DEAR MISS MANNERS: A couple I know is expecting their first child. Their announcement stated "We're pregnant," and was followed up with regular updates using collective phrasing, such as "We've felt the baby kick" and "We're starting to show."
I know that this sort of inclusive approach to pregnancy is now popular, but frankly, I don't know how to phrase questions for the person who is actually carrying the child without slighting the co-parent.
They're both very excited and eliciting feedback and comments, but I feel a little silly commiserating with both of them on morning sickness and nausea, which I experienced when I was pregnant, when clearly only one person is enduring those conditions.
How would Miss Manners approach this?
GENTLE READER: With tolerance and an effort to keep from having a patronizing tone.
It is, after all, a good thing that the partner identifies so strongly with what the prospective mother is going through. And for all you know, her morning sickness may ruin breakfast for them both.
Oh, dear. Miss Manners' tone still needs work. But she does appreciate such sweetness in expectant couples. As for inquiring about them, it is useful that in the English language, "you" is both singular and plural.