-- The man appointed by the governor of Texas as the state's director of homeland security in the U.S. war on terrorism, David Dewhurst, is also a candidate for lieutenant governor, and his recent patriot-themed campaign ad featured a large U.S. flag with a smartly dressed soldier standing in front of it. However, it was later discovered that the soldier in the photograph was not an American but a German soldier in a Luftwaffe uniform.

-- In Cleveland, police charged Joshua Brissett, 19, with fracturing the skull of his 5-month-old boy, and prosecutors say he likely was trying to pound or mash the head so it would be more like the shape of his own head. The Cleveland Museum of Natural History (questioned by Channel 5 News) said that some ancient cultures engaged in head-shaping, to help a child grow taller.

An 18-year-old student at the University of Arkansas fell to his death in October from a fifth-floor ledge, where he had gone to light up because he lives in a smoke-free dorm. And in November, a Greyhound bus capsized about 50 miles south of Phoenix, injuring 33, when a passenger fought the driver for control of the steering wheel at 70 mph, stemming from his frustration at not being able to smoke on the bus. And in October, early in the Afghanistan fighting, one of the first Taliban soldiers to become a prisoner of war had left himself vulnerable when he departed his post near Deshitiqala in order to buy cigarettes (and he was captured by the Northern Alliance).

-- In October, jurors in Austin, Texas, rejected the request of convicted child molester Milton Wayne Somers, 45, to be released as no longer posing a threat to kids, instead sentencing him to life in prison. Somers' main argument for leniency was that, a year ago, apparently annoyed at his uncontrollable love for little girls, he stuck a shotgun between his legs and blew off his testicles (and then he reloaded and shot himself again, for good measure). He said he is not dangerous because he has no sexual impulses, but his ex-wife said that Somers told her his self-castration was just a ploy to stay out of prison.

-- In an Ontario Provincial Police raid near Brechin in October, authorities seized 20,000 marijuana plants, but only a few samples were kept as evidence, with the rest hauled away to a landfill via 50 truck-trips. However, the word quickly got out, and a gold-rush of prospectors swarmed over the dump, taking away as many of the decaying plants as they could, until police were able to close it off. Several dozen people were said to have grabbed some of the trees, but only six were caught and arrested.

-- Paul Claren, 52, a psychiatric nurse at an Ohio state hospital in Akron for 18 years before he was fired, was himself ordered to a similar facility in November with diagnoses of paranoia and obsessive-compulsive disorder, after he shot out the home windows of several ex-co-workers he didn't like.

-- Buffalo Bills running back Travis Henry was sentenced in November to 100 hours' community service after pleading guilty to attempted sexual misconduct with a 15-year-old girl, but the court then assigned him to Buffalo's St. Augustine Community Service Corp., where most of his duties will consist of counseling youth.

Mr. Tom Leppard, in his late 60s and having retired after 28 years in the military, lives alone on Scotland's Island of Skye (about 125 miles from Glasgow), after having spent about $9,300 to tattoo leopard spots all over his body and be outfitted with fangs by his dentist so he will look the part of the leopard he so admires. Leppard told Britain's Daily Record in October that after he retired, he "couldn't mix with ordinary people" and now spends weeks at a time without seeing anyone except for the periodic trips he makes by canoe to pick up supplies.

Avant garde British artist Damien Hirst, who first made News of the Weird with his exhibit of a dead sheep, skinned and suspended in formaldehyde, saw his brand-new installation at London's Eyestorm Gallery go missing briefly in October. The work is a collection of found objects recovered from an artist's launch party (cigarette butts, beer bottles, soda cans, candy wrappers, etc.), and a cleaning man mistook it for the nightly garbage and tossed it out. Gallery officials re-created it later by referring to a photograph of the exhibit to get the exact placement of the items.

A coroner's inquest fixed the cause of a 14-year-old girl's death as hitting her head on a concrete piling after she fainted at gross photographs in FHM magazine (Harrogate, England; September). The father of a high school football player was accidentally killed by a blast from the cannon that the team uses to celebrate touchdowns (Trenton, Mo.; September). A 35-year-old man died while practicing archery in his back yard when his cesspool collapsed underneath him, creating such a cave-in that it took 18 hours to pull the body out (Huntington, N.Y.; September).

