At 10 p.m. on Oct. 19, Ralph Parker, 93, in his Chevrolet Malibu, eased up to a tollbooth on Interstate 275 in St. Petersburg, Fla., inattentive to the fact that there was a dead body lodged in his windshield (the result of a collision about three miles away). According to police, Parker was off by about 10 miles when asked where he was and by two months on the date, and he thought the body had just fallen from the sky. Parker's son, 66, said he was aware his father had been deteriorating mentally, yet Parker's driver's license was renewed last year through his age 99, based on Florida's lax renewal policy (toughened for the state's 54,000 age-80-and-up drivers only by a vision test). (By contrast, for example, Florida requires 16 hours' training every two years for its licensed cosmetologists.)

-- Actor Robert Blake, testifying in October at the wrongful-death trial against him brought by the family of his ex-wife Bonnie Lee Bakley, said the reason why he had traces of gunshot residue on his hand after the murder was because he regularly plays with cap guns, according to a report in the New York Post. "Without sounding like I'm pretty weird, I missed my childhood. (F)or me, (toy soldiers and) cap guns bring it all back. If (that) makes me nuts, then label me."

-- Neelesh Phadnis, 24, acting as his own lawyer, earned himself a conviction in Seattle in October for killing his parents, in large part (according to a Seattle Times story) because of his defense that the crimes were committed by, first, a gang of 400-pound Samoans, later augmented during his testimony to include their girlfriends, two whites, two blacks, a Native American and a transsexual, and later still, to be described as more than 30 armed Samoans. (They were all slow runners, too, for Phadnis said he outran them all to escape, despite being seriously wounded. When he finally summoned the police, he told the arriving officers that he was too tired and hungry to talk about his parents' bodies and that they should "go home.")

-- Chicago lawyer Stephen Diamond has filed about 100 lawsuits since 2002 against companies for failing to charge him sales tax on items he bought, earning himself about $500,000 in settlements and judgments, according to an October Wall Street Journal report. Diamond has exploited a law in Illinois that allows citizens to receive part of the proceeds from certain law violations, including from companies that might be authorized to collect sales tax on Internet purchases but have chosen not to because the law is not completely settled. (Tennessee and Virginia, which have similar laws, have amended them to prevent lawsuits like Diamond's.)

-- Park Hyatt hotel maid Louise Kelsey, 58, testified in August in Melbourne, Australia, that she was kissed against her will in 2001 by a hotel guest (an Uruguayan soccer player in town for a World Cup match) and suffered a post-traumatic stress disorder that led to her being declared legally blind in 2002. Though a doctor for the defense derided it as "the most powerful kiss in history," the hotel's insurer agreed to its liability in October and said it would negotiate the money amount.

-- Lee Ka-wai filed a lawsuit in Hong Kong's Small Claims Tribunal in September against the Rolex Corp., claiming intense psychological trauma from a rash she developed on her wrist after wearing the company's US$3,800 Oyster Perpetual watch. Lee blames the rash on the label on the back of the watch, which Rolex says everyone knows must be removed after purchase but which Lee left on out of fear that removal would void the warranty.

-- In September, to preserve "respect and dignity" for newborns, the neonatal unit of Calderdale Royal Hospital in Halifax, England, officially banned visitors' "cooing" at infants. Said hospital official Debbie Lawson, "Cooing should be a thing of the past because these are little people with the same rights as you or me." To illustrate the rule, officials displayed a doll holding a sign reading: "What makes you think I want to be looked at?"

-- Australian Rights: (1) Mr. Jirra Collings Ware was awarded the equivalent of about US$7,300 from his employer by the Federal Magistrates Court in Sydney, Australia, in October after he was fired for being repeatedly drunk at work (even once urinating into a trash can). Ware says he has Attention Deficit Disorder and that his employer, OAMPS Insurance Brokers, should have done more to accommodate the illness. (2) On the complaint of imprisoned rapist Simon Jacob Smith, 25, police in Melbourne, Australia, agreed in October henceforth to protect prisoners' privacy by not publicly releasing their mug shots without giving them a chance to appeal in court. (The new policy does not apply to photos of escapees or to those relating to solving crimes.)

