DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother recently came to visit my new apartment. She stayed with me for four days. While I was at work one day, she thought it would be nice to surprise me by redecorating my bedroom. She didn’t put any of my old decorations away in storage or anything, she just tossed everything out. I am furious with her. I really liked how my room was decorated before. My mom has been somewhat of a control freak my entire life, so when I moved out, it meant something to me that I was finally able to do things my own way.
Decorating my apartment on my own signified my independence, my adulthood and my freedom. I feel that she tried to snatch that all away from me by throwing out my stuff without my permission. We got into a big fight, and she left early because of it. What should I do? -- Control Freak
DEAR CONTROL FREAK: You have every right to be angry. Your mother crossed a line. She did not respect you, your home or your independence. She may need time to cool down. You both may. But I think you should reach out to her when you are calm and reiterate that you believe she violated your privacy and your home, and you do not appreciate it. Tell her that if she is to visit your home in the future, she must be respectful of it.
(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)