Facial recognition software, increasingly important to global anti-terrorism operations, is being brought to ... cats. Taiwanese developer Mu-Chi Sung announced in July plans for marketing the software as part of a cat health device so that owners, especially those with multiple cats, can better monitor their cats' eating habits. Sung first had to overcome the problem of how to get the cat to stick its head through a slot in the feeder so the software can start to work. The device, with mobile apps for remote monitoring by the owner, may sell for about $250. [CBS News, 7-22-2014]

-- The Environmental Protection Agency is already a News of the Weird favorite (for example, the secret goofing-off "man cave" of one EPA contractor in July 2013 and, two months later, the fabulist EPA executive who skipped agency work for months by claiming falsely to be on secret CIA missions), but the agency's Denver Regional Office took it to another level in June. In a leaked memo, the Denver deputy director implored employees to end the practice of leaving feces in the office's hallway. The memo referred to "several" incidents. [Government Executive, 6-25-2014]

-- The federal food stamp program, apparently uncontrollably rife with waste, has resorted to giving financial awards to the states that misspend food stamp money the least. In July, the Florida Department of Children and Families, beaming with pride, announced it had won a federal grant of $7 million for having blown only $47 million in food stamp benefits in 2013 (less than 1 percent of its $6 billion in payments). Vermont, the worst-performing state, misspends almost 10 percent of its food stamp benefits. [Fox News, 7-8-2014]

-- The Way the World Works: The U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration came down hard in July on West Virginia's Freedom Industries for violations of chemical safety standards in January 2014 that resulted in the 10-day contamination of drinking water for 300,000 residents. OSHA issued two fines to the company -- one for $7,000 and the other for $4,000. [West Virginia Gazette, 7-7-2014]

-- Ms. Milo Moire, a Swiss performance artist, startled (and puzzled) fairgoers at Germany's Art Cologne in April by creating a painting while standing on two ladders, nude and expelling "eggs," filled with paint and ink, from her vagina. Each "PlopEgg" canvas made what she called a powerful feminist statement about women, fertility and creativity. (In June, she attempted to tour Switzerland's Art Basel fair "wearing" only the names of clothing items written on her nude body, e.g., on her leg, the word "pants." Officials told her to go get dressed if she wanted to see the show.) [Huffington Post UK, 4-22-2014]

-- Update: Critics praised bad-girl British artist Tracey Emin's 1998 furniture-and-effects exhibit, "My Bed," supposedly representing a failed romantic relationship, featuring mussed sheets and, littering the room, empty vodka bottles and used condoms. Prominent collector Charles Saatchi turned heads when he bought the piece for the equivalent of about $200,000, and in June, almost 15 years later, he sold "My Bed" at auction for the equivalent of $4,330,000. [BBC News, 7-1-2014]

-- In July, the large cement "Humpty Dumpty" at the Enchanted Forest in Salem, Oregon, created by Roger Tofte in 1970, was destroyed when two intruders tried to climb the wall Humpty was sitting on. However, the wall crumbled and Humpty suffered a great fall, and Tofte said he doubted he could put Humpty back together again, but would try instead to make a new one. [KOIN-TV (Portland, Ore.), 7-5-2014]

-- Sheriff's deputies in Salina, Kansas, arrested Aaron Jansen, 29, but not before he put on quite a show on July 5. Jansen, speeding in a car spray-painted with derogatory comments about law enforcement, refused to pull over and even survived a series of tire-shredding road spikes as he turned into a soybean field, where he revved the engine and drove in circles for 40 minutes. As deputies set up a perimeter, Jansen futilely tossed items from the car (blankets, CDs, anything available) and then (with the car still moving) climbed out the driver's door and briefly "surfed" on the roof. Finally, as deputies closed in, Jansen shouted a barrage of Bible verses before emerging from the car wearing a cowboy hat, boots and a woman's dress. [KAKE-TV (Wichita), 7-7-2014]

