Despite Chicago's recent crisis of gang-related street murders, the Roseland Community Hospital in a tough south-side neighborhood is on the verge of closing because of finances, and community groups have been energetically campaigning to keep it open. Joining civic leaders in the quest is the Black Disciples street gang, whose co-founder Don Acklin begged in June for the hospital to remain open, explaining, "It's bad enough we're out here harming each other." Besides wounded gang members needing emergency care, said Acklin, closing would amount to "genocide" because of all the innocent people exposed to crossfire. [WMAQ-TV (Chicago), 6-3-2013]

-- Suspicions Confirmed: A warehouse in Landover, Md., maintained by a company working on contract for the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, contained "secret rooms" of furniture and equipment described as "man caves" for company employees. The EPA inspector general announced the discovery in May, and the government confiscated TVs, refrigerators, couches, personal photos, pin-ups, magazines and videos that the contractor's personnel brought in while ostensibly "working" on agency business. [Government Executive, 6-4-2013]

-- Scotland's Parliament was revealed in May to be considering, as part of its Children and Young People Bill, guaranteeing that specific, named persons would be appointed for every Scottish child at birth, charged with overseeing that child's welfare until adulthood. A Daily Telegraph story acknowledged that the bill is "remarkably vague" about the duties and powers of the designated persons and thus it is unclear how the law might affect typical parent-child relationships. [Daily Telegraph (London), 5-25-2013]

-- Update: "(Supermodels) is the one exception (to U.S. immigration policy) that we all scratch our heads about," said a Brookings Institution policy analyst, speaking to Bloomberg Businessweek in May. Foreign-born sports stars and entertainers are fast-tracked with American work permits under one system, but supermodels were excluded from that and must thus compete (successfully, it turns out) with physicists and nuclear engineers to earn visas among the 65,000 slots available only to "skilled workers with college degrees." As such, around 250 beauties are admitted every year. (The most recent attempt to get supermodels their own visa category was championed in 2005 and 2007 by, appropriately, then-U.S.-Rep. Anthony Weiner of New York.) [Bloomberg Business Week, 5-23-2013]

-- In Lytle, Texas, in May, just 33 people voted for candidates for three openings on the school board, including the only voter who cast a ballot in District 1. Christina Mercado was the 1-0 winner, but someone else voted for her. Mercado cannot vote for District 1 candidates because she does not live there, and neither does the one candidate who opposed her. However, according to Texas law, Mercado can legally represent District 1 on the school board. [KENS-TV (San Antonio), 5-13-2013]

-- Rewarding the Breast Disguises: (1) An April crime report in San Francisco, noting that a female driver had rammed another car in a parking-space dispute, noted that the victim gave officers little help. The man could not tell officers the model car that hit him, and certainly not a license plate number, but he "was able to give a detailed description of the suspect's cleavage." No arrest was reported. (2) Colombian prisoner Giovanni Rebolledo was serving a 60-year sentence (as a member of the "Los Topos" gang charged with extortion, kidnapping and torture) when he escaped and decided on an extreme identity change in order to move about in the country. He became "Rosalinda," complete with, according to Colombia Reports news service, "impressive" breast implants, but nonetheless was identified in May in a routine traffic stop and arrested. [SFGate.com, 4-11-2013] [Colombia Reports, 5-6-2013]

-- In Kobe, Japan, in May, an unemployed, 32-year-old man carried out a minor theft (stealing a wallet from a parked scooter) apparently just to be locked up in the world famous city. Besides being the home of Kobe beef, it is acclaimed for its French, Chinese and octopus cuisines, and in fact, Kobe's Nagata Ward Precinct is renowned for the special gourmet boxed meals prepared by local bento shops, delivered daily to prisoners, which the thief said was foremost on his mind. [Japan Today, 5-18-2013]

