DEAR HARRIETTE: My uncle has asked me to join his business as a consultant, and I am a bit hesitant with the idea because I am afraid that he would not be able to pay me what I am worth. Every time I talk to him, he always finds a way to squeeze in a question or two about his business and his marketing plans, and I become sick from talking to him. I love my uncle, but I need to tell him my true feelings about working with him without hurting him in the process. -- Family Business, Chicago

DEAR FAMILY BUSINESS: Step back for a moment and consider your uncle's proposal from a business perspective. As a consultant, what would you charge as an hourly or weekly wage? Outline in writing the services that you would be willing to offer to your uncle with a menu of prices for them. Indicate how much time you can dedicate to working with him. And be clear on work time versus family time. Tell your uncle that the only way that you will feel comfortable working with him is if the relationship is approached professionally.

Make it clear to him that you love and respect him, but that you are a little reluctant about working with him unless you can map out a professional plan that will honor both of you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am recently divorced, and my 13-year-old son lives with me. His father comes by on the weekends to spend time with our son. My ex takes him shopping every week, and he purchases the most expensive items that a young man of his age should not own. Over the past five weeks, my ex-husband purchased five pairs of the latest Nikes, and then he proceeded to go to a high-end fashion store to purchase a belt for our son. This made me furious, because the belt cost $250! My ex is spoiling our son, and it has given him a false sense of security. With all these expensive gifts, I believe my son could be a potential target. How can I tell my ex-husband to tone it down with the lavish gifts because I need him to be a father to his son? -- Can't Buy Me Love, New York City

DEAR CAN'T BUY ME LOVE: This is an awful and common predicament when families break up. Your job as the mother is to develop a rapport with your ex-husband that best supports your son's growth and development. Ask your ex to have a family meeting. Without judgment in your voice, ask him if you two can work together to establish ground rules for your son. Even though you two didn't work out as a couple, you want to make sure that you work as parents.

Point out to him that giving your son such lavish gifts could be sending the wrong message to him about values. More important, it could also make him vulnerable to other kids who could want to steal from him. Suggest that he resist the expensive gifts for now and simply spend time with his son.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My cellphone rang, and I answered it. The call came from a friend of mine -- I saw it on my caller ID. When I answered, I could hear her in the background, but I guess it was what people call a "butt dial" because she never came to the phone. I listened for a while and called out to see if I could get her attention. What I heard was disturbing. I'm not quite sure who she was talking to, but most of her conversation was badmouthing one of our mutual friends. Well, I'm not sure if this woman considers her a friend now after everything I heard. I was shocked at how vicious her words were. I feel like I should say something to her about what I heard. I was really upset hearing the horrible things she had to say. How can I go about this? -- What I Overheard, Dallas

DEAR WHAT I OVERHEARD: This is a tricky one. Before you call your friend, think about what you hope to accomplish. Yes, you can tell your friend that you overheard her commentary about your mutual friend and that it disturbed you. But what do you want to hear from her? Obviously, she meant it if she said it. Do you want to know why she feels this way about your friend? Who she was talking to? What she feels about you?

Get straight what your objective is so that you can be clear going in. If you mainly want your friend to know that it upset you to hear her speaking so negatively about this woman, you can say that. You can also ask that she never speak that way about you. Tell her that if she ever has issues with you, you hope she would bring them directly to you.

What you should not do is go to the other friend to report on this woman's rant. All that would do is to hurt feelings. The exception would be if this woman said things that could seriously hurt the other friend's reputation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My neighbor's son was arrested recently, and I'm pretty sure he is going to prison. The word is that he committed a serious crime. I feel so sorry for my neighbor. She hasn't mentioned a thing to me about it, even though we speak fairly regularly. I want to be there to support her, but I don't want to get in her business. How can I help her? -- Being a Friend, Jacksonville, Florida

DEAR BEING A FRIEND: Without asking her anything about her son, you can contact her and just check in. If you two generally talk to each other, make this overture like any other. Ask her if she would like to get together.

Let her do the talking. If she brings up her son, listen to see what she has to say. Ask her how you can be of support to her during this time. If she does not mention him, simply ask her how she's doing. If she reveals nothing, do not press her. Just be available to listen if she chooses to tell you what's happening in her life.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's tax time again, and I feel like an idiot. I know that every year we have to do taxes, but somehow I never get it together on time. So here we are again, and I have not done a single thing to get ready. In the past, I have basically just hidden in a sense, until the IRS came looking for me. I want to do better this year, even though I'm starting out late. What can I do? -- Afraid of Uncle Sam, Baltimore

DEAR AFRAID OF UNCLE SAM: Start by filing a request for an extension. This alerts the IRS that you know you are late and intend to get your papers in order and sent in. Since getting your taxes together is not your strong suit, I recommend you hire an accountant to help you. This service does not have to be expensive, but ultimately, it can save you time and money.

Gather up all of your papers -- a W-2 form if you have an employer, bank records, mortgage or rent bills, utility bills and any other bills or expenses you may have -- so that you are ready to present everything to an accountant. For a list of what you need to get ready, go to taxes.about.com/od/findataxpreparer/a/documents.htm.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband bought me a computer for my birthday, and I was so happy at first. I have needed a new computer for years. It turns out, though, that I think he really bought it for himself. Whenever I want to use it, he is already on it. Never mind the fact that he has his own computer. This is so frustrating. I can't figure out how to wrestle my new computer out of his hands. Should I just give it to him and call it a day? I'm beginning to feel like the gift was really for him in the first place, even though he said it was for me. -- Need to Sign On, Seattle

DEAR NEED TO SIGN ON: Maybe your husband doesn't realize that he's hogging your computer. In a kind and direct way, you must remind him. Talk to him when he is not using the computer, but when he is fully awake and paying attention. At that moment, thank him again for getting you the computer. Then ask him if he is willing to give it back to you. Note that he has been using it almost exclusively since he brought it home. Tell him that you really appreciate that he bought it for you and that you want to be able to use it.

If he acts surprised, kindly point out to him that he has been so enraptured with your computer that you haven't really had a chance to use it. Hopefully, this will make him realize what he's doing and actually give you your gift. Good luck!

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)