Radio personality "Dave the Dwarf" Flood, 37, filed a federal lawsuit to overturn Florida's ban on dwarf-tossing exhibitions in bars, as an unconstitutional restriction on his freedom (Tampa). British police proposed a register/database to keep tabs on troublemaking children, down to age 3. Several female cheerleaders were suspended from the squad for their onfield banner calling on their football team to "rape" the Eaglecrest High Raptors (though they claimed they didn't mean it that way) (Denver). An 8-year-old boy saved his teacher's life with the Heimlich maneuver, which he learned merely from having read about it in his mother's day-planner (and he said he was prepared to do a tracheotomy with a pen knife if that hadn't worked) (Issaquah, Wash.).

(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, Fla. 33679 or Newsweird@aol.com, or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com/.)

-- Ultra-Orthodox Jewish authorities ruled in October that their priests could not ride on airliners taking off from Ben Gurion Airport near Tel Aviv without getting into hermetically sealed body bags for the few moments that the plane passes over the cemetery in Holon (reasoning that impurities emanating from the cemetery had to be blocked out). El Al said it wouldn't permit passengers, for safety reasons, to wrap themselves like that, but Swissair announced it would make a slight route adjustment so that its planes could avoid the cemetery.

-- Pennsylvania state Rep. Jane Baker, 56, said she will run for a second term next year even though she told a jury recently that injuries from a traffic accident had left her largely cognitively disabled. Baker, who lives near Allentown, said she "needs help with reading and understanding material and carrying on conversations" due to head injuries and told the jury that in fact she is "virtually unemployable" except for her position in the Legislature. (The jury awarded her $2.9 million in November.)

A couple in their 70s were recovering in Wythenshawe Hospital (Manchester) after severely overdosing on pills because, they said, their neighbors' kids had long been behaving too rambunctiously. And a judge at Newcastle upon Tyne Crown Court told John Bushnell, 75, that he had best relocate after finding that, for 40 years, he has been guilty of tacky, petty harassment of his neighbors, out of inexplicable hatred. ("Dying-looking git," "creepy-looking Jesus," "first-class s-house" and "humpty-backed bastard" are a few of his epithets.) And the manager of a senior-citizens home was convicted of gross negligence at Chelmsford Crown Court for her longstanding obsession with making sure her clients were sufficiently hydrated (except that she went too far, sometimes pouring massive amounts of water down their throats, to the point where two of them died).

-- Naturists Robert and Christine Morton finally achieved closure in October in their longstanding quest to be able to bring their three kids to the clothing-optional Hippie Hollow park, near Austin, Texas, when the U.S. Supreme Court rejected their appeal challenging the park's anti-nudity rule for children. The state and county agencies that run the park, which is open to everyone (including, presumably, well-behaved voyeurs and pedophiles), had ruled that nude children were especially vulnerable, but the Mortons, oblivious of the danger, had insisted on frolicking nude as a family.

-- An October Associated Press dispatch from Pittsburgh reported that some local parents had recently held chicken pox "parties" for their kids, in which one kid with a current outbreak would be mingled with other kids so as to infect them, too, so that (after a week's discomfort) they would acquire lifetime immunity. These parents apparently want their kids to avoid standard immunizations because of the side-effects.

-- In August in Bartlesville, Okla., Douglas Dean Bryant Sr., 39, and Douglas Dean Bryant Jr., 19, were charged with rape in separate incidents; Dad's alleged victim was a year younger, at age 14, than the son's. And in August in Tylertown, Miss., David Earl King, 66, and his son, Nathan Paul King, were convicted of sexually molesting the same 14-year-old boy and received prison sentences of 36 years and 18 years, respectively.

-- In October, the U.S. Supreme Court turned down Antonio Contreras' appeal, thus ending his lawsuit under the Americans with Disabilities Act, in which he claimed that he was fired as a forklift operator despite his federally protected disability, which he says is "sexual dysfunction." Contreras said he used to have sex five times a week but that injury has limited him to twice a month and that that is the reason Suncast Corporation of Illinois no longer thinks he's a good worker.

