that it can "read" a news wire report, "analyze" it for hints whether to place bets on a company's future price, and execute the order -- before human traders even finish reading the news report. Profits on the seconds-long trades: $2.4 million on one and "between $1 million and $2 million" on the other. [Slate.com, 4-26-2015]

(1) England's Tavistock Town Council hastily changed the wording in March of its help-wanted ad seeking a general maintenance person (a "hand," in local jargon); thus, it is no longer wording the offering as a "general hand job." (2) Alaska's Juneau Empire newspaper announced on February 26 a rededication ceremony for the local homeless facility, long known as the Glory Hole Shelter. (3) In April, the Tisdale, Saskatchewan, town council finally decided, after 60 years, to alter the widely used and inspiring town slogan (honoring the canola oil's parent, the rapeseed) -- "Land of Rape and Honey." (4) A Brazilian student-athlete enrolled at Medicine Hat (Alberta) College announced he would play the basketball season under his real Brazilian-German name, Guilherme Fuck (which he insists is pronounced foo-kay). [Plymouth Herald, 3-4-2015] [Juneau Empire, 2-26-2015] [Canadian Broadcasting Corp. News, 4-21-2015] [Medicine Hat News, 3-20-2015]

David Morice, of Iowa City, Iowa, a teacher at Kirkwood Community College, was best known for a series of "Poetry Comics" until he decided (in 2010) to write 100-page poems (not prose -- poems!) every day for 100 days, until he had a book totaling 10,000 pages (actually, 10,119). The University of Iowa Libraries published the finished book online, but for some reason, also in a two-foot-high hardcopy stack. (Strangely, in a 480-word article describing Morice's feat, the Iowa City Press-Citizen included not even a hint about any of the poems' subject matter.) [Iowa City Press-Citizen, 1-27-2011]

Thanks This Week to Rita Johnson, Joe Harman, Gerald Davidson, and Don Schwartz, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

Saudi Arabia's very first sex accessory shop (in the holy city of Mecca) should be opening soon, according to news reports -- operated by a Moroccan Muslim, backed by the German adult mega-retailer Beate Uhse, and supposedly fully compliant with Islamic law. Owner Abdelaziz Aouragh told Agence France-Presse he would stock 18 different Islam-appropriate toys for married couples, along with oils and fragrances that he said would enhance the marital experience. (He did not actually describe the toys, but ruled out U.S. mainstays such as inflatable dolls and vibrators.) One such "halal" sex shop opened in Turkey in 2013, and Aouragh's financial partner runs a similar enterprise online. [International Business Times (New York), 4-20-2015]

-- The February gun-and-baby-carrying workshop in Johnston, Iowa, was so successful that instructor Melody Lauer and CrossRoads Shooting Sports owner Tom Hudson plan more. Lauer insisted that she does not necessarily encourage a baby-holding mother to arm herself, but if she chooses to, safety would of course require that she be familiar with the tricky procedure of drawing, aiming and firing even though she might be "wearing" a baby in a sling in front of her body. Hudson, noting the fast-growing market of gun sales to women, said scheduling the workshop "was a no-brainer." [Yahoo News, 3-4-2015]

-- What is believed to be America's only hard-nosed "gang" composed only of gay and transgendered African-Americans hopes to have its story told soon by filmmakers -- who emphasize the group's transition from fighters to entrepreneurs working to establish their own clothing line, according to a March report on advocate.com. The gang, originally organized for protection ("We gonna get our respect one way or another," said one), hails from the violent Washington, D.C., Trinidad neighborhood, yet some of the 200 members (in their teens or early 20s) insist on stilettos, lipstick and mascara (while carrying knives, brass knuckles and mace). [Advocate.com, 3-9-2015]

-- Pioneering British facial surgeon Ninian Peckitt, 63, facing a Medical Practitioners Tribunal in Manchester in April, was accused by a witness of "repeatedly" having punched one patient in the face during a procedure in order to straighten a fracture. Dr. Peckitt acknowledged having used his hands to "manipulate" bones in the patient's face, calling it a routine surgery-avoiding procedure sometimes required for extensive injuries. [Daily Mail (London), 4-8-2015]

