DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are overweight. I have tried fad diet after fad diet, to no avail. My husband has just given up on his physique and health.

We want our kids to be fit and not follow in our footsteps. We sign them up for sports and activity-laden camps, and we make them separate, healthier food for dinner. Recently, they've been questioning why they go to so many activities and eat well when "mommy and daddy don't." I tell them I'm not fit and young enough to keep up with them, but they seem disappointed in my answer. What else can I do? -- Don't Follow My Example, Rochester, New York

DEAR DON'T FOLLOW MY EXAMPLE: Your children are reflecting reality back at you. You cannot expect them to continue to push to do sports and eat well when their parents don't even make the effort. It is time for you and your husband to choose to do something to move your bodies. Easier than that is for you to sit at the table and eat the same foods that you feed your children. While you may not be young or fit enough to keep up with your kids, you cannot afford to give up, as that is a very unhealthy and unsafe message that you are sending your children.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My wife, "Tammy," has an adult son from a previous marriage. I think Tammy's son is a total deadweight to her. Tammy told me a few months ago that she lent her son $8,000 for him to move into his own home because he and his "baby mama" couldn't work things out. I was so angry and shocked at Tammy. I wanted to know when our bank account would be paid back, and she told me that when you lend money to family you shouldn't expect it back. After confronting my stepson, he told me he couldn't give me a date when he would be able to pay me back. I think this is cowardly. A grown man (he is almost 30) shouldn't need handouts from his mother.

How do I get my $8,000 back when neither my wife nor stepson are willing to work to get it back in the right bank account? -- Losing Battles, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR LOSING BATTLES: You are going to have to accept that you may never get that money back. That said, you can establish ground rules for the future. Let your wife know that you will not co-sign giving more money to her son and his family, because you do not think it is healthy for them. Offer to support them in other ways, including giving advice on becoming financially independent, if they are open to it.

Work with your wife on establishing boundaries for the health of the entire family. Make sure that you do not pose this in a way that is "us against them." You will not win if you even unconsciously attempt to alienate your wife from her son. Instead, work toward whole-family health, which includes agreeing on how to support adult children.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a housecleaner with a great list of clients. I get treated kindly and paid a fair amount. Recently, I took on a home that offered to pay me nearly double my normal rate. I was suspicious of why they pay so much and needed to find help over 20 minutes away, and I found out on my second week, when I was forced to clean up a used feminine hygiene product that was left on the floor.

I am not a squeamish person, but I feel like I am being treated like a lesser being when I go over there. I scrub dog urine and have to deal with snooty looks while I am on my hands and knees.

The money is great, but I feel my confidence waver after every visit. Should I stay at this job? I can't imagine my employers ever changing. -- Scrub-a-Dub-Dub

DEAR SCRUB-A-DUB-DUB: Money is not everything. You must decide what is important to you. If you need extra money in the short term, you may consider working for these people for a limited period of time, after which you leave. Given how you feel when working there, you should not stay long-term. Nothing is worth diminishing your self-esteem.

Since you already have a great client list, ask your current clients if they can make recommendations for additional homes. Chances are, they will refer you to other good people.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got chastised for having my phone out on the job a few days ago. After promising I would keep it put away, I got caught again today taking pictures of the sunset. I got bored on the job, but now I am in hot water. There has also been an instance of me asking a customer for her number. I want to change, and this time definitely gave me a wake-up call. Do you think there's anything I could do to save my job at this point? I really need the money. -- Talkin' to the Boss, Fort Lauderdale, Florida

DEAR TALKIN' TO THE BOSS: You need to right your ship, so to speak, which requires doing a serious self-assessment. Why are you choosing to make bad decisions that you know are irresponsible? Do some digging to learn what is motivating you. You say that you have been bored, but is that a good enough reason to throw away your work responsibilities?

You have to convince yourself that you can do a better job before anyone else will believe you. Being nonchalant and flippant is not the way to build a career or keep a job. Whether or not you love your job, you say that you need it. What behavior do you think is necessary to keep your job? Make a list of what those behaviors are, and decide if you believe you can do them.

When you go to your boss, apologize for your past behavior. Describe what you believe it will take to keep your job, and offer to commit to doing those things now.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have twin girls who are going into first grade. They are my life and joy. They have many friends and get along well with baby sitters and adults. However, I worry that my daughters are too friendly and outgoing. For example, I had landscapers come recently, and I found my daughters poking them and asking what their names are. Nothing bad happened in this situation, but I worry about a day that they could approach someone with bad intentions.

How do I steer my babies in the right direction? I don't want them to lose their inquisitive spirit, but I want to rest easy that they don't blindly trust everyone they meet. -- Fine Line, Silver Spring, Maryland

DEAR FINE LINE: Teaching your children about how to navigate their lives, including whom to trust, is a lifelong pursuit. Know that it is good that they are inquisitive and outgoing. As they engage others, talk to them about how and when to do so. The landscapers who were at your home should be safe for them to talk to. Otherwise, they shouldn't be at your home. But you could explain to them that it's fine to talk to them, but not OK to invite them inside or to go off with them. Talk to them about greeting people versus following people places, such as to get ice cream.

As your girls grow, you must continue to guide their steps by teaching them basic precautions about whom to trust and even how to walk away from people who are overly friendly. By also engaging "the village" -- your friends, teachers, family and neighborhood groups -- to support you, you will have extra eyes when needed.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have two sons, 9 and 5 years old. Both of them have modeled for catalogs and acted in commercials. My youngest just had a big break and is in a regional commercial, and he landed a job in a national catalog. Now my older son is asking me why those people don't want him to model and act for them as well. It is true that he has been getting fewer jobs. I am trying to steer him toward sports now.

I don't know what to say without hurting my son's feelings. He knows how the industry works, but he is still hurt that his little brother is seeing so much more success than he ever did. -- No Crying in Showbiz, Los Angeles

DEAR NO CRYING IN SHOWBIZ: Competition between siblings is a beast, especially when you add the entertainment industry to the mix. Your job is to gently teach both of your children about the fleeting nature of modeling and commercials as you also help them to discover additional or alternative outlets for creativity.

Explain to your 9-year-old that the industry is fickle and out of your control. Encourage him to celebrate his brother's success at this moment, as you also help the elder child to find another focal point to offer his energies, such as sports or academics.

(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)