-- Katherine Norfolk, 19, and her parents filed a lawsuit in September for about $250,000 against Hurstpierpoint College (West Sussex, England), claiming it did not instruct her well enough in Latin, causing her to score too low on exams to get accepted at Oxford, thus ruining her career and diluting the "earning power" that comes with a degree in Latin.

Jeffrey J. Harris, 39, was arrested at halftime of the Florida high school football game between St. Petersburg and Clearwater in October when he created a loud scene by blocking his two kids (starters for Clearwater) from entering their locker room (which is located in a public place with many students and parents mingling around outside). Harris was mad about something that happened in the first half and ordered the kids to immediately strip off their uniforms in a public display and to come home with him. The kids tried to rejoin their team, and when Harris intervened and struck a martial-arts stance, police arrested him.

Another of those guys who enlist in wartime and then don't much keep up with the news turned up in September in the Guatemalan jungle, just across the border from his native El Salvador, surprised to learn that the 1969 war (El Salvador invading Honduras) ended 32 years ago, about 100 days after it started. Salomon Vides, 72, was further driven into hiding because he often heard gunfire over the years, but rescuers noted that he was living in an area popular with hunters. Reporters noted that Vides looked authentically out of the loop, for example, having a tough time with the concept of a pop-top soda can.

-- A man inadvertently shot and killed his 23-year-old son on a hunting trip while the son hid behind a log, holding up a dead squirrel and making barking sounds (even after the son had been warned by the family many times to cut out the pranks) (Galien, Mich., September). And a 25-year-old man who had parked on railroad tracks to scare his girlfriend and then chased after her on foot was killed when he ran back to the car to move it (after hearing a horn) and was crushed by a passing train (Houston, July). And a 19-year-old college student was killed when he slid down a library chute that he thought was for books but which was a garbage chute dumping straight into a compactor (Sewanee, Tenn., October).

Motorist Jerry Ross pleaded guilty to hit-and-run charges after he collided with a slow-moving train, then extricated his car despite its having been mangled, and then drove off (Augusta, Ga.). Greg Bonnett filed a lawsuit against a strip club after a dancer took too wide a swing from a pole and smacked him in the face with her leg, breaking his nose (Port Moody, British Columbia). A 58-year-old man died of kidney problems resulting from his 1966 gunshot wound from University of Texas Tower killer Charles Whitman, thus bringing Whitman's death toll that day to 15. Bruce Menia was served an eviction notice by his apartment-house landlord because of numerous complaints about how loud and "disturbing" his snoring is (Albany, N.Y.)

(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, Fla. 33679 or Newsweird@aol.com, or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com/.)

-- A 33-year-old man was taken to Via Christi Regional Medical Center in Wichita, Kan., on Nov. 13 with a coat hanger stuck in his throat, but there was a logical explanation, he told the hospital staff. At a party, "someone," he said, had slipped a dime-sized balloon containing what he heard was cocaine into his drink, and after accidentally ingesting it and feeling it stick in his throat, he decided to try to fish it out with the coat hanger. Surgeons unhooked the hanger, but police recovered the bag, and prosecutors said they would probably file a felony drug possession charge against the man.

-- Researchers from the Cleveland Clinic Foundation told a Society for Neuroscience meeting in November in San Diego that their study had found that muscles were strengthened 35 percent and 13 percent, respectively, among two groups of people who merely concentrated on imagining they were exercising (vs. no increase at all by control groups that neither exercised nor imagined exercise).

In August, the Food and Drug Administration approved the artificial Neosphincter, a prescription-required, pump-operated device to give relief for otherwise-hopelessly incontinent people; although the device recorded too many "adverse incidents" in trials to be marketed to the general population, it claimed a 90 percent success rate for patients specially trained in its use. And in October, Toronto cosmetic surgeon Robert Stubbs, who has a thriving practice in silicone testicle implants for men missing one or both, told the Edmonton Journal that he can now offer special implants for fully testicled men who merely want bigger ones.