-- Suspicions Confirmed: Two airport screeners at Denver International collaborated in an ongoing ploy in which one, a male, signaled to a female colleague that he had spotted an attractive male passenger in line that he might like to grope. The female would then suddenly notice an "anomaly" in the screening and ask that passenger to stand aside so the male agent could "inspect" him further -- by genital and posterior fondling (over his clothing). The two agents were fired in February after a Transportation Security Administration investigator, having been alerted to the scheme, observed it in action. [KCNC-TV (Denver), 4-13-2015]

From Recent Florida Crime Reports: (1) Mohammed Almarri, 21, was arrested on multiple charges in Tampa on April 12 after illegally entering a neighbor's apartment in a high-rise and forcing the owner onto the balcony. For reasons undisclosed in the police report, Almarri then allegedly microwaved the man's wallet in his oven. (2) Joseph Williams, 35 (and with several pending warrants), was arrested on April 5 in Fort Pierce, Florida, after entering the emergency room at Lawnwood Regional Medical Center and Heart Institute, demanding an enema and refusing to leave until he got one. [Bay News 9 (St. Petersburg, 4-12-2015] [TCPalm.com (Stuart, Fla.), 4-14-2015]

-- In the face of jokes about proliferating airline charges, the British economy line easyJet added another fee recently. If easyJet, on its own, cancels a flight, it charges a fee of 10 British pounds (about $15) to notify third parties. The airline said that even though its own decision created the issue, it must nonetheless cover its costs to provide cancellation notices to passengers who miss connections or who need to provide verification to collect on private travel-interruption insurance. [Daily Mail (London), 4-21-2015]

-- Is This a Great Country or What? Counting only the pool of bonus money (not regular salaries), employees of New York securities industries in 2014 earned roughly twice as much as the total income paid to all employees in the United States who worked full time at the federal minimum wage ($7.25 an hour). (The statistic, from a report by the Institute for Policy Studies and reinforced by a University of Michigan professor using figures from the New York State Comptroller and the Bureau of Labor Statistics, was featured in a March New York Times analysis.) [New York Times, 3-13-2015]

In April, a court in Munich, Germany, ordered a dentist (identified only as "K") to pay the equivalent of about $21,000 to patient "Alex S" for pulling all of his teeth (19) over four weeks of treatments -- as the remedy for his schizophrenia and erectile dysfunction. The dentist had testified that Alex had too much bone inflammation for ordinary fillings. K made his own claim for the equivalent of about $54,000 for the damage to his professional reputation that the trial had caused, but the court rejected it. [The Local (Berlin) via Daily Mail (London), 4-17-2015]

(1) Austin Hatfield, 18, reported to an emergency room in April after being bitten on the lip by a venomous cottonmouth viper in Wimauma, Florida. According to a fish and wildlife commission spokesman, Hatfield had been keeping the recently caught snake in an ordinary pillowcase on his bed, and when it got out, Hatfield (ungracefully) recaptured it. (The bite was not fatal.) (2) According to witnesses questioned by the Jacksonville, Florida, Sheriff's Office (on the scene after shots had been reported at Murphy's Express Gas station in March), one customer had fired at another, hitting him in the foot, because he felt that the customer was staring at him while he pumped gas. [Tampa Tribune, 4-21-2015] [WJAX-TV, 3-31-2015]

Nikko Jenkins, convicted of murder in a 2013 spree and trying to avoid a scheduled sentencing hearing, recently self-mutilated (for the second time), which he told a judge in Omaha, Nebraska, was evidence of his mental disorder that should render him ineligible for death row. Jenkins told the judge that a "serpent god" had ordered him to carve the "number of the beast" into his forehead, but apparently because Jenkins was looking into a mirror as he carved, his forehead display more resembled an upside-down 999 (or a lowercase ddd) than it did 666. [Omaha World-Herald, 4-17-2015]

(1) Tidiest Animal: In a February science journal report, a University of Regensburg (Germany) professor noted that ants seem particularly orderly -- with "toilet" facilities arranged in far corners of the nests. The researcher speculated that ants keep feces on hand in order to mine nutrients. (2) Least Competent Beaver: A local logger telephoned the Agder Natural History museum in Kristiansand, Norway, in April to report that he had encountered a beaver crushed to death because it was unable to judge which way the tree it was gnawing would fall. (Usually, beavers have an uncanny ability to avoid the tree, but some stragglers still populate their gene pool.) [Los Angeles Times, 2-18-2015] [The Local (Oslo), 4-16-2015]

