In April at a New York City gallery, the Australian performance artist Stelarc starred in a video of his surgery in which an ear is implanted into his left forearm (right now, just a prosthesis, but to which stem cells will be added), which will house an Internet-accessed, Bluetooth-capable microphone. "Post-evolutionary strategies" are required, Stelarc told The New York Times, because the current state of the body is obsolete. Other exhibits at the "Corpus Extremus (LIFE+)" exhibit included a genetically modified goat that produces super-strong spider's silk. In an earlier project, Stelarc wired half his muscles to computers in Paris, Helsinki and Amsterdam, to understand a semi-controllable "split-body experience." Stelarc's self-appraisal: "(I'm) never in (my) comfort zone."

Baltimore prosecutors were stuck in their case against cult leader "Queen Antoinette," 40, whom they had charged in the starvation death of a young boy who was being punished for failing to say "Amen" at meal time. They would need the cooperation of the boy's mother, cult member Ria Ramkissoon, 22, but she was refusing to flip on the Queen, whom she believed would eventually resurrect her son from the dead. Finally in March, the judge announced a breakthrough: Ramkissoon would cooperate, but prosecutors would promise in writing to drop all charges if the Queen eventually brings the boy back.

-- "You use the toilet every day. Imagine if you could start pouring a little gasoline into the toilet bowl and get 50 cents a gallon (as a tax credit from IRS) every time you flushed." According to a hedge fund analyst (quoted by The Nation magazine for an April story), that's the way Congress' 2005 legislation to encourage "alternative" fuels has been exploited by the paper industry. Company representatives have until now been proud that the paper industry supplied most of its own fuel, as a by-product of making paper, but when it discovered the tax credit, it reworked its factories to accept a mixture of the incumbent by-product and ordinary diesel fuel, thus creating an "alternative" fuel and earning the credit, which, for example, was worth $71.6 million to International Paper Co. in March and is not scheduled to expire until December.

-- Italian researchers revealed in March that at least one method of increasing penis size actually works (but that it would take a highly motivated man to take advantage of it). Writing in the British Journal of Urology, a team from the University of Turin had volunteers attach weights of from 1.3 to 2.6 pounds for six hours a day for a six-month period and found that their flaccid-state lengths increased by an average of almost 1 inch.

-- Retired rogue New York City police detectives Stephen Caracappa and Louis Eppolito, who were convicted in 2006 of assisting the Mafia for many years (including with assassinations), were sentenced to life in prison plus 80 to 100 additional years. However, because the men retired from the force before they had been charged with crimes, they are entitled by law to their lifetime pensions of $5,313 a month and $3,896 a month, respectively.

-- Army Sgt. Erik Roberts, 25, was injured in Baghdad in 2006 by a roadside bomb, and his leg required 12 surgeries before supposedly healing, but last year a life-threatening infection was discovered in the leg. Roberts underwent a 13th surgery that was covered by his private health insurance, but a costly, rigorous antibiotics regimen was subject to a $3,000 co-pay, which Roberts asked the Department of Veterans Affairs to take care of, but the agency repeatedly refused, in that Roberts had gone outside the "system" to save his war-ravaged leg. Only when a CNN reporter called the matter to the attention of U.S. Sen. Sherrod Brown in March did the agency relent.

-- The Web site InformationAgePrayer.com offers, for people too busy to speak to God themselves, a daily service of invocations (using voice-synthesizing software) for Catholics, Protestants, Jews or Muslims. Starting each day "reciting" the Lord's Prayer (or the Islamic Fajr) is $3.95 a month. Hail Marys are 70 cents a day for 10. A Complete Rosary Package is $49.95 a month. Each prayer is voiced individually, according to a March report on LiveScience.com, with the subscriber's name on the screen, and for Muslim prayers, the computer's speakers point toward Mecca.