-- More Time Needed on the Firing Range: In May, an Orlando Sentinel columnist demanded a federal investigation into the 2010 police killing of Torey Breedlove in Orlando's Pine Hills neighborhood, noting that killing the unarmed Breedlove somehow required 137 shots, with cops missing on at least 115. The columnist added that the Justice Department is currently investigating a Cleveland, Ohio, case in which local police killed two unarmed men but coincidentally also required 137 shots. (In both cases, the officers were exonerated after local investigators determined the officers believed the suspects were armed.) [Orlando Sentinel, 5-7-2013]

Whitby, U.K., town councilman Simon Parkes, 58, confessed to a reporter in June that he had had an extramarital affair -- in fact, an extraterrestrial extramarital affair -- with the 9-foot-tall Cat Queen, and that she had borne him a child. Parkes said the Cat Queen is biding her time until technology is available to bring her and the child to Earth. Said Parkes, "There are plenty of people in my position who don't choose to come out and say it because they are terrified it will destroy their careers." Parkes said his wife knows about his periodic meetings with the Cat Queen and is "very unhappy, clearly." [Fox News, 6-18-2013]

-- Least Competent Criminals: Shaun Paneral was questioned by police in Carlsbad, N.M., in May, on a loud-music complaint and, concerned that he already had an outstanding arrest warrant, gave his name as "Shaun Paul." Paneral thus became the most recent perp to choose his alias badly. "Shaun Paul," whoever he is, is also wanted by police in New Mexico, and Paneral was arrested for the false ID. [Carlsbad Current Argus, 5-17-2013]

-- It's Good to Be a Dog in the First World: The British company Paw Seasons has created a holiday for dogs (surely to appeal to guilt-ridden owners who leave them behind on their own holidays) priced at the equivalent of $73,000, consisting of a private suite for two weeks, with dog-friendly Hollywood movies, trips to the beach, surfing "lessons," spa and grooming treatment (including pedicure) by Harrod's, outfits from Louis Vuitton, Bottega Veneta, and Mulberry, and the piece de resistance -- a personal dog house created in the image of the owner's own house. [Daily Telegraph, 6-17-2013]

Recent Public Appearances: Norwalk, Conn., in May (Jesus in an ink smear on a page of the newspaper The Hour). Saugus, Mass., March (Jesus on a drop cloth in a home). Bradenton, Fla., February (Jesus in profile on a carton of Corona beer). Halifax, Nova Scotia, March (Jesus in a knot of wood on furniture in a store). San Antonio, December (Jesus on a tortilla shell -- an item on which he has appeared previously at other sites). Herne Bay, England, October (Jesus on a patch of mold behind a refrigerator). Phoenix, June (Jesus in a smudge on the floor at Sky Harbor International Airport). Northumberland, England, March (Jesus in the condensation on a windshield). Brooklyn, Ohio, February (Jesus in bird droppings on a windshield).

Norwalk: [The Hour (Norwalk), 5-13-2013] Saugus: [WHDH-TV (Boston), 3-14-2013] Bradenton: [WWSB-TV (Sarasota, Fla.), 2-3-2013] Halifax: [National Post, 3-14-2013] pert San Antonio: [KHOU-TV (Houston), 12-17-2012] Herne Bay: [KentOnline, 10-19-2012] Phoenix: [AzCentral.com (Phoenix), 6-13-2013] Northumberland: [Sky.com (Newcastle upon Tyne), 3-12-2013] Brooklyn: [WEWS-TV (Cleveland), 2-23-2013]

Donald Duck may be a lovable icon of comic mishap to American youngsters, but in Germany, he is wise and complicated and retains followers well past their childhoods. Using licensed Disney storylines and art, the legendary translator Erika Fuchs created an erudite Donald, who often "quotes from German literature, speaks in grammatically complex sentences, and is prone to philosophical musings," according to a May Wall Street Journal dispatch. Though Donald and Uncle Scrooge ("Dagoberto") speak in a lofty richness, nephews Tick, Trick and Track use the slang of youth. Recently in Stuttgart, academics gathered for the 32nd annual convention of the "German Organization for Non-Commercial Followers of Pure Donaldism," with presentations on such topics as Duckburg's solar system. [Wall Street Journal, 5-23-2009]

Thanks This Week to Russell Bell and Annie Thames, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.

