life

Could Bad Credit Threaten New Job?

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 27th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am up for a new job that would be an amazing opportunity for me and my family. I just learned that if I make it to the final round, the company will want to check my credit report. In terms of work, I have excellent skills. In terms of money, I am a disaster.

I got divorced a few years ago, and my ex doesn’t pay for any of the bills he agreed to pay. That includes my son’s college education, the mortgage that we both share or any of our shared credit card debt. I can’t swing it by myself. I have taken him to court, but he still doesn’t pay. I am afraid that I won’t get the job when they see the wreck of my credit. Do you think I should tell them why it is like that and that I am working hard to pay off my debt? -- Bad Credit, Pittsburgh

DEAR BAD CREDIT: You should prepare a clear, honest and transparent statement to tell your potential employer. When they ask to review your credit, let them know that your credit is suffering right now and why. By getting in front of it, you give context to whatever the number is. You will need to demonstrate a commitment to mending your credit. You may have to explain your plan to them. If they like you enough, they may forgive you based on the circumstances.

Marriage & DivorceMoneyWork & SchoolFamily & Parenting
life

Children Are Addicted to Cellphones

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 27th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage children are out of control with their cellphones. I feel like they are attached to them from the moment they wake up -- around 6 a.m. -- until the moment they go to bed. I hardly see their eyes because their heads are looking down into that little screen. I want to set some boundaries for cellphone usage. I know they don’t want to hear this, but I don’t want to go along with this new trend. -- Out of Bounds, Atlanta

DEAR OUT OF BOUNDS: The constant use of cellphones has reached epidemic proportions these days, so much so that lawsuits have cropped up against tech companies. "We want our lives and families back" is a rallying cry.

Of course you can set limits, even though your children will be angry. Keep a basket at the front door. When your children arrive home, have them put their phones in the basket. Phones can stay there until all homework is finished. If they have chores, those must be completed before getting the phones back. Give them a short window for using their phones in the evening, but do not allow them to keep the phones in their bedrooms. Do not allow any phones at dinner. Have all chargers in a common area, like the kitchen. If they sneak and use their phones at night, move the chargers to your bedroom, where you can oversee them.

An exception may be when they have to study with friends. Be aware that computers can turn into phones, so monitor their computer use as well.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

TeensHealth & SafetyAddictionFamily & Parenting
life

International Parents Have High Expectations

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 26th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have grown up with international parents. My mother is Scottish, and my father is Australian. They both grew up overseas, and their first time living in the United States was when we moved here in 2002. Growing up in New York with parents who were not American allowed me to learn so much about different cultures. There were also amazing perks, such as traveling to visit family in the United Kingdom and Australia during the holidays.

Although this was amazing growing up, there were also things that my parents didn’t understand, such as the American college system. I struggled explaining to them small things such as the application process and sororities, and I also find it hard to meet their high expectations of what I should be doing with my life. How do you suggest I talk to them about the fact that there is a difference between growing up in the U.S and other places? -- Between Two Worlds, New Orleans

DEAR BETWEEN TWO WORLDS: Your parents know that the experiences they provided for you early on are unique to your family, but you may want to remind them as you also tell them that now you are creating your own experiences. Because you have chosen to go to school in America and have been learning the culture for many years now, you feel more American than not. Tell them that you know your duty is to be an excellent student, and you also have the responsibility of figuring out how to live your life. As you are growing and developing, you have to learn how to navigate in the world on your own. Tell them how much you appreciate all that they have done and are continuing to do for you. Ask them to allow you the space to figure some things out on your own as well.

Mental HealthWork & SchoolFamily & Parenting
life

Roommates Too Loud for Studious Science Major

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 26th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a college senior who is living in a four-bedroom apartment with three other girls. I love my roommates because they are some of my best friends, but I am currently having some issues that I didn’t think would arise.

I am a science major, meaning I have tons of work every night. My roommates, on the other hand, do not have as much work and are constantly wanting to go out to party, or watch a movie in the living room. They can sometimes get very loud and distracting. I am thankful I have my own room, but I would like to be able to feel like it is my apartment as well as theirs. -- The Studying Student, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR THE STUDYING STUDENT: It is time to create ground rules for the whole apartment. Meet with your roommates and agree to terms that work for everyone -- including you. This might mean turning down the TV or even turning it off after a certain time or conducting conversations in their rooms after a particular hour.

You may also need to study in the library at school more often where it is quiet and you can control your environment better.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Etiquette & EthicsWork & School
life

Graduating Daughter Caught Between Fighting Parents

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 25th, 2018 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was 16 years old when my parents got a divorce. I am now almost 22, and I still feel the tension between them. For years, they have never been able to be in the same room; they communicate only through their lawyers. If I need to speak to both of them, I do it through email; I often act as their messenger.

For my college graduation, I want both of them there, but I do not know if this is a good idea. My friends have been planning dinners with their parents for the night of graduation. Should I invite both parents to my graduation and be stressed, or invite one of them and have the other parent be offended? -- Conflicted Daughter, Denver

DEAR CONFLICTED DAUGHTER: Start by speaking to each of them individually and telling them your desire to have them both at your graduation if they can be civil -- or even kind -- to each other. Ask them if they would be willing to show up for you in a positive way. Tell them what your friends’ parents are doing for them, and ask if they would be willing to do something similar for you. Listen to each of them to get a sense of how amenable they are to the idea.

If you sense that it will not work, tell them your worries. State that if they don’t think they can manage well together on that day, you would prefer that they not come. Then decide which parent you want to have there and ask that one to be a part of your graduation celebration. You can let the other parent know that you extended this invitation so that there are no secrets. If they have hurt feelings, it is because of their inability to let go of their issues and show up for you. You are not responsible for their behavior.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & EthicsMarriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Reader Wants to Stay Close to Siblings Who Live in Japan

Sense & Sensitivity by by Harriette Cole
by Harriette Cole
Sense & Sensitivity | January 25th, 2018 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR HARRIETTE: I grew up being very close to my siblings. I have an older sister and a younger brother. As my siblings and I got older, we wanted different things, which meant both my sister and brother moved to Japan. My sister is pursuing her dream of being a nurse and attending medical school in Japan. My younger brother is enjoying working at a local restaurant. I am in New York completing my undergraduate degree.

Do you have any recommendations for how my siblings and I can maintain our closeness even though we are on opposite sides of the world? -- Lonely Sibling, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR LONELY SIBLING: Make technology your best friend! Through FaceTime, texting and free international phone calls, you should be able to see each other and communicate regularly. You just have to choose to do so! You will need to figure out times of day to talk, because the time zones are very different.

Though it is expensive to travel so far, you all should save your money so that you can see each other in person occasionally. Because there’s one of you, it will be more affordable for you to get on a plane. Perhaps you can all chip in for your airline ticket.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Holidays & CelebrationsFamily & Parenting

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