-- The surveillance video in evidence in England's Wolverhampton Crown Court in July captured the entire caper of two young men comically failing to open a parking lot's automated cash machine five months earlier. Wearing hoods, they tried to batter the secure machine open, then tried to pull it away (but learned that it was rooted to an underground cable). Plan C involved getting in their Peugeot and ramming the machine, which did knock loose the money-dispensing part -- but also shredded part of the car's body. The dispenser (with the equivalent of $1,500 in coins) fit in the front seat only after some exhaustive pushing and cramming, but finally the men drove off -- with sparks flying as the weight of the coins made the crippled car scrape the pavement. Police arrived on the scene, and a brief chase ended when the car crashed into a wall. Final score: car totaled, money recovered and Wesley Bristow, 25, sentenced to two years in prison. [Express and Star (Wolverhampton, England), 7-5-2014]

(1) Roy Ortiz hired a lawyer in March and said he was considering suing the first responders who rescued him during the historic September 2013 flooding around Broomfield, Colorado -- because they failed to find him fast enough when his car plunged into raging waters. (2) In March, Houston sheriff's deputy Brady Pullen filed a lawsuit against the grieving family of the delusional man he was forced to shoot and kill during a 2012 emergency call -- because Pullen had been injured in the skirmish and believes the family failed to warn him just how dangerous Kemal Yazar was. Also, in Alcona, Ontario, in April, Sharlene Simon, 42, filed a lawsuit against the family of the teenage bicyclist she accidentally ran down, fatally, in 2012 -- claiming that the boy's dangerous joyriding at 1:30 a.m. initiated the events that left her traumatized. [KCNC-TV (Denver), 3-4-2014] [Houston Chronicle, 3-29-2014] [Toronto Sun, 4-25-2014]

In May, News of the Weird mentioned a Floridian with drug charges named Edward Cocaine. In June, in Lake Wales, Florida, Ms. Crystal Metheney, 36, was arrested on a (BB-)gun charge -- but she also has a drug arrest (marijuana) on her record. In July a northern California wildfire investigation turned up suspect Freddie Smoke III, 27. And for less-mature News of the Weird readers, Ryan Smallwood, 26, was arrested in Rock Hill, South Carolina, for making obnoxious sexual comments in a restaurant. [The Smoking Gun, 6-12-2014] [Associated Press via The Guardian (London), 7-15-2014] [Rock Hill Herald, 5-12-2014]

Recurring Themes: (1) Moshood Itabiyi, 22, was arrested in a traffic stop in July shortly after allegedly robbing the Northview Bank in Barnum, Minnesota. His dream of a quick getaway had vanished when he discovered that he had locked his keys in the car, and he was forced eventually to burglarize a nearby house for a hammer to smash a window open and get going. (2) Three teens, ages 13, 14 and 15, were charged with attempted burglary in St. Petersburg, Florida, in July when, as they were serial-testing parked cars' doors to find an unlocked one, they happened to inattentively open the door of an unmarked police car with a detective inside. [KBJR-TV (Duluth), 7-11-2014] [Associated Press via WCTV (Tallahassee), 7-17-2014]

The Fragrance of Love: First, farmer Dick Kleis of Zwingle in eastern Iowa, composing a birthday note to his wife, arranged more than 60 tons of manure in a pasture to spell out "Happy Birthday, Love You" in shorthand. Then, for Valentine's Day (2010), farmer Bruce Andersland created a half-mile-wide, arrow-pierced heart from plowed manure at his farm near the town of Albert Lea, Minnesota. "Now," said wife Beth, viewing the aerial image, "I've got my valentine!" [WTTG-TV (Washington, D.C.), 1-5-10] [Albert Lea Tribune, 2-11-10]

Thanks This Week to Gerald Sacks, Mel Birge, Bruce Leiserowitz, and Cindy Hildebrand, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