-- A 2008 report on crime at U.S. colleges listed the University of California, Davis, as having the fifth-worst rate in the country, and among the University of California system, Davis' rate of sexual assaults was higher than the other schools' rates, combined. Nevertheless, in February, according to Sacramento's KTXL-TV, the school's Student Judicial Affairs organization boasted of the record, claiming that it demonstrates the "openness" of the campus, in that students feel "comfortable" enough to report sex crimes.

Coming Soon to Reality TV: The CMT cable channel has scheduled an August start-up for "Runnin' Wild ... From Ted Nugent," in which the rock singer, hunter and uninhibited gun advocate will spend five episodes training three novices on how to survive in the woods, and then, in the final episodes, Nugent and his 18-year-old son will go hunt them down, with the last one to avoid capture declared the winner.

-- In April, sex offender Barry Whaley was under suspicion for failing to register his new address but made things much worse. Being questioned at a police station in Fairbanks, Alaska, he asked an officer to retrieve a laptop computer from his car so that it would not get stolen, and when the officer brought it to him, Whaley mentioned an "amazing" flight simulator program he had been using, which the officer asked to see. As Whaley powered up the computer, a video of child pornography appeared, and Whaley was arrested.

-- In April, police in Copley Township, Ohio, were called to a restaurant where Erik Salmons, 39, was allegedly intoxicated and annoying customers. Officers declined to arrest him but did insist that he call someone for a ride home, and Salmons complied. However, at home, Salmons decided that he was insulted at being thought of as intoxicated and so drove himself to the police station and demanded a breathalyzer test, which of course he failed, and he was arrested.

People Different From Us: (1) Howard Sheppard, 30, of Deltona, Fla., was sent to Florida Hospital DeLand in January after he found some bullets on the ground and experimented to see what would happen if he struck one with a metal punch. (He got shot in the arm.) (2) Eric Fortune, 19, was sent to the Ashtabula County (Ohio) Medical Center in March after nagging his brother into shooting him in the leg. According to a police report, Fortune had told the brother that he had always wondered what it was like to get shot. (It was so painful that he cried.)

Recidivist unlicensed surgeon John Ronald Brown, 75, was convicted in 1999 in San Diego of causing the death of an 80-year-old man who had consented to have Brown amputate a healthy leg, thus bringing to the attention of many people the mental disorder of "apotemnophilia" ("body identity integrity disorder"), which is a sexual or sexual-like gratification from the removal of a "normal" limb regarded as ugly or superfluous. Very few licensed doctors will perform the surgery, and Brown's license had been revoked 20 years earlier after botched transsexual operations, but he continued to attract patients who had no other option if they felt desperate to improve their look.

When Alcoa Inc. prepared to build an aluminum smelting plant in Iceland in 2004, the government forced it to hire an expert to assure that none of the country's legendary "hidden people" lived underneath the property. The elf-like goblins provoke genuine apprehensiveness in many of the country's 300,000 natives (who are all, reputedly, related by blood). An Alcoa spokesman told Vanity Fair writer Michael Lewis (for an April 2009 report) that the inspection (which delayed construction for six months) was costly but necessary: "(W)e couldn't be in the position of acknowledging the existence of hidden people." (Lewis offered several explanations for the country's spectacular financial implosion in 2008, including Icelanders' incomprehensible superiority complex that convinced many lifelong fishermen that they were gifted investment bankers.)

-- Among the lingering sex-based customs in Saudi Arabia is the restriction on women's working outside the home, which forces lingerie shops to be staffed only with males, who must awkwardly make recommendations on women's bra styles and sizes. The campaign for change, led by a Jeddah college lecturer, has enlisted even some clerks, who are just as embarrassed about the confrontation as the customers, according to a February BBC News dispatch.

-- Only in Japan/Only in Sweden: (1) Sega Toys Co. reported in January that, in just three months, it had sold 50,000 units of the Pekoppa, a "plant" consisting of leaves and branches that flutter when "spoken to," the success of which the company attributes to the epic loneliness of many Japanese. (2) Advocates for children complained in April that Sweden's national library, acting on a standing order to archive copies of all domestic publications, has been gathering books and magazines of child pornography from the years 1971-1980, when it was legal, and, as libraries do, lending them out.