Animal control officers raided a house in Torrance, Calif., in October on reports that birds were being improperly kept there and ultimately found about 300, of which about 120 were dead. Gerard Enright, 61, was arrested when police caught him in the act of performing a tumorectomy on his No. 1 pigeon, Twister, that he had sedated with vodka. Enright is not a surgeon but said he had watched his veterinarian closely enough to know what he was doing.

(1) "Woman Charged $1,133 to Clip Toenail" (a September Associated Press report on a class-action lawsuit against Virginia Mason Medical Center in Seattle for allegedly excessive fees, including a test-preparatory toenail clipping). (2) "Man Sues Over Leg Amputation After Ingrown Toenail" (a September story on the WOAI-TV-radio Web site in San Antonio, Texas, reporting a farmer's lawsuit against Scott & White Memorial Hospital in Waco, Texas, claiming that he contracted the flesh-eating bacteria after ingrown-toenail surgery).

-- A well-to-do couple (the husband owns a surveying company) were convicted in Manchester (England) Crown Court in October of creating an elaborate scheme to avoid two camera-detected speeding tickets and were fined the equivalent of about $20,000, almost 200 times the cost of the tickets. Stewart and Cathryn Bromley had offered an alibi, explaining that the driver of their car was a (fictitious) Bulgarian friend, and Cathryn made up a postcard "from" the man "to" the Bromleys that incriminated him, and then actually traveled 1,400 miles to Bulgaria to mail it with an authentic postmark.

-- More Schemes: (1) Robert and Viki Warren were sentenced to six and five years in prison, respectively, in September in Charlotte, N.C., for fraudulently collecting more than $9 million in federal crop insurance payouts by having their employees saturate a tomato field with ice cubes and then beat the plants to make them appear weather-damaged. (2) Britain's Ann Summers lingerie store chain said in October that it has begun to install customer-activated peepholes in changing rooms so that women could show off for their companions (some of whom previously regarded accompanying a woman shopping for clothes as boring).

Archie W. Roth, 68, was indicted for murder in Yorktown, Va., in May for killing his wife; he said he was angry because the couple had been living in the home for "several years" but still hadn't unpacked. And Mark Raggiunti, 42, of Sharpsburg, Pa., pleaded guilty in July to killing his father after the father (who was blind) had yelled at him for leaving a light on. And Christopher Offord, 30, was sentenced to death in August in Panama City, Fla., for killing his wife because she had been nagging him to cuddle after they had sex, contrary to his desire to watch sports on TV.

(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679 or WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com.)

As traditionally domineering husbands reach retirement age in Japan, the wives of as many as half of them may suffer some degree of Retired Husband Syndrome (rashes, ulcers, other stress symptoms), according to an October Washington Post dispatch. Said one morose, 63-year-old woman, "I had developed my own life, my own way of doing things, in the years when he was (working long hours)," but, she told the Post, she now can't stand even to look at her husband across the dinner table and sits at an angle so she can stare out a window instead. According to psychiatrists treating RHS, the numbers may soon explode further unless husbands lower their expectations of spousal servitude.

-- Among the extraordinary exhibits constructed especially for this year's Burning Man festival in late August in Nevada's Black Rock Desert was Don Bruce's and Tracy Feldstein's "The Disgusting Spectacle," a 23-foot-tall human head designed with a pulley and large hamster-type wheel that lets it pick its own nose. In a July interview in the San Francisco Chronicle, Bruce admitted that theirs wasn't the typical artsy Burning Man project: "Ours is stupid. That's stupid with three O's."