-- Dionne French filed a lawsuit in federal court in New Mexico in October over a 1998 incident, charging the Santa Fe Southern Railway and a conductor and brakeman with negligence in not stopping a train in time to avoid hitting her. French, who was homeless at the time and living near Santa Fe, admitted that she was lying on the tracks asleep, and with a brown blanket over her, but said the railroad still had the obligation to detect her presence and stop.

-- It Actually Happens: Dorothy M. Ellis Williams filed a lawsuit in July against the QuikTrip gas station in Edwardsville, Ill., for injuries to her back and knee when she slipped on a banana peel while walking out the front door.

-- Scott Bender filed a lawsuit against U.S. Airways in October, charging that a crew on a February flight from North Carolina had closed up the plane that was parked at a gate in Birmingham, Ala., and left him sleeping in his seat. Bender said he deserves some money from the airline because when he woke up, it was pitch black, and he thought for a few seconds that he was dead.

-- Sudanese-born gynecologist Darwish Hasan Darwish dropped to his knees and praised Allah after he was found not guilty by a jury at Preston (England) Crown Court in October on a charge that he had raped a woman whom he had put under hypnosis. The woman later gave birth to his child, which was assumed for years to have been her husband's, until her husband, who is a plumber, installed a sauna in the Darwish home and noticed a resemblance between one of Darwish's daughters and his own. The jury apparently believed the sex might have been consensual, but among the things the judge did not permit jurors to know was that Dr. Darwish had already been convicted of having sex with patients under similar circumstances nine times.

-- In July, Dr. Richard Dye of Half Moon Bay, Calif., was acquitted of sexual assault on female patients despite his admission that he had therapeutically brought at least four women to climax on his examination table during his years as a family practitioner. (Police said he had told them it was "100" women.) Though several woman had made complaints against him, a large contingent of his female patients attended the trial, enthusiastically supporting him.

In an incident resembling a movie scene, Alan Martin, 49, was hospitalized in fair condition after being run over on Oct. 1. He had deliberately lain down in the middle of a busy street in Daly City, Calif., as a protest against officers' confiscating his RV, which had just been involved in a minor accident. Martin refused to budge from the street so officers tried to shield his body for a while by blocking a lane of traffic with their cruisers, but then along came one of those notorious California hot-pursuit police chases, with the car driven by fleeing suspect Kevin Domino, 37, accidentally ramming the stopped cruiser, then driving over Martin's body, then trying to straighten out his car and inadvertently running over Martin again, before taking off. (Police caught Domino a few blocks later when his car stalled out.)

News of the Weird has reported several times on romantic-revenge cases from Japan, in which spurned lovers make it nearly their life's work to harass former suitors, sometimes telephoning dozens of times a month for years. Recently, Masashi Kimura made 220 phone calls to the 25-year-old woman who had ignored his advances, and the man was arrested in October. In most traditional cases, the couple had had a previous relationship; in this case, Kimura (of Nagoya, Japan) was still trying to pester the woman for just a first date, and the 220 calls were made in about one month's time.

Stephen Millhouse, 20, was convicted of burglary in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, in October, for breaking into the apartment of a 21-year-old woman and awakening her. According to her testimony, Millhouse was only slightly aggressive, mostly asking politely for sex, which she declined. Frustrated, Millhouse then asked for an actual date. She finally gave him her phone number just to get rid of him, and when he called her back, she arranged a meeting and, ultimately, for his arrest. Millhouse's lawyer told the jury that his client is too stupid to be dangerous, even asking Millhouse on the stand, "Did you really think she wanted to see you again?" (Millhouse answered, "I didn't know for sure. That's why I called.")

A 22-year-old man got 60 years in prison for shooting two guys who laughed at his brother's haircut (shaved all around except for a patch of hair surrounding his pony tail) (Chicago). Former president Lee Teng-hui of Taiwan warned citizens that if they didn't vote for the candidates he is endorsing, he will kill himself. The 270-pound president of a group that helps steer at-risk kids away from crime (and who coaches a football team of 7-year-olds) was arrested for punching a referee in the head (Sarasota, Fla.). Two weeks after the House of Representatives' highly criticized decision to fearfully shut down because of anthrax mail, its members voted themselves $12,000 pay raises.

(Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, Fla. 33679 or Newsweird@aol.com, or go to www.NewsoftheWeird.com/.)