DEAR SOMEONE ELSE’S MOM: I am beyond positive she didn’t learn it from me, but I see my 19-year-old daughter go all damsel in distress when there’s something she doesn’t want to deal with herself.
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I raised her and her younger sister to be strong, independent women. At least I thought I did. Their father skipped out on us for another woman when my baby was three, and outside of visits a couple times a year, he hasn’t been much of a father. Not even when it came to child support. So I had to raise my two daughters on my own.
My daughter’s behavior gets me crazy. I blast her about it every time I see her doing it. But it’s hard to make a case for cutting the crap when it works 9 times out of 10, and the 10th time is because I found out what she was up to and shut her down.
I am sure she sees her friends pulling this sh*t, and that’s where she gets it from.
How do I get her to drop this poor baby act? --- NOT WHAT I TAUGHT HER
DEAR NOT WHAT I TAUGHT HER: Unfortunately, your daughter has seen that her technique works too often, as you observed.
In addition to continuing to set a good example of self-reliance and self-esteem, perhaps rather than "blasting” your daughter when you catch her in her helpless act, you could sit down with her and clearly and calmly explain how her behavior may ultimately harm her in the eyes of others.
For starters, she needs to understand it’s never a good look when the person being manipulated figures out what’s going on. It reflects badly on the manipulator, damaging that person’s credibility and makes it less likely others will be there for her when she honestly does need some help.