-- The museum at Cherepovets, Russia (about 400 miles north of Moscow), recently introduced a collection of items actually used by students for successfully cheating in school, including a pair of women's panties on which logarithms and math formulas had been written upside down in black ink. Also on display: a sports jacket with (according to a September dispatch in the Chronicle of Higher Education) "enough secret mechanisms to keep a cardshark flush for decades" and a jeans skirt with 70 numbered pockets for cheat sheets.

-- Notorious performance artist Zhang Huan gave a live show of his books-themed photo installation "My Boston" at the city's Museum of Fine Arts in September, including burying himself under a pile of volumes, eating pages, and shimmying up a flagpole while weighted down with books. Zhang's previous notable works include "Seeds of Hamburg," in which he coated himself with birdseed and honey and sat in a cage with 28 doves. According to a Boston Globe reporter, some people "outside" the performance-art world might call Zhang a "crackpot."

-- All four of the Seminole County, Fla. (suburban Orlando), judges who hear drunk-driving cases have routinely tossed out all challenged breath-alcohol readings since January (a total of more than 700), according to a September Orlando Sentinel story, because the judges believe the defendants should be given access to the machines' computer code. (Without the readings as evidence, about half the DUI defendants go free.) The Florida Department of Law Enforcement says the machines are accurate and that, anyway, manufacturers protect the codes as trade secrets.

-- An Associated Press investigation revealed in September that $5 billion in Small Business Administration loans authorized in the wake of Sept. 11 was so poorly managed that businesses close to New York City's Ground Zero went begging for money while thousands of businesses throughout the country got emergency loans by creatively describing how they were hurt by the Islamist-terrorist attacks. More than 130 franchised fast-food shops; dentists and chiropractors; a South Dakota radio station; a Utah dog boutique; and a Virgin Islands perfume shop were among those who got the mostly guaranteed loans. SBA admitted that it assigned some ordinary loans to the 9-11 fund on its own and generously accepted others' 9-11 "qualifications."

Probably the most notorious example of the Federal Emergency Management Agency's under-preparation for Hurricane Katrina was the over-ordering of 91,000 tons of ice cubes intended to cool the victims and their food and medicine. One now-famous truck, for example, picked up 20 tons of ice in Greenville, Pa., drove to a Carthage, Mo., FEMA facility, then to Montgomery, Ala., for a day and a half, then to Camp Shelby in Mississippi, then to Selma, Ala., then to Emporia, Va. (where it idled for a week to keep the ice frozen), and finally to Fremont, Neb., where the ice was put up for storage. (Update: On the day that Hurricane Wilma hit Florida in October, FEMA acting director David Paulison proudly noted that because of the over-ordering for Katrina, plenty of ice was on hand after Wilma.)

In Homosassa, Fla., near Tampa, Ralph Padgett, 73, was arrested in October and charged with running down (on his riding lawn mower) estranged neighbor David Ervin, who was also on a riding lawn mower. And in nearby Zephyrhills, in October, retiree Bryan Toll became the third person this year to pay more than $200,000 for a manufactured home at the Betmar Village Mobile Home Park. (Well, it is an 1,800-square-foot double-wide, located next to a golf course clubhouse.)

In September, after law enforcement officers in North Carolina spotted a reportedly stolen ambulance and chased it through three counties until forcing it into a ditch north of Greensboro, they found the driver to be mohawk-hairstyled Leon Hollimon Jr., 37, who is not a medical professional but was wearing a stethoscope and with latex gloves in his pocket. Strapped to a gurney in the back was a dead six-point deer, and according to witnesses cited by the Florida Times-Union newspaper (Hollimon is from Jacksonville, Fla.), an intravenous line was attached to it and a defibrillator had been used.

Lawyer Cindy Baker's client, Mike Koster, was charged with methamphetamine and marijuana possession and set for trial in October in Berryville, Ark., but he was also charged with possession of a bomb. Baker's trial strategy was to downplay the latter charge by bringing the actual bomb into the courtroom as evidence, but the horrified judge cleared the building and put out a call for the nearest bomb squad, and according to a source for the Carroll County News, the bomb was taken away and detonated. The judge also declared a mistrial and set a contempt of court hearing for Baker.

