DEAR HARRIETTE: My daughter has the option of taking French or Spanish in her sixth-grade class. Almost everybody in my husband's family speaks Spanish, so I recommended that she take that language. But she has decided that she wants to take French instead. I regret that I didn't learn Spanish. I took French, and while it is a perfectly fine language, I think she can do more with Spanish, including being able to talk to some of her dad's older relatives. She has dug in her heels. What can I do to change her mind? -- Change the Language, Brooklyn, New York

DEAR CHANGE THE LANGUAGE: Your daughter is attempting to walk in your footsteps, at least for now. Stop fighting with her, and let her make this choice. It is not too late for her to learn Spanish as well. In many countries, people can speak many languages.

Your daughter can also learn different words and sayings as she spends time with her family. You can encourage her to ask them to teach her Spanish in the way that they know it.

If your daughter gains a love of language, it may extend more broadly than you can imagine today. Do not limit her. Encourage her to learn them all. And since you know some French, don't be shy. Study it with her and converse with her. This can be a lovely bonding experience for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband's insurance just changed, and I learned that one of my main doctors is no longer covered on his insurance. I am so angry. My husband pays good money for this insurance, and I don't understand why we are in this position. The administrator told me we can ask for reimbursements, but these bills can get pretty high out of pocket. Should I just go ahead and change to somebody else? I don't know what to do. -- Over a Barrel, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR OVER A BARREL: Talk to your doctor's billing office to see if any adjustments can be made to work with you and this new insurance. Next, talk to your insurance company to see how much they will reimburse you for the various services you receive from this doctor. This will give you a concrete understanding of what you will owe. Finally, ask your doctor for a referral. Though he may not want to lose you as a patient, he has to understand that you may not be able to afford to stay there. If your doctor has any integrity, he should be willing to recommend you to another doctor who is in your new system.

If he turns out to be unwilling, go to your new carrier's list of physicians and interview potential new doctors until you feel comfortable making the switch.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just learned that another friend of mine has cancer. I am going crazy. It feels like every day I learn about somebody else who is battling this hateful disease. I really don't have the fortitude to be there for all of my friends who are suffering right now. It literally feels like it is crippling me -- and I am not sick, at least not to my knowledge. How can I balance being a good friend and carving out space to not be bogged down by disease and sadness? -- Gotta Go, Detroit

DEAR GOTTA GO: Years ago, one of my mother's friends was taking care of her husband, who was enduring an extremely long and painful illness. I'll never forget that she took a trip once a year to various ports of call. At first I thought it was strange, but then I realized this was how she kept her sanity. She needed to fill her proverbial cup, not just cater to him -- even though he was her spouse.

You must do things for yourself through this dark period. Sadly, people do pass away in our lives, and sometimes the illnesses that take them out can be devastating to observe and support them through.

Do not feel guilty for not being God. Manage your time with your friends. Do your best to let each of them know that you care about them and that you will do whatever you can to be of support. But put limits on that support. Let them know when you have to go away or when you need downtime. Stop being on call 24 hours a day. You can do that in sprints, but not long-term. The clearer you are about your schedule and your abilities, the easier it will be for everyone around you -- sick and healthy -- to manage their expectations of you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I live in an apartment building with pretty thin walls. There is always noise coming from somewhere. Recently, an upstairs neighbor started singing every afternoon, around the same time I come home from work. And you guessed it -- she can't sing a lick! Plus, she is loud as all get-out. It's nuts. I know it is her right to sing, but I can't find a moment of peace now, what with hearing her acting like she's about to go on stage. What can I do? -- Killing Me Loudly, Bronx, New York

DEAR KILLING ME LOUDLY: You can make a detour on your way home from work and buy a white noise machine. This should help diminish the sound of the noise coming from above. You can also delay your arrival by doing something fun. If you show up later, you may miss the concert and discover a new hobby at the same time.

If she persists past your breaking point, you can knock on her door and very kindly ask her if she could put a rug on the floor that's directly above you so that it can absorb some of the sound that's permeating your home.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my old friends just told me that he has moved to Brazil. He went there for vacation a couple of months ago, but he just can't seem to leave. I am so happy for him. He was not working a full-time gig at the time and figured, why not clear his head? He has asked me to join him for a vacation this summer to check it out and either just hang out, or even consider moving there, too. I am pretty much a chicken. I might consider going for vacation, but I don't want to move out of the country. Do you think it's wise for me to go for a visit, considering that I love my life back at home? What should I tell my friend? -- Need a Vacay, Los Angeles

DEAR NEED A VACAY: Your friend had his life's agenda, as you have your own. You should feel perfectly comfortable getting on a plane and heading to Brazil for some much-needed rest and relaxation. Because your friend knows the lay of the land, he will be able to ensure that you both have a fantastic time.

Go with the intention of seeing the country, its people and all of its beauty. Choose to savor each moment and learn about the dynamic cultural treasures that Brazil has to offer. Feel no pressure to move there. If your friend starts pushing, remind him that his dream is different from yours.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have one child who is very smart. He does well in all of his classes and always has. Now that he's a teenager, though, he is satisfied with decent grades and isn't striving for the best. He says he's doing OK -- A's and B's -- but he can't study more because of sports and his girlfriend, etc. I told him I think he should adjust his priorities. I do want him to have a well-rounded life, but if he really applies himself now, he can probably get a scholarship and a chance at the best colleges out there. He isn't really listening. Do you think I should lighten up, or what? -- Seeing the Future, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR SEEING THE FUTURE: Rather than chastising your teen, which never works anyway, consider talking to him about his future. Talk about his hopes and dreams. Ask him to describe how he sees his life in five or 10 years. Ask him about his passions. Encourage him to dream about his future and be specific about what he sees in it. By helping him to focus on the life he will build for himself, you create space for him to consider how to get there.

Having A's and B's with an active social life, by the way, is pretty good. He may be striking an appropriate balance for his life. You can support him by guiding his thoughts to the life he will soon command.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)