The leader of the devout Sunni jihadist group Islamic State, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, making a rare, solemn appearance in July, wore a flashy silver wristwatch that various video analysts described as either a Rolex or an Omega Seafarer or a feature-laden Saudi Arabian-made timepiece that sells for only about $560. A week earlier, a Syrian anti-government rebel leader was shown in a video exhorting his troops from notes he had made in his "Hello Kitty" notebook. And a week after that, a shopkeeper in North Waziristan, lamenting the loss of business when local Taliban fighters abruptly left the area, told a BBC reporter that the jihadists obsessively bought Dove soap, Head & Shoulders shampoo, white underwear ("briefs or Y-fronts"), and "Secret Love" and "Blue Lady" perfumes. [CNN, 7-10-2014] [The Independent (London), 7-4-2014] [BBC News, 7-12-2014]

-- Clinton Tucker, who is black, sued Benjamin Moore paints in Essex County, New Jersey, in June for wrongful firing -- after, he said, he had tolerated years of workplace racial insults. In fact, Tucker said the company had introduced two new paint shades shortly after he was hired in 2011 -- "Tucker Chocolate" and "Clinton Brown," provoking on-the-job ridicule. [Courthouse News Service, 6-27-2014]

-- The African hippopotamus is not found in South America -- except for the estimated 50-some that, confusingly to natives, roam the Colombian countryside between Bogota and Medellin. The animals are the progeny of the four smuggled in 30 years ago by cocaine king Pablo Escobar, who generously established a grand, exotic zoo for his neighbors' enjoyment after his drug business took off (and before he was gunned down in 1993). However, as BBC News reported in June, hippo meat is inedible, and without their African natural enemies, they breed with astonishing prolificness -- thus creating a "time bomb" for Colombia. [BBC News, 6-25-2014]

-- Awesome Thievery: (1) A former city official in Ridgewood, New Jersey, pleaded guilty in July to stealing nearly 2 million quarters collected from parking meters with no one noticing for two years. Under a plea deal, Thomas Rica will likely be spared jail provided he repays half of what he stole. (2) In July, New York City prosecutors accused a former pharmacist at Mount Sinai Beth Israel hospital of stealing nearly 200,000 oxycodone-strength pain pills over five years, despite his increasingly far-fetched explanations. Anthony D'Alessandro even boldly swiped 1,500 pills the day after investigators first challenged him. [The Record (Hackensack), 7-9-2014] [Associated Press via The Republic (Columbus, Ind.), 7-8-2014]

-- British lawyer Gary Stocker, 30, was headed to the top of the profession with an Oxford education and a six-figure salary -- when he decided instead to become a circus's human cannonball. He is now The Great Herrmann in Chaplin's Circus under a 1,400-seat tent in the city of St. Albans. Stocker told the Daily Mail in May, "Being in a circus is what I was destined for" and that "Perhaps I only went to Oxford to please my mum." Chaplin's show tells the story of a failing circus revived by the invention of the first "human cannon." [Daily Mail (London), 5-22-2014]

Kimberly Williams, 46, was convicted in April in Will County, Illinois, of beating dominatrix Theresa Washington with a baseball bat. Williams conceded to the judge that she had hired Washington, but only because she wanted a "slave" to take pictures of her naked while she did housework. Instead, she said, Washington became aggressive, declared herself a "master" and dragged Williams around by the hair. Furthermore, according to Williams, Washington's transformation happened abruptly after a phone call Washington made to "someone she met on the dating site Christian Mingle." [New Lenox Patch, 4-30-2014]

Update: U.S. obesity continues to grow -- for pets as well as people -- and exercise innovations for humans seem to trickle down to dogs. A July Associated Press report noted that fat Labradors and poodles now have Pilates ("pawlates") and yoga ("doga") and even play "Barko Polo" in the pool, while Morris Animal Inn offers five-day fitness camps for dogs ($249) in Morristown, New Jersey. (More cats than dogs are overweight, but getting cats to the gym is perhaps beyond human capability.) [Associated Press, 7-2-2014]