The following people accidentally shot themselves recently: a Fond du Lac, Wis., man, in the abdomen, while using a screwdriver to dislodge a round from his pistol (August); a Nacogdoches, Texas, woman, in the foot while trying to kill a snake on her property (September) (and the same woman, again trying to kill a snake, shot herself in the other foot the next day); a Tennessee Highway Patrolman, in the leg as he holstered his pistol while chasing a fleeing suspect near Maryville (August); a teenage boy, in the leg while fleeing after robbing a food store in New Caney, Texas (August); a 33-year-old Milwaukee man, in the leg while fleeing after robbing a man on the street (October). And Danny Walden, Taylorsville, Ky., was shot by the rifle he had set up in his home as a booby trap to protect his 115 marijuana plants (October).

-- In August, U.S. District Judge Thomas Hogan placed ads in Colombian newspapers and magazines "ordering" certain leaders of the revolutionary group FARC to come to America and appear in his courtroom in Washington, D.C., to answer charges of kidnapping U.S. citizens. Hogan's assistant said the law requires notification and that no one seems to have the secretive FARC's address.

-- Italy's highest appeals court ruled in March that a divorcing man would have to pay alimony to his ex-wife because he had refused to have sex with her for seven years as punishment for challenging him in a family argument. (Whatever point the husband was trying to make was not disclosed.)

(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679 or WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com.)

Student Sarah Sevick filed a formal complaint in September with the U.S. Department of Justice, accusing Our Lady of the Lake University in San Antonio, Texas, of violating the Americans With Disabilities Act by not letting her keep her "assistance animal," which is Lilly, her ferret. Sevick says that she suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder, including panic attacks, and that Lilly "soothes" her, but the school said it was concerned with other students' safety. (In other ferret news, the British upscale clothing firm Burberry threatened to sue a pet-accessories shop in Dudley, England, in October, for selling outfits in the familiar Burberry "check" pattern, including a cap and cape designed for ferrets.)

-- From the Minneapolis Star Tribune: "(Carver County) Aug. 24: Hostility. A door-to-door salesman complained about the attitude of the people in the neighborhood in the 100 block of W. Shasta Circle." And from the Union Democrat (Sonora, Calif.): "(Tuolumne County, Oct. 13) 1:13 p.m., Sonora, A man came to the Sheriff's Department to 'find out how to legally kill' a person who was harassing him."

-- From the University of Utah Department of Public Safety report for October (2005-22280): "Unwanted Guest. A security officer from Primary Children's Medical Center called to report a man in that hospital who had no legitimate business there and wouldn't leave. University Police responded and were told by the man that he comes to Primary because he can find longer cigarette butts there because the doctors and nurses at Primary don't smoke their cigarettes all the way down like everyone else does. The man left when ordered to do so by the police."

-- Adam Taylor, a quite-proper executive at Strathclyde University in Glasgow, Scotland, was charged with illegally (and apparently motivelessly) firing several shots from an air rifle in a city park, but swears that he has no recollection of the incident and is totally baffled by the apparently accurate witness-reports of his guilt. Said his lawyer in September, "There is absolutely no reason on Earth why a 38-year-old man with his background would suddenly take an air rifle and fire it in the park ..."

-- Tyler Ing, 20, told the London (Ontario) Free Press in October that his parents "looked at me real weird for a few minutes" but that now "they're proud. My mom shows the (Guinness Book of World Records) to all her friends." The entry that she shows is her son's honor, recently achieved, for having the world's longest nipple hair, certified at 8.89 cm (3.5 inches).

In a September rape trial in New York City, witness Roberto Suarez testified that he saw two men in the room with a waitress just before she told him that she had been raped, and then when asked by the prosecutor to identify the two men, Suarez looked past the defendants and pointed to, respectively, Juror No. 8 and Alternate Juror No. 3. The New York Daily News reported that some jurors laughed so hard that they cried.

