DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating my boyfriend for four years. He treats me well, but some issues have been arising due to his problem with drugs. I can see how it is changing him and how he acts, therefore changing our relationship. I have tried talking to him about it by suggesting he get help or talk to someone else about this. Every time the topic comes up, it starts an argument and he blames me for acting like his mother. I don’t want to act like his mother or tell him what to do, but in these situations, it’s my instinct to intervene and tell him to stop because it is creating problems in our relationship. Is there anything else I can do to help him? -- I’m Your Girlfriend, Not Your Mother, Syracuse, New York

DEAR I’M YOUR GIRLFRIEND, NOT YOUR MOTHER: It is time for you to do a gut check. Is your boyfriend being realistic at all about his drug use? Can you talk to him about it directly? If you can talk at a moment when he is clean and sober, make it clear to him that you do not want to be with him if he is going to continue to use -- whatever the drug is, including weed. Be firm that you care about him, but you love yourself more. You do not want to get caught up in drug issues. Tell him you will support him if he wants to go to rehab. Otherwise, you feel you have to walk away so that you do not become like his mother, nagging him to get help without ever finding fulfillment. Draw the line. If his addiction is not too severe, he may be able to climb out of his stupor. If not, you don’t have the expertise to be with him safely, not now anyway.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a mother of three children under the age of 15 residing in Connecticut. Recently, my husband has been offered a job overseas. We have been discussing moving for the new job because it would be the best opportunity for his career.

I wouldn’t mind moving, but I am very worried about my children’s reaction. They have lived here their whole lives and are very attached to our family home, their school and their friends. I am not sure if it is the right thing to follow my husband’s career and uproot my family or remain here and have my husband keep his current job. How do we make this decision? -- To Leave or Not To Leave, Stamford, Connecticut

DEAR TO LEAVE OR NOT TO LEAVE: Moving is a constant for many working people. How you move is what can be the creative solution to a mobile challenge. Talk to your husband about the pros and cons of this new job location. What can you and the children learn from spending time there? What will be difficult? What will be worth it? Present the move to your children as an adventure where they will learn and grow. When they push back about leaving their friends, remind them of the technology they can use to stay in touch. Your attitude toward the move is what will keep them focused. I say go for it. Manage everyone’s expectations and expand your horizons. It will be bumpy, but worth it!

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a stay-at-home father with a son and a daughter. My wife works from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. at a law firm and travels frequently on the weekends. I feel my relationship with her is getting weaker, and I can see us drifting apart. I believe that we still love each other and are both committed to our marriage, but we see each other so little that it’s hard to maintain the type of relationship we had before work and kids got in the way. I don't want us to grow further apart and would love a way to redefine a new relationship. How do I do this? -- Stay-at-Home Husband, Dallas

DEAR STAY-AT-HOME HUSBAND: What you are feeling has historically been the feeling of the stay-at-home mom. As you are experiencing, it can seem disconcerting and uncomfortable to be in this position. You love your spouse and family and want nothing more than to remain close during the journey of your lives. This is where clear, compassionate communication comes in. Sit down with your wife and tell her how you are feeling. Better still, show her what she’s missing. Plan a special moment for the two of you where she can feel relaxed and at ease. Do things that remind her of how much you enjoy being in each other’s company. Extend that to moments when the whole family has a blast. Then sit with your wife and remind her of why you love each other. Ask her to carve out time for you and the family because you miss her and want to stay close.

Showing her your love rather than guilting her into spending more time with you should help her to see that the family is worth her focus.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My older sister and I are 18 months apart. Growing up with a sister this close in age may seem like a great idea because we can be "best friends," but it is terrible for me. Not only do we get into fights daily about sharing clothes, sharing the car, etc., my parents also treat us drastically differently. I understand that because she is older, she gets certain privileges that I don’t get yet, but the amount of attention she gets from my parents compared to me is huge. I want to talk to my parents about this and ask them to stop treating us differently, as my sister and I are both their daughters. Is this a good idea? -- Pissed-Off Sister, Portland, Oregon

DEAR PISSED-OFF SISTER: I think your plan will get your feelings hurt. Your parents are probably not consciously favoring your sister. That doesn’t mean you don’t experience their behavior in this way. Rather than pointing out what is bothering you, think of things you would like to do with your parents that will draw their attention more directly toward you.

As far as your relationship with your sister, figure out what boundaries you want to enforce. Be crystal clear about what bothers you and what points aren’t that important. Ask her to be more thoughtful. Create ground rules for when and how she can use your stuff. Build a friend base outside the family so that you don’t rely as much on your sister for your social satisfaction.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always considered myself to be happy and cheerful. I am motivated to be successful, and I am a sociable person. Recently, I have been having a constant feeling of anxiety and sadness. I am not sure why I have been feeling like this because I have never been one to suffer from anxiety or depression before. Nothing in my life seems to have had triggered this, but it has gotten to the point where I experience these feelings every day. I disclosed this information to a friend, and she has advised me to see a counselor or therapist. The thought of me seeking professional help for the feelings I am having seems odd to me, and I am not a fan of the idea. With my friend’s advice taken into consideration, I need some help on how I can deal with this myself, or any other alternatives to seeing a medical professional. -- NOT SO HAPPY, Norman, Oklahoma

DEAR NOT SO HAPPY: First, I’m sorry you are feeling sad. That is a hard place to be, and it often feeds on itself, leading one to feel worse over time.

Second, I need you to know that there’s nothing wrong with seeking professional help. In fact, it’s way better than talking to friends who are not experts. Getting private, professional support to work through an emotional problem is smart. Yes, it may seem odd, but it really can help.

If you feel depressed and want to call someone (and this goes for anyone reading this column), go to mentalhelp.net/articles/depression-hotline/ to find the hotline number nearest you. Don’t suffer alone.

DEAR HARRIETTE: Ever since I was little, I loved to travel. My parents thought it was important to expose my siblings and me to different cultures constantly, which is why we traveled so often. I would consider that a huge part of my identity and traveling to be one of my passions.

My current partner is the opposite of this. He enjoys staying at home and not venturing out to new and different places. I was wondering if you think this is a determining factor in our relationship's success. Do you have any recommendations for how we can compromise between our two lifestyles? -- Travel Bug, Des Moines, Iowa

DEAR TRAVEL BUG: Yes, it can be true that opposites attract, but it can also be worrisome. What you choose to do in your spare time is important, especially in a relationship. You want to be interested in similar things so that you will naturally acclimate to the same types of activities.

A compromise could be that you, the one with wanderlust, could be willing to discover how to enjoy the comforts of home more as your boyfriend becomes willing to go on at least one adventure per year. Try that out to see how it fits. In the end, you both need to feel comfortable with how you spend your time. Ideally, you will need activities that you enjoy together more than those you enjoy apart from each other.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)