-- Since high-rise residents value their privacy, Lisa Pleiss of Seattle said she was frightened on June 22 when she saw a drone hovering outside her 26th-floor window: "You don't expect to be walking around indecent in your apartment and then have this thing potentially recording you." According to police, the drone was legal -- helping a developer photograph downtown Seattle -- but would not have been if the camera had been pointed at Pleiss' window. (Drones are becoming so widespread that, for instance, the University of South Florida library owns several, for student check-out on certain research projects.) [Los Angeles Times, 6-25-2014] [WTSP-TV (St. Petersburg), 6-21-2014]

-- In June, as Elizabeth Neufeld, 85, was backing her car out of her driveway in Bel Air, California, it tipped on a curve and rolled onto its side. Elizabeth was not hurt, but was trapped inside while her husband, Benjamin, 87, got out on his own. As they awaited firefighters, she reportedly handed a cellphone to a passerby so that the Neufelds would have a "selfie" (which made the Internet, with Elizabeth having righted herself in the driver's seat and Benjamin standing sheepishly alongside). (Dr. Elizabeth Neufeld, retired, is one of the world's most prominent genetics researchers, having won numerous awards during stints at the National Institutes of Health, University of California, Berkeley and UCLA.) [ABC News, 6-26-2014]

Failed to Keep a Low Profile: Jacob Close, 25, wanted after jumping bail in New York on a drug charge, but recently on Bloomsburg (Pennsylvania) University police's radar screen after he was rumored to be in the area, was arrested by the campus cops in June. Close's name and photograph had appeared in the Bloomsburg Press Enterprise's "Your Opinion" feature. He apparently could not resist when a street reporter asked him the newspaper's "question of the week" -- whether the Washington Redskins football team should choose another nickname. (His vitally important opinion? No.) [New York Daily News, 7-9-2014]

-- By now, many in the United Kingdom have such exaggerated concern for "health and safety" that they are sensitive to even the tiniest, most far-fetched risks. In June, organizers of a dog show in Keswick drew up a list of 25 tests for dogs to perform in competition, but two had to be scrapped (supposedly for fear of lawsuits): biscuit-catching by the dog (canceled unless sponsors can be assured that dogs will try to catch biscuits only while seated) and Frisbee-catching (canceled outright for fear that dogs could injure their backs). (Indeed, in a previous U.K. dog show, an out-of-shape dog did hurt its back leaping for a Frisbee.) [News & Star (Workington, England), 6-18-2014]

-- District of Columbia government services have improved markedly since the 1990s when News of the Weird reported frequent misadventures as the "District of Calamity." Still, things happen. Rose Preston called 911 on March 15, fearing a stroke because of a left-side numbness, and a crew arrived promptly and administered oxygen. However, the two crew members began "bickering" while Preston, in the ambulance, waited to get going. Finally she became so frustrated that she got out, walked to a Metro station and took a train to the VA hospital. [WRC-TV (Washington, D.C.), 3-24-2014]

(1) Bill Hillmann, 32, expert on Spain's bull-running events and author of a chapter in "How to Survive the Bulls of Pamplona" (the most famous festival), was hospitalized in July after being gored during the run, with the horn passing through one thigh, missing his femoral artery by a centimeter. He told the Chicago Tribune from his hospital bed that he would be back for the next one. (2) In June, an unnamed American exchange student visiting Tubingen University in Germany, exploring a large marble sculpture outside the school's institute for microbiology and virology, was trapped inside and had to be rescued by firefighters. The sculpture was a giant vulva, and 22 responders arrived in five fire trucks to pull the man out of the "vagina." [Chicago Tribune, 7-9-2014] [The Guardian (London), 6-23-2014]

Thanks This Week to Gerald Sacks, Candy Clouston, Chuck Hamilton, Peter Swank, Milford Sprecher, Bob Andelman, Caroline Lawler, and Sam Scrutchins, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