-- (1) Transsexual convicted prostitute Monica Renee Champion, 37, was finally picked up by police in Richmond, Va., in August; there had been arrest warrants for indecent exposure against her in the city's South Side as a male and in the city's North Side as a female. (2) Tyrone D. McMillian, 33, who was arrested after a high-speed chase through three New York towns in August, told the arresting officers: "I've been playing a lot of Grand Theft Auto and NASCAR on PlayStation. I thought I could get away."

-- (1) Paris Satine, 46, the madame of a legal brothel in Maroochydore, Australia (north of Brisbane), who was a nominee at an awards banquet for Excellence in Business (which was being held at a local hotel), was arrested for soliciting clients during the event. (2) London's Sunday Telegraph reported in July that, because of the shortage of military supplies caused by troops deployed to Afghanistan and Iraq, British Army soldiers on training exercises were ordered simply to shout "bang bang" rather than fire practice rounds.

In August, convicted child murderer Mark Allen Harris was awarded $50,000 by a jury in his lawsuit against Kanawha County, W.Va., jail officials after he fell out of the back of a van transporting prisoners, breaking bones in his face and knocking out some teeth. Also in August, in Albuquerque, N.M., a filthy and disheveled John Hyde, 48, being arraigned in the murders of four people, including two policemen, complained to the judge about police behavior, "Your honor ... I have been put in a red jump suit like Elvis Presley ... My hair looks ridiculous ... I was not allowed to groom myself."

In July, police in Lawrence, Kan., gave Ezekiel Rubottom's foot back to him, convinced that, contrary to a neighbor's inquiry, it wasn't evidence of a crime. Rubottom, 21, had tried to explain that he'd had his clubbed left foot amputated and merely wanted to keep it as a memento in a bucket of formaldehyde on his front porch. A spokesman for Lawrence Memorial Hospital told the Journal-World newspaper that there have been "women that want their uterus ... people take (home) tonsils ... they take (home) appendixes." Rubottom added a porcelain horse and a can of beer to his bucket to make it what he called "a collage of myself."

In September, Anthony R. Martin, 52, of Belleville, Ill., became the latest person to call the police and complain that someone had stolen his illegal drugs. But there was more: Martin told the investigating officer that a hostile neighbor had taken his marijuana plants, but when he showed the officer the room where he usually kept them, the plants were actually still there. Martin then said whoever took them must have returned them. He was charged with growing marijuana. (He also admitted that he had been drinking that night.)

Arrested recently and charged with murder: Kenneth Wayne Keller, Denton, Texas (August); Ronald Wayne Lail, Burke County, N.C. (September); Timothy Wayne Condrey, Caroleen, N.C. (September). Sentenced for murder: Tyler Wayne Justice, Alice, Texas (September). Committed suicide while suspected of murder: Michael Wayne Baxter, Edgewater, Md. (October). And in February, convicted double-murderer Russell Wayne Wagner was found dead in his cell in Jessup, Md., of an apparent heroin overdose, but in July, at the request of a sister, he received an official military burial at Arlington National Cemetery because he had been honorably discharged after his Army service in Vietnam. (Current law blocks from national cemeteries only criminals with death sentences.)

(1) Maria Julia Mantilla, recently crowned Miss World, denied a plastic surgeon's boast that he had given her buttock implants and trimmed her ears, protesting that "I'm not the creation of a surgeon. He just did my bust and my nose." (2) Wailing loudly and apparently incredulous at being ordered to jail, a scantily dressed Natalia McLennan, 25, was taken directly to a lockup from a New York City courtroom in September, after being charged with prostitution; McLennan had recently posed for the cover of New York magazine, proclaiming herself to be the city's top-grossing "escort" and acknowledging that she provided sex for clients.

(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679 or WeirdNewsTips@yahoo.com or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com.)