-- The Natural Resources Defense Council and Greenpeace commenced campaigns in February critical of the peculiar preference of Americans for ultra-soft or quilted toilet paper. In less-picky Europe and Latin America, 40 percent of toilet paper is produced by recycling, but Americans' demand for multi-ply tissue requires virgin wood for 98 percent of the product. The activists claim that U.S. toilet paper imposes more costs on the planet than do gas-guzzling cars.

-- Buddhist monks continue to add to their 20-structure compound near the Cambodian border using empty beer bottles, according to a February feature in London's Daily Telegraph. Their building program, begun in 1984, already uses 1.5 million bottles, mostly green Heinekens and brown, locally brewed Chang, both of which are praised for letting in light and permitting easy cleaning.

-- A group of an estimated 10,000 believers is attempting to reverse American Christianity's declining birthrate by shunning all contraception, in obedience to Psalm 127, which likens the advantage of big families to having a "quiver" full of "arrows" (and which calls itself the QuiverFull movement). "God opens and closes the womb," explained one advocate, to National Public Radio in March, noting that in her own church in Shelby, Mich., the mothers average 8.5 children. "The womb is such a powerful weapon ... against the enemy," she said. "The more children I have, the more ability I have to impact the world for God."

-- Australian Marcus Einfeld (a lawyer, former federal judge and prominent Jewish community leader) was once decorated as a national "living treasure," but he suffered a total downfall in 2006 by choosing to fight a (Aus.)$77 speeding ticket. By March 2009, he had been sentenced to two years in prison for perjury and obstructing justice because he had created four detailed schemes to "prove" that he was not driving that day. His original defense (that he had loaned the car to a friend who had since conveniently passed away) was accepted by the judge, but dogged reporting by Sydney's Daily Telegraph revealed that lie, plus subsequent elaborate lies to cover each successive explanation. Encouraged by those revelations, the press later uncovered Einfeld's bogus college degrees and awards and an incident of double-billing the government.

-- A high school student in Oakton, Va., was suspended for two weeks in March when she inadvertently brought to school her birth-control pill (her prescription for which was approved by her mother). It was only then (with two weeks off to research it) that the girl discovered that, in comparison, county rules required only one week's suspension for bringing heroin to school. Officials told the Washington Post that birth-control pills are particularly objectionable because they countermand the school system's "abstinence-only" sex education classes.

-- Bad Decisions: (1) Chrysler Corp. may be on its last legs as a stand-alone company, but that did not stop its representatives from disrupting a funeral proceeding in Cranbury, N.J., in March to subpoena the corpse (which the company said is relevant to a pending lawsuit over mesothelioma). (2) Joseph Milano, owner of Goomba's Pizza in Palm Coast, Fla., was in the federal witness protection program for squealing on Bonanno crime family members in New York but lost his anonymity in January when he was arrested for allegedly pistol-whipping a customer who had dared to criticize his calzone.

Recent Human Biting: (1) Sheila Bolar, 49, was arrested after biting a transit driver because she wanted to ride only a "hybrid" bus (New York City, January). (2) Aleyda Uceta, 30, was arrested for biting her son's principal during a parent-principal conference (Providence, R.I., March). (3) Curtis Cross was arrested for allegedly biting off another motorist's ear in a road rage incident (New Castle, Ind., April). (4) Lyndel Toppin, 50, bit down on his fiancee's arm, resulting in nerve damage, because she had arranged the cheese incorrectly on his meatball sandwich (Philadelphia, April). (5) Blaine Milam, 19, and Jessica Carson, 18, were arrested for performing an exorcism on their baby daughter that resulted in 20 bite marks (Rusk County, Texas, December).