Enric Girona recently donated his prototype pet commode to the town of El Vendrell, Spain, hoping to spark worldwide interest. Conscientious owners would train their dogs on the station -- a hole in the ground with a flush handle -- which is connected to the sewer system, as is the drain grid next to it (for tinkling). The platform, which appears to occupy about 20 square feet of surface, is self- cleaning (although not too clean, said Girona, because dogs are more easily lured with a lingering scent). Spain is already one of the world's toughest on lazy owners who fail to scoop up after their pets, with fines in El Vendrell as high as the equivalent of $1,000, and in Madrid and Barcelona, $2,000. [The Guardian (London), 7-2-2014]

-- The New York customer service company United Health Programs of America provoked a federal lawsuit in June by the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over its employee esprit-de-corps policy of requiring workers to pray to God on the job and to say "I love you" to their managers. According to the EEOC, the feel-good, work-harder campaign was suggested by an aunt of United's owner and named for an obscure "truth and compassion" movement called "Onionhead." [Reuters, 6-11-2014]

-- After two third-graders wet their pants on May 15 at Mill Plain Elementary School in Vancouver, Wash., they blamed teachers for too-strictly enforcing their classroom's "rewards" system, in which good behavior earns students points redeemable for, among other prizes, restroom breaks. A teachers union investigation concluded that the girls were never "denied" toilet access (but the girls' mothers pointed out that using restroom breaks as a "reward" might be confusing to 8-year-olds). [Columbian (Vancouver), 5-22-2014]

-- The Japanese snack company Calbee recently staged a promotion around popular singer Nana Mizuki, giving away 10 backstage passes to her Aug. 3 concert in Yokohama to the purchasers of 10 lucky bags of secretly marked potato chips. Her perhaps-hugest fan, Kazuki Fukumoto, 25, was so determined to win one that by the time he was arrested for littering in May, he had bought and dumped 89 cartons of potato chip packages, weighing over 400 pounds, that were found at six locations around the cities of Kobe and Akashi. Police estimate he had spent the equivalent of about $3,000. [Mainichi News via Kotaku.com, 6-10-2014]

-- Took It Way Too Far: Britain's news website Metro.co.uk, combing Facebook pages, located a full photo array from prominent 23-year-old German body art enthusiast Joel Miggler, whose various piercings and implants are impressive enough, but whose centerpieces are the portholes in each cheek that expose the insides of his mouth. (With customized plugs, he can seal the portholes when soup is on the menu.) The holes are currently 36mm wide, but he was said to be actively cheek-stretching, aiming for 40mm. Miggler assures fans that his mother likes "most" of his modifications and that the worst aspect so far is merely that he is forced to take smaller bites when eating. (News of the Weird has reported on researchers creating portholes in cows' stomachs, but still ...) [Metro, 5-21-2014]

(1) Until the New York governor and legislature addressed the problem recently, it was legal in the state for narcissistic animal owners to force their dogs and cats to endure permanent, decorative tattoos and piercings. At press time, Gov. Andrew Cuomo was poised to sign legislation abolishing the tattooing. (2) Kayla Oxenham, 23, was arrested in Port Charlotte, Florida, in June and charged with using a stick to burn "brands" into the skin of her two children, ages 5 and 7. Among her explanations to police: so she could identify them as being hers and because she "forgot how much she loved fire." [NPR, 6-19-2014] [WZVN-TV (Fort Myers), 6-18-2014]

-- A Davenport, Iowa, jury convicted terminal-cancer patient Benton Mackenzie, 48, in July on four marijuana-growing felonies, even though his purpose was to harvest cannabis oil to treat his bloody lesions and the grapefruit-sized tumor on his buttocks. The judge had barred Mackenzie and his lawyer from even mentioning the illness in court -- because of a 2005 Iowa precedent (even though the Iowa legislature has subsequently allowed medical marijuana to treat seizures). Mackenzie's wife, his 73-year-old parents, his son and a friend were also charged with assisting Mackenzie's "operation" (though Mackenzie was almost surely the only "customer"). Mackenzie, who testified and was, of course, sworn to tell "the whole truth," said he was "flabbergasted" to learn that "the whole truth" excludes anything about his illness. [Des Moines Register, 7-10-2014; Quad City Times, 5-30-2014]

