DEAR HARRIETTE: I belong to a sorority that I joined in college. Many of the women have stayed close over the years, and now I wish I had, too. They tried to keep me in the loop, but I was too busy. Now that a lot of time has passed, I feel uncomfortable trying to work my way back into the mix. They keep reaching out to me, but I worry that they are all close and have been for years, and I am the odd girl out. I don’t remember all of their names, and I feel stupid having to reacquaint myself when everybody else is in sync.

Do you think I should try to reconnect with my former sorority sisters? I have spent my life building my career and see that this has made me isolated, but somehow they did both. I’m feeling like my choices weren’t so smart. Do you think I should take my sorors up on getting back together? -- Sorority Life

DEAR SORORITY LIFE: If your sorors are continuing to reach out to you, it is because they genuinely want to be in touch. Believe that their overtures are real. You can re-enter sorority life in increments. Why not reach out to the person you feel closest to? Get together with her in person or on the phone. Tell her you appreciate her reaching out to you over the years, and you want to reconnect. Be honest and let her know that you feel awkward because you don’t really know most of your sorority sisters since you left college. Ask her to help you get reacquainted. Take your time. You don’t have to become everybody’s friend, but it will be nice for you to get close to a few of them and experience the fellowship of sisterhood.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mom lives thousands of miles away from me, and I visit her once a year. While I’m there, I handle all of the fix-it work around the house. This visit, I noticed that there are some basic things that aren’t getting done. My mom is healthy and strong, but she is getting older -- in her 70s. I see that she hasn’t kept up with little chores like regularly putting out the trash or properly scrubbing the kitchen floor -- things that are important to be handled on a regular basis. I am the only child, and I’m too far away to help her. What do you recommend I do? -- Mom Needs Help

DEAR MOM NEEDS HELP: As our parents age, this is a common challenge. Care starts with the little things and, over time, the needs grow. Look into community support first. Does your mother belong to a church? Perhaps they have a service that supports elders at home. Contact the local government to see what services may be available for your mom. Since she is healthy, the government may not be a viable option.

Look into apps that are available that offer all kinds of a la carte tasks. Check to see if TaskRabbit, Takl or other such services are available in her area. These allow you to order a range of tasks for a particular fee at a specific time. Prices vary depending on the task and the location.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend of mine referred a woman to me for a job. I have so much respect for my friend that I hired his referral without checking any additional references. That turned out to be a bad idea. This woman has worked with me for three weeks, and other than the first few days, it has gone downhill -- and fast. I gave her an assignment, and she didn’t meet the deadline in her first week. When I asked her about her progress, I got excuse after excuse. She was supposed to turn in two reports by the end of week one; I have yet to receive a full report. I got only a couple of pages of notes.

My experience is that people usually try to do their best, especially at first, because they want to make that 90-day mark and get benefits. I don’t think I can keep her. I feel bad because she is close to my friend. Should I tell him what’s going on? How can I get out of this and keep my friendship with our mutual friend? -- Awkward Work Situation

DEAR AWKWARD WORK SITUATION: Deal with the employee first. Talk to her about her job performance, and inquire as to why she is underperforming. Probe to see if she understands her assignments, or if she has outside factors that are distracting her from completing her tasks. Let her know that if she is unable to meet her deadlines within a specific period of time, you will not be able to keep her. Find out from human resources if you need to give her a formal warning since she is still on probation. If you must fire her, do that before speaking to your friend.

Next, contact your friend and give your update. He needs to know that his recommendation backfired. I caution people when they are making recommendations, because essentially, they are putting their reputations on the line. Tell your friend what this woman failed at so he will know in the future not to recommend her for that role. If he gets mad at you, so be it. Next time, do your own due diligence before hiring anyone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My brother is wealthy. He and his wife have children, just like my husband and I, but they give them way more stuff because they can. All of our children are well-behaved, but my children live much more modestly. My husband thinks that my brother and his wife coddle their kids and aren’t teaching them strong life lessons. I totally disagree. Plus, I don’t think it’s my husband’s business to judge how my brother handles his affairs. Sure, we struggle, but that doesn’t mean that because they don’t, they aren’t teaching their children to be good people. How can I get my husband to stop with his judgments and let people be? -- Stop the Judgments

DEAR STOP THE JUDGMENTS: It can be hard to observe the behavior of people of different means from you and not pass judgment. Your husband seems to be struggling with his own values and resources compared to your brother’s family. You can’t change his beliefs. You can caution him not to talk about them around your children. Remind him how uncomfortable his comments make you. Stand your ground when he goes too far. You should also forgive him for wrestling with this uncomfortable situation.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been involved in my cultural community for many years, and I feel strongly that I should support our causes and work to build up the community in any way I can. I am African-American, and I understand the issues that we face; I have marched and petitioned and participated in Black Lives Matter and other things over the years to support my people. I am very active.

I joined an organization a few years ago, but I didn’t really pay attention to the bylaws. I have now learned that this particular group has a rule forbidding marrying a white woman. I get their point: They want black people to love and choose one another. The thing is, I met and fell in love with a white woman. I don’t want to walk away from my community, but I do want to marry this woman. What should I do? -- Racial Divide

DEAR RACIAL DIVIDE: This is such a prickly topic -- for you as an African-American and, dare I say, for many people of all ethnic backgrounds. For generations, the tradition for most people has been that people marry within their groups -- whatever those dividing lines may be. In this country, it was illegal for many years for blacks and whites to marry. This was called miscegenation, and it often came with penalty of arrest, ostracism and even death by the community at large. In reaction to the extreme practices of racism, some groups chose to create their own rules to protect their communities and keep them strong. This may be why your organization made this bylaw.

The realities of love and intimacy have always been different from those of the law. When people fall in love and choose to build their lives together, it’s not automatically based on their ethnic or religious backgrounds. Many prominent African-American civil rights leaders were married to white people. They had their personal lives AND stayed in the struggle. I say choose love. You can leave that particular group or try to change its bylaws, but don’t allow it to stifle your joy.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started a new business, and it’s going pretty well. My office phone is the same as my cell because I don’t really need a business line. I have a frequent customer of the opposite sex, who texts, calls and emails me at unusual times, like late at night, early in the morning or on weekends. As you might imagine, my significant other doesn't love it. He says I have to set boundaries with my clients. I don’t want to risk losing this client, but I see my boyfriend’s point. If it were happening to him, I don’t think I would like it. How can I handle this? -- Blurred Lines

DEAR BLURRED LINES: Stop answering this client’s calls after hours. Create a voice message inviting people to call your business during a particular time. With this client, stop being so available. Return his calls and texts during normal business hours. Stay pleasant and upbeat but firm. After a while, he will get the message

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)