Enterprising reporters get stories by earning the confidence of their sources, which Simon Eroro of the Post-Courier (Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea) obviously did. At a banquet in November (2011), the News Corp. (Rupert Murdoch's empire) awarded Eroro its "Scoop of the Year" honor for reporting on militant tribal fighters of the Free West Papua movement -- and all Eroro had to do to earn the scoop was undergo a ritual circumcision, with bamboo sticks, to prove his trustworthiness. (Some of the rebels still wear penis gourds whose size varies with the status of the wearer.) [Daily Telegraph (Sydney), 11-7-2011]

Thanks This Week to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

It seemed like a good idea when the town of Celoron, New York, agreed in 2009 to pay for a bronze statue honoring the village's only celebrity. Lucille Ball had spent her childhood years there, and even today, everyone "Loves Lucy." The result was apparently a monstrosity, described in news reports as "frightening" and unrecognizable by anyone who has ever watched Lucy's TV shows or movies. The original sculptor first suggested a fee of $8,000 to $10,000 to make a better one, but after Mayor Scott Schrecengost started a fundraising campaign, the sculptor offered to make another one for free. [CNN, 4-7-2015]

-- Tough Love: A Catholic priest (unnamed in news reports) in Taranto, Italy, was removed recently after reports that, while attempting to minister to an unemployed laborer, he arranged for online role-playing in which the man was Judas and the priest dispatched him to gay orgies to be punished (for betraying Jesus) by members of the Vatican security force. [Daily Mail (London), 4-8-2015]

-- Paulo Silva, 51, facing bestiality charges in April in Framingham (Massachusetts) District Court, insisted that the charges be reduced to only attempted larceny. Yes, he was caught fondling the male purebred pit bull, but he had no sexual motivation, his lawyer explained. Actually, he said a friend of Silva's owned a female pit bull and Silva had asked the male's owner if the two dogs could mate, but when the owner declined, Silva said he was simply trying to collect the sperm himself. Judge Jennifer Stark was unmoved and set the case for trial. [Metrowest Daily News (Framingham), 4-10-2015]

In additional fallout from the budget cuts and personnel reductions at the IRS, the supervisory revenue official for the Dallas region disclosed in April that his office had so few collectors that it would pursue only scofflaws who owe the government at least $1 million. "I have to say," the supervisor told a reporter, "nobody's ever going to knock on (the) door" of anyone who owes from $100,000 to $999,999. [Washington Post, 4-8-2015]

At Australia's sixth annual National Disability Summit in Melbourne in March, all of the speakers except one were able-bodied. That person, in a wheelchair, had to be lifted up to the stage because there was no ramp. Furthermore, disabled activists in attendance told the Australian Broadcasting Corp. that the "disabled" section's table was at the back of the room, the food tables were elevated to accommodate standers, and one accessible toilet was being used as storage space. [Australian Broadcasting Corp. News, 3-26-2015]

-- German high school student Simon Schrader, 17, preparing for the all-important "Abitur" advanced-level tests to identify top-performing students, filed a formal request in April, under North Rhine-Westphalia state's generous freedom of information law, for an advance copy of the test. "I just wanted to see what they would say," he said. (He filed a little late, in that the state's deadline for responding came after most of the testing.) [The Guardian (London), 4-9-2015]

-- Raising Our Most Delicate Generation: In preparation for the National Union of Students Women's Conference in Solihull, England, in March some attendees requested that clapping for any of the speakers be discouraged, but that approval from the audience be expressed by "jazz hands" -- open hands, palm directed to the stage, and the fingers extended wildly. Using "jazz hands" would show compassion for attendees who have anxiety and other disorders, and for speakers who might be distracted by the din of approval. [BBC News, 3-24-2015]

Venezuelan women's well-known obsession with bodily beauty usually focuses on face, breasts and buttocks, and model Aleira Avendano has certainly had those surgeries. However, Avendano's signature feature is her 20-inch waist, which she says has been maintained by wearing an absurdly tight corset for 23 hours a day for the past six years. "I wash myself and rest for an hour, and then I put it on again. At first, it was terrible, then I got used to it, and (it) became a necessity." [Medical Daily, 3-30-2015]