-- Municipal engineers in the town of Melton Mowbray, England, were called out in June to fix a lingering sewer overrun caused by, they discovered, "hundreds" of tennis balls that had apparently each been flushed down toilets. Said the project manager, "We expect (blockages from) fats and baby wipes, but...." [BBC News, 7-3-2014]

-- A 60-year-old man with a blood clot has recovered, but no thanks to the driver for the South Western Ambulance Service who was ferrying him on a long trip to the emergency room of Derriford Hospital in Plymouth, England, on April 6. The patient's family later reported that the driver had stopped en route to pick up two hitchhikers -- one a young woman in a "skimpy skirt" -- and take them to an on-the-way town. The patient, in pain with his toes starting to blacken, eventually had his blood flow restored and did not lose the leg. He reported that the two riders were friendly and wanted to chat about his condition (though he was in no mood). [Western Morning News, 6-12-2014]

-- The American Red Cross boasts of being "transparent and accountable" for the way it spends donations from compassionate people moved to help those in need. However, when the public policy watchdog ProPublica asked for some details on how the Red Cross used funds donated for 2012 Hurricane Sandy victims in New York, the organization begged off, claiming that details beyond broad generalities were "trade secrets" that it was entitled to protect, lest its "competitors" copy or exploit the techniques it uses to help people. (The Red Cross did release more detailed accounts to the attorney general of New York, but under an agreement of confidentiality.) [ProPublica.org, 6-26-2014]

When last we encountered Briton David Truscott (2011), he was being jailed again as a serial trespasser with an unquenchable desire to sneak onto farms and pleasure himself while rolling around, nude, in manure pits -- especially the farm of Clive Roth near Redruth, England. Truscott apparently emerged from prison unrepentant and was back in trouble in May with another manure pit incident, but this time accompanied by threats to harm Roth and his family and to burn down his farm buildings. (During the most recent incarceration, Truscott had received mental health treatment that allowed him actually to act out in a manure pit, and officials believe he took a turn for the worse when that treatment was curtailed.) [Exeter Express and Echo (Sowton, England), 5-30-2014]

Recurring Theme: Police in Delray Beach, Florida, barely broke a sweat in July arresting Perry Martin, 55, two days after he burglarized cars, since the crime was caught on the resident's security camera, and the perp was wearing his company work shirt. An officer showed the video to the I Got Wood LLC flooring company's owner, who quickly identified Martin. [South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 7-3-2014]

The October (2009) "Miss Asia" beauty pageant in Hong Kong mostly followed a traditional script, but special bonus competitions were added, according to a report in The Straits Times. Contestants appeared behind boards with only certain body parts exposed so that judges could comment publicly without knowing which woman they were evaluating. Breast- and waist-judging turned out well for each of the three finalists, but the winner emerged only after the judges had harsh words for the hair of the other two. Wang Zhi Fei and Wang Chen learned the hard way about, respectively, their "lots of dandruff and oily scalp" and significant "signs of hair loss." [The New Paper-The Straits Times (Singapore), 11-12-09]

Thanks This Week to Kev of arbroath.blogspot.com, and Perry Levin, and Thanks to the News of the Weird Senior Advisors (Jenny T. Beatty, Paul Di Filippo, Ginger Katz, Joe Littrell, Matt Mirapaul, Paul Music, Karl Olson, and Jim Sweeney) and Board of Editorial Advisors (Tom Barker, Paul Blumstein, Harry Farkas, Sam Gaines, Herb Jue, Emory Kimbrough, Scott Langill, Bob McCabe, Steve Miller, Christopher Nalty, Mark Neunder, Sandy Pearlman, Bob Pert, Larry Ellis Reed, Peter Smagorinsky, Rob Snyder, Stephen Taylor, Bruce Townley, and Jerry Whittle).