DEAR MISS MANNERS: We enjoy continuing friendships with couples we have known from various chapters of our lives. Some of these friends now live far away, and we enjoy having them visit and stay with us.

When we have out-of-town friends visiting our home, I usually have a lasagna ready to slip into the oven or meatballs simmering in the crockpot for dinner, or we might grill hamburgers on the deck. The next morning, I slip a breakfast casserole, that I have previously prepared and refrigerated, into the oven for our breakfast.

A couple living a couple hours away from us recently invited us for an overnight visit. Upon our late-afternoon arrival, they suggested that we go to an expensive restaurant for our evening meal. There was really no graceful way of handling this, except to agree. Each couple handled our own separate checks.

Later in the evening, as we prepared to retire to the guest room, they suggested that we go out for breakfast the next morning. Again, there was no graceful alternative except to agree. After our restaurant breakfast, we said warm goodbyes and left, as previously planned.

We enjoy this couple and their friendship. But while we had budgeted for the trip, we had not really planned on these expensive restaurant tabs. Plus, we would have enjoyed the warmth and intimacy of sharing meals with them in their charming home.

Am I correct in my thinking that, when we invite friends to visit us, it goes without saying that we will provide their meals during their stay in our home?

GENTLE READER: Usually. But not everyone has your talent for slipping things in and out of the oven.

Miss Manners agrees, however, that if they lack that aptitude, your hosts should at least warn you that you will be eating out. Perhaps in their minds, as in hers, they thought that it would not be too much of a financial burden. If you arrived in time for dinner and left the next day after breakfast, your only other expense was gas, was it not?

It still does not make the transaction gracious, just more even.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went gray at an exceedingly young age -- my mother noticed my first gray hair when I was in preschool. By the time I was in my early 20s, my hair was mostly gray.

I’ve embraced it and learned to love it, and am happy to answer the questions I get -- typically whether it’s natural, when I started going gray, and does anyone else in my family have premature gray hair.

But there are two questions I’ve gotten a few times over the years that have rankled me and I’m not sure how to respond. The first is, “Did you know you have gray hair?” and the second is, “Is there something wrong with you, like a disease or disorder?”

I am, as you can imagine, well aware of the color of my own hair. I am also not sick, which I don’t think is anyone’s business, provided I’m not contagious (and I assume I'm not, as nobody around me has "caught" my gray hair). What would be the best way to respond here?

GENTLE READER: “Yes” to the first question and “no” to the second.

In responding to the second, it may be difficult to resist adding, “Why? Is there something wrong with you?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m struggling to accept the palates of my in-laws. We frequently share meals with two generations of my husband's family: The older generation only likes their ethnic cuisine and is critical of anything else. The younger generation (my two sisters-in-law, plus their husbands and kids) live on junk food and stuff prepared from a box.

My husband and I, on the other hand, love a variety of cuisines, enjoy cooking from scratch and are more health-conscious about ingredients. We avoid seed oils, buy organic products and stay away from heavily processed foods.

I want to prepare food my in-laws will appreciate when we host, but I resent feeling limited by their palates when our repertoire is so much bigger. We will put out charcuterie that is barely touched. We'll make homemade pasta and sauce, only to watch plates of it get dumped when they think we’re not looking. I can put six hours into Julia Child’s beef bourguignon and a loaf of homemade bread, and they’d prefer pizza rolls and soda. They won’t drink a good wine, but want to shoot cheap whiskey. They prefer brightly colored candy to homemade cupcakes.

You might think that maybe our cooking is bad, but the same thing happens when we go to a restaurant that’s not fast food. Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Greek, seafood, Creole, it doesn’t matter -- same lack of curiosity or appreciation. It’s been over a decade and there is no hint of change on the horizon.

When we go to their house, we always eat whatever they provide and thank them, even if we didn’t enjoy it. I even eat dairy at their house without complaints, knowing that it’s going to cause me to feel ill later. I’ve mentioned on various occasions that I don’t do dairy, and it always seems to be forgotten.

It’s becoming more of an issue for me because I’d hoped to encourage a more adventurous palate in my own kids, not to mention my nieces and nephews, but instead, the opposite is happening. My kids like the candy and junk that they get at the in-laws’ and get mad when I won’t bring it home.

How do I handle this without seeming petty?

GENTLE READER: So you hate the food that his family eats, but resent the fact that his family hates the food you eat? Miss Manners would take your side if the others were not hiding it, but they are (even if badly).

But she is not without sympathy. She just wishes to point out that those who eat only organic and specify what types of oil they prefer are not without their own culinary quirks. You also cannot really believe that, were it not for their cousins, your kids were never going to have an appetite for junk food and candy.

As for how to handle this? Do your best.

Provide a variety of foods that mix in things you know they will eat with the healthful foods you prefer. Do not spend six hours on anything. Save the good wine for more discerning guests and put out the cheap whiskey.

Lower your expectations, try to please your guests and remember that children’s palates develop. You may be pleasantly surprised when they find something healthful that they like. Just do not make it a test in front of the relatives.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a late-middle-aged gentleman who has been an atheist for about 35 years. I have been open about this fact, but do not advertise it carelessly.

Most of my family and dear friends are devoutly religious people who are aware that I am an atheist, and they frequently offer to pray for me or ask that I pray for them.

When people offer prayers on my behalf, I answer with something like “Thank you. That’s so very kind of you to keep me in your prayers.” But what do I do when people ask me to pray for them?

I currently say that I will, but that feels dishonest and inauthentic because I do not pray. However, I don’t want to come across as uncaring to my family and friends in their hours of need. What response would you recommend?

GENTLE READER: “I am not religious, but I certainly wish you well and will keep you in my thoughts.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is extremely frugal with money (maybe too much so) and we don’t spend much outside of bills or basic necessities. My parents, on the other hand, go out to eat pretty much daily, sometimes twice daily; they rarely cook. I thought this would change when they both retired, but it has not.

My husband is very uncomfortable with this. When we are visiting my parents, he tells me I need to speak up and tell them that we cannot afford to go out so much, not to mention that constant restaurant food doesn’t make us feel good.

We have told them all this before, and they don’t want to change their habits or give up their fun. What usually happens is they end up picking up the tab, which still makes my husband and myself uncomfortable. We don’t want to take advantage, but they don’t listen to us. They have told me that it just isn’t as fun when you can’t go out to dinner.

During these visits, we are usually in the car with them on long day trips, so we’re not always able to just go home and cook. On a side note, my father is having quadruple bypass surgery next week, and we know the eating habits over the years have affected this.

GENTLE READER: Your parents and your husband would each like to follow their respective normal patterns. Miss Manners understands you to prefer your husband’s approach, and you have provided her with a menu of reasons: lower expenses, better health, greater comfort and -- for the guests, at least -- lesser embarrassment (at not contributing to the cost).

Some of these dishes are not very filling. The parents/hosts bearing a disproportionate share of the expense is not surprising, and should not be a cause of embarrassment as long as proper gratitude is expressed. Healthfulness can be argued, Miss Manners suspects, though it is out of her area of expertise.

But why not simply offer to cook a specific menu for a specific meal at your parents’ home? A compromise is harder to refuse -- and less insulting than general criticisms of others’ choices.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)