DEAR HARRIETTE: Now that laws are being passed all over the country allowing people to buy marijuana, I am getting a lot of pressure from my husband to lighten up on letting him smoke in our home. He has been a smoker for years, and I hate it, so I never allowed him to smoke inside. Because it was illegal, that was always an issue. For me it was an issue for two reasons: One, because I don't want to be a part of anything illegal, and two, because I don't care what anybody says, smoking is not good for your health. How can I handle this now that it is legal to buy pot? -- No Smoking, Denver

DEAR NO SMOKING: There are many issues popping up now that marijuana is being legalized across the country. Yours is one that many shared households will be facing. You may want to address it the same way that households who have one cigarette smoker and one who is not handle the situation: You have to make house rules that both parties agree to honor. It's best to explain why you are setting those ground rules. In this case, clean air is a strong argument.

What you may want to do as a compromise is to designate a part of the house that has ventilation and is far away from any common areas where he can smoke in peace. If you can make that compromise, you will likely go a long way in creating a pleasant environment in your home.

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's just about back-to-school time. I have three children who are all growing faster than my wallet. When I was growing up, my siblings and I wore hand-me-downs. That's just how it was. These days, these kids are so interested in having what their friends have that they keep pestering me to buy clothing for them that we cannot afford. I have told them the stories of how I grew up. They couldn't care less. The bottom line is, I cannot afford to get them everything they want. In order to make it work, they are going to have to wear used clothing. The best I can do as a single mom with a low-paying job is to buy them all new shoes. I don't want to dash their self-esteem. How can I mention this so it will work? -- Hand-Me-Down, Saginaw, Michigan

DEAR HAND-ME-DOWN: Talk to them as a family and give them the good news first, that you will be able to buy each of them a new pair of shoes. Tell them what the budget limitation is on the shoes so that you clearly manage their expectations. Remind them that the shoes need to serve particular functions, like being useful for sports.

Beyond the shoes, go through their existing wardrobes and identify what will be given to whom. For those who will need supplementary wardrobe items, go to Goodwill or the Salvation Army, where you can find incredible prices for practical items. You may even want to bring them with you, with a budget, so they can shop with your oversight and ultimate approval.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend told me that her husband was up for a huge job and not to say anything yet. Last time we talked about it, it sounded like a shoo-in. My husband and I are getting together with them soon, and in our texts to each other, I asked when he was going to be making his move. She ignored that question. Now it feels awkward. What if he didn't get the job after all? Do I say anything when we hang out together, or should I just let her say whatever she wants to tell us? Since she told us, I think she should close the loop. No? -- Want to Know, Chicago

DEAR WANT TO KNOW: This is why it's so much better for people to keep news to themselves until it is real. Of course people want to tell their friends what is going on in their lives, but then you are responsible for managing that information. Yes, your friend should tell you, either individually or when your two families are together, the status of her husband's job. She doesn't owe you an explanation, but out of respect for the initiation of the information, she should help to close the gap one way or another.

Still, you should not ask anymore. Instead, simply enjoy your time together. Ignore the elephant in the room. If you have already told your husband, implore him not to say anything. Let your friends reveal whatever they choose, which could be nothing at all. If that's the case, you will have to let it go.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend invited my husband and me to attend an event with her. Her husband is choosing not to go because he isn't a fan of the activity. When I told my husband about it, he had the same response. I'm wondering if I should still go. It sounds like a lot of fun. My husband doesn't care either way, except that he isn't tagging along. Should I stay at home with him or join my friend for a fun time before summer is over? -- Should I Go? Jackson, Michigan

DEAR SHOULD I GO?: Since both husbands are not going and both have given their blessing for their wives to go, it is totally up to you to make the decision that makes you feel comfortable. You may want to find out more about who else may be joining your friend's group and who will be attending the event. Do your homework so that you are clear about what to expect.

If, after you have done due diligence, you believe it still sounds like a great time, go for it. Pay close attention while you are there so that you can share all of the highlights with your husband. You never know, you may be able to convince him to attend the next one!

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have worked with a lot of people over the years, but very few of them keep in touch. Sometimes it hurts my feelings that I am the one constantly calling or writing or emailing them, and they seem to blow me off. Much to my surprise, there is one young lady, my intern several years ago, who consistently stays in touch. She just visited with me for the second time this year. It feels like a mentor-mentee kind of relationship, which is really nice. But now I'm not sure what to do with it. It's odd. I always wanted the people to stick around, but I find myself at a loss for words sometimes as to what to talk about. Please help me understand how to be a good mentor. -- Mentor in Training, Newark, New Jersey

DEAR MENTOR IN TRAINING: Being a good mentor requires being a great listener. When you engage this woman, ask her about her hopes and dreams. Find out if she is facing stumbling blocks. Get her to talk about what's on her mind in her personal life and her career.

When you hear something you believe you can support her on, speak up and offer your wisdom. When you think you can introduce her to someone who may be able to help her cultivate her vision, set up that meeting. As a mentor, your role is to guide, inspire and speak truth to your mentee.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have gotten into a dispute with a client who always nickels and dimes me for every expense. When I, in turn, requested payment for the various little extras that have been asked of me over time, I got tremendous pushback. He reacted as if I was trying to pull a fast one or something. Absolutely not. I know that he is working within a tight budget, but that cannot translate into me not being paid for work completed unless it is agreed upon in advance that I would do it for free. How can I get this point across without him getting upset? -- What's Fair Is Fair, Shreveport, Louisiana

DEAR WHAT'S FAIR IS FAIR: It can be amazingly difficult to get simple points across to people who are stressed. In this case, your client may not be thinking clearly as he is trying to balance his books. What you may want to do is start itemizing your tasks and keeping track of each step in your process. If you show this to him, over time he will begin to see what goes into completing the work he has assigned to you.

When you finish a project, have a debriefing meeting with him where you discuss the logistics of the work and any discrepancies you feel there are regarding payment for your services. If he does not comply, you will have to decide if you want to work with him again. If you would like to continue the relationship, do your best to create a renewed agreement that incorporates additional fees that will cover the work you expect to do.