DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work at a small, family-owned business where a few employees have dietary restrictions, some by choice and some by medical necessity.

I love to cook and bake at home, and since it is just myself and my partner, I often have extra portions. Is it rude to bring food to share at the workplace that doesn’t meet the restrictions of ALL employees?

For example, I recently made a delicious apple crisp and had a large amount left over the next day. But it was neither gluten-free nor vegan, so I hesitated to bring the extra to work to share -- even though the majority of employees would have enjoyed it.

GENTLE READER: It would be rude to provide a meal that did not have some options that all your guests could eat. But that is not the situation you describe.

No one is relying on -- or even expecting -- apple crisp in the break room. What you propose would not, therefore, be rude. As long as your offerings are clearly labeled, your colleagues can make their own decisions about whether to indulge.

Still, Miss Manners cannot reassure you that such technical adherence to the law will shield you from the righteous fury of the unfed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had lunch with a person I consider to be a Very Good Friend. This is someone I see a few times each month and with whom I have traveled.

My friend was excited about a new gourmet group they were forming -- a rotating dinner party. I told my friend that the idea seemed fun and that I was interested.

The next time we met up, my friend raised the subject of the group once again. I was shocked and upset when I was told, in a roundabout way, that I would not be included. My friend said, “I am going to be very selective about who I include because there are some people who seem to think 'the more, the merrier,' and we just can’t have that. The time you asked me to include your mother at Easter, my table was at its max capacity.”

I was shocked. That request was made 10 years ago and was cheerfully accommodated. I would have stayed home with Mother had I been rebuffed. To have this held as a trespass on my part is very upsetting.

I no longer wish to be considered for this “elite” group. Do I have a choice, other than complaining or abandoning the friendship?

GENTLE READER: You do have a choice, but it’s not a tasty one.

Your Very Rude Friend is expecting that you will promise not to transgress again, after which you will be issued an invitation to the new group. If you understandably do not wish to eat crow as a precursor to more gourmet delicacies, you should abandon hope of entry into the new group, abandon the friendship, or both.

Although she generally agrees that guests are not supposed to ask to bring additional guests, Miss Manners notes that an advance discussion about a mother at an Easter dinner might have been raised in an inoffensive way -- and that 10 years is a long time to hold a grudge.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a very cliquey condo community, and I feel left out when I don’t get invited to the lunches or dinners out with the other ladies. And then I feel even more left out when someone who moved out of our community still gets included in these events.

I know I can’t say anything about this to the people in question. I just need to know how to not feel so hurt. Please give me some words of wisdom.

GENTLE READER: Two words: Invite them.

Miss Manners would like to remind you gently that a condo is not high school. People form friendships for various reasons, but they are not likely to take gleeful pleasure in excluding certain individuals. (Apologies to the nice high school students. She didn’t mean you.)

Rather, your neighbors probably got used to socializing with the same people and simply don’t think of adding you to the guest list. And the former neighbor is still included because she became their friend -- which is what you should take the initiative to do.

One way is to strike up a conversation and then suggest coffee or lunch. If your building has a common area, go there with a book and be on the lookout for anyone approachable. The elevator or the mail room will also do, or the condo board meetings.

You could post a notice asking if anyone would like to get up a game of bridge, or whatever you might play. Or you could knock on a neighbor’s door and introduce yourself, even if you do not need to borrow a cup of sugar.

And yes, you can do that. It just requires taking advantage of having outgrown one's shy teenage years.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance is expecting her first child soon, and I would like to send some kind of gift. I have known her since we were young children, but I currently engage with her only occasionally, in a professional (yet friendly) capacity.

I am not sure what is appropriate, or whether giving a gift in this context -- when I am only on the periphery of her social and professional circles -- could somehow be considered rude. I really just want to do something nice, but I’m not sure what is correct.

GENTLE READER: People do not generally express rudeness through presents. Unless, of course, they send objects that are set to explode when opened.

Nevertheless, Miss Manners appreciates your delicacy in not wanting to make this old acquaintance feel that she has been socially neglectful of you, and that she must, for example, hastily ask that you be added to the guest list for the baby shower.

You could avoid that by waiting until the baby is born, and then sending a token present with your congratulations -- nothing overwhelming, and perhaps with a fond reference to your shared childhoods.

Anyone who is not touched with that, much less anyone who would consider it rude, should probably not be rearing a child.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you go about declining when someone who just isn’t your type asks you out or asks for your phone number?

I have been nice and said things like, “I’m not dating right now,” or even, “I really only want to date someone of my faith.”

Some men just don’t seem to get the hint. How do you politely say, "It’s you, personally, I am not interested in"?

GENTLE READER: Oddly enough, people do not like being told that they are unattractive, especially by those they find attractive -- no matter how delicately this is worded.

And those excuses will just get you into trouble. If you use the line about your faith, suppose someone replied, "But I was hoping you would convert me."

The lack of an excuse will actually make your refusal clearer: just “Thank you for asking, but no, I think not.” This can simply be repeated in case of any ill-advised follow-ups.

As for the request for your telephone number, Miss Manners suggests putting a twist on the standard plea of busyness: “Why don’t you just give me yours? But frankly, I’m not sure I’ll be able to call because I’ve been very busy.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is planning a wedding in 14 months. We are currently looking at venues in the city where she lives, which is a six-hour drive from our hometown.

We know that many people she would want to invite will not be able to attend. We also know that the invitation list will be limited by the occupancy limits of the venues we are looking at.

Is there a polite way to use a save-the-date card to say, “We’d love for you to come, but if you know you can’t, let us know so we can expand our invitation list”? Is this something that I should just talk to our friends and family about, as the mother of the bride?

For instance, we have relatives on our tentative guest list whom we love, but who have children playing sports in the fall; they would probably choose not to miss their kids’ games to spend a weekend at a cousin’s wedding. Other potential invitees might have limited time off work. We have several elderly aunts who I feel certain are not up to the trip, but they are at the top of our “must invite” list.

GENTLE READER: Alas, there is no polite way to say, “Please come -- but we’d be grateful to hear that you won’t.”

It is never safe to presume which guests would decline. It is not even safe to count on any answers received this far in advance, as plans often change.

In an ideal world, you would know who is coming within a week of sending actual invitations, which is when prospective guests should respond. Ha.

Rather, when that time comes, you will probably have to call around to non-responders to find out. And if they say they are not sure, Miss Manners would condone your replying, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I know Brenda will be disappointed. But of course we understand.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)