California Law: A jury in Atascadero, California, having already convicted Mark Andrews, 51, of murder, concluded in March that he was legally sane at the time he shot his neighbor to death even though he claimed she was a vampire and that he himself had been, for 20 years, a werewolf. (A month later, a judge in San Francisco acquitted Santino Aviles, 41, of robbery and other felony charges after he claimed that the apartment he broke into was a spaceship that would take him to safety before the imminent explosion of the Earth. His lawyer called his condition a "meth-fueled psychosis," and he was convicted only of misdemeanors.) [KEYT-TV (Santa Barbara), 3-10-2015] [KPIX-TV (San Francisco, 4-9-2015]

(1) No charges were filed in the April incident in Lee County, Georgia, even though a 74-year-old woman was shot by her son-in-law. Deputies accepted the explanation that Larry McElroy shot at an armadillo with his 9mm handgun, killing it, but that the bullet ricocheted, traveled about 100 yards, first off of a fence and then through the woman's mobile home, hitting her in the back. She was not seriously hurt. (2) Robert Abercrombie became the most recent practitioner of DIY tooth extraction when he yanked out a front tooth of his 8-year-old son, Jason, by tying the tooth to his Camaro and driving away. Jason was perfectly cool with the stunt, which was captured on video and posted on the Internet. "It came out!" Jason is seen shouting joyously (and bloodily) into the camera. [WALB-TV (Albany, Ga.), 3-14-2015] [WTVT (Tampa), 4-1-2015]

Too Much Information: The most recent fatwa, announced in April by the Directorate of Religious Affairs in Turkey, declared that "toilet paper" is now acceptable for pious Muslims. The directorate had previously decreed that only water could be used for such cleaning (or, if none was available, the left hand). (Toilet etiquette, called "Qadaa al-Haajah," which obviously predates the invention of the actual "toilet," requires entrance by the left foot, exit by the right, a post-ablution prayer and, most challengingly, "no reading.") [Jerusalem Post, 4-9-2015]

Adding to the list of stories that once were captivatingly weird, but have since occurred with such frequency that they must be retired from circulation: (1) Desperate thieves steal what's handy, and after a botched attempt on April 8 to steal a truck, the perp grabbed the only item he could take with him as he fled. The owner told the Des Moines, Iowa, police it was a bag of to-be-discarded dog feces. (2) The first joyous "fertility" festival you heard about, where giant penis-float parades and candy souvenir phalluses are treasured by giddy children, was perhaps in Japan. Actually, several Asian nations have had their own, as News of the Weird has tried to keep up with, such as Jeju park in South Korea. Now, Taiwan is capitalizing, with the more subdued, under- construction "Romantic Boulevard" park with gardens featuring statues of copulation (animal and human) and a giant stone phallus that children seem tickled to be photographed riding on. [Des Moines Register, 4-9-2015] [Metro (London), 1-26-2015]

In June (2010), the roller coaster at the Funtown Splashdown in Saco, Maine, unexpectedly came to a halt, stranding riders for all of 15 minutes. A reportedly "furious" Eric and Tiffany Dillingham said later that their 8-year-old daughter was so frightened that she had to be taken to a hospital and had nightmares constantly since then, and a lawsuit was a possibility. (Since the purpose of a roller coaster ride is to induce fright, it was not known whether "hospital visit" and "fury" would also have ensued if the ride had been working perfectly.) [WGME-TV (Portland), 6-24-2010]

Thanks This Week to Steve Bellovin, Jim Weber, Bruce Alter, and John McGaw, and to the News of the Weird Senior Advisors (Jenny T. Beatty, Paul Di Filippo, Ginger Katz, Joe Littrell, Matt Mirapaul, Paul Music, Karl Olson, and Jim Sweeney) and Board of Editorial Advisors (Tom Barker, Paul Blumstein, Harry Farkas, Sam Gaines, Herb Jue, Emory Kimbrough, Scott Langill, Bob McCabe, Steve Miller, Christopher Nalty, Mark Neunder, Sandy Pearlman, Bob Pert, Larry Ellis Reed, Peter Smagorinsky, Rob Snyder, Stephen Taylor, Bruce Townley, and Jerry Whittle).