DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a widow with many acquaintances and activities. I am physically and verbally affectionate with family members and close friends, and am generous with hugs and “I love yous.”

A gentleman friend and I have become close, and feel affection for each other. But since we are both averse to a serious relationship, the words “I love you” are not warranted and would be off-putting.

Can you suggest another term to express my feelings? “I like you” seems inadequate and awkward.

GENTLE READER: “I love spending time with you”?

Just be sure, Miss Manners suggests, not to sneeze or cough between the words “love” and “spending.” Apparently that would be off-putting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I take the bus to and from work. As I stepped off the bus recently, the bus driver (whom I see once or twice a week) handed me a note, in which he expressed his admiration for me and a wish to get to know me better.

Although he seems like a nice young man, I’m happily married and really have no interest in getting to know him. What is the proper way to respond? In another note, in person or just by politely ignoring the whole thing?

GENTLE READER: Could you take another bus?

Perhaps this is too drastic, but a note feels too intimate, saying something in-person a bit confrontational and ignoring it only temporary -- eventually he will follow up. It might be fun, however, to ask your husband to join you one morning. The young man’s reaction, Miss Manners guesses, will be a good indication of what exactly he was admiring.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I moved in with my boyfriend and discovered he has, in my opinion, a rather unusual habit. Not only does he say “bless you” in response to sneezes, but he does so in response to burps and flatulence as well!

When I asked him about it, he said he was taught it was polite. (He is from the South, while I am not.)

Is this true? Saying “bless you” in response to flatulence seems rather rude to me, though I can’t put my finger on why. I would love to know if this is a normal custom that I’m just unaware of, or if it is as strange as it feels.

GENTLE READER: There is no real logic as to why flatulence and burping are rude and sneezing is not, presuming they are all unintentional. Still, saying “bless you” after anything other than a sneeze seems like admonishment -- as though a sneeze is what the person meant to do, and it just came out wrong.

Miss Manners seems to have put her finger on it. Although she would have been just as happy not to have done.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband thinks it is acceptable to go out in public with a toothpick in his mouth. This includes stores, restaurants and other people’s homes.

When I tell him it is low-class and disrespectful, he responds that I am wrong. What should one do?

GENTLE READER: Feed him only soft foods.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately, I find that whenever I schedule even the most mundane of appointments, I am endlessly nagged by correspondence from the host: “Please confirm Lady Tuna’s rabies booster appointment,” or “Are you still planning to attend our Needle-Felting Calico Cats class at the library?”

Such repetitive messages arrive by post, text, email and sometimes even dreaded phone calls -- at all hours of the day. These multiple demands for confirmation have grown tiresome.

Perhaps I’m annoyed because such hounding dredges up memories from my dating life. Gentlemen were so eager to spend time with me that they pestered me endlessly to ensure our date was still on. The consequence of their exuberance was that I would, politely and with fair warning, release them to the wilds: “Something suddenly came up, and I fear I must forgo the pleasure of dining with you ... ever again.”

How do I politely discourage restaurants, salons and taxidermists from hounding me? After all, I am the party who initiated the appointment, so of course I will attend! Furthermore, I am usually requesting from them a crucial service -- say, surgery.

I’m inclined to escape the unending confirmation requests by “breaking up” with the desperate parties, but I’m quite sure it’s not good for my health to dump my surgeon simply due to the office's wild desire to make sure I show up.

Perhaps the solution is as simple as Miss Manners issuing a polite, but stern, PSA or a witty bon mot discouraging this practice.

GENTLE READER: As someone who likewise keeps her appointments, Miss Manners also finds it annoying to receive 236,475 emails, phone calls and texts reminding her about them. Especially when she then finds herself in waiting rooms long past those scheduled times.

Many of these reminders are automatic, so unsubscribing from emails or blocking texts is a short-term solution. But if Miss Manners is to issue a declaration, it is that everyone else should stop canceling appointments at the last minute and commit to showing up on time. You are ruining it for the rest of us.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am wondering how one responds to people who offer rude and unsolicited commentary on one’s alma mater.

I was introduced to the friends of a neighbor, and the question “Where do you go to school?” came up. I told them, and one of them responded, “I’m sorry.”

He evidently thought himself the soul of wit, but, as I have to look for a job with my degree from this school, I did not find his comment at all amusing. I laughed with him anyway, partially because it was expected, but mostly because I was startled. Later on, I felt like a twit for laughing.

Is there any polite response to a comment such as this one? I do not wish to laugh at the reputation of a school at which I have had a good experience as a student, nor do I wish to respond with rudeness.

GENTLE READER: “Why?” comes to Miss Manners’ mind. Or genuinely asking what is funny. Nothing disarms a bad joke like taking it seriously. And watching the joker splutter an explanation is what really makes it amusing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at the dentist last week and the hygienist, whom I had never met before, mentioned she had a new grandchild. I naturally congratulated her and asked the polite questions: sex, name, etc.

Then she asked about my children, and I replied that I have one son. "Is he married?" No, but he's in a long-term relationship. "Any children?" No. "Don’t they want children?" ... Crickets.

This is not the first time someone has asked me these things. I wouldn’t ask my closest friend these questions about one of her children, let alone a stranger!

I had to return to the dentist the following week, and there was a different hygienist making small talk while we waited for the dentist. This time, I kept my answers to "yes" and "no," which felt rude.

I’ll admit, I am a bit sensitive about the subject; I would love to have a grandchild, but it’s not in the cards for me. Still, where do people get off asking such personal questions? And better yet, what’s a good reply to shut them down?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners agrees that this conversation jumped the rails, she does not understand why you were still holding on when it did.

The hygienist’s probing would have been insensitive with any new acquaintance, but was even more out of place in a professional setting. The moment the first personal question was asked -- assuming it was not part of a standard medical intake, performed in a private setting -- was the moment to smile graciously and ask where the bathroom was, or when the dentist would be ready to see you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I suffer from an invisible and unpredictable chronic pain issue. One day I’m out shopping with friends, walking from store to store, and the next I’m in bed. My closest friends understand this and are accommodating.

How do I respond to invitations from people I don’t know as well? Do I decline an invitation to a wedding, knowing that they need an accurate count and that it's possible I won’t be able to attend? Do I call and explain, and make them decide?

I don’t like bringing attention to my medical issues, especially this one, since it is private and hard to explain. But I also find myself missing out on a lot of the joys of life because I do not want to cause problems for someone else.

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners appreciates your concern for disappointed hosts, being sick is a legitimate reason for declining to attend an event at the last minute. Illness of any kind is, by definition, unpredictable.

If this happens, you are neither required nor expected to give a detailed explanation, and those who doubt your word are not your friends.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When there are service providers at my house (landscapers, plumbers, electricians, etc.) what, if anything, are my hostess obligations?

Should I offer them a sandwich? A glass of iced tea? Is there a difference if they are working inside or outside my home?

GENTLE READER: You do not have any hostess obligations, but you do have the obligations of a good employer. That means always treating employees with dignity and providing decent working conditions -- which may include sandwiches and iced tea depending on the hours, the work, and the availability of food and drink in the area.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)