-- As many as 50 exam monitors were forced to take cover at a high school in Zhongxiang, China, in June, fending off outraged students (and some parents) who hurled insults and stones at them after the monitors blocked cheating schemes on the all-important national "gaokao" exams. (It was "siege warfare," and eventually "hundreds" of police responded, according to a dispatch in the Daily Telegraph of London.) Metal detectors had found secret transmitters and contraband cellphones used by groups beaming in exam answers from outside. Independent proctors had been assigned because of longstanding suspicions that the schools' own proctors routinely enabled cheating (with results such as the 99 identical papers submitted in one subject on the previous year's exam). Said one student (in the mob of about 2,000), noting how widespread cheating is nationally, "There is no fairness if you do not let us cheat (also)." [Daily Telegraph (London), 6-20-2013]

-- Sheriffs and government deed-recorders in several states have reported annoying attempts recently by "Moorish American nationals" to confiscate temporarily vacant houses (often mansions), moving in without inhibition, changing the locks, and partying joyously -- based on made-up documents full of gobbledygook and stilted legalese granting them sovereignty beyond the reach of law-enforcement. There is a venerable Moorish Temple Science of America, but these trespassers in Florida, Maryland, Tennessee, and other states are from fanciful offshoots that demand reparations (usually in gold) for Christopher- Columbus-era Europeans having stolen "their" land. A North Carolina police investigator told the Washington Post in March that "every state" is experiencing the "Moorish American" invasion. [Washington Post, 3-18-2013] [South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 1-28-2013]

-- Britain's Anomalous Mind Management Abductee Contactee Helpline is the nation's "weirdest" support group, wrote the Daily Mirror in June, providing a range of services to victims of kidnapping by extraterrestrials and other haunting incidents to about 1,500 people a year, according to co-founder Miles Johnston. AMMACH uses an ordinary wall-stud detector to locate bodily implants and employs magnetic field meters and mineral lamps to identify "signatures" left on a skin's atoms by visits to another dimensional reality, Johnston explained. "We are under the threat of termination as a species if we do not get this sorted out." [Daily Mirror, 6-9-2013]

-- Sheriff's deputies arrested Shane Kersey, 35, in March as the one who made phone calls to four schools in New Orleans's Westbank neighborhood, threatening to burn them down. When taken into custody, Kersey had aluminum foil wrapped around his skull and secured by a baseball cap but explained to an officer that he needed it "to prevent microwave signals from entering his head." [WWL-TV (New Orleans), 3-6-2013]

-- Among the character witnesses in May at the New York City sex-trafficking trial of alleged pimp Vincent George, Jr., 33, and his father were three of the younger man's ladies, who praised him unconditionally to the jury as a good father to the children they bore for him and as the person responsible for helping them kick their drug habits. Heather Keith, 28, and Danielle Geissler, 31, referred to each other as Vincent, Jr.'s "wife-in-law." Geissler admitted that George ("Daddy") slapped her around a bit, explaining that they both "slapped each other around sometimes but never over work or staying in the (prostitution) life." (Three weeks later, the Georges were acquitted of sex trafficking, although convicted of money- laundering.) [New York Daily News, 5-28-2013; 6-19-2013]

-- Tim Blackburn, 50, fell off a ladder in Stockton-on-Tees, England, in 2007, and shattered his arm so badly that doctors had to remove four inches of bone and attach a metal scaffold around his arm that took six years to heal completely (and then only because of help from a cutting-edge ultrasound procedure). In May 2013 -- one day after he got a clean bill of health -- Blackburn tripped over his dog and tumbled down the stairs in his home, and his arm "snapped like a twig," he said. [United Press International, 5-22-2013]

