DEAR HARRIETTE: I work in a restaurant to pay the bills. I have been promoted to manager and was happy about the paycheck, but I now have to be on the frontline of a waitress who fights with the chef all the time. I believe there was some relationship between them and they are now at each other's throats. How can I step into this fighting? They are both hotheads but provide great service at the restaurant. -- Manager's Orders, Dallas

DEAR MANAGER'S ORDERS: Speak to the chef first. Tell him how great his food is and how much the customers enjoy it. Point out that there is one serious issue you need to address with him: the way he interacts with the waitress in question. Ask him to be civil with her. As the chef, he sets the tone for how the staff gets along, and even the energy of the whole restaurant. Tell him you need him to look past whatever their issues are and to choose the high road. Ask him how you can be of help in accomplishing this.

Separately, speak to the waitress and let her know that her interactions with the chef are causing challenges in the restaurant. Point out that their interactions are unprofessional. Ask her to stop fighting with him. If she blames him or deflects, tell her that they are both responsible. And you, as the new manager, are also responsible for getting everybody on the right track.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have extremely loud neighbors. I slipped a note under their door, asking them to be quieter because I flounder in face-to-face altercations. An hour or so after I did that, they came to my door complaining about a different tenant, Sam, on our floor. They decided that she sent the note! I didn't incriminate myself to my neighbors, so now they have staged a noise war against Sam. I feel as though I am too far into this web of lies to save the neighborly relations. -- No More Notes, Chicago

DEAR NO MORE NOTES: You should have confessed that you wrote the note. Now, you have an obligation to help stop the noise war against Sam. Drum up the courage to speak directly to your neighbors. Tell them that you think it is unkind for them to be even noisier because of a neighbor. Make it clear that you don't like all the noise, either. You can bring up the noise levels tangentially by saying that it is important for everyone in the building to figure out how to get along. Admit that you think they are sometimes too loud, and the sound travels to your apartment. Ask them if they would call a truce and dial it down a bit. By speaking to them with reason and compassion, you may be able to appeal to their sensibilities. Give it a try, or you're destined to be drowned out by noise for years.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have discovered that my 10-year-old son has been stealing money from my husband's wallet. I found this out when I saw a pair of expensive headphones in his room and asked how he managed to pay for them himself. My son told me he got himself a "Christmas present" from dad's wallet because we never get him what he wants. We spring for one expensive gift a year and make the rest reasonable and useful purchases.

I am appalled that my son would do this -- and so freely admit to it. What kind of punishment can we give him without ruining the Christmas spirit? I know the family would judge us if my son had zero presents waiting for him under the tree. -- Naughty List for Sure, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

DEAR NAUGHTY LIST FOR SURE: Take the headphones from your son. Tell him you intend to wrap them up and he can open the present at Christmas. Tell him that you are taking back or not purchasing the expensive gift that you normally get for him. Punish him for at least the week leading up to Christmas, taking away a privilege that will make him uncomfortable. This could be playing videogames, watching TV or playing with friends. Explain to him that stealing from anyone is bad and even a crime, including when it's from his father. Further, tell him that if he has preferences for what he wants for Christmas, he should make his desires known. This does not mean that he will automatically receive what he wants, but it gives him permission to let you know.

As it relates to expensive items, let your son know that you and your husband work within a budget. If his desired gift fits in your budget, great. If not, he may have to wait for it.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I celebrate Hanukkah in a Christmas-dominated city. Much to my children's dismay, I respond to people who say "Happy holidays" or "Merry Christmas" with "Happy Hanukkah!" I feel like it is so common to focus only on Christmas, and my holiday should get some recognition, too. My children say I seem like a Grinch and should be happy when people wish blessings to me, regardless of religious connotations. Who is right here?

I don't think I'm doing anything wrong by telling people what holiday I celebrate. -- Merry Menorahs, Queens, New York

DEAR MERRY MENORAHS: Your issue is one that people share across religions. I know some Christians who do not want to say the generic "Happy holidays" because they want to honor Christmas specifically. You have every right to choose to celebrate your own holiday tradition. You can do that without denying others their holiday joy. One way is to repeat their greeting, acknowledging where their allegiance lies, followed by "Happy Hanukkah!"

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend owns a knickknack shop on our town's Main Street. Business has been getting slower and slower for her, and she told me she is shocked she is going under right before the holiday season. She doesn't want to mark her products at lower prices, and assumes the closer it gets to the holidays, the better she'll do. I think this is a poor business model. I had a successful shop years ago and passed it off to my children. Should I give her some friendly advice? -- Overstepping to Help, Poughkeepsie, New York

DEAR OVERSTEPPING TO HELP: Offering unsolicited advice can be very hard to manage successfully, especially when people are experiencing hard times. If you are up for it, one way to make the attempt to be heard is to ask for permission before speaking. You can remind your friend that you once had a successful shop. Ask her if she would care to know some of the strategies that worked for you to stay in business. With her blessing, share your insights without passing judgment on her choices.

During the holidays, it's common for stores to offer special sales and value-added opportunities to persuade customers to shop with them. If your friend does not have low-ticket, affordable items in the store already, she may want to add a few of those items. She may want to play holiday music and offer free hot cider for shoppers. Encourage her to get creative in her welcoming approach to customers. Her positive outlook is key to her success.

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends, Nick, wants to kick his smoking habit. He does well during the weekdays, but I have caught him smoking outside of bars and restaurants on the weekends. Should I remind him of his goals? I don't want to seem like a parent, but I want him to kick this nasty habit. -- No Puffing, Salt Lake City

DEAR NO PUFFING: Since Nick has told you that he wants to quit smoking, you can remind him of his plan when you see him smoking. But do so with caution. Smoking is an addiction that is extremely hard to kick. When you see Nick, you can ask him if he would like your support toward his goal. If he agrees, suggest that he not go to the bars and restaurants where he normally has smoked on the weekends.

A principle in 12-step programs relates to people, places and things. The best way to steer clear of the impulse to smoke is to stay away from the people with whom he smoked, the places where he went to smoke and anything that may trigger his desire to smoke. This may be the hardest part, because it requires a person to step away from many aspects of his life for a while, if not forever, in order to kick a nasty habit.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)