Our Elected Leaders: (1) During an April Texas House committee hearing (according to a Houston Chronicle report), state Rep. Betty Brown suggested a solution to the voter-registration confusion caused by Chinese-Americans' Anglicizing their names (which yields nonstandard spellings): "Do you think that it would behoove you and your citizens," she asked a Chinese-American activist, "to adopt (names) that we (lawmakers) could deal with more readily here?" (2) During a March Florida Senate debate on whether to exempt "animal husbandry" from the law against bestiality, Sen. Larcenia Bullard asked (seriously, according to a Miami Herald reporter), "People are taking these animals as husbands?"

News of the Weird has noted two previous instances of "Weekend at Bernie's"-like attempts by a relative or friend of a newly deceased person to dress up the corpse and bring it to a bank to convince officials that the dead man is merely frail and to request funds from his account. Both of those attempts failed, but in Witbank, South Africa, in March, the Afrikaans-language daily Beeld reported success: A post office supervisor released a government check to two women who had brought in a dead pensioner but only after the women promised that the money would only be used for the man's burial expenses.

Homeless couple Darryl Washington and Maria Ramos were injured in 1992 when a train rammed them as they were having sex on a mattress on the tracks at a New York City subway station. The injuries were not severe, thanks to a quick-acting motorman. Nevertheless, the couple went on to file a lawsuit against the Transit Authority for "carelessness, recklessness and negligence." (The outcome of the lawsuit was not reported, but the couple's lawyer was, at the time, quite aggressive in justifying the filing: "Homeless people are allowed to have sex, too," he said.)

The U.S. National Nuclear Security Administration recently postponed its crucial program to rejuvenate quarter-century-old Trident missile warheads because no one can remember how to make a key component of the weapons (codenamed "Fogbank"), according to a March 2 report of the Government Accountability Office. The GAO found that, despite concern over the bombs' safety and reliability, NNSA could not replicate the manufacturing process because all knowledgeable personnel have left the agency and no written records were kept. Said one commentator, "This is like James Bond destroying his instructions as soon as he's read them." (The GAO report came two months after the German Interior Ministry reported to Parliament that over a 10-year period, it had lost 332 secret files that were in fact so secret that no one in the Ministry could recall what was in them.)

-- Researchers at Germany's Max Planck Institute recently published findings of a cross-cultural study of people's spit. "(W)e can get more insights into human populations (from saliva) than we would get from just studying human DNA," the team's leader told Reuters in February. The study's main conclusion was that spit content does not vary much around the world, even given regional differences in diet.

-- Spanish researchers at Autonomous University of Madrid reported in February that wolves (and almost surely dogs), when relieving themselves, deliberately seek out the most conspicuous places they can find (both as to sight and smell), to assure maximum territorial signaling. Male wolves prefer tall trees (and dogs, prominently located fire hydrants) and try to leave urine as high up as they can to increase its wind-carry, according to a Discovery Channel summary.

-- Biologist Michelle Solensky, of Ohio's College of Wooster, reported late last year in the journal Animal Behavior that male monarch butterflies are such calculating inseminators that they even decide the optimal level of sperm necessary for reproductive advantage. While injecting fluid, the male can "selectively" determine how much of it will be fertility cells, depending on how much residual sperm the female holds from previous suitors (and thus to always inject more than the other guys did). Solensky told New Scientist magazine that the penis acts as a kind of "dip stick" to check the quantity already present.

-- Tight Money: (1) As Italy's banks (like so many others) curtailed lending during the global financial crisis, the country's 180,000 small businesses had nowhere to turn for liquidity except to the Mafia, whose lending continued (at ridiculous interest rates, of course), unrestricted by the recession, according to a March Washington Post dispatch from Rome. Organized crime in Italy collects an estimate of the equivalent of $315 million a week. (2) In March, because of budget cuts, the Municipal Court in Mount Gilead, Ohio, ordered its clerk to accept no new filings of any kind (including criminal cases) unless the filer brings his own paper for printing the legally required copies to be distributed.

-- London's Daily Mail reported in March that among the recession-themed business start-up grants awarded by the Welsh Department of Work and Pensions was the equivalent of about $6,600 to the Accolade Academy of Psychic and Mediumistic Studies. One of the Academy's owners defended the award, noting that parents who have lost a child need to know that the child is safe.

