DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel really fortunate that I got a lot of gifts for Christmas. I know that not everybody is so lucky. The thing is, I do not like most of the gifts and really have little use for them. I was given gift receipts for most of them so I can return them if I want to. But I feel kind of guilty. I don't want to be that person who is ungrateful. But what's really happened is that now that I'm in college and living on my own, I have developed my own sense of style, and it is very different from what my family or family friends know. So they gave me stuff that I would never wear. If I do take them back, should I tell the people? I would hate for this to happen again next year. -- Out of Style, Chicago

DEAR OUT OF STYLE: Yes, you can return the gifts that had gift receipts. It was smart on the part of those who gave the items to you to include the receipt so that you could return or exchange independent of them.

As far as telling your loved ones that they don't get your style anymore, proceed with caution. Yes, you should tell your mother. Thank her for the items she bought for you and point out that they aren't in sync with your current style. Suggest that she not buy you clothes anymore. For the other people, chances are that your mother will pass the wisdom to some. Others will figure it out over time. I do not recommend doing an all-points bulletin to tell your people you don't like their choices for you.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband's job does a coat drive each year. At the last minute right before Christmas, he asked me if I had any coats to donate, and he wanted them at that very second. We were headed out to do something and were on a really tight deadline, and I did not have time to get it together right then. He huffed and blew me off. It was only later that I discovered that he had selected a couple of my coats -- without my permission -- and donated them. I am furious, not because I wouldn't have given to the charity -- I give every year -- but he did not afford me the time to make a selection and then made one for me. How can I address this? -- Overstepping Bounds, Jackson, Mississippi

DEAR OVERSTEPPING BOUNDS: Calm down first. When you can speak without strong emotion, sit down and talk to your husband. Tell him that you do not appreciate how he handled the coat donations this year. Remind him that his initial ask came in a hurry, and then you figured out that he had donated coats of yours without asking you. Ask him why he chose to do that. Let him know that in the future, you want to make your own choices. Ask him to refrain from giving your things away without your approval. To avoid this next year, agree to select items to give away early so that they are packed and ready when it's time.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: I went to a friend's wedding a month ago. It was great to go there, and my husband and I had to rearrange a lot of things in order to make it happen. The wedding was several states away, which meant we took a long drive and then had to stay in a hotel. I'm only mentioning these things because I'm in an awkward position. We spent a lot of money to attend the wedding, so we didn't have much money left to give my friend a great gift. We ended up giving the couple a small check, but I feel bad about that. I wish we could have done more. Should I say something to my friend about why her gift was so small? -- Short on Cash, Los Angeles

DEAR SHORT ON CASH: I totally understand why you feel the way you do, and I want to suggest that you let it go. You and your husband made a big effort to witness and celebrate your friend's wedding. That counts for a lot. What's more, since you are friends with this woman, hopefully this is the first of many times that you will connect with her over the years. Make the decision to celebrate the new couple on their first anniversary by sending them a lovely gift or inviting them to visit with you. You can come up with creative ways to continue the celebration of love over time. Don't fret about what you were able to offer today.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a brother who lives 3,000 miles away. My family is close, but he is physically so far away that we rarely see him. I realized the other day that there's one other thing that kind of bugs me. We only talk when I call him. When I pick up the phone, he is happy to hear from me. But I don't think it's fair that I always have to be the one to initiate the call. He is single, and I have a husband and children, yet I make time for him. I want to figure out how to get him to make me a priority. -- Feeling Unappreciated, Denver

DEAR FEELING UNAPPRECIATED: Have you ever told your brother that you wish he would call you? There's a good chance that he doesn't call because he thinks you are extremely busy. Having a family and the many responsibilities that come with children means that there's a good chance your schedule is heavily booked. He may think that he's doing you a favor by waiting until it is convenient for you to talk.

He could also just be one of those people who is bad at communicating. Whatever the case, the best you can do is have a heart-to-heart talk with him where you express your desire for him to reach out to you sometimes. Given the realities of what is likely a busy life for you, consider suggesting a time once a week or once a month, whatever works for you both, when you can talk. Alternate who initiates the call.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My 12-year-old daughter has been waking up recently with terrible dreams. She falls asleep and then wakes up believing that someone has just entered a public area where she is and opened fire. The most recent place was at the hairdresser, but this dream has been recurring now for a few months. How can I get her to feel more at ease? With so much violence going on in the news these days, it's hard to shield her from the current events that are fueling her fears. -- Seeking Safety, Washington, D.C.

DEAR SEEKING SAFETY: When your daughter comes to you after a bad dream, listen to everything she says and comfort her by letting her know that you hear her. Do not dismiss her fears. Instead, acknowledge her worries and then help to quiet them by pointing out whatever safety measures exist in the various public areas she mentions. These could be locks on doors, friendly people who work there, etc.

Limit your daughter's exposure to the daily news. The more she hears and sees, the more she will be afraid. When atrocities occur and she is aware of them, talk them through. Explain that there are some people in the world who do unimaginable things. These are the stories we are hearing these days. To reduce being exposed to people who do bad things, remind your daughter to follow school protocol, to travel in pairs and to keep in close touch with you, especially if she feels unsafe.

DEAR HARRIETTE: In a recent column, you suggested a reader seek professional help through a psychologist. As a licensed clinical social worker in private practice, I am concerned about such a referral because it is very limited.

You did not mention a number of other helping professionals that offer counseling and psychotherapy services, including those holding credentials such as Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Licensed Professional Counselor. Keep in mind that psychologists are not always available in every community, and if they hold a Ph.D. credential, they often specialize in other services, such as testing and other non-clinical services. If they do offer counseling, their fees are often significantly higher.

I hope that in future columns when you suggest professional help, you will suggest a variety of professionals with many credentials. There are a number of other credentials, including addictions counselors, art therapists, dance and movement therapists, drama therapists, psychodramatists, etc., but that may be beyond the scope of this letter for now. -- Broadening the Scope, Racine, Wisconsin

DEAR BROADENING THE SCOPE: Thank you so much for sharing in such detail about alternative professionals to a psychologist for people who need professional help. This is extremely important and useful information that will likely benefit many people who are reading right now.

The most important point that I believe is resonating here is that there are many types of professionals who are available to support people who are in need of mental health help. You do not have to suffer in isolation.

(Lifestylist and author Harriette Cole is president and creative director of Harriette Cole Media. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)