-- Technology companies are making great strides in odor-detection robots, valuable in identifying subtle scents ranging from contaminants in beer brewing to cancerous tumors in the body. And then there is CrazyLabo in Fukuoka, Japan, which is marketing two personal-hygiene robots, available for special occasions such as parties, according to a May BBC News report. One detector, shaped as a woman's kissable head, tests breath odor and responds (e.g., "smells like citrus"; "there's an emergency taking place"). The other, resembling a dog, checks a person's feet and can either cuddle up to the subject (no odor) or appear to pass out. [BBC News, 5-8-2013]

-- The local council in Brunete, Spain, near Madrid, has now seen a radical drop in unscooped dog droppings after employing volunteers to find the names of derelict dogs. They then matched the dog with the town's dog registrations to obtain the owners' addresses, then mailed them packages containing their dogs' business (terming it "lost property"). [Daily Telegraph (London), 6-4-2013]

-- Elementary school teacher Carie Charlesworth was fired recently by Holy Trinity School near San Diego, Calif. -- with the only reason given that her ex-husband has threatened to kill her. After a January weekend in which Carie was forced to call police three times because of the threats, the husband had shown up the next day in Holy Trinity's parking lot to see her, provoking officials to immediately put the school in lockdown. In a termination letter, officials noted that Charlesworth's students are constantly at risk from the ex-husband, that her restraining order against him is obviously not a deterrent, and that they thus "cannot allow" her to continue her career at the school, according to a report by San Diego's KNSD-TV. (Battered-women support groups, of course, were horrified at the school's decision.) [KNSD-TV, 6-12-2013]

-- Yasuomi Hirai, 26, was arrested in Hyogo Prefecture, Japan, in June after being identified in news reports as the man who had crawled "dozens of meters" in an underground gutter solely to gain access to a particular sidewalk grate near Konan Women's University in order to look up at skirt-wearers passing over the grate. After one pedestrian, noting the pair of eyes below, summoned a police officer, Hirai scurried down the gutter and escaped, but since he had been detained several months earlier on a similar complaint, police soon seized him, and indeed, he later admitted, "I have done this numerous times." [Japan Daily Press, 6-13-2013] [Kotaku.com, 6-21-2013]

Undignified Deaths

-- The man who claimed the "world's record" for traveling the farthest distance on a zip line attached only to his hair was killed in April as he similarly attempted to cross the Teesta River in West Bengal, India, on a zip line. He died of a heart attack, and since observers were unclear whether his limpness was part of the performance, he hung lifeless for 45 minutes. (He was identified in news reports as a "Guinness Book" record-holder, but as with many such claims, the Guinness Book has no such category.) [BBC News, 4-29-2013]

-- A 22-year-old man was killed in March attempting to rope-swing from the picturesque, 140-foot-high Corona Arch near Moab, Utah, trying to emulate a famous 2012 Internet video at the arch, "World's Largest Rope Swing." This man, however, apparently overestimated the length of rope he would need to launch himself off the arch to begin his swing -- and crashed to the ground. [KSL-TV (Salt Lake City), 3-25-2013]

A News of the Weird Classic

A 48-year-old immigrant from Malta regularly hangs out in various New York City bars, but always on the floor, so that he can enjoy his particular passion of being stepped on. "Georgio T." told the New York Times in June (2009) that he has delighted in being stepped on since he was a kid. While one playmate "wanted to be the doctor, (another) wanted to be the carpenter... I would want to be the carpet." Nowadays, he carries a custom-made rug he can affix to his back (and a sign, Step on Carpet) and may lie face-down for several hours if the bar is busy. He is also a regular at "high-foot-traffic" fetish parties, where dozens of stompers (especially women in stilettos) can satisfy their own urges while gratifying Georgio's. [New York Times, 6-14-09]

Kogelschatz, Dave Abdoo, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisers.