-- For the past two years, Britain's Jean Driscoll, 72, has been studied by two doctors and three hospitals' staffs, but so far no one knows why she belches constantly every day. "I don't go out anymore," she said. "People laugh and stare at me. One man said, 'Can't you control that?'"

-- The Democratic Process: (1) In March, George Snyder Jr., 39, was removed from the May election ballot in Westmoreland County, Pa., when a judge ruled that Snyder lived outside the county and not really in the garage storage room that he claimed was his main residence. (2) In December, John Kaye, a member of Australia's New South Wales Parliament, proposed a remedy for the recent displays of immature partying by some of his colleagues: "Honestly," he told Sydney's Daily Telegraph, "if you are going to have breathalyzers for people driving cranes, you should have breathalyzers for people (who pass) laws."

-- Vinyl Lust: (1) A 23-year-old man was arrested in February and charged with a series of break-ins at sex shops in downtown Cairns, Australia, in which the intruder inflated plastic dolls, had sex with them and left messes. (In the break-ins at Laneway Adult Shop, the perp appeared to be sweet on "Jungle Jane.") (2) George Bartusek Jr., 51, was arrested in February in Cape Coral, Fla., in his car in the parking lot of a Publix supermarket. He had parked next to the front door, apparently to obtain the optimal audience, and was having sex with two blow-up dolls in the front seat. He told police he had come to the shopping center to buy clothes for his gals.

-- Not Ready for Prime Time: In March, two men were seen on a backyard surveillance camera in St. Petersburg, Fla., attempting a home break-in during the day when no one was home. According to the police report, one of the men assumed a football stance, then ran the length of the yard and rammed the back door. However, the latch held, and the impact sent the man backward, leaving him on the ground, writhing in pain. The collision also triggered an alarm, and the men escaped before police arrived. (2) Two adults and three teenagers were arrested in Waterville, Maine, in March and charged with arson, with all the evidence needed consisting of a video the five made, describing their crime, crafted with theme music and cast-and-crew credits.

-- Several Florida jurisdictions have restrictions on where convicted sex offenders can live, even those who long ago finished their sentences. As noted in News of the Weird in 2007, Miami-Dade, Florida's most populous county, has only one spot far enough away from places where children roam: the approach to the Interstate 195 bridge to Miami Beach (the Julia Tuttle Causeway). Judges routinely give released sex offenders the choice of either leaving town or camping under the bridge. One man has been there so long that he now has a Florida driver's license with his address as "Julia Tuttle Causeway Bridge." In March, the encampment of about 50 men welcomed its first female sex-offender, 43-year-old Voncel Johnson, who told the Miami Herald that she had so far been treated respectfully.

-- Recent Public Appearances: Dade City, Fla., February (Jesus in a stain on the door of a car-dealer sales manager's office). Huntsville, Ala., February (Jesus on a rock on the side of Keel Mountain Road). Near Helena, Mont., January (Mary on a translucent agate rock along the Yellowstone River). Sydney, Australia, January (Mary and Jesus in a lava lamp). Hamilton, New Zealand, December (Jesus on a pita bread). Melton, England, November (Jesus on a chocolate cookie). Fort Pierce, Fla., December (Mary in the MRI brain scan of a cancer patient).

-- Inexplicable: Police in West Vancouver, British Columbia, assured residents in April 2001 that they had stopped a three-year petty-crime spree in an upscale neighborhood when they arrested multimillionaire Eugene Mah, 64, and his son, Avery, 32. Police said the two were responsible for stealing hundreds of their neighbors' downscale knick-knacks, such as garbage cans, lawn decorations and even municipal recycling boxes, and hiding them at their own luxury home. Mah's Vancouver real estate holdings are reported at about US$13 million, but among the recovered goods were such tacky items as one neighbor's doormat and, subsequently, each of the 14 doormats the neighbor purchased as replacements.