DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the years, I have noticed that at most live performances -- from professional concerts and operas to dance recitals and school plays -- the audience automatically gives a standing ovation at the end.

I grew up believing that a standing ovation was an expression of appreciation for a truly extraordinary performance -- a performance at which the audience was so deeply moved that they couldn’t stay seated.

Now when I attend performances and I am satisfied or pleased, but not overcome with emotion, I feel churlish for staying seated when everyone else is standing and yelling “bravo” or “brava.”

What is the etiquette for appreciating live performances these days? Should I give in to peer pressure and stand, even if my opinion of the performance is “meh”?

GENTLE READER: No, you do not need to stand for a "meh" performance.

But Miss Manners also knows that sometimes one has no choice, if one wants to see the curtain call. In that case, the enthusiasm with which one applauds may be emphatically lessened.

That will teach 'em.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My two daughters (ages 23 and 34) are beautiful and talented women. They work hard and usually make me proud -- except on their birthdays.

For the past several years, on their respective birthdays, they each put up links on social media to their money apps and ask people to send them birthday “gifts.” I find it in poor taste, and it embarrasses me.

Am I overreacting? Is this normal, acceptable behavior these days?

GENTLE READER: Normal? Yes. Acceptable? No.

As their parent, you have the obligation, in Miss Manners’ opinion, to tell them that you find this embarrassing. When they inevitably plead that “everyone does it,” you maintain that that argument did not hold water when they were 11, and it does not now.

If you do not get ahead of this, they will go on to do far worse for other milestones (housewarmings, engagement parties, weddings) where this kind of begging is considered even more “normal.” And as a possible host or co-host of these events, your own involvement is more direct -- and therefore even more embarrassing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a small half-bathroom downstairs that is mainly used by guests. As a courtesy, I usually have period products readily available to visitors. For larger gatherings, I’ve had them in plain sight of anyone using the restroom, but normally they’re stowed under the sink.

How should I store these sensitive items to be available to guests? Should I assume people will do a quick search under the sink if they’re in a pinch, or is it best to just have them out?

GENTLE READER: Is there a pretty, opaque container that you can put them in on a shelf? Putting them out in the open is a bit unseemly, and under-the-sink snooping is not something Miss Manners necessarily wants to encourage. You never know what can get thrown in there when one is cleaning up quickly for guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a single man who inherited, from my parents and grandparents, both a love of entertaining and also a great deal of the trappings needed -- china, crystal, linen, silver -- that other relatives didn’t want. I have everything from fish knives and bouillon cups to strawberry forks and salt spoons. I don’t use them all often, but I enjoy it when I do, and my friends seem to, as well.

Much of my entertaining is less formal: backyard cookouts and such, with all comers welcome. But two or three times a year, I break out the table finery and have a more formal dinner with several courses and a carefully set table. My dining room limits the number invited to eight or, though a bit tight, 10. So I choose guests whom I think will enjoy the nostalgia, and most do.

My question is how to react when people do not respond to an invitation, nor to a gentle nudge (such as an emailed “I wondered if you had received this,” with a second copy of the invitation) -- and arrive anyway. With no response at all, I assume they are not coming, but occasionally they do.

I usually say simply, “What a nice surprise,” but I am then left to shuffle place cards, add settings (often unmatched) and squeeze them in. If the menu includes individually portioned dishes, some may need to do without dessert or whatever.

These are friends of mine, and I do want to entertain them, but I’m afraid I’ll be limiting them to barbecues in the future.

My sister-in-law thinks I should openly set up a card table in the kitchen when this happens, and set it with everyday dishes. Tempting as that is, I’m hoping there’s a better way to react. Do you have any suggestions for invited, but unexpected, guests?

GENTLE READER: Expressing surprise and making reasonable, if obvious, attempts at accommodation are the correct responses. As is taking away china privileges from even one-time offenders.

Miss Manners hopes, however, that you will not otherwise dumb down your charming, seated dinner parties because of a few outlaws. We, the purveyors of fish knives and strawberry forks, are a dying breed. Your ancestry would be proud.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our friends graciously offered us use of their rustic lakeside cabin, as they no longer can travel there themselves. We had a disappointing time and cut our stay short due to the terrible odor, primitive accommodations and insufficient space. Upon returning home, we sent our friends a thank-you letter and privately vowed to never return.

They have asked us if we had a good time. How does Miss Manners suggest we respond?

GENTLE READER: “You were so kind to let us use the cabin. The area is beautiful and we were so happy to get away ...”

“... from your house, as soon as possible” need not be added.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Strangers want to make small talk with me while waiting in grocery checkout lines, at bus stops, at the bank, during flights, etc. I do not want to make friends with strangers every time I step outside my house.

When this happens, I can’t bring myself to tell these people, “I’m sorry, but I don’t really want to talk,” because it is considered rude. I attempt to drop gentle hints that I want to be left alone, through body language and short answers to their questions, but most of these people seem to be immune to hints.

So, I am forced to think up innovative ways to avoid talking while being careful not to hurt their feelings. For instance, in order to avoid a chatty lady who wants to become my friend at my regular bus stop, I go to another stop that is slightly out of my way. Once on a nine-hour flight, I was seated next to a talker, and I craned my neck the other way for the entire nine hours in order to avoid catching their eye, which would have led to a long conversation.

First, the obvious question: How can I let these well-meaning folks know, without being rude, that I do not wish to have a conversation?

The second part of my question is more philosophical than practical. Why is it not considered rude to engage me in conversation against my will, but it IS considered rude to tell people you don’t want to talk? Why is their desire to talk to me more valid than my wish not to talk to them? Is there an etiquette rule that says I must suffer instead of them?

GENTLE READER: Our ideas about rules and laws are inevitably shaped by major ones like the Ten Commandments and the Bill of Rights, which are short and pithy. But as a species, we don’t like to read (or take) instructions. Even the big rules are understood to include fine print, like killing in self-defense or not shouting "fire" in a crowded theater.

Yes, it is impolite not to respond when spoken to. But it is also impolite to engage someone in conversation against that person’s inclination.

Miss Manners assures you that you are not being impolite if, after one or two short responses, you find something to do that won’t give you a stiff neck and instead say, “Excuse me, I’m going to return to my book now.” Or “my thoughts.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a new employee at a large company. How do I respond to nosy co-workers asking about where I previously worked?

I want to be polite, but I feel my privacy is being invaded.

GENTLE READER: Expecting your co-workers to stick to business is entirely reasonable, and Miss Manners would understand if you found questions about your personal life to be intrusive.

But questions about previous employment seem a reasonable way of getting to know the people with whom you will be spending a great deal of time. Remember that how much information you divulge when answering such questions is up to you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)