-- The executive in charge of the electronic infrastructure of Facebook confirmed to London's information-technology website The Register in June that when the company inaugurated its first "cloud" data-storage facility in Prineville, Ore., in 2011, the equipment was "drenched" when an actual cloud formed inside the building. (Facebook had only "hinted" previously at a Prineville "humidity event," according to The Register.) The tall, huge building's cooling units use an electricity-saving system that takes air from the outside (rather than re-circulated indoor air) and subjects it to various humidity levels to cool the heat coming from the aisles of computer servers. Apparently, engineers had not accurately anticipated the vapor condensation profile of the new system, and rain guards were promptly installed. [The Register (London), 6-8-2013]

-- In May, only two states away from last year's mass shooting at an Aurora, Colo., movieplex, management at the Goodrich Capital 8 Theaters in Jefferson City, Mo., hired a man dressed in full tactical gear and carrying guns resembling M-4 rifles and 9mm pistols (as "S.H.I.E.L.D." operatives) to greet patrons for the opening of the new "Iron Man" movie. Police were not pleased by the barrage of frightened 911 callers who were fearful that Aurora was happening all over again. Capital 8 manager Bob Wilkins said that "hundreds" of customers were entertained by the publicity stunt and that "only a few" were upset. [KMIZ-TV (Columbia, Mo.), 5-9-2013]

-- Since Rozie, a pregnant Asian elephant at Albuquerque's ABQ BioPark Zoo, stands a better chance of a healthy birth if she is strong, the "elephant manager" and staff have been putting her through twice-a-day, Pilates-type exercises (featuring leg lifts, squats, and other calisthenics). (Rozie is due sometime between August and November.) Lest anyone worry that Rozie is being mistreated, the elephant manager noted in a May press release that her participation "is completely voluntary." [City of Albuquerque press release, 5-22-2013]

-- The founder of the Beauty Park Medical Spa in Santa Monica, Calif., has introduced a 45-minute procedure called the "Male Laser Lift," which is also known colloquially as "tackle tightening," involving the removal of hair and wrinkles on the scrotum, along with laser treatment to remove "discoloration." Co-owner Jamie Sherrill ("Nurse Jamie") told London's Daily Mail that sales are up this year, and some might attribute that to a joke comment made by actor George Clooney that the latest Hollywood craze was "ball-ironing." [Daily Mail, 6-10-2013]

-- Recently, parents in Texas and New York City have pointed out that when children commit sex offenses against classmates, educational policy (and sometimes, the law) seeks to give light punishments and second chances to the perpetrators, thus posing risks to their classmates. A Texas child, raped at age 4 by a 13-year-old, recently was forced to endure the perpetrator's return to class after only 45 days away at an "alternative" program -- because federal law requires the child's prompt return to ordinary classroom settings if a "disability" played a role in the incident. A New York City mother filed a $6 million lawsuit in May against the city's Education Department after her son was allegedly forced to perform oral sex on a group of classmates, one of whom had already been involved in a sex assault -- for which he received a five-day suspension. [KHOU-TV, 5-6-2013] [New York Daily News, 5-30-2013]

-- As John Jacobson, 20, was being booked into jail in Portland, Ore., in May (for allegedly trying to steal a case of beer from a Plaid Pantry grocery store), police discovered a live mouse in his pocket. Jacobson had his father come down to the jail and take custody of the mouse. [KGW-TV (Portland) via KTVB-TV (Boise, Id.), 5-3-2013]

-- Christie's auction house in New York City reported that a May 15th sale of a painting of the late actress Bea Arthur -- nude from the waist up -- by the artist John Currin in 1991 had sold for $1.9 million. Currin said that he made the painting from a photograph of Arthur clothed, and Arthur, known for her roles in TV's "Maude" and "Golden Girls," appears younger in face and body in the painting than on the TV shows. [NBC News, 5-17-2013]

-- Maryland state troopers caught sight of a drummer rocking out on the shoulder of Interstate 695 near Windsor Mill Road in Baltimore on May 21st, at about 10:30 a.m. According to the troopers, the man had run out of gas and had decided to set up his drum kit to practice while he waited for assistance. When a utility truck arrived, supplying gasoline, the drummer packed up and resumed his travels. [Baltimore Sun, 5-21-2013]

-- The web sites OpposingViews.com and the Jewish Daily Forward (Forward.com), sweeping through all of the 2013 news accounts that two reporters could find, added up the fatalities so far this year (through May) of Americans killed by domestic "terrorist" attacks, compared to the number of Americans killed with guns fired by toddlers (aged 2-6). Terrorism's total: 4 (all from the Boston Marathon bombing). Gun deaths by toddlers: 11. (During the same period, 10 additional Americans were merely wounded by toddlers firing guns.) [OpposingViews.com, 6-11-2013; Jewish Daily Forward, 5-5-2013]

(1) New York state Assemblyman Vito Lopez of Brooklyn was briefly a candidate for New York City mayor but withdrew in May, shortly after a state ethics commission accused him of various "unbecoming" behaviors, including pressuring female assistants to massage him, and at least one to feel the cancer-striken Lopez's tumors on his neck, shoulder, and armpit. (2) Philip Garcia, 41, was arrested in April in Perris, Calif., after he allegedly crawled naked through the doggy door in a neighboring home and announced to the female resident that he was there for sex. [New York Daily News, 5-16-2013] [KCBS-TV (Los Angeles) 4-18-2013]

-- Recurring Themes: (1) A 38-year-old man was arrested in Wichita, Kan., in June and charged with trying to rob a Spangles restaurant by presenting a cashier with a demand note. He was arrested a short time later -- and easily, because the demand for money was written on the back of a check-reorder form that contained his name and address. (2) Joseph Meacham, 39, fleeing on foot during a mid-afternoon traffic stop in Clayton, Mo., in May, ran through town so indiscriminately that when he decided to duck into a building for cover, he failed to realize it was the St. Louis County Police Headquarters. He was found curled into a ball on the floor in a dead-end hallway, and promptly arrested. [KAKE-TV (Wichita), 6-8-2013] [St. Louis Post-Dispatch, 5-22-2013]

-- Arrested recently and awaiting trial for murder: Nicholas Wayne Smith, Leland, N.C. (January); Jonathan Wayne Broyhill, Raleigh, N.C. (April); James Wayne Ham, San Jacinto County, Tex. (May); Kenneth Wayne Welch, San Diego County, Calif. (June); Bryan Wayne Brackbill, Jr., Carroll Township, Pa. (June). Indicted for murder: Darrell Wayne Parker, Belton, Tex. (March). Convicted of murder: Stanley Wayne Robertson, College Station, Tex. (February). Sentenced for murder: Derral Wayne Hodgkins, Dade City, Fla. (April); Jacob Wayne Smith, Tulsa, Okla. (June). Murder conviction upheld: Michael Wayne Fenney (also known as Michael Wayne), Janesville, Minn. (June). Re-sentencing for murder demanded: Dale Wayne Eaton, Cheyenne, Wyo. (June) (now allegedly ineligible for execution because of low IQ). NSmith: [Wilmington (N.C.) Star-News, 1-18-2013]

A News of the Weird Classic

Beneath the luxury hotels on the Las Vegas Strip is a series of flood tunnels that are home to dozens of people who work odd jobs such as hustling leftover change in slot machines of downscale casinos. A correspondent for London's The Sun gained the trust of a few and even photographed their "apartments" for a September 2009 dispatch, showing well-stocked quarters, with scrounged appliances and furniture and even one makeshift shower rigged from a water cooler. "Amy," who has lived in the tunnels with her husband, "J.R.", for two years, said she "love(s)" the Vegas lifestyle and appears in no hurry to leave. "Kathryn" (who lives with boyfriend, "Steven") also appears content -- except, she says, for the fragrance, the black widow spiders, and the periodic rush of water through their home (threatening any "valuables" not stacked on crates). [The Sun, 9-24-09]

Kogelschatz, Dave Abdoo, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.